I didn't enjoy the movie that much. The Jedi stuff was too magic. It was a fantasy move but with really ugly random elves. JJ Abrams and the team with him was too keen on spectacle and making everything bigger and they did a terrible job of making it consistent with the series. Also, the plot holes....
And I should not have hugged Shitlord good night. It was an awkward turned mostly out of the way hug that was almost closer to a shoulder barge, but the moment we were in contact I just melted.
Three months of not interacting in person, I wasn't expecting the feelings to still be at full strength - which is stupid as we had a relationship of regular months long gaps.
He really was bad to go out with.
It was all just so awkward.
That he is still sticking with his "I never meant to hurt you, I kept things going to avoid hurting you, even though that really just made it all much, much worse" argument doesn't help.
I am not sure if he is lacking in self awareness or just hoping that he can appeal to my overly trusting nature enough to play me again.
When I challenged it by saying it seemed a lot like he was just keeping me around in case the other guy didn't work out (something I had asked a couple of times if that was a thing long before I actually knew there actually were other guys) he went silent and avoided eye contact. So yeah, that was a part of it, and he knew it was wrong. Wrong enough he didn't even attempt his usually dismissive defensiveness.
Why do I have so many positive feelings for someone who is such a dick.
Mostly today I am just angry at myself for my feelings. And angry at how much I enjoy his company still.
I would really like him as a friend, but after the shit he has done I am not sure if that is something I can ever really do.
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