Spring has sprung (is that snow?) - the season of lust has been, and lo and behold I'm in something of a relationship (okay, we haven't sat and discussed if the word "relationship" is allowed to be applied yet, but I shall anyway. Actually, even "going out" seems more than I'm allowed to say. I'm quite tempted to think I'm something of an embarrassment for reasons more than just my spelling).
Two weeks in a Virginia jail For my lover for my lover Twenty thousand dollar bail For my lover for my lover And everybody thinks That I'me the fool But they don't get Any love from you The things we won't do for love I'd climb a mountain if I had to And risk my life so I could have you You, you, you... Everyday I'm psychoanalyzed For my lover for my lover They dope me up and I tell them lies For my lover for my lover I follow my heart And leave my head to ponder Deep in this love No man can shake I follow my heart And leave my mind to wonder Is this love worth The sacrifices I make
2nd October 2000
Okay Thursday (28 Sept) wasn't too bad. I had a class at 8am, did some stuff at home, went in for lunch with my significant other - who was about 90 minutes late, but that was okay. Then we parted as I had a lab, which it turned out I didn't - so we could have spent the afternoon together but didn't. Dash it all.
Friday, my theatre class didn't get to my play - so I miss out on peer feed back :o(. But I guess I'll survive. Then I went to the lunch time theatre - which was weird but pretty groovy. Then I went home to dress myself up for the dinner date we had planned, which went rather nicely if I do say so myself. Anyone who can handle lunch time theatre with me, and a dinner date complete wth me having a random bleeding nose all in one day and still seem enthuasiastic gets full marks in my books. SO I'm all happy like.
Saturday. Ummmm, I know Saturday must have happened but I don't remember any of it...... Wait, I went to my Aunt Judith's for a visit, and had my cousin Lucus squealling with laughter. He's about 21 mounths now, and SO cute like. And then we got fish and chips for tea, for the first time in ages. And I did nothing much that night - possibly played The Sims, though I honestly remember nothing of the night.
Yesterday I orgainised all my files, backed then up on zip disk (which took hours), transferred then from the zip disks on my mother puter (again taking ages) and then onto a CD. And that sucked up my day.
Today, I wasted some more of my life away. The high point was gettng my boots fixed at the shoe repair place and only getting charged $5.00.
Well, I shall return to the monotony of my life now.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
would it be wrong if I should surrender all the joy in my life go with her tonight? my love is gone she suffered long in hours of pain my love is gone would it be wrong if I should just turn my face away from the light go with her tonight?
4th October 2000
Frustrated much.
Yesterday had a class, and a whole lot of time spent at uni achieving nothing noteworthy. I met Rachael's sister and father when I visited her on a mission of chemistry. Which was pretty cool, but otherwise the day was pretty wasted. Even if I did get through a little CHEM302 homework.
Today I slept in, as I really needed it, and still feel wasted and wishing I could have just died in my sleep. Possibly I'm not fully recovered from the last bug I had, but this sort of thing has been going on for a while noew, so I possibly have something more serious wrong, which would muchly bite.
Then after my CHEM302 lecture - the last one - and the SGM - I headed home to start slaving over a very late CHEM343 assignment I only just realised I hadn't actually done, just to discover that I'm too thick and don't get any of it. So I'm just not gonna do it, as my chances of passing the subject anyway are muchly non-existant.
So I'm having a break now before I go insane and kill people - my brain is feeling like mush, and the having just spent the afternoon getting frustrated about how little I understand Pilot-plant Distillation Columns. I am really coming to LOATHE process technology. Not that I was ever a massive fan of it, in fact - when told by Neil (one of the lecturers) to tell everything I'd learned fromt he experiment in the abstract it took all my will-power not to write "that I'd rather die than do this for a living".
Anyway, my mother and the idiot she is shacked up with are screaming about something pointless, so I'm going to sit with my ears blocked reminding myself that society frowns upon murder.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
there u go,lookin' pitiful just because i let u go there u go,talkin' 'bout u want me back but sometimes it be's like that there u go,talkin' 'bout u miss me so that u love me so,i let u go there u go cause you're lies got old look at u,there u go please don't come around talk about how u changed how u said good-bye 2 what's-her-name all it sounds like is new game and i was right when i thought i'd be much better off without u had 2 get myself from 'round u cause my life was all about u
8th October 2000
Okay, Thursday (5th) I got some help with my CHEM343 assignment and worked out what I was ment to do, so spent a few hours in the chem department teaching computer lab working on it. Then at lunch I got VERY annoyed with my pseudo-partnerish-thing who was snobbing me. I was NOT amused. But then it's what I get for liking an arythmic lout. After that I spent a chunk of the afternoon with my Becky-Bo and Kezia getting cheered up.
Friday (6th), from 8am to 3pm I was at uni doing work, most of it chemistry - only taking a break to go to my theatre class. Fun, fun, fun. In my next life I want to be on a world where noone ever studies chemistry. Than night I was on the gate at a Free Tibet rave. Five hours standing on a very wet Founder's Feild. To far away from the music to hear it over the generator we had. Getting splashed by the cars. Oh what a FUN night that was.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day in recovery mode. Then Amy came round and we watched a rather bitchy doco about Dusty Springfeild, and ate M&Ms. Then I walked Amy most of the way home, as I was going to Marie's anyway. After a quick stop over there it was off for a night of dancing. We met up with Becky-Bo and Kezia, both of whom - on the dance floor - I was all over like a nasty rash, once we reached the club and then it was dance, dance, dance. My ex was there, and for the first time ever, we actually danced together for a bit, with was muchly weird. It was pretty much a very fun night, and it was so nice to be able to spent the whole night dancing with rhythm, something I have been unable to do too much of lately. Damn me for having fallen for one of the arythmic.
Today was pretty much a non-event. Only good parts, tea with my granparents, and getting one of my Sims to be CEO of a computer programming company.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
It's Hard to Be Humble Artist: Mac Davis Oh Lord it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way I can't wait to look in the mirror 'cause I get better lookin' each day To know me is to love me I must be a hell of a man Oh Lord it's hard to be humble but I'm doing the best that I can I used to have a girlfriend but I guess she just couldn't compete With all of these love-starved women who keep clamoring at my feet Well, I prob'ly could find me another, but I guess they're all in awe of me Who cares I never get lonesome 'cause I treasure my own company I guess you could say I'm a loner, a cowboy outlaw tough and proud Oh I could have lots of friends if I wanna, but then I wouldn't stand out in a crowd Some folks say that I'm egotistical. Hell, I don't even know what that means I guess it has something to do with the way that I fill out my skin-tight bluejeans
9th October 2000
Okay, I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing today, as I have noting to say. I've done nothing all day. Well, I played a little Sims, and got Thomas to be an InfOverlord, which is a cross between Bill Gates and a deity. And then from 9:30 till sometime early this evening I was working on my play and getting nowhere fast. I suck at editing. And I really should be doing some chemistry work, as thats due on friday. Darn my life.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
Oh Starry Night
I've waited all my life
For the day when love appears
Like a fairy tale in days gone by
He will rescue me from my fears
And now I feel him standing close to me
And how can I tell him what he means to me
My heart stands still - has he come?
Oh starry night
Is this the moment I dream of?
Oh starry night
Tell me, is he my own true love?
Every night I think of him
Here in my lonely room
Waiting for my prince to come
Wondering if he'll be here soon
And I sit patiently, waiting for a sign
And I hope that his heart longs for mine
He calls my name, is he the one?
Oh starry night
Is this the moment I dream of?
Oh starry night
Tell me, is he my own true love?
Oh starry night
Is this the moment I dream of?
Oh starry night
How will I know
Will his love show?
Is he my own true love?
14th October 2000
Wow. Long time, no write.
Tuesday (10th) I again got nowhere fast on the work front. In the evening I got dragged off by my dykes to see Karen Hunter playing at Arc. It was pretty impressive, she has an AMAZING voice. Downside, there were too many ppl there smoking things they shouldn't have been. So me being me, on the way home I was grumbly because I couldn't photosynthesise in the dark. I was only the next day that I thought, but wait, I can't photosynthesise anyway.
Wednesday (11th) i had a meeting with Simon (my theatre lecturer) about my play, which was pretty useful. And that evening I had the OUSA christmas party - at which I had a very disturbing game of "I have never". There are some things you just don't want to know about people. And then I dashed home in time for Buffy.
Thursday (12th), I actually did some work. In fact thursday was muchly work related.
Yesterday was most similar. Hard out work till mid-afternoon. Then after a brief stint at babysitting I was out on the town, for a date. Though there is something very fourth form about calling them dates. Anyway, we ate, then went to Saving Grace, which was a plain cool flick. I shall recommend it to all you readers (all three of you).
This morning I slept WAY in. Which was pretty nice. And I've had a quite day of Napster downloads and book reading.
I thought of something really witty to write just before, but I seem to have forgotten it. Oh, well. I think it was the sick kind of witty anyway.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
If all you've got to prove today is your innocence Calm down You're as guilty as can be But as all you've got to lose alludes to yesterday Yesterdays through Now do anything you please
19th October 2000
I am really starting to suck at remembering to write in this thing.
Okay, Saturday night, I think I spent in book reading, though it's so long along I don't really remember. Following that was a Sunday of pure procrastination. I achieved practically nothing. Though did do some work on my THEA203 assignment in the evening.
Monday, I did a very small amount on my THEA203, then had lunch an went shopping with my Becky and her Keys. And in the evening I lamented the fact I was to be poor the next day.
Tuesday (17th) I went into town in the morning and extracted $1,200 to pay for my computer upgrade. All the bits except one I got at the time, and it will all be assembled next week when that final bit arrives. Infact it's such a complete upgrade the only bits I'm keeping are my disk drive, hard drive, mouse and screen. And the hard drive and screen will be replaced over the holidays. So considering I have a spare mouse anyway, once I replace the hard drive and get the screen I'm getting for my 21st, I'll only be an A: short of have two full computers, so once I get a replacement floppy drive for the computer I have now I'll be able to sell it off as a complete 'puter. And it isn't too bad a wee thing.
Tuesday also featured a far too short lunch date with that significant other that's tying me down :oþ. It was pretty good, but I get seriously rained on, so hide at Wormgirl's place for a while while the rain passed, and in the process stole back my Tracy Chapman CD.
Wednesday I did some homework but otherwise just wasted my life away through the day. In the evening I headed of to Nina's for her 21st celebration. And was there for a couple of hours before usng Buffy as an excuse to get away as there were too many ppl there, and I wasn't in the mood for crowds.
Today I finished my play and handed it in. Had lunch with the ball-n-chain, my Becky and Keys. And that's about my day. Damn my life is all dull and so much of it is waste. Oh well.
Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and your worries. Trouble me on the days when you feel spent. Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong? Trouble me.
Speak to me, don't mislead me, the calm I feel means a storm is swelling; there's no telling where it starts or how it ends. Speak to me, why are you building this thick brick wall to defend me when your silence is my greatest fear? Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong? Speak to me.
Let me have a look inside these eyes while I'm learning. Please don't hide them just because of tears. Let me send you off to sleep with a "There, there, now stop your turning and tossing." Let me know where the hurt is and how to heal.
Spare me? Don't spare me anything troubling. Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries. Speak to me and let our words build a shelter from the storm. Lastly, let me know what I can mend. There's more, honestly, than my sweet friend, you can see. Trust is what I'm offering if you trouble me.
22nd October 2000
Friday, day time. Ummmm, lets see. *Thinks back*. I went into varsity at lunch time tovisit Bex, and then did some window shopping. In the evening I went to a party with Bex and Kez and Raj and Luke and that ball-n-chain of mine. It was pretty fun, though I was being one of those evil excessive PDA people. It was pretty fun.
Saturday morning I lay in bed reading and then stuffed around for ages trying to find my pencil case, which was providing no evidence it had ever existed except in my memory. Eventually I gave up and headed into town to meet up with Hans and go to Les Mills.
Okay, I am scared of gyms. Not for any real reason, but just because I am. So I got there, and even as a one time guest I had a whole big pile of paper work to half-heartedly fill out. Then we got ready and went and sat in Studio 3, at the very top of the Les Mills staircase. A big room with lots of windows, providing a beautiful view of the neighbouring building's rooves. Then the instructors come in. Sarah and Giles, both looking like immigrants from Planet Beautiful. The class got going, with it's four guys, and fifty plus women. Now that's what I call gender balance :oÞ. An hour later I was VERY sweaty and embarrased by my slow reaction times and lack of co-ordination. Though I was picked up again by the spiel of false flattery Giles gave me on the way out about what an exceptional first attempt I'd made. And I am easily won over by false flattery.
On the way home I stopped by Wormgirl's and ended up spending the rest of the day light hours with her. A fair chunk of which sitting in Woodhaugh. Which was all nice, and a good chance to bitch. Then I curlled up in bed, did a little reading and much sleeping.
Today I finished the book I was reading, Pasquale's Angel by Paul J. McAuley. And broke into another Blood Music by Greg Bear. The former was great - though not his best. The latter is pretty good so far, a very promising start anyway.
Other than that, and downloading lots off Napster, today has achieved little. I shall really have to start studying tomorrow. Or I shall become even more skilled at failure.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
Take me now, baby, here as I am Hold me close, try and understand Desire is hunger is the fire I breathe Love is a banquet on which we feed Come on now, try and understand The way I feel under your command Take my hand, come under cover They can't hurt you now Because the night belongs to lovers Because the night belongs to lust Because the night belongs to lovers Because the night belongs to us
23rd October 2000
I woke up this morning and I felt great, till I moved my arms. my whole body had recovered from body Combat except my triceps, which still REALLY hurt. I finished Blood Music and now have a very favourable opinion of Greg Bear as it is a very readible novel. And a fair lot of fun too.
At some I should really start that whole study thing, as my exams are now really close, and I'm so not prepared.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
No-one on earth could feel like this. I'm thrown and overblown with bliss. There must be an angel Playing with my heart. I walk into an empty room And suddenly my heart goes "boom"! It's an orchestra of angels And they're playing with my heart.
25th October 2000
On the evening of the 23rd my mother decided to make invites for my 21st. I would have used a baby photo and something witty and slightly uestionable written under it. She, on the other hand, went for random clip-art and boring text. Oh well. And then she got the list of who I'd thought up so far to invite and added LOTS of people, most of them relatives and similar understandable connections, but a few were just friends of hers whom I could see no reason to invite.
Yesterday morning I got up, and all my bits were working again. Yay for muscle recovery and the eventually fading of pain.
Well, i almost started study yesterday morning. I sat and watched my notes and almost opened them. Eventually I realised what a waste of time that was so headed into town to drop off a couple of invites to my party, apply for my Community Wage: Student and return a library book. Several hours later I found myself at home, and actually opening my notes.
Then after studying over three lectures I took a study break that ended up consuming the whole evening and with me getting stuck into an addictive emulated computer game.
Today I've done a bit more study, and have a WHOLE lot more to go. Especially given how nothing I have read in my study has made any sense at all.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
If lust and hate is the candy, if blood and love tastes so sweet,
then we give 'em what they want. Hey, hey, give 'em what they
want.
So their eyes are growing hazy 'cos they wanna turn it on,
so their minds are soft and lazy. Well, hey, give 'em what they
want.
26th October 2000
I LOATHE BIOPROCESS CHEMISTRY.
Mental Note: I would rather die than be an industrial chemist.
Today has had too much study not going anywhere and too must frustration at my own lack of mental aptitude.
Atleast I had a lunch break that involved criminal amounts of PDA. It's amazing how much I'm not against PDA so much now that it's me doing it.
But then it was back to study. And the more I do, the less I think I'm gonna get in my exam. Wahoo for being a thick loser boy.
Today's song quote courtesy of.
Here comes the rain again Falling on my head like a memory Falling on my head like a new emotion I want to walk in the open wind I want to talk like lovers do I want to dive into your ocean Is it raining with you So baby talk to me Like lovers do Walk with me Like lovers do Talk to me Like lovers do
28th October 2000
I loathe my Mother.
Only Thursday night, the night before my exam she yelled that she was off to do groceries, which happens every week and I'm vaguely okay with. But then she doesn't get home till after 11, and I'm stuck awake in the house with my beastly lil brother. Not the best way to get on side with me, especially as I had really wanted an early night. Then to make matters worse Ihas a really surreal dream about one of my friends who I had just found out was in hospital, and the characters from Final Fantasy V acting out my play and then slowly crumbing into the Rayleigh equation. They also had corrected the mistake in my play that I had planned tobut forgot before I handed it in a week before. SO this lead to my waking up around 4 in the morning, as most grumpy boy. okay it's now 29th October and I need sleep.
Today's song quote courtesy of.