Still not COVID

Overnight attack of night sweats and I think some fever, as I have been doing occasionally for months now, stained my pillowcase enough for it to be very unsettling to see today.  Why is my body so useless.

And the uni now rings me every day to see if I have COVID yet, and today's caller seemed disappointed that I didn't.  Yesterday's caller was an old friend, which made it more entertaining, but today's was more annoying.

And the ozzie astrophysicist who accidentally got magnets stuck up his nose is my hero.

Lock down day 5, or day... maybe 10.... for me.

I have had video calls from multiple people today.  Which helps distract from making myself insane.
Though doesn't help with the going insane part.

In talking to Tina I mentioned that I had nagged Shitlord's flatmates to make sure his stupid cultural thing that he would sulk about being forgotten was commented on by his flatmates.  She accused me of being too nice.  I don't think I am nice.  I just like to win.  I am still more kind to him that he ever was to me.  Moral victory is mine.  And the fact he will likely never know about it just makes it even more of a personal moral victory.

I realised that 9ish days of not shaving means I am back to having a beard again - albeit a short and scruff one.

And I had a countdown delivery dropped to my mailbox, as the delivery people weren't willing to get so close as coming up the stairs.  Or were just lazy, because stairs.

Otherwise really nothing to say for myself.
Muscle cramps and watching TV (well, Critical Role) too late have combined to being rather sleep deprived.

Oh, and yesterday I finally finished Owlcat Games' Pathfinder: Kingmaker for the first time.  So many hours sunk into that game and I finally finished a run through.  Even after SO many patches, it is still not a great game.  Hopefully they do better with Wrath of the Righteous.

So locked down

Forgot to mention my "appointment" on Thursday.  Was supposed to be on zoom, so I showered and dressed but the doctor couldn't get her zoom invite to send so it ended up just being a phone call.  That proved pretty pointless.
Up there with the other things I had sorted being cancelled, I am now mostly detached from medical care.  I am pretty pissed off about my specialist appointment being cancelled - because lung problems are extra problematic right now and I wanted to be a little less likely of dying.

Yesterday I went on an epic mission, through danger unknown and incredible challenge, to my mailbox.  Furthest I have been in a week.

Also realised that a week without shaving has mostly lefty with with a beard already.  I had forgotten how quickly it starts to be a beard.

Locked Down

The rest of the country now being on lock down too is making the loneliness of my isolation seem less weird and freaky.
Having my bubble to myself is not idea, but it is life.
Years of Shitlord's promises that we would be living together at some non-distant point meant that I didn't do so much about planning a better living situation for myself - it seems like it would be counter productive.   So now I have a month, at least, of zero direct human interaction.
Definitely not going to snap and murder my entire neighbourhood.

My dad did come to my door with groceries this morning.  Because bread.
It was very nice to see a human even if weird distance was required for non-rule breaking.

Otherwise, I have done nothing of note and not left my flat.  I haven't even checked my mailbox since Saturday, as I have not so much as stepped out my door in that time.  Just reached out for a couple of deliveries.

I am eating my snack food too fast.

I shall have to order a bunch more at some stage.
Presuming I have not snapped and murdered my entire neighbourhood.

Typical

In response to the SARS-CoV-2/COVID-19 shutdown, my computer has started randomly crapping itself.  From minor things like the clock not keeping time any more to the whole thing freezing up multiple times yesterday and needing hard reset.  I had forgotten that was a thing computers did.
But now that I am stuck not able to do anything about it for at least a month it is being a little bitch.
At least if it dies I have my Nintendo Switch for entertainment and Simon's old iPad to stay in touch with people and watch tiny Netflix.

Anyway, what have I done?  Ummm, there must be something to write about....  Think, think, think...

Friday I was planning a lazy day in PJs, slightly disturbed by my dad offering an early morning ride to Frozen Direct/Couplands.  they were open as it was just after 9 when we were there but they had basically nothing unpacked and out yet.  Serious timing fail.  And pak'n'save was already randomly rationing some things - like porridge.
I got home to realise I was going to have to shower and dress nicer after all as Student Health had sent me a summons for a free flu jab.  So I washed, put on my Amanda Palmer concert t-shirt (which is a size too snug and led to flashing underbelly at people), grabbed lunch with Oli and then got stabbed for my health.  I still have a bit of a lump almost four days later, and it bled a bit that night (on my white linen).  But in the scheme of things, worth getting.  I can't die of COVID-19 if flu gets me first....

Saturday I spent chilling and doing not a lot.  Heard something about alert levels being raised but didn't look too close until after dinner.  Glad I went out for dinner while I could, thai food from Spirit House with my family and some nice looking at the ocean, as I got home and watched the evening news to learn that I was now on soft lock-down, as someone statistically far more likely to end up hospitalised with this thing.

So Sunday I spent in PJs isolating myself - though my family visited and my sibling is making it pretty clear she thinks social distancing is stupid and over reacting.  So she will almost certainly be the vector that kills someone.  Hopefully not dad, as he may be my only reliable way to get groceries.  Also would be annoyed if he had died, he is the only close family I remotely get along with.  My grandmothers are both great, but not sure on their chances.  Also don't have much contact with either.

Monday, another day in PJs.  Midday I saw the country was ramping out the lockdown so I now will not be leaving my house for the next few weeks - I will have to get used to little to no human interaction.  No guest allowed now, and basically everyone will be on lock down anyway.

This morning I have been lying in bed listening to the builders shutting down the building site for the lock down.  One of the older builders (guessing from the voice) has been making some pretty racist comments about how pandemics are caused by there being too many ethnicities living places......  The logic confuses me.

Now I am up and being angry at my PC for possibly dying on me.  And as I grumble its clock jumps backwards in time by almost an hour.....  In happier news my morning blood sugar results are returning to normal.  Must have been a cold messing with them, was worried that either I had bad metformin or that my disease was progressing to where I would need more serious treatment.

And the google stats on this thing are becoming useless as it is so flooded by more hits from Turkmenistan, hitting the same handful of entries over and over.

Less chill than I thought

Yesterday I went to my tutorial and only half my tutorial group had turned up.  After I got home I got an email saying that all tutorials after this week will be run online through Zoom, so now I have to find out what Zoom is and how to use it.

In the evening I had D&D.  I gave the hosts daughter her 6th birthday present and she was pretty clear about not approving of a book as a gift.  Because children.
I also gave the DM my two Royal Doulton collector plates with Myles Pinkney wizards on them, as I have had them in a box since I lived at home - and neither has ever lived outside of its packaging.  Maybe I could have sold them somewhere, but I knew Lisa would enjoy them.  She responded by giving me money I hadn't asked for.
People never let me buy their friendship with stuff.

I have been feeling pretty chill about my underlying health issues making me more likely than most of my cohort to die of COVID-19.  Then last night I was awoken twice by dreams of drowning in my own bed, unable to call for help.  So maybe more anxiety about how I am clearly the one in my friend group who will die than I was choosing to believe.

I may be rather ambivalent about death.   Dying doesn't appeal, but living just has me continuing to be an undue burden on the collective.

[edit] I just checked ebay prices, Lisa paid me almost exactly what ebay thinks the plates are worth.

Defrosted

The Turkmenistani is now opening several old posts a bunch.  I am assuming it must be someone stealing my identity to do crimes.

I made it to class on time, without even having to walk past Shitlord's flat.  So that is a win.

After class I ended up chatting to the other mature student, because of course the closest thing to a friend I am making in my class is the former transvestite sex worker.

I got home and cleaned out my old deep freeze that hasn't been used in about a decade and then checked it worked.  So I could then defrost (mostly) and clean out (less mostly) my freezer box on my fridge which has been being weird for a while.  Also means I can probably stock up on a bit of frozen food in case things go awful for a while - or, more likely, I catch COVID-19.  Because if anyone is going to die of it in my social group it seems like it would be me.

Now watching last night's webcast replacement for the cancelled Amanda Palmer concert in Wellington, Music in the time of Pandemic.

Maybe they aren't always, always

Stayed up too late reading "2016 Southern Sociological Society Presidential Address: Are Millennials Cracking the Gender Structure" Barbara J. Risman First Published March 6, 2017 Research Article 

https://doi-org.ezproxy.otago.ac.nz/10.1177/2329496517697145 (the link probably only works with Otgao Uni library login).  It is not a fun read, I am just humble bragging about doing my motherfucking homework.

So slept through my alarm again.  Not helped by a bit of lying awake being annoyed by things my trans-sister has bitched about over dinner.  She ripped in to me when I was talking about a movie i watched about the Alfred Benning murder of the 1970s.  The movie suggesting it was  reverse battered woman scenario where a husband snapped in an attempt to escape the control of the other is apparently just glorifying how men kill women.  My trans-sisters feminism is very aggressively "men are always in the wrong, no matter the details of the situation" - so it isn't a huge surprise.  If only I could project myself back into eight year old me and prevent my parents even having the sex that created that git.

And I am now late for the class I was up doing readings for.

Bureaucratic irksomeness

My psych referral to the North Community team thingee got bounced to the South team, meaning that instead of being in town it is somewhere I have very little ability to get to.
This makes it much less useful and I was not entirely convinced by it as a concept already.

I did the wrong laundry today and am now trying to get the mattress protector dry in time so that I can sleep without voiding my mattress warrenty.  The weather did not behave how I had expected it would.

And almost all the hits this thing is getting continue to be mysteriously from Turkmenistan.

Meeting a famous

So the weekend involved leaving Dunedin.  Like I almost never do.

Back in March 2009 I met Amanda Palmer (a pic from then attached here) and then a year later I met her again and met her future husband (also with a picture (I am including the two old pictures as my old web dairy format didn't support pictures)).

That was a good week, all my fandom coming together when they were still in the early sages of coupling up (they didn't marry until years after).

I last saw her in 2011, after making a bad decision and missed her 2012 Dresden Dolls concert in Wellington because I thought I was investing in someone worthwhile (I was not).  I think I may be repeating things I have already repeated on here in the last week.

So when I heard she was coming back to NZ for a tour (and I am no longer all out of doing stuff because of reasons of Shitlord), I had to sort going.

So I did.....

As I think I mentioned last time I wrote, saying I sorted it may be exaggerating my capacity to function as a person.  I made only the most superficial efforts and hoped for the best.  So much hoping for the best.

So Friday evening I went to the supermarket in the evening to by travel snacks and soda water, all the things I had wanted to buy were sold out.  None seem emergency panic buy things, so it was irksome.  I mean, budget soda water.  No-one would panic stock up on pre-bubbled tapwater. Surely.

Saturday morning, I slept through my alarm for over an hour but managed to be up and mostly ready by the time my father arrived.  And then it was loading into his car and heading north.
We didn't really stop anywhere, just headed straight to Rolleston.

And into Pineglades.  Where I would be staying in my dad's caravan.
I had driven in before, but not got out of the car there before.
It is surprisingly normal, for a bunch of tiny houses with communal facilities.  And a cult of nudity meaning it was populated with leathery old people.  They were all so leathery.  Too much sun.

Then dad dropped me into the city so I could catch up with someone I have been chatting to since October, before the concert.

So I got to Christchurch proper.  Dad showed me how to get to the concert venue, the one-the-nose named Piano: Centre for Music and the Arts.  It is shaped a bit like a piano and was to house the piano based act I had travelled to see.  Had I been on facebook then I would have seen the tentative cancellation warning, but I was not.

I got dropped off down by the museum and had a quick nose about there to kill time as the new friend I was meeting was running a little late.  We met.  We ate gelato.  We got along.  He walked me to the concert venue, leading me to a souvlaki shop on the way so I could get delicious Sabry's Souvlaki dinner and have eaten something that counted as real food (with the driving I had skipped lunch).  It was nice, and reminded me that people are worth the effort sometimes.

Then to the concert.  It was not cancelled, hence my having a photo of myself with Amanda Palmer where we are both 11 years old.  She has much less eye makeup on.  I have much less hair and generally seemed to have aged MUCH MUCH more than she has in the time.  She may look pretty good in this photo from last night, but I would like to still be the me in either of the above pictures.

The concert was nice.  I quickly realised the venue would not have cared if I had worn shoes (where I found the shoes and pants I wore suggests I have worn neither such thing since October at the latest - it might have been Shitlord's citizenship ceremony in September when I last wore them). I got to the venue basically as the door opened, like a nerd.  I waiting and nosed at the merch table until the auditorium itself opened and then poured in with the rest of the early people.  But I got there and got to anxious about people to actually get a good seat.  I got a decent one, but really could have done much, much better if I had been less averse to sitting near anyone instead of waiting and having people sit near me.

The concerted started with her just wandering through the audience talking to her lighting engineer and a couple of other staff, and back to the stage to announce she wasn't up to doing the four hour concert as she had spent the day coronavirus stressing and needed a gentler evening.  So instead of the new album and a lot of talk about abortion and miscarriage, it was a requests show with reduced (but still significant) talk about abortion and miscarriage.  But also covid-19 talk.  And a lot of talk about her marriage and how covid-19 stress was affecting the dynamic.

It is nice to listen to someone who overshares as much as I do but actually has interesting stuff to say in it....
I ramble about nothing too much.

After the shorter than advertised but still very satisfying show I spent too much on merch, including a rather too snug t-shirt that was the largest they had left, I got the albums I had bought signed by Amanda and got that new picture.

Then dad picked me up and drove me to Rolleston to sleep in his caravan while he slept in an old van - which is apparently a normal non-weird thing for him to do...

Today we came back in a harrowing trip as dad had two flag poles on a trailer, but also sticking feet in front of the car.
We got breakfast Subway in Ashburton and successfully delivered his giant flagpoles to his house without disaster, somehow.
Stuff achieved.

And that was mostly that.  I am very tired and should be sleeping.  So I ought go do that and stop rambling.

Socially isolating wrong

It must be a bot of some sort as the hits from Turkmenistan keep rolling in but always only to the two most recent entries.
Weird.

Thursday morning I had slow cooked soup for breakfast and then off to counselling before class.  I do quite like my Student Health counsellor, though the computer system has caught up with us and he is only allowed to see me one more time before I am cut off from Student Health counselling services for the year.  We talked about how I was going to self-refer for another group course.  We must have both known I was lying to myself about that as today I got a text from the community programs people saying Student Health had sent a referral.
Then class, which was briefly on library skills and upcoming assignments.  Because this first year paper is far more aggressively first year than others I have done recently (maybe, ever).  Then it become a "here is how the assessment information you were given three weeks ago is going to change because COVID-19".
An assessment schedule that requires physically being present at the lectures is problematic when the university is asking people to stay away at any sign of cold symptoms at all.

COVID-19 is going to make the cough I have had since the pneumonia last year awkward.  I may have to do a lot of "it's just old fashioned regular pneumonia cough....."

I caught up with Oli for a bit on the way home.  Home to fall asleep unexpectedly in a bad sitting position and wake up an hour or so later in much discomfort.

Today, I pottered until lunch time and then went for an aquajog with Midget, and hung out with her and my god-daughter for a bit afterwards.

I have bought a ticket to the Amanda Palmer ticket in Christchurch tomorrow night and am MUCH less organised for it than I should be.  A ride is sorted but nothing else, and even it is a touch vague.

 So it occurs to me that I have been doing pretty well at catching up with my oldest and dearest.  But I have been pretty much not interacting with people outside of being invited places.  I realised my whatsapp and texts have been very sparse and I mostly haven't been communicating with anyone most of the time.
I may be failing to manage my depression.
The pretending I had it managed for the group therapy was probably doing more harm than good.

Shit, just realised the last time I intentionally went somewhere for music it was the 2011 Amanda Palmer (2012 doesn't count as I went to Wellington for the Dresden Dolls and then failed to make the concert because I got caught up in the romantic advances of someone who until Shitlord was the worst romantic decision I had ever made - yup, my two most recent relationships were with people with bad intentions (go me!)) but the 2018 train ride to a random musician I had never heard of with Oli and Greer.  Though in honesty that one was more about the train than the gig.  Because trains.

I fail at clocking (also cooking)

So, even more Turkmenistan, all just in the most recent couple of entries.  Very weird.
May be a bot.  Or something.
Too much accessing the same entry hour after hour to be a person who has VPN'd to Turkmenistan.  My blog is too dull for even me to be rereading it.

Anyway, got to class having done my tutorial sheet.  We got pared off and had to get to know the person we were paired with enough to introduce them to the class.  I was sitting by one of the who other guys in the tutorial so had to chat to him for a bit and then introduce him.  I did so, but not how I would have if I had known things I learned later in the class.  At the end of the class he was talking about how he was trans.  I had not spotted that at all.  And may have overemphasised his "he, him" pronouns as I just thought he was a camp voiced little homo cis-guy.  Now it seems like I was pointing out that he was a trans-guy, when I had no idea at all.
So I felt like a bit of a dick.
Especially as I may have mansplained binders, based purely on second-hand information from many years ago.

On the way home I bought a huge broccoli from Hintons and got home to make broccoli and bacon soup, because I found out my D&D game was cancelled so the soup I had intended to slowcook overnight needed put on earlier.
I grated a chunk of my hand into in while I was grating the broccoli stalk.  Bandaged it up and got back to things.  Got distracted by how much I was bleeding through the band-aid and covered my other hand in boiling water.
It was not ideal.
So I stood for a while with one hand under the running cold tap and the other one dripping blood onto the kitchen floor.
Like a motherfucking champion of cookery.
The soup was not cooked by dinner time, the barley was still far too solid.

Fortunately my father asked me out for dinner.
We attempted to go to the Speight's Ale House, as Shitlord doesn't work Wednesday (or at least didn't back when I was informed on things).  But it had no tables.  So we went to Great Taste instead.  A buffet that has got even worse since the last time I was there.  Should now be written off as a COVID-19 risk, and also not worth going to anyway.

I do miss Speight's Ale House lamb shanks, I also miss some of the people I had befriended there (though that part is not so repairable through personal bravery).

Turkmenistan now?

For some reason my recent entries are getting a lot of interaction from Turkmenistani IP addresses.  Which makes even less sense than the Portugal.  And at least Portugal seems to have been one person reading back through the banality of my sub-mediocre existence.  The hits from Turkmenistan are all just on the most recent couple of entries.
I almost hope that my terribad English is being used to train someone how to speak proper.....

And yes, I remembered some of what I wanted to say about the final group thing (after waking from a shameless sex dream (which obviously contained no sex as my sex dreams never do - just to remind me how I have no game even in my dreams)).
The coordinator took me aside at the end to make sure I had signed up to something else.  Apparently I am one of the more concerning in the group - which seems weird as I was defusing everything with awkward comedy and the group otherwise contained some clearly unhappy people.

Wait, are straights allowed on telegram now?

Someone I sort of know joined telegram and made me realise that all the many people from my contact list who were in telegram had been homos, by turning up on it and probably not being a homo (he has wife and kids - though maybe does read a little bent).
It had not occurred to me until then how homo telegram was.
And now it seems weird.
I mean I joined it purely for an ex who stopped having an Apple and asked to to install telegram as an iMessage substitute, and I had mostly just thought of it in those terms.  It is just cross platform iMessage.  Later one of my other friends was glad I had it as he felt it was better on the privacy/security front than anything in the facebook wheelhouse.  I don't know any of the technicals so just assumed his giant nerdishness was right.
Somehow I missed the fact that everyone I had on there was a homo until someone who wasn't came along.
I talk to too many homos.

Sunday I only got up and dressed at dinner time after Dad had called to warn he intended to take me out for dinner.  So family Sunday dinner at the Rope and Twine place in South Dunedin that used to be Robbies.  The Eton Mess that I had for desert was surprisingly satisfying.
Monday was PJs all day and achieving bugger all.  Played a little Pokemon Sword for the first time in a while because they have a new event on and I actually want the G-Max Gengar, but am unlikely to put in enough effort to actually get it.
And I made dinner using the locust pasta I bought at the farmer's market.  Disappointingly, locust flour pasta tastes just like regular pasta.

 Today I made it up and to class on time.  I had even done the readings.  Class wasn't all that interesting though there was another mature student in the class and he commented a lot.  So much.  About his "as a queer person" opinions on everything.  He is basically what I had planned to be before I remembered I have crippling social anxiety.

Then lunch with Greer and the miniature human who lives faceplanted in her chest.  I had katsu curry.  It was good, and a very good conversation was had.  Greer is one of the easiest people to talk to.  She is definitely a candidate should I ever feel the need to make a clone army.

Then group therapy, but my ride for dinner just arrived so I will have to get back to this later.

[edit] Home from dinner.
Group therapy is now over.  Was the last group.  People were awkwardly too huggy at the end, was far more physical than I am really comfortable - while still totally 'normal'.
I feel I had had a story in mind before I left but whatever it is has escaped my brain since.

I started home from group and bumped into the only one of Shitlord's friends who I feel I have successfully stolen.  I can't talk to his people without seeming both very bitter and still very in love with the arsehole.  Which is a little embarrassing.  Somehow hearing Shitlord still talks about me just makes me angry.  He didn't have the decency to feel the love he kept promising me that I had, so he could at least just forget me already.  I mean, yes, I rant about him a lot still.  But I loved that arsehole and gave him everything I had to give, I fucking earned the right to rant about him as long as I need to.
Still too many emotions, and I don't want any of them.

Got home, write the above and then went to dinner at Nando's with Simon, Joe and Firmin.  I got a half chicken and coleslaw, it was good.  Though I will admit I was disappointed when Simon actually ate all his peri-peri chips for once.  I was hopeful for a few leftover chips.  Says me, who took far longer than anyone else to eat my meal as it was.
Then back to Simon and Joe's so we could all sit an watch Contagion (2011).  It is an okay film, in spite of Matt Damon.

Portugal?

This morning I went to the farmers market with my dad, then past the actual supermarket.
Means my house has some food in it.  Which is a nice change.  Though my trans-sister had joined by the supermarket and walking past the toilet paper (which has not been insanely hoarded beyond all control here, unlike Australia) led to the dear sibling of mine reminding me why I try not to have much to do with her.  The picking fights and then acting like other people are picking fights if they don't immediately give in and concede that her wrong declarations are actually facts purely by her willing them so.  It gets very tiresome.
At least she has grown some self-awareness and no longer declares me some sort of inhuman monster for it.

Then I got home, tidied up, watched a bit much The IT Crowd, and then headed to a children's birthday party.  The IT Crowd has not aged quite as well as I had expected and is more clunky and awkward than I remembered, and watching it made me late enough I had to catch a bus.
The children's party and then chatting with friends afterwards led to a lot of hours in the sun.  I am a bit burnt.
Then I went to Oli's to hang out with him and Greer and have fish and chips for dinner.  Was actually a pretty good day, but I am exhausted and fully expecting to have little choice but to spend tomorrow in bed.

I came on to write this and saw my weeks page views on this had been more than doubled overnight by someone in Portugal.
I can't think of anyone I know who would be in Portugal or anything about my blog that would be that interesting to a stranger.  It is just a run-of-the-mill personal blog about an ageing homo with a pretty shite life.  I don't even see why friends would read it except to check that I am still alive, and not slagging them off.

Me again

I did a very small amount of exercise today and now feel utterly destroyed.
The tiny amount of exercise I did can not explain it.
My body is just being a useless jerk with a useless jerk face.

Aquajogging with midget was fun.  Otherwise I have done basically nothing today.

Me

On the way home from a mediocre class I had the moment of panic when a little light blue old lady car passed me in the street only a few blocks from my flat, lest it be Shitlord's car.  Which I then realised it was and that he was going to the gym.
Years of the bitterness about how his work and gym were both close to my flat but he still never made any effort to visit me have not gone away.  So I got home full of stupid, impotent, rage.

The thinking about crying for stupid reasons yesterday reminded me how, with the exception of the first few days and the worst bit of the pneumonia, I have cried much less since the breakup than I did before hand.  Who knew the solution to uncontrollable public crying was to get horribly betrayed......

No-one tell Simon I said this, but he was right.  Shitlord was terrible for me and I should have got myself out of it years ago, when Simon started suggesting it to me.

Mature Student-ing

I have done the readings for tomorrow's class.  I had them mostly finished before yesterday's class.  This happened significant;y as they were much more interesting than the Tuesday readings so I used them to purge the boring from my brain.
Tuesday's class was on the fact gender is a social construct, very much aimed at people that had not heard this concept before.  Tomorrow's, at least based on the readings, is on intersexuality showing that science doesn't support a biological basis for sex being a binary, much less gender.  It better be good.
I suspect I will know the biological/medical side of the science better than the lecturer, I went through a phase of having a scientific research crush on chimerism and a lot of intersex related research followed on from it.  Hopefully she will have interesting sociological stuff that I have not read.  Would be good to feel like I was actually learning something from the course, and something interesting would be even better.

Anyway, I was having a rough start to Tuesday so shamelessly accepted an offer of a ride to uni from my dad. And after class I went and had udon soup for lunch with Greer and mini-Greer, before heading to group therapy.  The class was down to about half the size it had been even two weeks ago.  The unusually high retention rate seemed to have finally run out.  I do miss the one non-annoying person.  The rest are all perfectly fine people, they just remind me of myself in ways that grate.  So much.
Wandered home in the rain.  Forgot to put Pokemon Go on as a I walked, as I pretty much always forget to.  Which is fine.  But my brain is a dick.  Not too long after I got home I put on Pokemon Sword for the first time in a while, discovering I had missed the entirety of the Pokemon franchise birthday event, missed getting any of the special dens, the special loot or fighting Mewtwo.  None of this matters as I have got bored of the game anyway, but as I said I was suffering from dickish brain.  I may have had quite a cry about it.   For no real reason.  Just so much crying over stupid.
So I ordered pizza is a wasteful display of channelling sadness into bad food.

Today I was in my PJs doing fuck all until midafternoon.  I only washed and dressed because I knew I had roleplaying.  And so I went off and had dinner at Carla and Ian's that they had kindly prepared, and then played some Dungeons and Dragons.  And while I was a bit scattered, I didn't fall asleep this week.  Win.

Ugh

So basically a week has happened.

On Wednesday I had D&D in the evening, and dinner Carla and Ian had prepared.  Before that I don't recall doing anything.  I was pretty zoned out in the evening so it is fair to say I probably didn't do much at all.

Class on Thursday was a disappointment to the point I am not sure why I bothered going.  It was about nothing and had no content, I think it was just so the lecturer could get a feel for how naive this batch of 18 year old girl is about the world.   The number of them who seemed to think feminism was over because it had done its job.....  And having a pretty teenage girl explain that homophobia doesn't exist any more and there is no downside to gay men being open and public about it, that made refraining from talking down to her very difficult.
After that I got lunch and a ride home from my dad and then spent the afternoon playing Final Fantasy 12, because the game plays itself and I was just trying to trick myself into thinking I was awake.  Then dinner with dad - seeing him twice in the day because he had literally got back that morning from months of living in Christchurch and having not even visited home since my birthday.

Friday I had a date-ish thing.  Four hour of conversation, food and wandering the streets with someone attempting to establish if we are going to be friends or more than friends.  I think it was leaning more toward friends, but I honestly still don't know.  And I am still too broken to trust my instincts on the more than friends front.

I spent the weekend and today being antisocial in my PJs and having no human contact.  It was mostly awesome.
Though there were meds issues.  Turns out the pills my doctor gave me for my lungs that say "when needed" are more needed than I realised when yesterday I got cocky and decided I was over needing them already.  Led to a bad night.  And not a great day today.  Such chest pain, I had forgotten so quickly how bad it had been until it was back to remind me.