Sunday is food day

Today I got up and showered before my deliveries were due to arrive, and had some breakfast, dressed in a shirt I haven't worn since before the breakup as it was being avoided as something I had only worn because Shitlord liked it (which is a waste of clothing for one was poor as me) and watched about half an hour of Netflix before thinking I should check in case my groceries had arrived early and I had missed it.

So, all my frozens were slightly less frozen than ideal.  not sure if it was while I was in the shower, or earlier still when I had had earplugs in because the fog horn sounds were spoiling my lying in.

As all my vegan ice cream was very soft I ate it.......
How have I not died of my diabetes mellitis yet?  (I am not sure if that is a question of confusion or repressed desire - my brain is a weird and worrisome place.)

Otherwise I have done little in recent days.  Just reading some more Seanan McGuire and becoming more certain she is not a writer that I would recommend to anyone.  And watch all of Floor is Lava.

And finally got disenrolled from uni for the year.
While I keep being feverish and weird for ongoing reasons I am too sick to be going into another semester.
Not sure what I am going to do with my time, but somehow I never seem to have too much time.

And the Turkmenistan hits keep rolling in, but are mostly just hitting the same old entries over and over so it is too late to worry from a privacy perspective.  It was from pretty much when it started.  I think I am just irked that it destroys my ability to read anything into my stats.

The Turkmenistan bots are back.
Trying to decide if I even care any more.

Hopeful

12 hours unlocked and still not flood of hits from Turkmenistan.  The bots (or whatever dodgy thing was going on) may have stopped targetting my blog.

Doing the collection, finally

Two weeks late and I am finally doing my second 24 hour collection for cortisol testing - though considering the bloodtest that I had to get up early specially for found nothing, I suspect I am wasting time and effort.

 Finally felt non-shaky enough.  Also the discomfort about doing it again has me not drinking enough.

I don't remember my Monday at all.  Though I am pretty certain I didn't go anywhere.  I think I slept in on purpose to avoid the 9am scheduled power cut.

Tuesday, I ran some errands now that I have confirmed I can get the bit of inheritance that my grandmother left me without angering WINZ.  So I can do everting legit and official like.  I will still be poor - but will maybe to able to sort getting a dental implant so I can look like a human again.  (Turns out I still have a ball of hurt about the way a friend explained how his partner needed an implant for a gap further back but that I didn't for my actually visible gap - which to my mind felt a lot like being told I was too ugly to bother.)

Yesterday I started an anxiety management group.  The younger sibling of one of my friends is in the group, which makes it even more awkward and uncomfortable than expected.
I do not approve.
Then last night I went for dinner with Carla and Ian.  So much chicken and garlic.  And some nice adult conversating with very efforts.
Yes, I just used conversating like it was a word - because I am a monster.

Today has been sleepiness and peeing in a bottle.

I think I will unlock this thing and see if Turkmenistani weirdos still have bots set up to flood my stats (and probably use my information for crime).

Inside cat

I haven't left my flat since the last entry, or done anything much.
A little computer gaming (mostly the Pokemon expansion), a little reading, a little surfing the web, but mostly just chilling and trying to get my body cooperating better again.

The glamorous life of the chronically ill.  Take that Kardashians.....  I want to drop some sort of DS9 joke here, but too lazy and tired.

Back to the doing on nothing.

[edit]
Ended up standing naked by an open window, chugging cold water and feeling a bit warm.
That it is 2.5°C out there (according to the met service website) suggests my fever is back. Though my oral temperature I should only 37.1°C, which may or may not count as a fever depending which medical advice site you ask

Barely any

I seem to have slept under two hours.  Possibly less than one.

Fever had me too warm to sleep, and when I finally got a little (sometime after 3am, and was very awake again by 5am) I soaked a pillow with my face sweat.

Moving at all is nauseating me now.  So lacking in sleep.

Hopefully I can manage a nap.

Or death.  Death would also be acceptable just now.   At least death would end the nausea when I move.


[edit]
Taking my breakfast meds I realised I think I may have missed my meds last night.  Which makes the insomnia my own damn fault.

Also, at dinner before that I had suddenly had all the after symptoms of an absence seizure, but didn't notice having had it.  So maybe my body is just being a giant arsehat.

Because life

Still going in to a fever for a bit most evenings.
It is super annoying.

Also, the last two days bother turned out to be times when I totally could have done my second 24 hour urine collection but didn't because I was going out.  Yes, I went out but not so long that I had to pee while away. (I didn't do it on Sunday or Monday (when I had really intended to) as had other health things that would have made it problematic (a case of the tremors).)

Feeling too bleh to write properly.  Might realise and fill in details later, maybe.

This week weeked weakly.

On Monday I had a surprise hospital physician appointment.  Months after they told me I was not only canc3elled but would have to get my GP to reapply entirely, they called me up and offered me a spot as a last minute replacement after another patient cancelled.  So, on what turned out to be the last day of COVID Level 2 (i.e. lockdown lite) I went to the hospital and spent an hour sitting in the waiting room.
When the appointment eventually happened, the very nice doctor who I racistly assumed was Ethiopian (because he was a dark skinned man with a very Jewish name) quizzed me a lot and then examined me more carefully than any hospital specialist ever has before.
he ended up weirdly confident that I had Graves' disease (an illness that famously makes people thin) but also tested for a couple of other things (like Cushing's) that made more sense to me.

So Tuesday morning I got up early as one of my tests had to be done before 8am for reasons.
then i went home and finished reading the ninth of Seanan McGuire's Toby Daye series.
Mid afternoon I had a video-call with my GP to sort the medical certificate for withdrawing from uni (still so angry that student health, who had actually be involved in my illness charged me for an appointment to then not do the certificate themselves).
Several of my body test results were already back.  Graves' was ruled out, and the the basic test for Cushing's came back negative too.  Handsome doctor with the very Jewish name seems to have struck out on diagnosing me.  I am infamously difficult to diagnose, the file probably should have warned him.

Wednesday, I don't remember anything until heading out at tea time.  Fish and chips for dinner with friends and then a little Dungeons and Dragons.  Also a long chat about random life stuff with Carla when she dropped me home.

Thursday I was doing a 24 hour urine collection, like a cool kid.  So acted like I was trapped in the house and played too much Terraria, and a little The Sims 4.  Though didn't pee for the first five hours of the collection, and didn't pee a second time until dinner time.  Seems I save all my peeing for the evening these days - or nervousness about peeing too much for the bottle led to not drinking enough.

Friday morning I took back my mostly full bottle and swapped out for a different bottle to do the same thing again in a few days but with different bottle conditions to test for different things.
After returning that bottle I went to town for lunch with the friend who gave me the Lion badge that I wear much of the time.  Was great to see her.  I think it might be the first time we have caught up properly since Christmas Eve.  It was fantastic.
On the way home I stopped at EB Games to say a post-Lockdown hello and gloat about finally having my Pokemon Sword shiny charm to the manager there - as talking about gaming achievements in what we do.
Also on Friday, I was unfriended on facebook by an old friend - I believe because I have been posting some BLM material and he has quite strong views that only some people really count as people.  I can't think of what else lead to it, the only direct interactions I have had with him in months have been sharing our Baldur's Gate 3 excitement and hope.

This morning I learned that the one photo of me with Shitlord on my facebook can still be seen by his friends, when some random (who is totally his type, more than I ever was) gave it a love react.  Which was kind of awkward feeling for me.
I went for lunch with Tavendale, before he heads back to Wellington for the reopening of his office.  Finally tried the Chinese restaurant just down the street from me.  It is pretty good, I understand why Chinese tour group were getting lunches there.  Back when tour groups existed.
And I spent a few hours being a human.  Humaning for a second day running.
Then in the evening I went for dinner with my dad and trans-sister.  We went to Shitlord's work, since awkward reminders of his existence had already happened today I had less reason to avoid the place and I like their food.  So I didn't say no.  And the food was good.  Even if I did accidentally catch sight of the guy when we were paying up at the end.

24 hour collection

I am doing a 24 hour urine collection.
I should really explain recent days and why this is happening, but right now I am busy being too nervous to pee.  nervous about my pee being judged for being the wrong volume.  I was worried it was going to be too much but with all this not peeing my worry is now the other way.

Continuing in flux

On Friday I left the house for a non-doctors appointment reason.
Which is not something that has happened much.

I got a scone and hot chocolate with Susan, at the cafe nearest to my house (which I had never been to before).  Is very hipster but otherwise not bad.
While there I got a reply from student health.  That got my counsellor to call me to pass on the message that I would have to go to my usual GP instead, even though the entirely of what I need the medical certificate was handled by student health and student health alone.

It is very frustrating.

Saturday..... I didn't do anything.  I played a bit of some computer games I am not sure I was enjoying and that was pretty much it.
And had a brief chat to my dad when he dropped around because he was going to pak'n'save and thought he'd check I was alive on the way.

Today I have achieved even less.  I got up planning to watching some Netflix - it was dinnertime when I realised I still hadn't turned my TV on.  And the worse thing is, so far as I can tell, all I had done was play some Terraria.  It is a time thief of a game.

Then I made my whole house damp by steaming vegetables for dinner.  My kitchen windows were as open as they get, but the cold and the bad ventilation of my flat meant it was just fog inside.  Brussel sprouts and broccoli scented fog.

Another day, another rage

Slept poorly because I was fever sleeping, and sweated so much while doing it that I woke up to a pillow that had turned very yellow in just the one night.

Spent the day mostly in bed reading until my trans sister turned up for a while in the afternoon.
While she was here I got another frustrating email from the university bureaucracy, leading me to call Student Health again and end up crying at the receptionist.  Like a winner.....
She said she would try and get someone to sort things for me, so as to get the crying middle aged man off the phone.  Now I guess I just watch my emails and see what comes of it.

Carla and Ian had me around for dinner and a little socialising afterwards, so I got to pretend at being a human for a while.

Bureaucracy bites

Thursday, after two weeks from when they sent me a "we will reply within two days", I got an email from enrolment saying I needed a student health medical certificate.
I was too tired with the being sick to do anything about it on the day, so I didn't.

Friday I rang student health, told them I needed a medical certificate and they give a phone consultation and then made me come in and go through their special plague-bearers entrance.  I was not allowed in any of the spaces where regular people go.
Turns out they wouldn't give me a medical certificate and they are not issuing any under COVID Level 2 - as supposedly no-one is supposed to require them.
So, I am losing my fight against university bureaucracy as the red tape is fighting itself and tangling me all up.
It is getting to the point I may just accept that illness and other outside circumstances are going to get me failed and the university processes to stop that screwing me over are not going to help.  I don't know why I ever thought that they might after how much the exams office fucked me over last year.

Right now, I would be pretty happy to watch the whole university burn down, with all the staff and students trapped inside.
okay, that is rage talking and I immediately realise that I would not like Simon or Cat to burn.  I am sure there are other people too.  But the only other university staff that I like that I can think of right now are off the main campus just now.  Even my rage doesn't want to burn the hospital for the universities many faults.

Saturday I was feeling a little better so agreed to catch up with a friend who came to town to do lockdown here.  A pleasant time was had.
Though in the early evening, about 24 hours after I started on the anitbiotics that the student health doctor felt were needed (I was showing signs that secondary infection was likely), the GI affects of the antibiotics kicked in.  Thus I have spent all the time since staying very close to the bathroom and not doing anything that would be too disturbed by my suddenly having to rush off.
Until late this afternoon I wasn't feeling settled enough to shower or put on clean clothes.

So my long weekend mostly just ended up being sickliness.  Though on Monday I played a bit of No Man's Sky and some Terraria as both had had updates and I felt the need to nose.  For a long time they were the only games I had bought on GOG, though recently that number has grown significantly.

Today, I am feeling sort of better, but realise I am running a fever while I say that.  Yay for sweating and shivering at once.....

TLDR
Still sick, still cranky, still finding the uni administration to be highly unhelpful.