30 May 1999

Well I went to Arc last night with some friends. Racael looked great in a belly dancing out fit she had borrowed. I danced till it closed at about three a.m. and then walked back with a couple of net friends and some other ppl they knew.
The night was fun, even if one of my friends gave me the "if you lost weight" line. And everyone I flirted with left completely ignored my existance. Actually the high point of the night was the slab of chocolate cake I had. Tragic, hah? I think i should just give up and except the fact that lust is a disease that causes intimacy, which in turn is just a way of manipulating false emotions, so in the end I can get hurt. Joy for life.
And there was something else i noticed last night. How important appearance is in circles of friends. Pretty ppl flock together and rejects like me are left at the fringes to feel pathetic. Life bites.
Now I get to go hate rehersals. bye.
I just got home from "Ka-Shue" and it was amazing. I am SO GLAD I went to it, as it is a beautiful play. Actually it was kinda inspired me to for a novel and reminded me I keep meaning to write "my" story as a play.
And if i was sounding depressed before it's just because my bead necklet spontaneous broke off my neck on friday night, scattering brown and black beads across the ground. That and the fact I'm fat and ugly and will be single forever. Night.