And on I go.
3rd January 2008 - Oct. S. John, Ap. and Evan.
I was home and planning to write on the frist, start the year off proper. I get to have Circumcision of Our Lord beside the date. But it didn't quite happen due to reasons of finding actual things to do.
Anyway, New Years went well. No-one mocked my self-cut hair so it must have turned out better than I think it did (well, Meg did ask why I'd gone to the $10 hair cut place). I went down to Taieri Mouth for a New Years eve of four happy couple and three stragglers - being a straggler among couples is becoming less and less fun. It was mostly a good night though. At midnight I was sharing a bathtub over an open fire with someone I didn't know well enough to feel entirely comfortabel sharing a bath tub with, and being cooked alive after the fire had been a bit enthusiastically stoked. Three showers later I still smell of the smoke from the thing - which is irksome.
After a New Year's Day spent on the beach, I came home and napped before being invited around to a party at Simon's. Here I discovered why it is a good thing I've been being a teetotaller. A tiny amount of alcohol (I'm pretty sure it was significantly under one standard srink) and I was gone. I played SingStar. And got home feeling very unwell, to try and sleep through stabbing head pain.
Yesterday I mostly lay about trying to recover from the night before and reading Lost in a Good Book - while getting frustrated at how much even slower my reading has got. F-ing being sickly.
This morning i awoke to a mesage from Tina reminding me I'm supposed to be in Wanaka (I'd only sort of forgotten). So I got my ticket this morning and am about to start packing so I can head off. Hopefully the rain stops, walking my luggage to the railway station in the rain will suck.
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8th January 2008 - Mem. of Lucian, Presb. and his Compp.
I got home from Wanaka this evening. Getting a ride back with the bride and groom while they drove to Dunedin to get to the flight for their honeymoon. I probably didn't aid the mood...
Now I'm home and should write a full where I've been. It, however, will have to wait. I'm not sure if it was the travel, or the over tiredness, or something else, but I feel terrible. The worst I've felt in a while, the headache pain has brough on nausea to the point my dinner is being undecided about how long it is willing to stay having been my dinner. And I've been rambling at Simon more crazy personish than usual. Including sharing proof of the true lameness of my life that I think I may actually have avoided telling him before. Somewhat surprising as he is the only person I know that I share particularly well with. He's probably the only person to get more than this thing does. Though the closest thing I had to a New Year's resolution was to stop doing that. That was bad grammar, oh well.
I need a drink.
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9th January 2008.
I was clearly pushing myself too hard while I was away. Today I've been good for basically nothing, and definately not for anything involving standing up. I've just been napping a lot and finishing off The Well of Lost Plots. I'm very much enjoying Jasper Fforde. I finished Lost in a Good Book in the bus on the way up to Wanaka - either the meds I'm on or teh fact I feel terrible all the time anyway has freed me from the nasty travel sickness that has been a feature of every other bus trip of my life. Silver linings.
I am, however, getting very frustrated with how slow my reading has gotten. Between it, the generally feeling gross all the time and the weight gain, being sick is making me depressed.
Time I make dinner.
Delicious pineapple, vege and leftovers poke-burn (one day I'll remember that stir-fry requires stirring).
I really should write about my trip. It may happen tomorrow, head swimming too much now.
10th January 2008.
Either my heart is playing up or I've started to give myself anxiety attacks. Being that, the last time it was checked, my heart was healthy as I think I'm probably just psyching myself in to chest pain. It fails to be fun, but is a slight distraction from the constant head pain. So it's not all bad.
I have less than two weeks to find a flat and have moved in to it. And I keep being sick - which is considerably unhelpful to my flat hunting efforts.
I think I should go sleep and blog later, when I'll hopefully be calmer about stuff.
11th January 2008.
Several days in a row - I'm doing good at this beast for a change.
Today me and being upright aren't getting along. Otherwise I guess I can't complain too much. For all that a spinning head has long since ceased to be fun.
Yesterday I atleast walked in to town. I went to housing new zealand to be told the only person would could answer my questions wasn't there. And I picked up my repeat on my meds - I have to get repeats now as the med cocktail I'm on means I am officially considered a suicide risk, which is a tad embarrassing. And I had dinner at Alana's. It was like a regular Thursday.
Today, I'm about to go to bed having only been up a couple of hours - though hopefully only to read rather than sleep. Going to the gardens and back has left me feeling utterly buggered. One of these days I really do have to go see a new doctor.
I'm rambling and still not talking about Wanaka. I'll probably be back later if I'm feeling a bit more upright friendly.
Being too sick to do the things I was supposed to today means I've now finished Something Rotten. I'm going to have to buy myself copies of the Jasper Fforde books. Didn't do anything toward finding somewhere to live though, which is less than ideal.
12th January 2008.
Flat prices in Dunedin have got ridiculous. It seems to find anywhere remotely liveable, I am going to have to put myself into a non-sustainable financial situation.
I'm going through all the lists again as I really have to move next weekend and continue to find nothing that works.
It is all making me even less pleasant than usual.
Anyway, I still haven't explained my trip. On Thursday (not the one just been but the one before) I caught a bus up to Wanaka. I spent Friday and early Saturday doing what I could to help with the wedding - which admittedly wasn't much and I was probably more of a hinderance than a help - and learning my reading (lines 761-93 of The Franklin's Tale).
The wedding, on Saturday afternoon, was beautiful. Tina looked amazing, and her mother's garden made a very pleasant setting. My reading even went over well - only being faulted by the groom's mother (and I got the impression she is going to be one of "those" in-laws).
I spent a couple more days there afterward, helping to clean up and being sociable with Tina. I also spent a lot of time hiding in comparatively cool corners pretending to ride so as to not make a scene out of feeling rather arse. I don't want to over-milk sympathy.
Now I come to write it, I can't actually think of all that much to write.
Oh, the whole being sick leading to putting on weight thing means I no longer fit any of my nice clothes - so I looked slightly more hobo-ish than I had intended. But I guess that's just life.
13th January 2008 - Oct. of Epiphany. Middle lessons of S. Hilary.
Today, if I found out what I had was terminal I think I might be reasonably happy. I just hurt so much.
I went to the pool, with the intention of looking at a flat here it on the way, except my walking speed has slowed a lot over the last month or so. And I got to the pool, after a ridiculously slow walk, feeling three quarters dead and aching like I'd done something serious. It is starting to make me very angry. The swimming that followed was a bit of a joke. My body just didn't have anything much left in it - which is insane considering the absolutely nothing it'd done to get that way. Now that I've got home, everything hurt and I'm thinking quietly curling up and dying would be the sensible solution - but instead I'll just curl up and complain about the suckfulness of my crappy body.
Not that complaining does any good, and I seem to be driving all my friends off quite effectively (if entirely unintentionally). Go me....
Tomorrow I really have to find somewhere to live, trying to walk around at look at places today would just end badly.
After all my boasting about how good I was at catching myself when I fall over, I flaked out at the bathroom sink today and whacked my knee. It didn't seem to bad at the time, but now it is throbbing in a way which is clearly not ominous but irksome none the less.
14th January 2008 - Felix, Presb. and Mart.
I don't get why the Sir Ed thing continues to be such a freaking huge deal. He's one old man who died of being a very old man. Yes, for his family and friends it is all important like, but I don't see why the country is mourning. I'm not denying he did a lot of good charity work, but people aren;t talking about that. They just go on and on about how he climbed a hill before anyone else had survived doing it to tell anyone about.
Maybe my general state of feeling like arse is making me inhumanly jaded and devoid of sentimentality but it just seems a whole lot of fuss about little to nothing. No-once else gets the entirity of the news for several days (well, maybe Princess Diana did - but that is another case of the same thing, and at least involved something more unexpected than an old person dying).
Attempts to flathunt today not so good. I do have a new accommodation services list though, whihc is a step in the right direction. Unfortunately I somehow completely burned myself out running a few simple errands - not the bestest plan ever - and have spent most of the day since in bed feeling like crud.
15th January 2008 - Maurus, Ab.
Housing New Zealand rang me today, they have a place for me. Admittedly it is down the devil acre, which is the far end of town from what I know. It's a place though, and I can afford it (though bills with just me paying will be suckful). It's good to know where I'll be moving on Saturday, rather than just knowing that I will be.
I'm kind of excited about having space to myself. Even if it is just an apartment (which will propbably leave me craving lawn).
The call was also well timed, I was sorting myself to go look at places on a day when my legs weren't seeming entirely convinced about staying under me, much less reliably holding me up. So it saved me falling over publicly, or scaring people I was trying to convince to let me live with them.
17th January 2008 - Sulpicius, Bp. and Conf. S. Antony, Conf.
The bruises from Sunday are fading impressively quickly and have pretty much stopped hurting in any way. This is a good thing. And I've managed to not injure myself again since (though I did kill my Lego pirate ship through catching myself in a way that sent it flying - stupid being sick).
Packing has started but hasn't got far, I've been feeling a bit gross, though I guess I'm going to just have to push through it.
Tomorrow I have to sort things like getting the lease signed, and changing my insurance, connecting the phone and power. All the fun stuff so I can move as to the plan.
Must remember to take my meds at 8am tomorrow, I ran a bit late today and I think that's why I'm feeling extra crap.
I had dinner at Alana's, which was mostly nice. Sometime I do feel a bit awkward when she's talking to her boyfriend though - sometimes it doesn't seem appropriate that I should be in the room for it.
Then I headed to mum's and buried Horace. She's gone blind, which at 19 is pretty good innings for a house cat. It'll be weird visiting home and her not being there.
Anyway, I should sleep and see if I feel less crap afterward.
18th January 2008 - Prisca, V. and Mart. First Day for LXX.
This will be my last entry for a while. I'm moving to my new flat tomorrow and it will be internetless for a while. I may write entries in the meantime, I just won't be able to post them anytime soon.
I went in this morning and sorted the lease agreement, and received many, many keys. Apartment living is going to be complex. Then I sorted a bunch of address changes. I think I've got most of the important ones covered. Then I came home to some exciting times on the 0800 numbers sorting power for the new place, cancelling the phone and broadband for the current and setting up a new account that is all for me.
After dinner, I took my kitchen stuff to the new place with the aid of my father. Then I came home and had a nice hot bath as I was achey and gross and it is my last night in a flat with a great big bath - it seemed a crime to have only used it once in the 14 months-ish that I've been here. Twice is much better effort.... It was relaxing and nice, but trigger general badness. It seems pleasantly scalding baths are another thing my stupid sick body is going to complain about. Bugger it.
Anyway, I should sleep, tomorrow will be busy.
22nd January 2008 - Vincent, Mart.
The move went surprisingly straight forward. I was getting a little stressed, and my father and brother helping (or, as was often the case, "helping") was adding extra flavours of stress on top.
23rd January 2008.
I fell asleep on my last entry. Stupid sleeping.
Saturday morning, on top of packing, I went washign machine shopping with my father. I own whiteware now, even if the washing machine I own looks suspiciously like a breadmaker. About lunch time Simon came to help with the packing and loading, and soon Oli and Bridget joint the fray and all went surprisingly well, with my uncle Frank bearing trailer and extra lifting power. Apart from my desk having to be taken apart to get it in to my new flat everything went pretty smoothly. I left a few things behind, broke a couple of things through my own retardedness and seem to have lost a few things (such as the remote for my dvd player, rendering the whole thing useless). But that is all part of moving. Oli, Bridget and Simon hung around for a while once the shifting was done. I felt a bit bad about inflicting my family on them. It was good though. Then after a family dinner, I tidied a few more thigns up about the house and slept.
Sunday, more shopping with dad. Some parentally sponsorred groceries (something always appreciated) and a vacuum cleaner. Then an exciting afternoon with Rachel and the sprogs and Susan (back from many years in pommy land). I was a very nice afternoon, for all that I was fighting the driving urge to curl up and go to sleep. Then grandparent dinner before coming home to my apartment (I'm like a growed up) and an early night.
Monday, I was tired and cranky. But I had a couple of things left to do. I went to varsity and sorted a few things. Then I went back to my old flat and paid my share of the final powerbill. In the process discovering I'd left my christmas tree behind and then walked the whole way back through town carrying the thing. It got me many funny looks. I also scored a shiny new stainless steel kettle, purchased by my mother - I think putting a few bucks toward evening the score against the many hundred of dollars worth of stuff my father bought me. My dad put up an uncharacteristic amount of money, which has made things much easier than they'd otherwise have been.
Anyway, back to the chronology. Tuesday I stayed in a slept and did dishes and sorted the kitchen all day - it's not finished but it is much closer.
Today, I went shopping for a wooden chopping board (I don't like the plastic ones), stuffed around a bunch and did a tiny bit more on the kitchen. Mostly I've just blobbed, my body still hasn't recovered from the weekend. Tomorrow, I want to get the kitchen sorted so I can move on to the next room. Eventually, I'll get this place presentable so I can have a flatwarming. I was shown today, however, that I lack the furniture to entertain. Tina, Mark and Peaches (Tina's baby brother - who answers to the name only if he doesn't notice, when he notices he get angry) stopped by to look about. I really do need some more furnishing, I only have two chairs. It didn't work so great.
Other bad parts of the apartment. The previous tenant kept rubbish in the linen cupboard and it now has an unpleasant smell. Apartments mean neighbours who are close, the walls are pretty good but I do hear a bunch of door slamming and loud music (including being woken early Sunday morning by very loud choir music). I think my roof has vermin (though it may just be nesting birds) as I can hear definite animal russling in the ceiling above me. And then there is the fact it turns out to be a teeny bit lonely - something my trying not to rant at Simon too much isn't really helping.
And in self inflicted bad, I've had to clean up a bunch of broken glass. It turns out changing light bulbs to energy saver ones when dizzy and gross leads to bits of broken energy saver bulb all over the floor. To be fair, I had the chace to save the bulb but instead I'd saved myself. Saving the bulb would have probably just lead to it shattering in my hand when I hit the ground and thus filling me with shard of glass and whatever clot prevent gas they have inside them.
24th January 2008.
I feel completely crap, and have no idea why. Awesomely fun combination of grossly nauseated and full of a deep (probably mental health issue-y) sadness. It's great to be me. And I have no idea whats up, it just kind of leapt out of nowhere and got me while I was making dinner.
None of my friends who are online are responding. I should probably go to bed.
25th January 2008 - Conversion of S. Paul. Mem. of S. Prejectus. Double.
Very disturbed sleep last night. Sometimes from weird irrational dreams and sometimes from a particularly warm spell at 3am. At least, I hope it was a warm spell. Otherwise I was sweating ridiculous for reasons purely of agitation.
Still feeling non-descriptly miserable, but mostly past the wishing I could just die already. Stupid having stupid emotions. Next life I'm being a robot. Or maybe just lobotomised.
Quiet day at home feeling crap. I did venture to Couplands for bread, as I was hungry. Otherwise just sitting about home feeling crap. Also feeling lonely, but head hurts to much to go do anything about it. I should go make dinner and stop being a whiney bitch.
27th January 2008 - Julian, Bp. and Conf.
In sensible responce to feeling miserable and depressed, I'm watching The Body - the only tear-jerker that ever really works on me. Coz that's smart....
Actuallt, yesterday I was doing a surprisingly good job of convincing myself that I felt all good and chipper. I think maybe the pain was being a little less than usual.
I really have to stop whinging about my health on this thing, I'm boring myself.
Yesterday, I went to the farmer's market with Alana, then went back to hers for lunch. Hung out with Oli, Bridget and Julie for a bit and then came home to a quiet evening of failing to find and patch the holes in my inflatable couch (I thought it had worked, but it is flat again this morning).
30th January 2008 - Batildis, Q. V., not Mart.
I've no real reason for having not written, mostly just that I've not done much.
Sunday, after writing the above, I had an afternoon nap until Oli came around to make sure I'd been invited to the bbq he was having that evening. So I washed up and headed along, via the hospital to visit my grandfather. I got to the hospital and discovered the desk was closed for over half an hour so I had no idea what ward he was in. So I ended up just going to Oli's but by a very long and irksome route. The bbq was awesome. I really have to be social more often. Even just sitting in the corner and barely contributing it was a very pleasant evening. Followed by quite an early night, after I slunk off a bit headachey to keep being sociable.
Monday morning I woke in pain, and thought I was tachycardic. So I measured my pulse (as one does when half asleep and panicky...) and discovered that my throbbing pain doesn't always have anything to do with my heart rate. I'll be the House of self-diagnosis yet. The day that followed contained several naps, broken up by such things as another failed attempt to visit my grandfather in hospital (this time as he was discharged just before I got there) and my mother visiting with groceries. I had extremely vague plans to maybe catch up with Simon, but I was feeling shit and ended up having an early evening nap to prepare for bed instead.
Yesterday, got up and had my mornign meds and then I slept. And slept. And got up in the late afternoon, and pottered about the house in my pjs for the evening (feeling kind of awesome after all the sleep) and then slept. I was woken at what seemed an insanely late time, but was still Tuesday for all it seemed later, but my mother texting trying to find my brother and then had anxiety messing with my sleep for a few hours. Go being a crazy person...
Today, I'm a bunch more awake and only feeling a wee bit gross. Woot. I went in to town and spent a couple of gift vouchers, one from my birthday on a computer thing that I had instant buyers remorse about and one from christmas on the third season of Fraggle Rock. Otherwise not too much to say for myself. At some point soon I'll wash my dishes and then maybe settle in for some Buffy watching.
31st January 2008.
Just after I got up this morning, I stumbled over this. I'll admit I'd have made more of Firefly and possibly bumped 'frell' above 'frak' - purely based on the ingenuity of use. I'm mostly only mentioning it as it mentions the wonderous linguistic flexibility of 'smurf'.
I should go have breakfast before my meds have the chance to start sitting wrong.
Well, I'm just home from the doctor. He was very pleased with my bp, which is exactly where he wants it to be. On the actually being sick front, he's conceeded I need a specialist and is refering me to the hospital. Now I just have to wait until they tell me when I've got to be there. In the meantime, I'm starting a three week trial on double my current pain meds. It'll hopefully help, and hopefully not make me crazy.