Because adulting

I have been hiding alone in my PJs.
Mostly because if I interact with anyone I will have to lie and make out like I am okay.  And I am exhausted by pretending that I am okay.

So bad Netflix (I watched season 2 on You (which is more of a shitshow than the first) and am now on the third season on The Crown (which is mostly good)) and Pokemon is what I do.  While I spiral.  Wishing I had died 12 years ago.
Being sick has not been a good life, and I have done no good for anyone much around me.  My friends are very good at telling me how grateful they are to have me, but I really can't understand why.   I am human rubbish.