Another Month in the life of
Matthew Robertson
Bless my soul Herc was on a roll Undefeated
1 November 1999
Saturday night I went to the Arc Baltaine dance with Midget. It was lots of fun. Even if someone poured wine on me for no appearant reason. The world would be a much better place without alcohol. I am mildly displeased with some of the night, but nothing's perfect.
Today I got my ENGL217 results back, and my overall mark is only a B+, and I'd so been hoping for an A-. So I'm sulking now, big poutty lips and all.
Well, thats it for now, I have a new pokemon game to play. I have to see if I can win using Bulbasaur.
I must have known that it existed But I didn't quite conceive it I had always been a loser In affairs of the heart. You know how when you find something That you want, you don't believe No you can't quite believe it When the good times start. I used to think of love And just a dream that disappears But you have taugh me more tonight Than I have learned in all these years.
3 November 1999
Today was made up of many study breaks, so many I only got one module done. Though it was the longest, hardest and horriblest of the modules. And made up 12/28th of the course.
Still me life is quite dull and pointless, but that is no real change. My life is so weird I just caught myself telling me ex "i've had worse".
Well I should go do some work. I have an exam tomorrow, and still have over half my studying to do. I am so bad.
Here I am In a lost and lonely Part of town
5 November 1999
I used 156.91 hours of internet time last month, double what I used in September. But it's still half what I was using this time last year.
Yesterday I had my last exam, i think it either went really well or really badly. About two hours before it I had an attack of clumsiness and bash a bit indentation into my arm. After that I think I went into shock because the next thing I remember i was drinking milo, while shaking, with purple fingers. I still felt terrible at the exam and my arm was in constant pain, but it doesn't look that impressive, so I guess it isn't worth getting compassionate consideration. But I finished the whole exam, having answered all the questions i had to in half the time, which either means I did really well or was writting total gibberish.
Ergh, now I have to fill out all the WINZ paper work, and there just seems to be SO MUCH of it. Especially as I'm just renewing stuff I've done before. I should just have to go in and sign for them, not redo all this crappy paperwork. Darn governmential beaurocracy (?spelling?).
I had the whole family fireworks thing last night, and tonight I'm supposed to be being it again with friends, but it's in Helensburgh and too far away, and I've already had enough fire works for one Guy Fawkes. And I'm just too lazy.
Anyway I can't think of anything else to say, so BYE.
Just a little lovin' Early in the mornin' Beats a cup of coffee For starting off your day Just a little lovin' While the world is yawnin' Gets ya feelin' good things Are coming your way
7 November 1999
Friday night I had a quiet one at home, for maybe the second time this year. It was so nice and relaxing. Then yesterday i blobbed out in front of this here 'puter and played Pokemon and DonkeyKongLand3 and SimAnt. A relaxing day doing little more than wishing death on my mother and her thick annoying begging-for-euthanasia *makes little quotation marks with fingers* boarder.
Well today it was just mother who was home for me to wish death on. My mother who owes me $600, but is too busy putting money toward a trip to Australia to pay me back.
Well there is a Scooby-Doo movie on now, so I think I'll watch it. Anything with Scooby has to be good.
Now it's evening and I'm grumpy. Some of my mother's weirdo friends have been over here savaging all the plants in our garden, under the guise of "gardening". Now it looks like a quarantine team has been through trying to wipe out a plant virus.
And i'm grumpy because my mother's retard of a boyfriend (or whatever it is he is) is being a right prat. Yet if I killed him I'd be in the wrong? Life bites.
And I'm grumpy because I have only two people who email me anymore, everyone else just sends crappy bulk sent messages. So it's just Andrea and Tina who like me. Everyone else doesn't want to acknowledge I exist. Even my net-stalker has stoppped writing.
Some say she's from Mars or one of the seven stars that shine'th at three thirty in the morning
8 November 1999
YAY, I got an email from another person becaus eof yesterday entry. Thanks Aaron.
Today was a lazy day. i stuffed around till about tone, when I walked some hardware bits into mum's work, as she was putting together a decent computer for me. So I guess now she has decided that the $600 she owes me are paid back. but I can't really complain, as I need a computer. though I know she spent much less than $600 on it, there is no way i'd have been able to do it that cheaply, so I can't really complain to much, not that that will stop me. *complains, complains, complains*
And on the way home some weird little guy is is friends with some of my friends started following me around. Terminally not fun.
Oh, and I now have all but one of my ENGL217 poems online.
Callin' out around the world Are you ready for a brand new beat? Summer's here and the time is right For dancin' in the streets They're dancin' in Chicago Down in New Orleans Up in New York City
10 November 1999
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I knew that computer was going to be a double edged sword. My mother has not only decided that she no longer owes me any money, but that now I owe her $200 dollars for stuff I never asked for. As much as I like having a computer, I really wasn't planning on being $800 poorer right before I head off flatting.
What really gets on my nerves is that mum said she had spent about $350 on the computer, and then she just spent another $200 on a bigger hard drive, which is what she's charging me for. So in theory I shouldn't owe her anything, but she's decided to charge me $200 for a Mac Classic that she dumped on me, that I've never used and that I didn't want.
We are not amused.
And it means I'll have no money for christmas :o(. So I won't get be able to buy the token gifts I was planning for my friends. And i'll have to make sure I can't afford to buy mother anything.
Actually, i'm almost tempted to have a serious talk to one of my law student friends, but then that wouldn't help because i'd never actually confront my mother about it anyway. She should be proud, she raised herself a son with so many issues he can't even complain when he's being treated like shite. I just have to hope that if I ever find myself in a relationship, as unlikely as that is, thats it's with someone whose nice enough not to take advantage of how malleable I am, or better still, one of those few people who I'm comfortable enough to show some assertiveness around.On the lighter side.
I got a new CD yesterday, and it is GREAT. German dance music :o). It's the "Lola Rennt" (Run Lola Run) soundtrack. And i love it very muchly. Though I'm sure by now my neighbours are probably already sick of it, as i have been playing "Wish" on repeat for almost 24 hours straight. Muwhahahahahahahahaaaaaaa.
And last night I went to Nina's farewell dinner. We went to Pizza Hut and had all you can eat. I ate WAY too much. I like spending time with Nina, she's great. But as of today she's back in Wellington :o(. So I won't get to see her till next year :o(.
Anyway, I'm off to play on the trojan second-hand-computer.
Yes Sir, I Can Boogie BACCARA Music: Rolf Soja Lyrics: Frank Dostal ******* Mister Your eyes are full of hesitation Sure makes me wonder If you know what you're looking for. Baby I wanna keep me reputation I'm a sensation You try me once, you'll beg for more Yes Sir, I can boogie But I need a certain song. I can boogie, Boogie woogie All night long. Yes Sir, I can boogie If you stay, you cant't go wrong. I can boogie, Boogie woogie All night long. No Sir I don't feel very much like talking No, neither walking You wanna know if I can dance Yes Sir Already told you in the first verse And in the chorus But I will give you one more chance. Yes Sir, I can boogie, ... ******* Baccara 1977
11 November 1999
I'm still grumpy about my mother charging me for things she spontaneously bought without asking me first. And even more annoyed about the fact she's claimed money for the Mac. But I griped enough about that yesterday. So I'll stop.
Once again I am babysitting, unpaid, for my mother. Another of the reasons i don't get on with my mother, and the primary reason I'm moving out. If I'm going to be stuck babysitting atleast one night a week, if not three or four, I'd atleast like to be paid and have the choice to turn down the offer. So now I'm trying to sell my brother over the internet, but no-one is offering to pay for him. Gosh darn it all.
I still haven't filled out my forms for Student Community Wage, and I think they are due tomorrow. So I'll have to get onto that first thing in the morning. If I can find my birth certificate. otherwise I'll just end up in trouble. Though I still find it annoying that i have to keep reproving who I am. GRRRRRR.
My net stalker hasn't emailed me in AGES. Over two weeks.
I did absolutely nothing today. Except eat junk food and play Settlers 2, oh and breathe etc.....
My life is SO boring. I'm even planning some stuff for my Palladium related web page. How geeky is that?
Wait, don't answer that.
Anyway, I'm rambling, so Buh-bye.
I wish I was a hunter in search of different food I wish I was the animal which fits into that mood I wish i was a person with unlimited breath I wish I was a heartbeat that never comes to rest Komm zu mir Komm zu mir Komm zu mir Komm zu mir I wish I was a stanger who wanders down the sky I wish I was a starship in silence flying by I wish I was a princess with armies at her hand I wish I was a ruler who'd make them understand Komm zu mir (Komm zu mir) Komm zu mir (Komm zu mir zurück) Komm zu mir (zurück zurück zurück) Komm zu mir (zurück zu mir) Wir sprengten jeden Rahmen als wir zusammen kamen war's wie eine Explosion und ich schwör' ich spür' die Erschütterung immer noch ich weiss du rennst und doch bist du erst nah und da wenn du in meinen Armen liegst ich geh' zu Boden wenn du nicht mit mir fleigst Oh Baby, bitte bitte lauf lauf gib nicht auf ich hab' dich vermisst es fressen mich Dämonen auf wenn du nicht bei mir bist ich tu' was du verlangst hab' keine Angst ich lass' dich nicht allein denn uns gehört die Welt wir können alles sein doch jetzt bist du auf dich gestellt I wish I was a writer who sees what's yet unseen I wish I was a prayer expressing what I mean I wish I was a forest of trees that do not hide (komm zu mir) I wish I was a clearing no secrets left inside (komm zu mir) ...zurück ich bin wegen dir hier zum Glück bleibt uns noch Zeit bis zur Ewigkeit ein Stück deines Daseins steckt in mir und ich halt' es so fest doch die Erinnerrung bringt mich um weil es mich nicht loslässt bitte bleib' bei mir, verzeih' mir lasse es dich nicht zerstören wir kommen frei hier wenn wir nur auf die Liebe schwör'n es gibt sonst nichts auf dieser Welt was uns zusammenhält ausser dern was du mir gibst wenn du mich liebst und deshalb Baby lauf lauf bitte gib nicht auf ich hab' dich vermisst es fressen mich Dämonen auf wenn du nicht bei mir bist ich tu' was du verlangst hab' keine Angst ich lass' dich nicht allein denn uns gehört die Welt wir können alles sein sind wir auf uns gestellt Wir zwei beschreiben Stille, die jeden Krach umhüllt besitzen ein Bewusstsein, das jeden Raum erfüllt auch du wirst mich vermissen, wenn keiner bei dir ist denn ich will von dir wissen wer du bist Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr als du mich Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr als du mich Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr als du mich Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr.. (Komm zu mir, Baby lauf lauf lauf!) I wish I was a hunter in search of different food I wish i was the animal which fits into that mood I wish I was a person with unlimited breath I wish I was a heartbeat that never comes to rest (Baby lauf lauf!) I wish I was a forest of trees that do not hide Komm zu mir I wish I was a clearing of secrets left inside Komm zu mir I wish I was a stranger who wanders down the sky Komm zu mir I wish I was a starship in silence flying by Komm zu mir (Baby lauf lauf lauf!) Komm zu mir Komm zu mir Komm zu mir Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr als du mich Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr als du mich Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr als du mich Ich brauch' dich doch auch nicht mehr...
12 November 1999
Lola Forever.
I have a JIGGLYPUFF pen
Today was a dull wet ordinary dunedin day. then mid afternoon I was kidnapped by Wormgirl. The southlander decided since i wouldn't tell her when my birthday was, she just do to me today the stuff people usually save for birthdays. I'm just glad that I didn't let her blindfold and handcuff me like she wanted to.
She took me to the beach, and gave me an inflatable dodgy-asian-life-preserver.
She took me to the middle of nowhere (darn, now i have the Dusty Springfield song "Middle of Nowhere" stuck in my head, I am SO suggestable), and gave me a JIGGLYPUFF pen. Somehow by random luck she got my favourite pokemon.
Then she was going to take me somewhere else but was out of time, so she brought me home and gave me my final present a Sailor Moon notebook.
Yay for dodgy asian stuff.
But then I found out I had missed Tina when she visited :o(.Ergh, Midget has either been engaged or not home everytime i've rung all day. darn, Midget.
And I shaved in a hurry before being kidnapped to the beach, and between the harsh shave and the sand-blasting I received I have the worst case of shaving rash i've had in years. GRRRRRRRRRR.
I still haven't done my community wage application. I am SO BAD.
And I need to suck up to someone with a credit card to get a some books cheap over the net. Though admittedly it could be a push on my finances, as they are.
Wow, I just saw the time, I have to have tea and head off to town.
Well since my baby left me I found a new place to dwell Down at the end on Lonely Street At Heartbreak Hotel
14 November 1999
Well I just shamed myself out by getting tounge-tied in front of someone who I have had a slight case of lust for for most of the year, who is fortunately packing up so I'll never have to relive the moment of shame. I'll miss the veiw though.
Yesterday I went to Fiona's 19th Birthday Fairy-Tale Costume Picnic at the botanical Gardens. Though i had no idea where in the gardens it was and wasted about an hour trying to find people. But after that is was kinda fun.
Then I came home and had a quiet night, which I really needed. Though I have no idea why I was so tired.
Then this morning I woke at 8 to watch Donkey Kong Country to find TV3 wasn't showing it any more. Then I did my paper run. Where I only managed to say "Hi" to someone who I have been trying to find a chance to talk to for months, before I paniced and quickly continued my run. But then I'm probably not worthy to talk to anyone that beautiful, even if they do start the conversation. Either that or I'm a stupid git with the emotional maturity of a fourth former.
And I'm way too old to be that useless. In 29 days I'll be half-forty.
Once upon a time I committed a crime i didn't do it i didn't do it
15 November 1999
Here I am babysitting again. Joy for me.
Yesterday I went to my fathers for lunch, and had a chance to catch up with my Aunt Ellen who I haven't really talked to in about five years. Though I didn't really have much to talk to her about, she maybe family, but after that long she is also a bit of a stranger.
Then when I was going to get fush and chup (I'm trying to save the dipthong) my sis', who I haven't seen in months said "Matthew, you're getting SO fat." So now I'm on a binge. Drowning depression with food.
Today I went window shopping, and got some stationary and incense. Applied for a job at a petrol station. Bought and ate LOTS of food. Wrote to a couple of people I had promised snail mail to. And generally had a pointless day.
I had a phase where I dealt with depression by psychotically cleaning, i have to get myself back into that one. Though even it was a self-destructive drive, as I have a severe allergy to some detergents that can be quite painful.
Maybe Wormgirl is right, maybe I am a freak.
I was feeling done in Couldn't win
16 November 1999
I went to see "Pi" with my ex today. Which was interesting. And strangely awkward, considering how long we have been friends for. And the movie was just plain freaky.
Though I have done all I can on my student allowance application book, now I just need my father to fill in his income details. Then I'll take it in so I won't be too poor over the hols, I'll still be poor though :o(.
Well, thats all i have to say for now.
If you could read my mind, yeh What a tale my thoughts would tell Just like an old time movie 'Bout a ghost from a wishing well
17 November 1999
My ex was whining about having been out till really late last night, this morning. When I asked what doing I got given a short sharp "Mind Your Own Business". So I've worked out what it is. My ex is pulling tricks.
Then my father dropped by and filled in the bits he had to. Wahoo, a long walk to WINZ in the heavy rain was next on my day plan. Joy for getting soaking wet. But atleast they approved all my community wage / student allowance stuff. And after my birthday I'll be twenty, and will get a half-way decent amount. Even if it will mean that I'm OLD.
And my web-stalker wrote back to me, claiming to have seen me at I place I was actually at. Which is just a little freaky. People aren't supposed to spot me in the crowd unless I also spot them.
Anyway, I have some work to do on my Palladium related works page, I've been working on something for it all week, and it is still AGES away from uploading.
all through the night stray cat is crying so stray cat sings back all through the night they have forgotten what by day they lack
18 November 1999
I think I got onto my ex's ICQ invisible and ignore lists last night. But I couldn't care less. Which while it is a good thing, is weird. As up till not very long ago I would have cared lots. I guess it's just part of growing old, getting over all the crap emotional baggage of childhood and childhood mistakes.
Somehow after letting someone treat me like shite for so long it's ridiculous, them declaring "goodbye for ever" because me making one bitchy comment was so unforgivably immature just makes it so much better. Maybe easier is a better word. But it is definately an improvement.
Maybe it's just a closure thing, or maybe it's just affirmation that net people aren't worth knowing. Actually there are only two friends who I have made over the net that I really give a toss about. One flats with another of my friends and I might have met anyway. The other is my net stalker, who is just fun to chat to, and a resonably tolerable person, even if a southlander.I have a nasty dose of hayfever. I'm sneezing something chronic, my throat is itchy and there is so much pressure in my ears I'm going mad. Joy of joys.
But atleast Wormgirl visited today, as she is in town on a few days off. And she brought chocolate milk and lollies. YAY. It was all good.
Actually, I have dome nothing all day. I am such a lazy arse. Now I just need to find today a song quote.
She works hard for the money So hard for it honey She works hard for the money So you better treat her right Went there on the corner stand And wonders where she is And it's strange to her Some people seem to have everything 9 a.m. on the hour hand And she's waiting for the bell And she's looking real pretty Just waiting for her clientele
19 November 1999
I finished "Our Friends from Frolix 8" (atleast the title is something like that) by Phillip K. Dick. It is quite a good book, with it's sci-fi setting surprisingly played down.
Then I wandered into town, via Student Job Search, and bought my monthly comics. Finally the third part, of a trilogy i got into, made it to the library. YAY. I also grabbed a Neil Gaiman book a haven't read while I was there.
On the way home I bought a new CD. Tommy James and the Shondells kick arse.
Other than that, I have pretty much nothing to write.
"Children Behave," that's what they say when we're together "And watch how you play," They don't understand And so we're runnin' just as fast as we can Holdin' onto one another's hand Tryin' to get away into the night And then you put your arms around me as we tumble to the ground and then you say "I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now. The beating of the hearts is the only sound."
22 November 1999
Wow, I haven't written for a couple of days, Imust be escaping the sticky strands of the web. Or not.
Friday night was fun, I was on a big high for most of it (it's what happens when I drink straight Thrifty concentrate and eat great quantities of sugar). but then all my friends scattered off as it got late, and because there were peasants skateboarding around the Octogon, and extremist pentacostals threatening to kill those with non-christian beliefs. Central Dunedin is really being dragged down.
On saturday I met with Chknlady / Rachel at the Gardens, having a picnic with all those she left behind in Dunedin when she flew the coup.
And (also on saturday) I finally got the hard drive I'm being made to pay for put into my computer.
Other than that, I haven't done anything much. Other than sitting around home getting fat.
Come on down to Southpark.....
25 November 1999
It's my first time on the net since sunday. My dearest mother (note sarcasm) has been downloading stuff all week. And I had a reasonable back-logue of email, unfortunately most of it was spam. But I did luck out and get some real mail. I even had someone asking to be my new net-stalker, being that my old one wasn't emailing me much anymore. Which means people actually read this page. YAY.
I haven't done much this week to write of. I went window shopping with Alexandrea on Tuesday. Other than that I have been playing computer games. Since Tuesday night it has been mostly "Age Of Wonders", which is a great re-write of "Warlords".
I've been wandering 'round in shorts a bit, blinding people with the heavenly light (glare) that shines from my shins. Now aren't you glad you didn't see that?
So thats it, for this installment into the monotonous repitition that is my life in words.
The world is cruel The world is wicked It's I alone who you can trust in this whole city I am your only friend
28 November 1999
Yay for the left, we got the filthy tories out of government. Okay, I don't actually care that much, but I have to pretend to or midget will try to beat me up.
I have been working (of sorts) since friday, and I think the job runs till thursday, making giant christmas decorations for the city council. Joy of joys.
I finished reading "Shrine Of Stars" yesterday, which is a very good finale to a very good trilogy. And now i'm reading "Stardust" a GREAT Neil Gaiman novel.
Anyway, I'm off for to play some "Age of Wonders".