Not okay

I have not been holding it together.
The knowledge that I am no longer sharing this blog makes it so much easier, but also more pointless, to be honest about this.

The weeks without human contact has done me no good.  My brain has been fixating on Shitlord again.  While I have carefully been maintaining my bubble and not even allowing my father within two metres when he drops stuff at my door.  But if Shitlord had tried to get into my bubble, I suspect I would have let him straight in.  Good thing we haven't communicated in months.

I was falling apart before my grandmother's death.  Days of worse migraine has pushed things over the edge.  And that migraine seems to be moving into an actual head cold.  How did I get a cold after weeks of zero human contact.
At this point it is a struggle to just not give up entirely.