Missing

Today I have mostly spent crying.  I had had some kind of good days, but that ran out.  Today I wasn't even up for washing or dressing until I managed to make myself semi-decent so I could have a pizza delivered for dinner.

And the worst part is how much I have been missing Shitlord today.  All the affection I have for him has just been attacking me.
I know it will take time to get that out of my system, but it is just so unhelpful.  He has proven to been acting pretty monstrously toward me for years, and I still keep worrying about his life and how he will find happiness if he treats other people like that.

An old friend has been suggesting I keep a list of the worst things he did and carry it with me to read over every time I find myself missing him too much.