On the human condition

Oversharing things that no person would ever want to talk about with me, or to read.

I woke up with that I could go use the toilet but I don't need to feeling.  Got up, had breakfast and meds.  Watched some youtube and then got the 'actually, go use the toilet now'.
So much.
Being left feeling like my guts had been punched from the inside.
And I was left thinking 'how could a human poop this much?'
Because I am insane this quickly spiralled into 'if I pooped this much how can I be human?'
And then 'if I'm not human, what am I?'

My brain is very quick to dehumanise me and thus remove me from the all-humans-have-value thing.  Separating my conviction that I have no value from my belief that humans do helps with the structuralist approach to the world that parts of my brain like.
Because rules for category sets.

Anyway, then Tina turned up and took me aqua-jogging for a couple of hours.  I done exercise again.

Two points of weirdness in changing rooms.  You pick the spot that seems the most isolated when you put down your stuff before you shower.  You go shower, and come back to find you are set up in the middle of a clump containing everyone in the place.   But moving your stuff now makes it too clear you are trying to not be near people, so you are stuck being awkwardly too near al the people.  People only metres away.
It is irksome.
People should not put themselves near my bags.

Other weirdness.  Guys who, in front of the mirror, dry themselves very slowly while constantly staring at their reflections.
Dude.  If you want to fuck your reflection so much get a full length mirror at home.  Other people don't want to see that.


And well I am talking about stuff no-one would ever want to know.  Prostate cancer, I am pretty much giving it to myself.  In the ...... twelve fucking years.... since I got sick I have not remotely managed the protective behaviours against it.  I have mostly either been single or in a basically sexless relationship for so many years, and taking care of it manually just seems like far too much work.
Young me would be horrified at what I poor effort I now make.  But the studies say at least 21 times a month and, damn, that just sounds like too much work to even bother trying.