Brain = monster

I am missing Shitlord tonight.
So much.
The absence of him really hurts - which is ridiculous as he was basically never around for most of the relationship anyway.

So frustrating after weeks of realising more and more how much of his behaviour was tailored to control me.
I worry this missing him was something he manipulated into me - but really he just made me dependent on him without any real thought to how that would affect me once things were over.  I am pretty sure he never spared a thought for how any of his actions would affect me outside of what that would do to him.

It is also upsetting that the assumption that he never thought about the affects he would have is the best case scenario.
The assumption that he was malicious fits the data slightly better but it not a world-view I am yet willing to concede to.