Saturday, 1 February 2020

What do I oil now?

Wednesday night I was up later than intended when roleplaying turned into chatting well into the night.

Thursday morning I had a counselling appointment too early for me, but I made it.  My counsellor was pretty proud of things I didn't feel were pride worthy, but apparently I am doing surprisingly well.  He no longer considers me an imminent suicide risk.
I had lunch with Oli as a distraction from entirely failing to buy a birthday present for Simon.  At the satay restaurant Oli was doused in soup when a staff member fumbled the delivery of a bowl.  He was super chivalrous and made out like it was all good and no big deal.  I think Oli is almost certainly a better person than I am.
In the evening I went to Nando's for dinner with Simon, Joe and Firmin.  And then made Firmin go to something roleplayers were doing - because it is his fault I am in the group and just because he is escaping doesn't mean I can't hold old commitments against him....  because I am a worse person than many of my friends.

Friday I was not handling my brain.  Couldn't computer game because my attention span for it was nothing.  Same for watching TV - trying led to discovering piles of beard around where I had been sitting.  Anxiety based distraction seemed pretty likely after that evidence.  Ended up reading a graphic novel (Big Hard Sex Criminals vol.1).
In the evening I went for a drive and chat with Midget.  A few hours of easy conversation.  It was very nice.

Today I was pretty out of it.
All I did was watch some cartoons and then decide my beard was too patchy and gross, so I shaved.
Shaving was probably a horrible mistake.



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