Still too much unsaid

Finally got an admission out of him that he understands this is hard for me.
He hasn't conceded what he thinks this is.
And it is leading to my assuming pretty intense and unhelpful things about just how much I was being used all along.  Though I can't see what use I was except as a backup.

I am becoming pretty sure the bursts and lulls in our relationship were when things with the guys he actually liked failed and he'd come back to poor, stupid Matthew - the gullible fool who believes stupid lies and puts up with shit treatment and being relegated to text only for months with vague "work is so busy" excuses.

This is pretty much the only explanation I can think of that the evidence over the years fits.