11.4kg

My therapy blanket arrived today.  All weighted, filled with glass beads, so it will be heavy without necessarily being very warm.  Will try out sleeping under it tonight.  Though mostly it is just for hiding under when I get panicky.

I am pretty irked at Shitlord for the fact I get panicky now.  It has never been something I have had problems with before.  Now my anxiety leads to attacks.  It is not fun.  Hopefully the blanket helps.
I am feeling pretty broken.
Just the detritus of a human and not really a person at all.

While I haven't really done anything except sulk at home today (still have done absolutely nothing that could count as study for my exam which is now only days away), I realised that I am doing a little better than I have been.  Enough better to realise that I am doing pretty badly still and recently there have been too may occasions when I should have been asking for help and didn't.

I may end up failing first year Greek Myth, a paper I probably could have got an A of some description for under the lecturer who taught it when I was in undergrad the first time, just from my knowledge of the characters.   But this close reading approach they have now is not compatible with my senile old brain, even before I lost weeks of attention to some personal life stuff.

I need to do so much study if I am going to pull things together enough to get a tolerable mark, but even thinking about it is making me cry.

I am doing much better than I was, but am still not doing well.