Six hours

Last night, as I was finishing up watching the train-wreck that is Netflix's The I-Land (which people should definitely not watch) , I ordered myself some deliveryeasy dinner as I didn't trust myself to actually eat otherwise.  And so I have a vaguely normal sized dinner.
Step by step getting back to whatever vaguely normal is for me.

Then caught up on some shows, sulked in a few messenger conversation with friends and generally was unproductive.
My plan for yesterday was to de-stress a bit about life by playing computer games.  I never even managed to open one up.  Just another day blown being mostly too sad to do anything much else.

For the first time in almost two weeks, I managed six hours sleep.

Eating and sleeping.  Two things that I should be able to take for granted.  Admittedly, sleep has never entirely been my friend.  But I could pretty much always rely on eating.
Now just to get them back to usual.

I have to find out what my normal is.
Sure the last couple of weeks are clearly a miserable anomaly of awful situation awfulness.
But the time before that wasn't good either.
I have been very sad for a very long time.  I even knew it was my relationship causing it.  I just didn't know how or why.

My trust has been violated so hard.

I am kind of worried that I am doomed to die alone because I don't know that I will ever be able to trust again.

Why did I give so much of my trust to someone who, in hindsight, was so clearly misusing it from pretty near the start?