I hate viral infections, and I detest pharmacy school even more.
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Please go register, it wins my neopet free stuff.
1st August 2003 - S. Peter's Chains.
I went to my classes again today, and have to say, apart from the cough, wheeze and sniffles, I'm mostly well. Finally. I even was all participatey in my physiology lab.
And as much as I haven't managed to make any actually friends in pharmacy, I realised I'm am vaguely getting along with a few of my classmates, so give it time and I may atleast get a friend out of this year I'm wasting by being in the pharmacy department.
I also realised overnight last night that I am being far too paranoid about my friendship with Simon. Considering how much of my shit he puts up with, and the fact he is willing to drive across town in the middle of the night just because I'm wigging out (this was a couple of months ago, I'm muchly thankful) is pretty much proof that I have no reason to be such a big git.
But then, I am a big git. Though a much happier big git that I have been in recent days.
And I bought a little pottle of menthol crystals (crystal menth :P), which has lots of warning labels about how toxic it is. But then, I bought it to microwave it into my wheat-bag, which leads to nice smelling and clear airways.
I should go get ready, Tash is coming to take me to Cowboy Bebop.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
2nd August 2003 - Stephen, Pope and Mart.
Cowboy Bebop turned out to be pretty good, I'm happy I went, even if I did end up a little grumpy at Patrick (Nina's boy) simply for existing. And I have justification for having anything against him, there is just something about him which grates my nerves.
And I have to thank Tash for making me go. Even if it was just so she'd have somone to go with. It was a very enjoyable flick.
Today I've done massive amounts of nothing.
Go me.
Atleast I have a BBQ to go to tonight, as Tim (see cast list) is down from Wellington for a bit, and they're having a BBQ in his honour before he goes back.
Yay for having a life - as unusal as it is in mine.
Today's quote is from Terry Pratchett's Wyrd Sisters.
3rd August 2003
- Invention of S. Stephen, Protomartyr.
The BBQ at Oli's last night was quite a lot of fun. Aaron got me drinking nasty NZ lager for it's 5% goodness (well, badness) and then Shane started plying me with Speights, so I ended up less sober than I had intended. It was fun though. And at some time early this morning I walked back most of the way with Erin, as she lives not to far from me, and then came home to sleep.
It's now after lunch and I'm wearing a sleeping bag while I add passwords to my webdiary. Ok, my reasons for passwording it probably make me count as crazy. But that's life I guess. And to be fair, I am a little crazy, possibly even a lot crazy.
Well, I'm gonna go see if I can get this passwording thing to work.
4th August 2003
.
Well, I tried the password thing out and I couldn't get it to accept the passwords, even though I had followed the instructions to the letter. Damn it.
After giving up on it I went to Katie's to help her with some 'puter stuff, which took far longer than it should have as I forgot to check something simple at the start of it all, so I had to double do some of it. After that, I came home to a phone call from my mother inviting me for Sunday roast. My mother's Sunday roasts don't compare with my grandmothers, in fact, I think my mother needs a whole bunch of practice. What was weird was on the way home, one of my lab demonstrators passed me on North road and made a big effort to catch my attention, and then smile at me a little too much. It was just a little wrong. In fact it seemed like I had a demonstrator hitting on me, which pretty much can't be the case, but that was how it came across.
Today I went to my first lecture (late after it took longer than expected) and then headed to dental school, where I finally got my root filling. Which pretty much involves them beating rubber sticks into the roots and then fusing them together with a metal instrument heated over a methylated spirits flame. Even though my whole fast was numb, the process still hurt a bit. Then when I was leaving a total stranger started talking to me while waiting for the lift, and we kept talking for a while along the street, and being that I was given the "I've seen you around a few times" (which no-one has ever said to me before), I think I may have been being hit on yet again. And this time by someone I found exceptionally hot. Reality Check. I think my singleness is making me see flirtation where there is just friendly stranger chatting. Then after lunch, which was messy as my face was quite numb - though appearantly looked normal enough, I was worried and felt the need to ask a couple of people I know who I saw at the time - I had PHCY262 workshops. Both had assessment things going on. In the last one I faked my way through it and will get a mediocre mark, and in Communications I have to do it at some later time.
And that's pretty much me for now. I'm watching The House of Mirth, my mouth is all sore (which I'm hoping will go away by itself in a couple of days), I still have the headaches and feeling off from my flu, and I'm trying to decide how wishful thinking-ish I should be. I shouldn't be allowed an imagination, it just lets me think of things I'll never have, and of how good they could be.
No-one is talking to me. It's annoying. Alana and Renate are in away mode, and I'm guessing Simon is busy, as he's just not talking.
Why isn't anyone talking to me.
Grrrr
Yay, Renate came on, now someone is talking to me.
5th August 2003
- Oswald, K. and Mart.
This morning I had at 8am lecture. I was very late, but appearantly the whole class had been, as they hadn't really done much when I got there. Then after physiology I went to my workshop and it was cancelled. Which means I have a test on Friday, after missing all the lectures with being sick last week, and now missing the workshop. I don't even know what the module is on, so I'm going to be screwed in the test. Oh well, if I fail pharmacy I'll just have to do something that isn't so boring you want to die. Then I was terminally ill-prepared for my dispensing lab (though I was dressed pretty as is required) and I got yelled at for it, and then again for the fact my cream took a long time to smooth, I couldn't get the lumps out of the wax enough. To add insult to injury, I had an allergic reaction to somethign we were using.
Anyway, I came home grumpy, and then went to Alana's for dinner, which made me very full, and much less grumpy. I know I'm stuffing around and not doing either of the assignments I should be doing. I'm tired and my flu symptoms are still lingering - either that or I now have something else. ICQ is also playing up on me, which fails to make me happy. It's one thing to be ignored by everyone, it's a whole other to not even be able to tell if they are ignoring me. Stupid ICQ.
I'm also pretty sure Simon is pissed off at me, for the last two nights he has almost entirely ignored my messages, so I'm guessing I've done something to piss him off. Ah well. I may end up a no friends loser slightly faster than expected.
I'm gonna go add Katie to the cast list.
6th August 2003
- Transfiguration of Our Lord. Mem. of Martt. [Sixtus, Felicissimus, and Agapitus.]
My ICQ isn't working, and neither is my flatmates. But through msn I managed to get a few words out of Simon, and appearantly his ICQ is working fine, infact, it seems that ihug is all evil.
I don't need this on a Wednesday night, when I have no flatmate, and the aloneness doesn't agree with me. I don't really think that Simon would handle me talking at him all night either.
I think I'll have to try and ring people. Otherwise, I may just have to poison myself with menthol - just as it would be a classy thing to kill myself with.
Okay, so I'm wallowing in self pity. But I'm bored, and feeling lonely, and I've left a few messages, but haven't actually managed to get hold of anyone. I'm also in a funny head space, and it makes me really want to talk some stuff out with someone - ie. not my usual weird head space at all. And the only person I could get hold of online was Simon, and I don't want to push my luck on talking at him. I do too much of it as it is.
Well, I was getting ready for school today and a pair of electricians turned up at my flat - the place needed a rewire. So I headed off to varsity leaving complete strangers poking around my flat. My morning classes weren't too crap. Two of them, Physiology and Micro, are run outside the department, so are actually ok. The other was clearly in the bore you into a coma camp. When I came home at lunch time, after swinging past Hallenstiens and buying myself come new cargos (I ripped a pair, and I have too few pairs of pants to make do without) and some underwear (you can never have too much underwear), there was bits of wire everywhere, and I think the young guy electrician was mocking me. Then I went back in for a lab, on on the way out, he laughed at my backpack. The depressing thing is he'll probably earn more money than I ever will - though he does have to crawl around in rat shit filled ceilings rethreading old wire, and will someday probably fry himself on shorted mains. Anyway, by the time I got home, they had cleared off, and even cleaned up after themselves.
Anyway, I'm now sitting in my room doing bugger all. I should be starting the essay due on Friday, or studying for the test I have, also on Friday. But instead I'm watching crap tv (Psi factor) and trying to work out why the new girl on the cast seems familiar. And I'm wallowing.
Stupid wishfull thinking on Monday has all screwed me up. And my not being able to get hold of anyone to rant at isn't helping.
Okay, I'm a nut.
But then you're reading this thing. So what does that say about you?
Nothing good.
I might go upload this, and see if ICQ is working yet.
7th August 2003
- Feast of the Name of Jesus. Mem. of Donatus, Bp. and Mart.
Well, didn't kill myself, even though I still have no ICQ connection happening. If this keeps up I am going to have to change ISPs, which means this thing will have to move.
Last night I eventually got hold of Midget, which kept the crazy at bay, and spent the evening playing the Sims for the first time in ages.
8th August 2003
- Ciriacus and his Compp. Martt. Mem. only.
120/60 - I'm practically healthy.
Anyway, it turns out I'm probably allergic to coal tar, being that it gave my balloon hands at dispensing on tuesday.
Ok, I'm feeling too random to actually write, I might try again later.
9th August 2003
- Romanus, Mart. Mem. only. Vigil.
Well, ihug got ICQ connectivity back yesterday morning, which was all good.
Anyway, Thursday I had classes, and got serious grumbled at by a lab supervisor who can't speak english in the afternoon about having been sick for the first lab. no-one in the whole lab staff for 257 speaks English, which was getting the whole class a little grumpy. Then in the evening Midget dragged me off to something that was supposed to take an hour, maybe two, and I got home four and a half hours later. So my essay didn't happen on Thursday night like it was supposed to. And for my efforts, including having to wear my uncomfortable shoes, Midget ended up annoyed at me. Wahoo.
BRB: I feel the need to go and shower and put on my new clothes (the ones I got on wednesday).
Yay, I'm all clean and wearing shiny new cargo pants, fresh from havign the industrial detergents washed out of them.
Friday I got up stupid early in the morning and wrote the essay I had due, it's terrible, off topic and filled with jokes about Yorkshire men. But then, it is for pharmacy practice, so I may well get an A for it. Then I went to my classes, handed in my essay, and explained my plan about suicide bombing the Adams Building (which contains the pharmacy school) so that it falls onto the dent building to a med student, Sam, who I'd taught first year chem to. She requisted I aimed it the other way and took out physiology.
I really should stop ranting at anyone who lacks to good sense to run away.
Anyway, after that I came home and stuffed around until it was time to go to the doctor's apointment I had at 3. 120/60, my blood pressure is finally undercontrol, though my doctor did accuse me of cheating and double dosing the night before. I suspect it may have had more to do with my sitting quitely reading time magazine for about half an hour before the medical examination. My doctor also suggested I should go to student healths shrink service if I really think I need it, as the public system has a nasty waiting list. After my doctors visit, I went to the warehouse and bought $19 shoes, as my old ones had entirely fallen apart. Then I went to the pharmacy and picked up my prescription, and had an attack of verbal diarrhoea the the intern pharmacist who served me, and who is the significant other of one of the few guys in my course whom I actually talk to. So I suspect she'll tell him what a freak I am, and I'll get funny looks at class on Monday. Oh well.
Then last night I had a family thing to go to. It was ok-ish, if dull.
And now I have another family thing - my aunt Jude's birthday party. I should go try and get hold of a ride out to it.
10th August 2003
- Laurence, Mart.
I have a date-like-thing-ish. Yay me, I can stop bitching about all the couple of the world for a while.
Anyway, yesterday, I went off to my Aunt's 40th, and spent most of the almost five hours I was there chatting to my grandmother or entertaining my 4 year old cousin (in the process finding out how unfit I really am). Then I stopped past Alana's on the way home and picked up some fireworks - her present for the engagment party (as she was double booked and couldn't go). Then after tidying up a little I headed to Alexandrea and Shannon's engagement party, where I drunk too much of a fruit punch that didn't taste very alcoholic. Needless to say, combined with Karen's help (though she is currently pissed at me for still calling her Karen, she is 'Kari' now and I'm a wanker for not cahnging with the times) I ended up rather more drunk than I had intended. By the time Midget got there I was pretty much using walls to hold me up, though I had sensibly stopped drinking and started to eat lots of satay meatballs. She still got very pissed off at me, so while I left the party to go to town with Midget, she ended up dropping me off and I painted the town red all on my lonesome. Then I dumped into the weirdo freak Midget tried to set me up with (pimp me off to) earlier in the year, who was very friendly and even bought me alcohol between hitting on me and getting a little offended. it seems that little lack of an internal censor I sometimes have is just as lacking when I'm drunk, though the little bit in the bottom of my brain that needs censoring the most get a bunch meaner, and I say things I probably shouldn't. I got slapped. I later also got slapped by someone else, and punched (in the half arsed way of the mildly offended but not insanely violent) a couple of times too. Fortunately there was no real bruising. I also thought someone was trying to catch my attention, but then Raj, who was in the circle of people I was dancing with (drunkenly) claimed he was the one being persued, which made more sense, as I am pretty sure he is a bunch prettier than me, so I ignored it for ages more. It was only when I was leaving that I was actually approached and we chatted for a few minutes and exchanged contact details. Then I came home and slept the alcohol off, well, I also danced off a fair chunk as I progressly got more and more sober, and walked some of it off on the way home. But the last of it I slept off.
I got up at 10, and felt fine, no hangover for me. Yay. Then after a trip into town at lunch time to buy something that the store had sold out of, I came home to a long msn chat. It seems my over two year singleness may be at an end. Maybe, I shouldn't count my chickens before the eggs have even seen what a nut I am, especially being that it is someone far too pretty to actually settle for someone like me. But I can hope.
11th August 2003
- Tyburtius, Mart. Mem. only.
Chipper: adjective, what I've been for most of the last day and a bit.
Well, last night I had a date-ish-like thing organised just last minute enough that I only had just enough time to insanely stress out and go into a blind panic about what clothes I'd look the least fat and stupid in. Then I was picked up (yay for people with cars, especially cars with pop-up headlights) and we headed in to town and had coffee and a bit of a chat in Metro. Good lighting, a sober head and long enough to get a good look showed I had landed a date with someone even hotter than I'd been hoping for. And the conversation definately suggested that I was the less intelligent, which is also all good (though appearantly my liking people more intelligent than me is weird... mmmmm, brains are sexy). Anyway, it was pretty much all good, except that I was getting very paranoid and expecting the punchline at any moment - as no-one this hot could actually be interested in me. And then we went to American Splendor - which is a very good movie, especially considering it's a based on a true story with a happy ending (even if it is chronic denial about the fact the ending is happy). And all through it we held hands and I was being all git-ish and nervous and I am such a git. Anyway, we were being just friendly enough that Lyall (Alana's better half) noticed and as such I got a very dodgy smile from him when Alana came down to say 'hi' after the movie ended. Actually, I kept bumping into my friends, so was rude to pretty much all of them as I didn't quite know the protocol, I wasn't even sure if it was actually a date, so I had no idea what to say to any of them. I am so socially inept. Anyway, after the movie I got to have a look at the flat and we had a bit of a chat before I went home to lie awake and process.
So this morning I woke up and lay in bed for a while, pondering some more and then headed off to a day of classes. At lunch time I got the book I had been told they didn't have the day before - it turns out the weekend staff just suck - and then headed to varsity, where I bumped into Midget who was a bit grumpy at me about my behaviour on Saturday night. Then after classes I came home for a while and stuffed about chatting on the net until dinner at Alana's, and returning home again to stuff around some more.
What's bad is what a git I'm being. I'm being all teenage girl about it, though not quite to the writing my new favourite name over and over across my school books. Okay, once, in 255, because I was bored and wanted to see how prettily I could write it, in pencil, and then rubbed it off and told myself off for being a complete dumbarse.
I've realised I've let myself emotionally invest just a little in someone I only met very early yesterday morning, which is plain craziness. And I had promised myself I wouldn't.
I looked at Brain in mock shock and offence, "What do you mean?" I responded.
"You keep making promises to me and not keeping them," Brain grunted disgruntledly, staring at me over his lobes.
"Oh... Ummmm... I didn't mean to," is all I can say, weakly.
"How about you promise to never do it again," Brain asks.
"Sure, sure. I can do that. I promise."
And Brain just stares at me again, "you are such a fucking dumbarse, you never learn."
Not uncommon, but I've been putting off listing all my sudden new insecurities. I'm possibly dating someone (I'm not even sure of that much), who seems to like me, though I'm not sure why. I have no idea if it's going to go somewhere, which atleast means I won't get too depressed if it doesn't. Though I won't deny I'd have no complaints if it did go somewhere. Anyway, I should probably stop, as I stupidly left a link from my msn profile to here, and it's too late for removing it to help.
Game Review for "Real Life".
12th August 2003
.
I'm a babbling idiot. In my nervousness about saying soemthing stupid I had a mad fit of babbling last night.
I suspect today will feature the "let's just be friends" speech. And as much as that isn't what I want, I have it coming.
Ah well.
I got my hair cut today. It's not what I expected, and I feel all bald.
I also went to a gender lecture with Karen, Alana and Tash. It was horrible. Though it gave them a chance to gossip and mock me.
I also spent far to much of the day decided how hard was trying too hard, and decided if I want this thing of mine to have a chance of going anywhere at all, I probably need to back off a little.
I don't know. This is why I'm usually single, anything else makes my brain hurt.
I have to stop over-thinking everything. Or atleast stop over-talking about the insane conclusions of my over-thinking.
13th August 2003
- Ipolitus and his Compp., Martt.
Last night I had what I'm pretty sure counts as a second date. We sat and watched some bad TV together and chatted about random crap. It was actually really nice. So I'm now choosing to believe we are dating, even though we haven't talked about what it is we're actually doing, I've decided to say we're dating, as we've had two date-like-ish things, and there was a definite suggestion that more are on the cards. Though by the same point, it's far too soon to know if "going out" is a possibility. But I can hope.
I had classes all day, and they were mostly boring. And I had lunch with my father, who is such a dodgy old man. It was okay though, I should try to be a better son and keep in touch with him better. Especially when he pays for lunch.
Now I'm sitting in my flat, bored and annoyed at the lack of decent TV.
Wahoo, it's all gone horrible wrong much quicker than I'd expected. Okay, maybe not horribly wrong. I really need to go think about stuff.
14th August 2003
- Oct. of [the Name of] Jesus. Eusebius, Pres. and Conf. Vigil.
I'm more than a little pissed off at myself for the fact that I care. Last night I spent very grumpy going over stuff and trying to decide how I feel about things.
Ok, I should explain. I got a "things you should know before things get serious" speech, and it featured a couple of surprises. One being that there was actually an interest in stuff between us being long term, the other being less pleasant. While appearantly going out with me isn't too horrible a proposition, there is a lead in period of non-exclusivity first. And this is the part I'm not sure how comfortable I am with. But I guess I might just have to wait and see how it turns out.
For the most part I'm just really pissed off at myself about the fact I actually care. This is someone I only met a few days ago, I really shouldn't be caring.
I'm such a dumbarse.
15th August 2003
- Assumption of Blessed Mary, V.
Ok, I think I'm possibly okay with the non-exclusive thing, as I realised it means I can wean myself off hitting on my ex, instead of having to go cold turkey. It also means any slip ups where I fall into ex-flirtation without meaning to are a little bit more forgivable.
Anyway, I had classes all day today and it was all pretty uneventful. I also had my last ever physiology lab (unless I fail and have to repeat, but if I fail something then I'm pretty sure I'll just wave goodbye to pharmacy, no matter how much people might think it a good career for me). It was kind of fun, I even now have a very messy ECG I took of myself.
Now I'm having a nice quiet night at home, after fish and chips for tea. Life isn't as crap as it could be.
16th August 2003
- Sun in Virgo. Equinox.
As of 6:12 this evening, my calendars are finally turned to August. I am So crap.
Anyway, I spent last night (after a long phone conversation with Tash) sitting on the net and chatting to my ex.
Today, I spent the morning being non-productive. From about 1 I spent two hours making a paper-mache castle with my cousin, it worked, but in the process he made a very large mess. I think the experience may have also pushed me away from wanting children a bit. It was just so draining, even though there was no reason for it to be.
I'm currently all prettied up (infact, I'm wearing all the newest and prettiest clothes I own), as I'm having dinner made for me and in my rush to be all ready, was ready just a little bit too early so I'm writing in this thing. I probably should be replying to wormgirl's email, but I want to do a proper job of it, so I'm leaving it for tomorrow.
avoidant
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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17th August 2003 - Oct. of S. Laurence. Mem. only.
Last night, while in all my prettiest clothes, I was feed quite a nice dinner. Pasta things with bacon in them, covered in thick cheesy sauce, with fancy salad greens and homemade garlic bread on the side. It was SO much classier than how I'd normally eat. Then we settled down with the flatmate and watched some crap TV, the game (we finally got the cup back off those stinking aussies) and then a spoof movie (wait, IMDB lists it as the first episode of a series, Lock, Stock...), before I crashed there, as it was late and cold and I couldn't be bothered coming home to my flat.
This morning I came home and have since pretty much wasted the day doing nothing. I have so much homeworkage to be doing, but I just can't bring myself to care about any of it at all. Which probably isn't the most productive approach. Ah well, I've always been a slacker, why change now.
Actually, I looked at my log files today, and in the year and a bit the vast majority of my conversation has been with Simon. In fact there has been over three times as much with him as there has with Midget, who came in number two followed by Aaron, Renate, Alana and Wormgirl. Though everyone else added together still fail to catch up with Simon. Okay, this probably doesn't really interest anyone else. But it was just weird to realise how much time I spend on the net, and how little I actually talk to anyone, as Simon seems to spend half his life pissed off with me and not talking and still makes up more of my conversation than everyone else.
It's not a habit, it's cool I feel alive If you don't have it your on the other side I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie) Oohoo (8x) It's over now, I'm cold, alone I'm just a person on my own Nothing means a thing to me Oh, nothing means a thing to me
18th August 2003 - Agapitus, Mart. Mem. only.
I have SO many pharmacy reading i should have done. But I just can't bring myself to care.
In fact, the only good to have come out of pharmacy is that I can now count, in many quick and logical ways, all the ways I would rather kill myself than be a pharmacist.
Why the frick am I still doing it?
I am such a fricking retard.
And the stupid thing is that I'll probably finish the degree, become a pharmacist and spend the rest of my life in complete misery. Until I O.D. on some random drug in my dispensary one evening.
Today's quote is from "Not an Addict" by K's Choice.
19th August 2003
- Magnus, Mart. Mem. only.
Yesterdays classes were long and dull (the rant I wrote was frist thing yesterday morning, before I'd even started my classes for the week). Then last night I ate crap food and actually did the prep for my dispensing class, for the rist time ever, as the demonstrator yelled at me last time, and I'm really not liking pharmacy enough to put up with being yelled at there. I really should just strap explosives to myself and teach the pharmacy school not to suck so much by blowing it into sweet oblivion.
Ok, I'm in a mood, I should go.
Last night I had both my bit and Susan forbidding me from insulting myself at almost exactly the same time, it was kind of creepy.
My bit isn't online. I shouldn't care, but I'm finding I do. And it's pissing me off.
Not as much as pharmacy is though.
It's just really annoying me at the moment, and I have so much internal assessment I keep not doing.
You'd think the fact I finally have someone to distract me from the crapness of my life would solve all my problems, and yes, it has reduced how much they bug me, but pharmacy is still sucking the life out of me, just a little slower now.
And I think my flatmate is getting pissed at me. I've got the definate feeling I'm not in his top ten favourite people at the moment, he's been quite snappish about chores and about that when I talk to people on the phone (as rare an occurrence as it is) I appearantly tend to talk for quite a while. It may well be the subtle hint that he wants me to flat somewhere else next year.
Or maybe I'm just being oversensitive.
Or a nut.
Ok, I'm entirely a nut. But I'm possibly being nuttier than usual.
Ergh, I should start studying for the big test I have tomorrow, especially as all my classmates have been hard out studying for over a week with study groups and various other trying to hard things.
Actually, I'm also being a bit weird as I'm worried about Simon, he seems less talkative than usual, and it doesn't seem to be because of anything I've done, so far as I can see. So I'm worried something is up, but as I always come across kind of psycho when I'm trying to do the good friend thing, I guess I'll just have to wait and see if he wants to talk ever.
And when he finds out I'm worried he'll be all pissed off at me.
Ah well.
I should go do work. Or maybe play some neopets. My bit keeps not being online.. not that I care... but still.
22nd August 2003
- Oct. of S. Mary. Mem of SS. [Timothy and Symphorian.]
Ok, I haven't written in a couple of days.
Wednesday was classes all day, a quick trip home for dinner and to entirely kill the zipper on my only jacket, then back to varsity in the evening for a physiology test I'd entirely failed to study for, and as such am pretty sure I failed horribly. On the way home from which I bought a Streets Magnum Jami Hendrix, the stick of which proclaimed "NOW YOU'RE EXPERIENCED". Which has to be a good thing. All that inexperience was really getting me down.
Yesterday, I stuffed around a bit and then headed into my two lectures (my easiest day of the week, though only for one more week, after the holiday I'll have micro labs), had lunch with Alana and then went to the Dental School for my "crown lengthening". This has been discribed to me as minor gum surgery, and that "we just reshape the gum a little". It turned out, as I found out only when they did it, that it involves serious cutting of my gums, removal of some bone, and stitches in my mouth. I was very not well last night. Though it did feature an hour and a half long phone call from my bit, which was mildly disturbing (I'm still suffering mild culture shock about how differently we see and interact with the world) but mostly nice, and an earthquake.
Today, I woke up feeling pretty crap, but decided I should go to classes anyway. So I did. And I was one of the few pharmacy students who had actually bothered, which was depressing being that I had a very good excuse not to have. But then at lunch time pretty much everyone turned up for the chem test, which I hadn't bothered to remember even existed until it was time to sit it. I suspect I failed it too, but it wasn't worth much, so it's not a worry. Then I chatted to a few people at varsity before coming home to neopet, and nap.
I had soup for tea and watched some Firefly while I prepared for a 21st I was supposed to be going to. I ended up not, Midget was giving me a ride into town, so I'd have coffee with her, and she was really late, and by the time I'd finished my hot chocolate I really wasn't feeling up to staying out any longer, so now I'm home and preparing to sleep.
24th August 2003
- Bartholomew, Ap.
Well, late on Friday night I discovered that Saturday was my bit's birthday, so we had lunch together, as I was quite pointedly not invited to the birthday party in the evening. Then I came home and spent the rest of the day watching firefly episodes and chatting online during my occasional break from viewing.
Today I got up and stuffed around a bit. Then chatted to my ex for a while. Somehow by midafternoon I had worked myself into a right foul mood and ended up going for a long (over two hour) wander through the botanical gardens - where I kept bumping into people I knew. I guess the first nice day after a string of crappy ones will bring people outside a bit. The wander did me good, I'm mostly over being irrationally grumpy now, and have moved to just being grumpy at my bit for not wanting to spend time with me, but still feeling allowed to get grumpy at me for my talking to my ex.
I shouldn't kind-of almost date people. I'm just not suited to interacting with other people, I should just go away and leave the rest of the world to do it's thing without my interacting with any of it in any way.
Maybe I should just curl up and die somewhere. It'd save my being a pain in the neck to a whole bunch of people.
Ok, I'm still not in a great mood, and I should probably stop writing in this, which is possibly making it worse.
27th August 2003
- Rufus, Mart.
My neopet's petpet is called Rufus. And today is St. Rufus's. I'm amused. Actually, people should go register on neopets through me so my neopet will be made tuffer.
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Well, after pissing my ex off on Sunday, I apologised and things seemed to go back to normal, except that I've been entirely ignored ever since. I probably had it coming, but I'm still not happy about it.
Monday I had classes all morning, followed by lunch with Alana and coming home to mope because my bit is too busy to spend any time with me. In the evening I had very nice chilli, a nice step up from the terrible chilli I ended up with on my first attempt on Sunday night.
Yesterday, I had only two classes with a nice space in the middle. I alsmost went to watch my bit's lecture, but had promised I wouldn't, and decided that keeping my word was the most important bit. In the afternoon I cam home and read some of The Truth, and generally stuffed about.
Today, a full morning of classes, followed by stuffing around, coming home, stuffing around, going to Alana's for tea, and stuffing around some more.
I hate Wednesday nights, and the fact that Simon isn't online is making it worse and me grumpier. My bit isn't on either, but I'm getting used to that.
I really should have forked out the money, and just been a sad freak sitting alone with all my no friends at the opera.
Oh, and it turns out I don't get my stitches out till the 10th of September, and that is only if it has healed up.
I'm grumpy, I should go.
28th August 2003
- Augustine, Bp. and Doct.
My bit, who I haven't got even a hug out of in the last two weeks is skipping town for a week and a half in the morning. I'm feeling very unappreciated. And I think I'm gonna go sulk in bed.
And Si is still not talking, and I'm grumpy and he is the only person online and he's ignoring the fact I exist.
I need some more friends.
30th August 2003
- SS. Felix and Adauctus, Martt.
I'm a no friends loser. I'm depressed and feeling lonely, so I come online, and after 3 hours of waiting still no one talks to me. And Si has even been occasionally popping in and out of away mode, so I'm pretty sure he's ignoring me by choice, while everyone else is just failing to be online.
I need to save up and buy some friends who lives are as sad and pathetic as my own, so that they'll be online when I'm feeling miserable, and I'll have someone to talk to.
And I'm going to leave before I start on one of my famous I have no friends rants.
31st August 2003 - Cuthberga, V., not Mart.
Ok, I was going to write today, as I have a little bit of catching up to do, but I'm tired, so it will have to wait.
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