30 April 1999

Well i didn't get my essay done and now i have to do it over the weekend. but I did get a copy of the text so now i'm about to go off and read it.
I have a nasty habit of rambling when i'm nervous and for some reason my ENGL121 tutor makes me really nervous, i think it's coz he gats to mark all my assignments and i'm worried I'll make myself look stupid. So when i went to talk to me tutor and tell him my essay would be late my tongue got away from me and I started on about how I have trouble reading, which is true I do have quite a serious reading impediment, but it's still not something my ENGL tutor needs to know.
Anyways, i have a novel to read.

29 April 1999

I got my very own computer today, and it was a gift what cost me nothing :o). Admittedly it is a Mac classic, but they are still fun. Well it will be fun if I can find "Spaceward ho" somewhere to put on it.
I still haven't done my essay and it is getting late now, so guess who is not going to get the essay in on time, I just have to get it done by monday, and lose lots of marks. But I've stopped caring about Uni and if I fail then I fail. Coz I just don't care this year, I don't even want to be at Uni much anymore, but I've nothing better to do, so I'll just collect letters after my name.
Well I'm off to play on my black and white mac classic that only has shareware games, but is mine and in MY room. YAY.
Actually I used to have the family computer in my room, in a whole weird twisted parental property sorting out thing when my parents separated. Somehow the computer my father gave to me and then took back ending up legally belonging to my mother. I don't even want to know how that works. Anyway I was off, so, Bye.

28 April 1999

I still haven't done the essay, but i got the chemistry report done and handed in, even if it is a little substandard. I spent today at lectures and stuff, and didn't do much else, except day dream. I've taken to day dreaming a lot lately. Mostly about someone far to perfect to exist falling for me (like anyway could do that) or about having super powers. Just the usual dreams of a ugly under-achieving teenager with a big imaginary world. Anyway it's tea time so I must go eat.

27 April 1999

I had nothing but chemistry all day today. But it wasn't too bad. The two lectures in the morning were okay, even if my hand almost fell off in Chem201 from al the writing we needed to do. And my lab was quite fun. I even don't mind my lab supervisor anymore, after how nice he was to me last week when I was sick. Though the high point of my lab was when my reaction mixture slipped out of the clamp and landed in the ice water, so it wasn't quite as well reacted as it should have been. but I used it anyway and my resuts weren't bad at all. And the lab finished early, it only took three hours.
Then on the way out I meet up with my ex, who gave me a ride home and saved me from walking. And I am over him. Well my concious mind knows it, it's just that my subconcious hates me and seems to like holding onto dreams. If my subconcious had it's way I would spend my whole life pinning over my unrequited love from seventh form. No, actually, I think it's trying to make my life suck as much as possible so that I'll do myself in and let it off sharing a head with the rest of what is going on in here. Or something like that.
What is really unfair is that my little brother got a furby today, and i so deserve one more. Anyway, i should start the chem report I have to hand in tomorrow, then start my essay on Northanger Abbey (which I still haven't read, and now don't have time too). buh-bye.

26 April 1999

I had three lectures today. i like mondays. Almost no work. Unfortunately I have an essay due on friday that i haven't started, and I haven't even read the book.

25 April 1999

"Did you wake up with my name on your lips?"
I still love that song.
I had gang show rehersals today :o(. They are so NEVER fun. And it leaves me with little to write. So buh-bye.

24 April 1999

"I woke up with your name on my lips
I woke up with your lips on my imagination."
I love that song.
I didn't get out of bed till lunch time (not counting the half hour i was up doing my paper run just before dawn). I love lying in. It is so much nicer than getting up.
Then I watched "Full Monty" for the first time, and it was a much better movie than i had suspected, it actually had a plot. Then I tried to watch "Northanger Abbey" again. but once more failed. It is SO boring. I should really start working on the essay for that, I'll have no spare time tomorrow and i don't want to have to rush it. but it's too late not to now. Well I'm off to eat my tea now. Bye.

23 April 1999

Last night was great. I danced with Jenny, a girl I haven't really talked to since 1996 when we were close friends. I also caught up with Ant. I feel really guilty at times like that, when I meet up with old friends that I've been neglecting.
This avo I watched the video of "Neverwhere", it is great but doesn't live upto the novel. But then I doubt any movie could be as good as that novel. "Neverwhere" is So great, everyone should read it. And if you are someone I actually know I may even let you borrow my copy.
Then I went to town and talked to Andrea, who has been reading through my web diaries and wanted me to confirm things in person. Which is never as easy as it should be. Then we ended up at Vishala's flat, dancing on the footpath outside to "Hair". now it is almost midnight so i should sleep. Night.

22 April 1999

I failed my Chaucer test last night. And yesterday when I read the tax pack they sent me I discovered that they have double charged my student loan, so i get to go and sort that out tomorrow. I also rang up for a community services card and got the forms today, which say i don't need to fill them out as I get a WINZ allowance. It seems everyone is against me. My English tutor lost my assignment I handed in before easter too, :o(. Anyway I have to go have tea now. I shall try to write later.
I had tea at the neighbours and it was great. On the topic of great food I had lunch from the Hare Krshna's thing at Clubs & Soc.s today. Two dollar all you can eat. It was one of the only high points in my day. The other two were Bex giving me a giant chocolate afgan and Damian, a guy from my theatre studies class, lending me the video of "Neverwhere". I only hope it lives upto the book. Anyway I'm off to a friends 21st now, bye.

20 April 1999

Talk about head aches. I have a super migraine. It's so bad I almost fainted and then I got sent home from my organics lab. Not the greatest look. I haven't had then this bad since high school where they'd always hit me in Calculus in the afternoons. Then i blamed them on Calculus, Mr Gemmill and Per the Swede-boy. Now i think i can only blame tiredness, my mother casting voodoo curses on me and powerful organic solvents. i just hope this thing wears off soon, coz my head REALLY hurts. It's probably the universe getting back at me for something, i just have no idea what.
Joy, i got my tax pack today. (In case you didn't guess that was a sarcastic "joy").
Well i might off to bed, even though it is only 4:30 in the afternoon, coz i feel like crap.
Later.

19 April 1999

Today I received my first bank statement ever. I was told by the bank teller a couple of weeks back that I was getting them on a very regular basis and the statement itself claimed to be the forty-fourth one I've been sent. I just want to know who has all the rest of my bank statements. Anyway, this is a kinda pathetic start to a new diary page. But, hey, it isn't like anyne reads this anyway.
Oh, and I'm just about to come out to my mother. So hopefully that will go okay. *fingers crossed*. And if your sitting there going "come out about what" or just being offended that I haven't told you in some other way then sorry but I am kinda obvious. And it is getting around anyway so I'd prefer to tell as many ppl myself as possible instead of it getting to them through the rumour mill. Well I'm off to tell Mother and hope I survive at least long enough to call an ambulance.
Well I told her. And she told me I was making stupid choices and screwing up my life. But at least she didn't kick me out of the house. Though I did get a big lecture about how I would never be happy and how all my friends would turn away from me etc etc etc
Well, if my friends are that shallow then I don't want them in my life and I think most of my friends had worked it out anyway. And those that hadn't will be okay with it all really. I hope. Otherwise it looks like I'm just end up a lonely bitter old spinster. :o(
And for those of my friends who are finding out by reading this, I am really sorry I didn't tell you in person. but I'm a wimp and I suck at confrontation. As it is I've been shaking for the last hour (since I told Mother).
Please remember I am still the same person. I haven't changed, except now I'm not hiding myself quite as much. And I would like to point out I didn't choose this, I'm not trying to cop out on life, this isn't an easy road and it isn't one anyone would choose, it is just who I am. I can only hope that you'll see past it and realise that, sexuality aside, I'm still the same person I always was and I haven't changed. I'm still just big cuddly soft-hearted easily-manipulated simple-minded Matthew. It's just now you know that my ex is, well, male.
Anyways now I'm off to bed. With any luck I'll be able to sleep. night.

18 April 1999

Gang show rehersals.
That is about all I have to say for today. Though I'm thinking of doing something that will give me reason to start a new diary page. Anyway, later.

17 April 1999

I am broke!
I went to the "Great CD and Book Sale" thingee at the edgar centre and spent up. I got two CDs, The very greatest hits of Dusty Springfeild, and Ultra-lounge 13 :Tv town. And then I bought some books. So now I have NO money :o(. Talk about not fair. i'm also thinking I need a major life event to happen so i have an excuse for a new page in this diary. Coz this page is getting big, but nothing much is happening and I can't start a new page unless i start it with somethiing interesting.
i'm also feeling a little guilty today, i had a very small amount of alcohol last night and I don't usually drink at all. though it was as a toast.
Any-way, Buh-bye.

16 April 1999

YAY, my weeks internal assesment is over. I went to Shakespeare in Love on monday. It's great :o). On tuesday I did homework. On wednesday and thursday ditto. today I finally got my Mulan CD. So after i have finished here I should go update my cd list. At lunch time i saw a great play at Allen Hall Theatre, but it isn't on anymore so I don't need to tell you to go. Anyway, I'm off to a flat warming now. Buh-bye.

12 April 1999

i've started the assignment and i'm beginning to get a bit of it done-ish. I still will have a hideous week if I'm gonna get it finished on time. So these are probably going to be short.

11 April 1999

I started the first of my essays today, i haven't finished it though. I haven't even drafted it yet. I've only done a few notes about it. And I have two essays, a set design, a creative justified response to monopoly and a chemistry lab report that I should have done already. i am so wicked.
I'm also annoyed at geocities, which is playing up a bit. But at least eudoramail.com is working properly again.
I'm also annoyed that a song I heard on the radio and liked came out to be by a group i loathe, so now i have to dislike the song on principle.

10 April 1999

Last night Andrea forced me to go to "the island". it's a play at the globe. and I hated it. I hated it lots. the dialog was ultra cheesy / ridiculous and the plot was rather idiotic too. but it was surprising funny (as in not really funny, but better than it could have been), for all it's incompetance. lewd, like all good plays should be.
This morning i slept.
This afternoon i've spent finishing "Neverwhere" by Neil Gaiman. It is such a great book, I think i'll have to read it again before I lend it to anyone. It is GREAT. Now I should really start about spending the last day and a bit of my holidays doing all the assignments i should have spent all holidays on.
It's now late saturday night. I had Pizza-to-go-go Vegetarian with Pineapple pizza for tea. And now I'm off to bed, even though I haven't started any of my assignments yet. I am so bad.

9 April 1999

My party was great, in the end five ppl slept in my bed (counting me) and we got up at seven to watch the videos we didn't get watched at night ("Bride of Frankenstein" and "Vibes"). It was a great party. And keep me distracted for ages.
I'm pulling the depressive phase thing at the moment so have been trying to keep myself occupied so I don't have mental thinking time.
Today I spent $200 on plastic happiness (LEGO) :o).
Anyway, I'm off now.

8 April 1999

I just did the purity test (download it and try for yourself, requires Excel). When I did it last year I got a score of 4 (very innocent) so i tried again being as harsh on myself as I could and score 14 (still rather innocent) when i re-did it today I got 45 :o(. That is still in the innocent zone, but it's a rather major change. And i think about ten of those new points happened last night. But if you want to hear that story you'll have to ask me in person.
Anyway, I'm having a video nite at my place tonite, everyone is invited. So I must go organise it. Buh-bye.
Well I've vacuumed the lounge and my room gone to the supermarket and bought drinks and lollies. I also picked up some videos:
Better Off Dead
The Bride of Frankenstein
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Silence Of The Hams
To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar
I had wanted to get "When the wind blows" and "Even Cowgirls get the blues" but they were too enpensive. The five I got only cost $9 for the lot, and I have them for a week. Theones i had wanted were $5 for 3 days EACH. Well I should shower and like before ppl arrive. As ppl will start to turn up at 7pm. Later.
PS: read "Neverwhere" I am at the moment and it is great.

5 April 1999

I spent this morning working on my IHUG homepage and then went to the Gypsy fair again before going to see "Drunken Master II" at the China Town Video exibit at the art gallery. It is a great movie.
Well I'm off to upload some poems to my web site.

4 April 1999

I'm eating chocolate again already, and ice cream :o). YAY lent is over :o). And I'm still feeling happy about the unconfirmed rumour :o).
And today I started playing other CDs than just Dusty Springfield. As I had played on Dusty for a month in mourning of her untimely death. So I've been listening to Cher, Madonna and Cass Elliot
I just got home from the Gypsy Fair, where i bought a coloured light bulb :o). And saw "Shanghai 1920" on the way home. Art Gallery films are the greatest. I'm off to watch Disney films now, buh-bye.

3 April 1999

I spent last night at a party being hassled about looking like I had escaped from a Hallensteins catalog. I had pizza for tea last night, Vegetarian Pizza with extra pineapple :o). Today I went to see "God of gamblers" at the art gallery which was really fun. Oh, and i've spent today being really happy at someone elses expense, but the rumour that has he happy is unconfirmed so i won't put it up here yet. And I feel kind of guilty about being happy about it, but i SO am. Any-way i'm off to break-lent with an all chocolate meal at "Tull". As the sun has set so lent is over. :o)
Pie-Crust Promise for the day: I'll never eat choclate again.
I finished lent in style. I had a "chocolate massacre" from Tull. Talk about stuff myself. It took me over half an hour just to force down the last couple of mouthfuls, feeling stuffed and ready to vomit. But I finished by myself and scored a certificate :o)

1 April 1999

I am now a tragic bald fashion victim. Yesterday I went to get my hair cut and Nina came with me. She convinced me to get short back and sides. And now I want my hair back!!!!!!!!!!! And then she took me to spend some left over clothing vouchers i had and now I'm wearing cargo pants :o(. In only about an hour I went from me to a tragic bald fashion victim. Arhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! And I'd promised that I would never have cargo pants, yet I caved to Nina's insideous mind control powers. Poor lil me.
Today after finishing an assignment and getting it in with no time to spare I bumped into my ex and chatted for a while. it's good to be friends with ppl even after you've had a nasty break up with them.
I WANT MY HAIR BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!