Disclaimer

Though a "Diary" my online diary is a work of FICTION.

It may at times strongly reflect actual events of my life, often how I honestly perceived them and display my genuine reactions. But not always and everything contained within should be treated as a fiction.

This is also a personal diary, so by reading it you are violating my privacy. And as it is a personal diary you are not allowed to hold anything you read in it against me, as you shouldn't have been reading it anyway.

Also, this diary is not to be read by anyone who has gone out with me, would like to go out with me in the future, or suspects I may like to go out with them.






Click Here for the old site, as backed up by Wayback Machine (I have gone with the 2007 version as it is the latest that is still before vodafone crunched a bunch of my files)

Sunday, 30 December 2001

December 2001

Summertime, and the living is easy


This house is on fire! Kick off your boots, come sit a spell. Listen to me worry, come and listen well. All you better best come and lean in boys, I don't dare raise my voice. I've been sitting here for the longest time reading all the warning and the danger signs. I don't have the gift of the prophecy, telling everybody how it's going to be.
Soon come, soon come the day this tinderbox is gonna blow in your face. I don't have the gift of the prophesy, telling everybody how it's going to be. You go passing wrong for right and right for wrong, people only stand for that for just so long.
It's all gonna catch like a house on fire, spark an evil blaze and burn higher. Well, I don't have the gift of the prophesy, telling everybody how it's going to be. You go passing wrong for right and right for wrong, people only stand for that for just so long. I don't have the gift of the prophesy, telling everybody how it's going to be. There's a wild fire catching in the whip of the wind that could start a conflagration like there has never been. This house is on fire!



1st December 2001
Last night I worked myself into a bit of a state. Nothing too serious, just enough that I found myself singing the only verse of "Anyone who had a heart" over and over to myself. So I headed off to visit Tina before I drove myself loopy(er).
After visiting Tina for a while, we headed off to see Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone with Ian (someone I was friends with as a very lil kid but haven't talked to since), Ben (someone I don't actually know) and Bruno (one of the few people me and Tina are friends with independantly of each other). We got the the movie half an hour early, got tickets and stood around chatting. Then we went to the movie. It was pretty good. After feeling a little ripped off about there only being one preview, the movie got going and stuck pretty close to the novel. Of course it missed out a whole lot, some of which I really would have liked to see, but that's the limitation of a movie. It was mostly very honest to the book though, and there was only one bit where I had to cringe at the moment of pure american movie morals. Damn american movie machine. Though for all my complaints, it is pretty good.
Afterwards we headed toward Tina's and ended up going to see the Ross Creek glow worms, and then back to Tina's, which we didn't leave till a bit after 5am.
I got up at about 10:30, stuffed around a bit, and headed off to do some shopping. I had to get Rachel an engagment present, and I did, a dozen ugly tea cups, just what every couple needs..................
I also bumped into one of my friends, who offered my a room in his house for next year. Finally someone who doesn't mind the idea of living with me.
When I got home my ex finally told me about the Raj moving in thing, so I'm guessing Raj mentioned he'd already told me - but that is just me being cynical.
Anyway, I'm off to do some reading in my room, before I get myself in a stupid head place again.
Today's quote: This House Is On Fire by Natalie Merchant.


"My young love said to me
my mother won't mind
and my father won't slight you for your lack of kine
Then she stepped away from me
and this she did say
'It will not be long love till our wedding day'
She stepped away from me and moved through the fair
And sadly I watched her move here and move there
then she wnet her way homeward with one star awake
as the sawn in the evening moves over the lake


3rd December 2001
Saturday night I went to Rachel's engagement party. It was pretty cool. After a nice evening at her place we headed off clubbing, and spent quite a while at the Outback, where I injured myself in a combination of dumb dance move and unfortunate connection with somebody's elbow. But after a couple of minutes of agonising pain, it was mostly okay, and by yesterday it only hurt when I lifted stuff, and today not even that.
Yesterday I lay in bed reading essays (I can't believe I was reading a critical debate in essays, for fun. It was completely non-study related). And watching Saturday's StarTrek Voyager off video. I eventually stumbled off and in front of the computer, and ended up in a three way bitch fight with my ex, and Raj whose been getting it on with my ex, about which one knows me better. I was seriously ready to break a certain lil black fuck-wit.
As I'd promised to visit before all that went down, I thought I probably should anyway. After dropping off Neverwhere to Alana, in an attempt to make her read it, I started to walk across town. I ended up bumping into my ex in the Octagon, and we ended up watching the Santa Parade. Which wasn't TOO crap - oh wait, it was. I did bump into another of my friends (well, not so much a friend as someone who I kinda know, and seem to get on with, who is friends with Bob, but I try not to hold that against her) there though, which was nice.
Anyway, afterwards I headed to my ex's place for AGES. And it was mostly nice, until Raj crashed the conversation and then I just got grumpy. And well, I could write pages and pages of grumblings, but instead I'll just skip to: I got dropped home a bit after 11, and then lay awake most of the night being bitter and thinking about three of those four-letter words starting with L.
Anyway, I have to go, I have lunch plans with Nina. And I have to get off the topic of my ex anyway.
Lunch was good. I went to meet Nina, and landed a bonus Tina aswell. And we lunched together in the new library foyer. I should really spend more time with Nina, ever since her bf moved to town I very rarely see her.
I came home afterward, watched Popular, patched my Sims Hot Date, so I can play without the CD in, and stuffed around a lot. I also emailled THAT first year again, and for once didn't sound too much like a freak.
I should probably actually explain that L word thing I started before I headed off to lunch, and even though I planned out how I'd explain it, the more times I run over it, the less I want to actually write it down and the more I should just unthink it (note: Othello).
I haven't played Ultima in SO long. It's good I didn't get the money to buy a house, or it would be decaying on me.
Anyway, I'm still kinda grumpy, so I think I'll go back to making my Sims score Townies. Sims are so not picky.
Today's quote: from She moved through the fair by Padraig Colum, submitted by The Midget.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord
Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend you a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I don' know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord, Oh Lord
Well I remember, I remember don't worry
How could I ever forget, it's the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, no you don't fool me
The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows
It's no stranger to you or me

6th December 2001
On Tuesday I finished of the Nebula 2000 book, and started into Darwin's Radio by Greg Bear. I also organised all my crap on this computer.
Wednesday I transfered all my crap on this computer onto one with a CD-R, via Zip-disks, it took AGES. And while that was happening I had a Mormon visitation. One of the Missionaries that visits me was off for the day, and the replacement was a cat magnet. I know my cat is weird, but this was rediculous, I had to drag her outside three times, and she still came straight back in through however it is that she gets into the house, just to jump onto a unwilling Mormon lap.
In the evening, after my CD was burnt, and stuff cleared off the involved computers, I sat down and watched a great Buffy. After Buffy I checked on Ultima, to discover several days ago they had reset the game back to a save from almost a month ago, as part of a bug/balance correction. So all the work I'd put into my characters went up in smoke. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
In brighter news, I bought something over the net for the first time ever, as Palladiumbooks.com has a sale on,. and Dad let me borrow his credit card.
This morning I lay in bed and watch last nights Felicity off video, thinking how much like Felicity I am (I was half asleep, just enough for it to make sense for a moment), and then realised I completely aren't at all like her. If I was her, I'd have no Ben, I'm more like that scary unlovable roommate of hers.
Then I rolled ou tof bed and in front of the puter, and had a rather random chat with ppl before headin goff to lunch with Aaron. Town was nice, and we did some random window shopping and stuffed our faces with junkfood. Somehow we ended up in the Warehouse, where we bumped into Oliver and Bridget. And followed them around for hours upn hours upon hours. It was pretty cool, as Oli was my best friend all through high school, and though I still think of him as my best friend, we don't really talk at all anymore.
Anyway, I came online to have a surprisingly deep and meaningful with my ex, who'd been reading this (some people really need to read disclaimers - and do as they are told). But we may have sorted some stuff out. If by sorting stuff out I mean pretending stuff isn't there.
Anyway, I have too many people talking to me.................. damn, I won't get any Ultima in tonight, and I have so much to do over on my characters.
Today's quote: In The Air Tonight as sung by Majandra Delfino, written by Phil Collins.
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world 
But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore 
On a different day
If I was safe in my own skin
Then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened
But this is today
And I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore 
I just want to feel
Safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again.

7th December 2001
Last night for no appearant reason I started crying, which didn't make me very happy, as I hate to cry and do it very rarely. And for it to happen without any sensible reason just made me really angry. So I went to bed in a far from pleasant mood, and then had a very twisted and disturbed dream where I got a contract with a recording company but then killed the executive in charge after finding out he did nasty stuff to small children. I did kill him quite awesomely though, threw him off a flight of stairs, and then screamed, and my scream turned into a bright light, that incinerated him.
This morning I woke up feeling good, and lay in watching yesterday's Popular, then got up and played some puter games before heading off to varsity. On the way out the door I grabbed a letter out of the mail, and discovered I had been accepted into THEA304, so I'm all happy. *Does a little dance*.
Anyway, I'm out of stuff to say.
Today's quote: Honestly OK by Dido.
Dashing and daring,
Courageous and caring,
Faithful and friendly,
With stories to share.
All through the forest,
They sing out in chorus,
Marching along,
As their song fills the air.

Gummi Bears!!
Bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare.
They are the Gummi Bears.

Gummi Bears.
When a friend's in danger they'll be there.
High adventure that's beyond compare.
They are the Gummi Bears.
They are the Gummi Bears!!

8th December 2001
Well, last night I just played computer games and downloading Roswell MP3s, while hidding from the rain. Dumb Dunedin weather. The Roswell MP3 site is pretty cool, and I was getting quite fast download speeds for my crappy little 'puter too.
I also read some more of that Greg Bear novel I have out. I should have read it before my BIOL112 exam, then I might have remembered some of the scientists names, as they all seem to be talked about in the book.
Well, after finally getting out of bed and showering so I'd be ready to head out for coffee with a net friends I'm not sure I really want to meet, I decided to prune some trees. So now I'm grubby, and have to stay this way for the rest of the day. Anyway, I should go and decide if I want to stand up the net geek or not.
Today's quote: Gummi Bears Theme.
If I could make it rain today
And wash away this sunny day down to the gutter
I would
Just to get a change of pace
Things are getting worse but I feel a lot better
And that's all that really matters to me 

Amy hit the atmosphere
Caught herself a rocket ride out of this gutter and
She's never coming back, I fear
But any time it rains,
She just feels a lot better
And that's all that really matters to me 

10th December 2001
Well, I got stood up on Saturday, but I really didn't care, as I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to be there in the first place. So instead I visited Simon, and played some weird french card game with a group of his friends. It was great.
Then after he dropped me home, I headed off to Alana's for an evening of chinese food and videos. Detroit Rock City followed by High Fidelity made for a fun watch, made funnier by Aaron's desperate efforts to prove stuff through the outcome of the later. Then I dashed home to ring Si and make him head out clubbing with us, but he was grumpy after a conversation he'd had with one of our mutual friends, and I suspect in the process may have also been a little grumpy at me. So I headed off to town with Alana, Aaron and Hugh. All of whom abandoned me after we got to where I'd convinced them all to go, and which they all decided they didn't want to. Even after being ditched I had a fun night hanging with Becky and Kez, and nice Peter. It was a pretty good night, even if it did get a bit dragged down by Raj going escaped-psych-patient on me. If people aren't going to agree to the disclaimer. And it's one of those intrinsic rules of life, you aren't allowed to take offense at stuff written in someone elses personal diary, because you are the one at fault, for violating the sanctity of someone else's personal diary anyway.
Yesterday I lay in quite late, reading and watching Star Trek from the night before. Then I rolled out of bed and took to massacring the garden with loppers, and nothing else. I didn't do too shabbily. And didn't stop till Wormgirl visited me. She brought me M&Ms, so is one of my favourite people for atleast the next little while. Then I went to my grandparents for tea, and they gave me an Adventure Outfitter's polar fleece, a red one, to replace the wine coloured one they gave me in 1996, which is beginning to get ratty. My grandfather also lent me a vaguely decent little saw, which helped the massacring efforts.
This morning I again lay in late, churning my way through Darwin's Radio, which is kinda of cool, except drags out a bit more than the story can justify in the middle, and the typographical editing is miserable, it wouldn't be that much worse if I'd be the editor. And the number of incorrect spellings, it's terrible. And a crime against a pretty good story.
Then I rolled ou tof bed and killed some more tree, before braining myself with a big olive branch (wahoo for almost irony). We're talking blood EVERYWHERE. Bleeding scalps are great for effect value, shame no-one was here to see it. And DAMN it hurt, in fact it's still stinging something nasty.
After I'd showered the blood out of my hair, Simon came round and we went to the Warehouse, and we went half each in the box set of Buffy Season 2, Part 1, as his biorthday present to me. So I now owe him $30 (he paid for it all, and only asked me to pay back a bit less than half). Then we visited my cousin Breffni, at her cardboard box she's living in outside Countdown, and bought her some food.
Buffy is great.
Anyway, my head still hurts, and I'm now getting tired. I should probably go and do that sleep thing.
Today's quote: from Amy Hit The Atmosphere by Counting Crows.
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
I look like a monkey
With Rapport (the international men's fragrance) which smells like cat pee

13th December 2001 - it's my birthday
Tuesday, I worked in the garden for most of the day, though had a nice three hour visit from Catriona (a girl I've known since George Street Normal), who has lent my all of the series one and two of Angel. It's amazing how you can make friends simply by bumping into someone you almost knew a long time ago,and then being vaguely personable.
Wednesday I again spent mostly in the garden, with Marcel's truck coming in the afternoon and us taking 330kg of crap out of the garden (they weighed us at the dump). It was SUCH an improvment. In the evening, with me all fresh after a shower to get the tip goobers off, Sarelle visited and we watched Buffy together. Sarelle is great, and I've missed her.
Today, I got up before people started to head off in the morning, as my family was impatient to inflict gifts on me. I got a PSone (though gameless) and some underwear from my mother, the short story collection Legends which contains a discworld story off Andrew, and deoderant and a statue of a wizard off mother's thing.
Then I headed into town to get my mop chopped, and again got the hair dresser who is great friends with my most recent ex, and she kept trying to make me sing, which was freaky. Then after a quick stuff round in town I went to visit my cousin Breffni in her box outside Countdown, where Iwas slightly more happy to sing, as although it was live on radio, I got prizes for it. I also discovered that the 4XO pigeon is real, which I had severly doubted. Then it was off to have lunch with my Aunt Jude, who is graduating with a PhD on Saturday. We got rather yummy baked spuds in the University Library foyer, and had a nice long chat about random stuff. Then after buying Shake'n'Vac I headed home for an afternoon of cleaning and watching Angel.
After KFC for tea, the neighbours came down for cake. It was pretty good. And I'm out of stuff to say, so I should go to bed.
Giles (to Wesley, regarding Cordelia): "For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you? And stop fluttering about."
16th December 2001
Friday, I spent all day cleaning and watching Angel. In the evening I got bitter and twisted that everyone on my ICQ list had plans, and I was the no-friends loser-boy. So I had a reasonably early night.
Saturday morning I stuffed around a bit, then tidied myself up and headed down to varsity. Family photos to celebrate the fact that Aunt Jude is now Dr Aunt Jude. And after that I headed off and took some photos of other graduates I knew, and just made some of them laugh, like a girl from my medieval class who was all "Matthew, piss off, I'm trying to look serious for my photos". I also got a shot of the one person in chemistry I ever seriously found hot, there were a few other chemistry students who were pretty do able, but only one who really got to me, and now I have a snap shot. I also took photos of one of my friends, Damian, and his parents, but using their camera, so I'll probably never know how crap a job I did as a photographer. And I took a pile of photos of Amy, Catriona, and pretty much anyone else I recognised. After the parade, I headed homeward, stopping at Nina's, where no-one was home, but Sarelle was also dropping by, and she took me to the supermarket and helped me buy my party supplies. Then after a short visit to the pet shop to look at cute animals, she dropped me home to do all the last minute stuff before people arrived.
I ended up about as organised as I was going to get about two hours before anyone arrived, so I just sat online and complained about stuff to Reece, and collected up apologies from people cancelling on me at the last minute. Then Fluffy arrived, followed shortly after by Reece, and while David was away fetching Oliver, by Tina. It was kinda cool with just that group, even though Tina has issues with Oliver. And Michael and Cathy from down the street turned up too. It was nice and mellow, then just after Reece left to meet other people somewhere, Nina, Becky, Kez and a tribe of wandering queer-chicks turned up. Tina, Nina and co had chipped together and got my a Meow-Chi, which is SO much fun, but I suspect will drive me insane eventually. I know I should describe my party by tyhe gifts I got, but people were playing with it all night. While I was paying attention to it and ignoring all the people at my party Si turned up, which was cool as he had earlier given his apologies as he wasn't sure if he was well. Though Tina was openly nasty to Simon, actually, she was pretty un-nice to all of my close friends who aren't also close friends of hers. And so I mingled and talked to people and cooked sausage rolls. It was mostly nice, Tina and Simon even kind of got on for a while, while they had the mutual enemy of Fluffy, whom Si hadn't even met before. It was kind of expected that Si would bring up the subject of Raj at some point, but less expected was the fact that both Becky and Kez did too. Appearantly he wasn't coming to my party as he was pissed off at me, so I had to point out he wasn't coming because he was neither invited nor welcome. After I cut the cake (thick crusted pavalova which I creamed myself) just before midnight; Becky, Kez, the wandering queer-girls and Nina the sober driver all abandoned me to hit the clubs, and Michael and Cathy went home to sleep. Leaving me, Tina, Si, Oli, Fluffy and my father, who arrived just as the big group was leaving. My father got into some conversation with Fluffy, and Oli was having fun with my computer, and Tina, Si and me were chatting away. Then Tina said something to Si which I missed and he stormed straight out, I chased after to find out what had happened, and he refused to look, he wouldn't even look at me - and as much as anyone will tell me it was about cake, which just confuses me, as I have no idea what was actually going on, or what nerve Tina has hammering on. After that we all just randomly taked for a while longer, arguing out whether certain people were Jellymeat or not, and if they were, wether it counted or not being that I have no can-opener, and no prehensile thumbs to use one even if I did (this does actually make sense within the metaphor). I was clear on the fact that Jellymeat in the can in entirely different to Tina's Jellymeat, which is just sitting on the plate. Then Fluffy took Tina home, and me father headed off to wherever it is he goes, and me and Oli sat and chatted till about 4:30 in the morning. I'm such a wimp though, he asked what was behind the Tina/Si conflict, and all I said was "it's complicated".
After a meagre four hours sleep, I was up again, watching the night befores Sci-Fi, and preparing to go to my Aunt's graduation party. Which I got to, and it was good, I spent lots of it chatting to my cousin Breffni, and looking after my lil three year old cousin Lucas while he sat in the sand and threw fistfuls of it at me. I am So only having children if someone else has custody. I came home afterward, and watched some more Angel, I only have four episode of series two to go. YAY.
Anyway, I need to go sleep, Night.
Today's quote from the episode "The Prom" of Buffy.
Willow: "Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or witty... or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away."
20th December 2001
Monday I didn't really do to much at all. Sat around home and played computer games, and polished off the Angel tapes. And discovered that my PSone doesn't accept the make of memory card I have. I then had a nasty migraine attack in the evening and went to bed at 7:30, only to wake at about 11pm feeling all awake, so finished Darwin's Radio by Greg Bear. It's not bad, but stretches out a bit, and is a touch too predictable, and not in the good way.
Tuesday morning I had lots of great plans, but instead read all of Terry Pratchett's The Last Hero from start to finish. It's great, Carrot and Rincewind co-starring in the same novel. I recommend it to all discworld fans, and all roleplaying geeks (as it will mock you muchly, and put you in your roleplaying geek place). After finishing it, I returned it to the library and did a touch of town type stuff leading to finding Aaron and Alana and walking then back to my place before we all went off to feed some ducks at the Gardens. And Alana shared far more than we needed to hear about her boy.
Yesterday I went to town in the morning, and rushed home expecting Mormons at noon, only to be stood up by them. So I wasted the afternnon away until they turned up after three and chatted for a whiole and convinced me to come and see a video of their prophet on Sunday. I really must learn to say no.
Today I lay around watching old Buffy until mid afternoon, then went shopping for a while with Tina. Then this eveing Si came round and plugged some RAM in for me, and played on my PSone for a while (so it has now finally been used, if not by me). And now I'm off to get me some sleep.
Today's quote from the episode "Welcome to the Hellmouth" of Buffy.
Dear Matthew,Your page is the most interesting one Google can find when you search for "inflatable bird." My wife wants me to buy her a "ridiculously expensive dodgy asain inflatable bird dressed like a Hawaiian dancing girl." Can you tell me where you got yours?
Thanks,
Phil Allen

23rd December 2001
Friday I read some more of that book, I really have to get it finished so I can see the movie, but so far I'm only about a third of the way there. Then in the afternoon I darted in to town and did a bit more Christmas shopping before coming home to an evening of fish'n'chips and watching four episodes of Angel with Tina.
Saturday, Tina dropped by before lunch and we sat and watched seven episodes of Angel, polishing off season one for her, and then I jumped through the shower, was met by Claire, and then headed off to Michael and Cathy's BBQ. It was pretty fun, but I didn't stay too late, and then came home to watch sci-fi videoed of TV earlier that evening.
Today, Tina came round for another seven episodes of Angel (now season two), and then I tidied up and headed of to watch the Mormon church's Christmas Message video. Yay for the President/Prophet of the organisation :oÞ. I did chat to another first timer, who seemed pretty cool, if a catholic school boy come fashion retailer.
Well, that's about all I have to say for myself, so, umm, later.
Today's quote is an email I recieved on 18th December.
I'll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

Feels like fire
I'm so in love with you
Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay-bad at bay
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away-yeah

I'm so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

30th December 2001
Wow, ages have happened.
Christmas eve morning I went to town to finish my christmas shopping, and in the process missed Midget when she dropped my present. Then I stuffed around home a bit of the day. In the evening Si kidnapped me, and we exchanged presents, and watched Moulin Rouge with Renate (his neighbour/friend). We later even went to Friendship Drive and looked at the Christmas lights. Followed by a tiki-tour around town ending at the Botanical Garden's Gore Pl entrance, where we played on the seesaws for about half an hour until a bit after midnight, and thus the start of Christmas day.
Christmas day I woke at seven and listened to a bit of Breffni's Xmas special on 4XO, before getting got up at about 7:40ish to start opening presents. I got loads of mainly ugly clothes, but a few nice bits too. The Xena game for my PSone (finally a game). A printer for my 'puter. And miscellaneous junkage. Then off to breakfast at the Sawyer's, where I got a Hallensteins voucher, which in addition to the one my grandparents gave me should get me some clothes. From there it was on to my Aunt Dr Jude's for the big family christmas dinner lunch thing. Enter WAY TOO MUCH food. We were there about five hours before me and the toad where dropped off at Dad's ex's to do Christmas with Dad. I last a little under two hours before walking home and then to the Bunce's, and spent the evening with Oliver and Bridget. And finally got to see their very funky flat.
Boxing day I didn't leave the house, my family packed off, and I played 'puter games and generally bummed around trying to finish Fellowship of the Rings.
Thursday, I actually finished the book, but not when I had planned to, as Fluffy visited for a few hours and got me behind in my reading. Then in the evening there was a great electrical storm. Which was pretty funky.
Friday morning I got up early as Fluffy was coming to get some CDs back, and then gave me a ride into town. I looked about with the plan of doing post christmas sale shopping, but nothing lept out and said "buy me seymore". So I didn't buy anything much. But came home to a mormon visitation. In the evening I went to Monsters Inc with Tina, infact she even shouted, which bumps her way up on the how much I like her scale. And it was a GREAT flick. Go Pixar, it's your birthday.
Yesterday Tina came around and watched some more Angel. And in the evening I went and looked at the flat I hope to be in next year. It is all pretty good so far. Then me and Tina went and cleaned her old flat a bit (well, I watched while she cleaned, as boys don't clean), and returned to my place via an epic journey for fish and chips to watch Star Trek. Then late last night Si finally gave me the Lord of the Ring details, we were to go to the 7:10 showing the next morning (ie today). So after playing Alpha Centauri WAY too late, and feeling all sick from having drunk too much chocolate milk and thus not being able to sleep properly, well, the night happened.
So I rolled out of bed this morning and quickly got ready, showered, breakfasted and got picked up at 6:50ish. I looked vaguely alive. We got to the movies to find the screening had been cancelled, so we headed back to Si's, and blobbed out for a few hours. The Fellowship of the Rings movie is an amazingly pretty movie, not quite as honest to the novel as I had expected, but most of the changes were understandable.
And that is about all I have to say right now. Wait in other news I realised the jellimeat Tina accused me of having, isn't quite as sealed in the can as I had thought.
Today's quote from "The Power of Love" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

Friday, 30 November 2001

November 2001

All my exams are this month - then holidays and hopefully work


NASA Criticised Over Space Station
04/11/2001 09:13 AM
Reuters

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - An independent panel has criticised NASA for its management of the International Space Station as the agency marked the first anniversary since sending astronauts to man the orbiting platform.
The 20-member Independent Management and Cost Evaluation Task Force, which includes two Nobel laureates and space experts, said NASA had consistently underestimated funding and managed the space station as an institution rather than an evolving program.
"The International Space Station program's achievements to date are extraordinary... but the current program plan is not credible," the panel said in its report.
The United States and Russia - former Cold War enemies - are now senior partners in the $95 billion (65 billion pounds) space station program, which also involves agencies from Europe, Japan and Canada.
Projected costs for the US contribution to the space station, due for completion in 2006, jumped to $30 billion dollars from $17.4 billion, the report said on Friday.
And in addition to a widely flagged $4.8 billion budget-overspend for fiscal year 2002, the taskforce identified $3.7 billion of new costs. It also hinted at contractor expenses, which did not feature in NASA's accounts. It could not provide further details.
Thomas Young, chairman of the panel, said NASA should cut some of their 30 contracts and warned that both civil servants and contractors could lose jobs if the panel's recommendations were implemented.
"The money is mostly in people today and... that's where the savings have to come from," he told a news conference, but declined to speculate on the number of job losses.



1st November 2001
Yesterday, I pretty much spent the whole day studying - though a bit too much of that was listening to Troilus and Crisyde on my headphones while playing Cultures. I also took a sugar break, and ended up in the supermarket cue behind the best looking person I have seen in ages, so far out of my league I had a moment of disbelief that people like that and people like me could even exist in the same universe. I took a little pleasure in the PE school t-shirt though, it's good to know that someone that hot is probably thick as a post. Then last night I took a study break to watch the very good Buffy episode. Today, i spent the morning studying, then finished about 4 hours before the exam to psychologically prepare (ie. play Cultures out of laziness). Then headed off to the exam, via the library, where I grabbed lunch in the foyer-thingee. The exam... well... I either did kinda okay, or really crappily. I got all rhetorical and I'm not sure if that will count for or against me. Anyway, Bring Me the Head of Mavis Davis just finished, so I'm off to bed.
Today's quote: from Xtra news - okay, it's freaky, but this crud interests me.


Knew you'd be a vision in white
How'd you get those pants so tight?
Don't know what you're doin'
But you must be livin' right

We got some places to see
I brought all the maps with me
So jump right in...Ain't no sin
Take a ride in my machine

City traffic movin' way too slow
Drop the pedal and go...go...go

Goin' ridin' on the freeway of love
Wind's against our back
Goin' ridin' on the freeway of love
In my pink cadillac
Goin' ridin' on the freeway of love
Wind's against our back
Ain't we ridin' on the freeway of love
In my pink Cadillac?

Never you mind the exit signs
We got lots of time
We can't quit 'til we get
To the other side

With the radio playin' our song
We keep rollin' on
Who knows how far a car can get
Before you think about slowin' on down

City traffic movin' way too slow
Drop the pedal and go...go...go


3rd November 2001
Yesterday I wasted mostly playing Cultures and watching TV. I kept almost studying, but didn't. Ooops, and this was one paper I could have done really well in if I'd only studied.
This morning I rolled out of bed and through the shower, then watched about an hour and a half of cartoons before heading in nicely early to my exam. I got there and chatted to some of my classmates, most of whom were stressing, which was scary, it's such a joke paper. Biol112 would have probably got me an A if I'd actually done any work. AFter the exam - which I left rather early, I chatted to my classmates outside the exam room for a bit longer than I'd actually spent in the exam. I also bumped into THAT first year, who was dressed very flattering and turns out to have an even better body than I'd expected. It's always good to know the person you are drooling over but know you aren't good enough for is amazingly out of your league - as apposed to just a little bit too good. I was drooling something chronic, and I think almost everyone noticed, including THAT first year's older brother, whom I'm pretty sure dislikes me. But I guess that's what big brothers are for.
Then I headed into town with Gnatacia, and got satay for lunch. After a bit of stuffing around in town with her, I headed home and stuffed around some more. Tomorrow I start the serious study for Monday morning's exam. And well, I pretty much wasted the rest of the day away.
Today's quote: Freeway Of Love by Franklin Aretha.

Harmony: "Well, you'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always --- no threesomes unless it's boy-boy-girl. Or Charlize Theron."

5th November 2001
Yesterday I spent playing computer games and watching TV while I half heartedly studied stuff I didn't find even slightly interesting. I think the high point of the day was updating my ICQ.
This morning I headed off to my ENGL319 exam and left it really early, not fully answering a single questions, but writing something for everything. I only need 3/40 to pass, and I've grown to really hate the paper. So then I went and visited Becky and Kez, who are really good when I'm depressed, because they work on a wave length that makes self-pity impossible around them.
Then I came home and had a nice relaxed afternoon. Until my family got home. But then they went out and all was good again, until they got home. Just now the idiot southlander stood and watched while the cat threw up everywhere, and did nothing to stop it or clean up after it. In fact he walked in it and spread it through the lounge carpet, and then made a screaming fit about it, and I ended up having to clean it up. I could so happily watch him die right now. It's just a shame I'm too useless and ineffective a human being to actually purge him from the world myself.
Anyway, I'm all grumpy and thinking how great an end to the day it would be if I just topped myself. So I should go and sleep before I psyche myself up to doing something irreversible.
Today's quote: From the episode "Crush" of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Spike (shouting): "Aaaarrrggghh! Gaaagggghhhhhh! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?"
Buffy: "Which question do you want me to answer first?"


9th November 2001
Okay. The sixth I had lots of good intentions to study. Instead I started to organise a job application and played a whole pile of the classic DOS RPG Daggerfall. I also watched Disney's The Emporer's New Groove, and it was far better than I expected. The villian woman reminded me a bit too much of me wicked step-mother though. It's also only the second time I can recall having seen a pregnant woman in a cartoon, the other being Fox in Disney's Gargoyles. But that evil woman...... her saggy dugs..... *shudders*.....
Wednesday the 7th, I finished the job application and delivered it about half an hour before applications closed. Unfortunately I visited Giffy, who made the POL conversion of First Sundering look like a really good thing, so I rushed home and wasted most of the day playing Ultima Online, and getting frustrated about how the changes did bad stuff to both of my characters. In the evening (after Buffy) I finally started doing some Shakespeare study. And then I slept.
Thursday morning was when most of my study happened, and it was tragically little. I mostly just stuffed around. Then just before my exam I picked up an English department course guide for next year and found out I have to get my Honours topic and supervisor sorted some time REALLY soon. So I thought about that instead of Shakespeare through most of the exam. Not the smartest of things to do, really. Then I walked home with a girl from my class, another of Southland's Amys, and it was a whole pile of fun. Then after tea I was supposed to head out with Midget, but the weather had turned for the worst and we were both tired, so I rang to pike on her, but she piked before I could - damn her. SO I blobbed out and played some Ultima. Then at some point late in the night, while tired and suffering mental gooeyness I wrote an email to THAT first year.
And I quote:

Hello

Okay, I'd like to point out this is not me sending you multiple 
emails before you've replied (okay, technically it is, but listen) 
and thus being all stalkerish, this is me assuming you listened 
when I told you to delete the last one without reading it.
That or the fact this email address still seems pretty dodgy.

(Anyway, when I started I had a point, but it seems to have evaded 
me during my stunning introduction.  Yes, that might have been it...)
How's the job hunting going?  (okay, kinda lame I know, but I have 
post exam sticky brain - don't ever do 300 level Shakespeare, it's 
evil, possibly even in league with one of those dark forces you 
religious types like to blame stuff on - ouch, that was pretty cheap of me).

Anyway, now I've made a proper git of myself I'll leave you to think 
I'm a complete and utter escaped circus freak.  I'm almost funny 
looking enough to be one too.  Okay, yip, I'll shut up now....

Have fun,
Matthew

PS.  it's the whole post exam thing, it has made me weirder than usual, really.....
And thus the reason I am single. I'm a DUMBARSE. Some stupid part of me didn't realise I shouldn't send that until after I had pressed the send button and it was too late.
I am SUCH a loser.
Anyway, today I got up and watched Beloved as I'd only seen part of it. It's a nasty movie. Then I headed into Varsity to get my Gattaca DVD back of Raj, and got pressured into having lunch with him. After that I headed into the English department and talked to a few people about my Hons project. I think I'll be working with Ian, Greg or John Hale. Though I have no idea what on at this point. Maybe Chaucer, or maybe a bigger take on Renaissance (I never said I could spell) literature's treatment of popular religion. The I hit town again and got a present for Fiona's 21st tomorrow, though I ended up getting a chronically crappy present. I spent most of this evening updating my webpage, introducing it to frames and generally just fluffing about. I also realised that I'd take my ex back in a heartbeat (and not my most recent one either, but the one that dumped me 35 months ago and whom I really should have gotten over by now). It's not good when your ex comes to visit - as you are now good friends - and you find yourself thinking "I could SO jump you" and dangerously little else. I am SUCH a gimp. I should have just gone out with Wormgirl back when she was interested, it would have been screwy and unhealthy but it would probably have had a fair bit of staying power.
Anyway, I'm in almost as screwy a place as I was when I wrote THAT email yesterday, so I should go offline before I do something else dumb.
Today's quote: From the episode "Crush" of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.




All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go There's so many times I've let you down Now the time has come to leave you I'm standing here outside your door So many times I've played around One more time, let me kiss you I hate to wake you up to say goodbye I tell you now, they don't mean a thing Then close your eyes, I'll be on my way But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn Every place I go, I'll think of you Dream about the days to come The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn Every song I sing, I'll sing for you When I won't have to leave alone Already I'm so lonesome I could die When I come back I'll bring your wedding ring About the times I won't have to say: So kiss me and smile for me; tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh, babe, I hate to go

11th November 2001
Yesterday I sat around updating this site some more, I'm slowly getting it reasonably pretty. And after going to fetch my little brother from a sleepover, and staying for ages to chat with the parent, whom I know through my time at Opoho Presbyterian Church, about what I'm studying, and future possible occupations. Then I came home and fluffed around a bit, on the web, and playing Daggerfall and Wizards and Warriors. Ialso wallowed a bit in self pity about what a complete freak I am, or as Midget put it to me yesterday in responce to Friday's entry -
        P.S You are not a loser.
        You're just romantically challenged sometimes:-)
Which is bollocks, I am a loser.
In the evening I dolled up and headed off to Fi's formal dress 21st. It was a fair bit of fun. I even think she liked the present I got her. And heaps of my friends, mostly ones i haven't seen in ages, were there too. I stole Aaron's sunnies, abnd kept them for the night after he said they looked good on me. It was all good.
Then me, Aaron and Hugh start into town to go to Nina and Paddy's Gangsta party. When almost there Aaron decided he didn't want to risk walking past the flat of his ex's current, so headed off home with Hugh in tow. Then I got to Nina's and spent a great few hours talking to her, and Tina, and Giffy - who skipped town after the party, never to return (except for the May graduation ceremony). I'm gonna miss her next year. And Tina too, who is also going to be leaving Dunedin, which means aswell as not seeing Tina, I now have absolutely no-one who is willing to flat with me next year. No-one likes me.
Anyway... Nina and Paddy host a good party, even if half the people there were talking Ultima Online. Go First Sundering. Actually, Si was supposed to be there, but didn't show, which is possibly one of those good things in disguise. And I had promised to go clubbing with Becky, but stayed when she left to spend some extra time with Giffy and Tina. During which time my most recent ex turned up, and Nina hid me behind the door, for reasons that made perfect sense at the time. And I had fun being slightly nasty with Tash - but that's why you have exes, to be mean about them behind their backs. Later they sent me off, claiming I need to meet someone. Atleast they were only pushing me into finding someone for myself, something I dont really think I need, and not actually setting me up with people as that would irk me a little. I don't like the idea of being set up. SO anyway, I headed out and found Becky and Kezia and co, and danced away for a while. I was SO hyper. I even actually flirted with someone, who was surprisingly receptive, though was WAY out of my league, and spoken for already anyway.
Actually, what really bummed me out was (no reading this if you know Raj, because he told me not to tell anyone, so I'm not telling anyone I'm just bitching about it in my diary, which no-one should be reading anyway, being that it's my personal diary and all) that Raj has kind of landed himself someone who is pretty good looking. And I'm jealous, not of who it is but that he isn't single anymore. I've been single longer than him, and I'm nice (nicer than he, anyway), and I'm interesting (well, atleast quirky - which almost equates to interesting), and I let people walk all over me. I should SO be able to find someone to go out with me. The must be someone out there who is desperate enough.
To add insult to injury, I also broke Aaron's sunnies, but it's repairable, and he's forgiven me.
Anyway, so far today I've done bugger all but wallow in self pity. Mostly about the fact THAT first year had the good sense to not reply to the email I sent.
The one good thing is that my ex is with someone now, which is all good. The Raj being with someone part is slightly depressing though. It could be worse, there are still enough single people among my friends to stop me feeling like the Grand High Loser Boy. But still.....
Today's quote: Leaving on a Jet Plane by john denver.

Well life's on a farm is kinda laid back, When the work's all done and the sun's settin' low I wouldn't trade my life for diamonds or jewels, Well, my fiddle was my daddy's till the day he died, ain't much an old country boy like me can hack. I pull out my fiddle and I rosin' up the bow. I never was one of them money hungry fools. and he took me by the hand and held me close to his side. It's early to rise, early in the sack: But the kids are asleep so I keep it kinda low: I'd rather have my fiddle and my farmin' tools: He said: "Live a good life and play my fiddle with pride, Thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God I'm a country boy. and thank God you're a country boy. A simple kind of life never did me no harm, I'd play "Sally Goodin'" all day if I could, Yeah, city folk drivin in a black limousine, My daddy taught me young how to hunt and how to whittle, raisin' me a family and workin' on a farm. but the lord and my wife wouldn't take it very good. a lotta sad people thinkin' that's mighty keen. he taught me how to work and play a tune on the fiddle. My days are all filled with an easy country charm: So I fiddle when I can and I work when I should: Well, folks let me tell you now exactly what I mean: He taught me how to love and how to give just a little: Thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God I'm a country boy. I thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God you're a country boy. Well I got me a fine wife, I got me old fiddle. When the sun's comin' up I got cakes on the griddle; and life ain't nothin' but a funny, funny riddle: Thank God I'm a country boy.

12th November 2001
After I finished writing yesterday, I went off to visit Tina before she skipped town. I got there and she was playing Ultima Online, and her character Gem has a llama to ride on. I've never even had a horse, I'm a tad jealous. Then I walked her from her place to the bus depot in town, via a flat where a few of her friends were being role-playing geeks so she could say good bye. It was actually really nice, as recently i have almost neer seen Tnia out of Giffy's company. Giffy's great, but it was nice to have Tina to myself for a while.
After dropping her off to the bus I headed home and stuffed around a bit getting frustrated at the world. Especially at Simon, who makes far more money thanme, but has landed to sweetest rent deal. Should I ever actually find somewhere where the people are willing to put up with me, it will never be that cheap.
Fortunately Wormgirl rescued me from this nasty mental loop, and dragged me off to get groceries with her. It was actually fun, as insane as that sounds, even if I did check out a Countdown worker. The Worm bought such utter crap. Well, mainly it was good stuff, but she spent WAY too much on it. She was really just in town to catch up with her boy, who I'll really have to try and meet one day, just to see if the Worm has finally grown some taste. I mean, she used to like me, and that shows she's got problems. Anyway, afterwards she dropped me home and I stuffed around for hours and eventually went to bed.
This morning I lay in and watched Big Momma's House, which is utter shite, but entertaining as shite goes. And then Disney's Atlantis, which my mother got from Malaysia on VCD. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped, but still pretty good, I just had really high hopes for it. Then I got up and did some laundry, chatted to a couple of people online, showered, and headed off to talk to people at varsity.
And now I'm in the middle of two way split and I can't really decide between doing Middle English (either looking at the character of Troilus or the religious imagery on the Green Knight) or looking at treatment of the faerie in English drama from 1570ish-early 1600s. I still have to talk to Greg about Old English too, so this could get worse before it gets better.
Then I headed home, talking to a few people I know along the way. Then played Ultima Online while I watched Cardcaptors. Did some more laundry. And wasted the rest of the day.
Today's quote:Thank God I'm A Country BoyWritten By John Denver and John Martin Summers.

22 October 2001 - USA set to break a global consensus -- execution of child offender due tonight
Texas executioners are preparing to carry out an internationally illegal execution tonight, Amnesty International warned hours before Gerald Mitchell is due to be killed by lethal injection for a crime committed when he was a child.
"On the one hand the USA is seeking to build an international coalition in response to the crimes of 11 September, while on the other it is set to break an overwhelming global consensus that the crimes of children must never result in the death penalty," the organization said, pointing out that it has long campaigned against the USA's pick and choose approach to international human rights standards.
Gerald Mitchell, an African American, has been on death row for 15 years after being convicted by an all-white jury for the murder of a white man, committed when he was 17 years old. International law, respected by almost every government in the world, unequivocally prohibits the execution of defendants who were under 18 at the time of the crime.
Amnesty International knows of only 12 executions of juvenile offenders worldwide in the past four years: three in Iran, one in the Democratic Republic of Congo and eight in the United States.
"Four of these killings were carried out in Texas during the governorship of George W. Bush," Amnesty International said. "Now that he is President, he has no less an obligation to oppose executions that violate international law," the organization continued.
Amnesty International wrote last week to President Bush's legal counsel, calling for the US administration to intervene in Gerald Mitchell's case. For the past six weeks, Amnesty International activists worldwide have been appealing to Texas and federal authorities to stop the execution of Gerald Mitchell.







14th November 2001
Yesterday, I only left the house once, and got no further than the dairy. Yay for wating a day away playing computer games. Actually, I lie, something did happen. Aaron visited to grumble about love and life and his ex. Which was actually quite nice as I like visitors.
Today, I didn't do much better. But it was a better day as I had multiple visitors. Just before lunch a couple of Mormons arrived at the door, it was running, and one of them was cute, so i took pity on them and let them in. And so for about an hour, I was educated on the basics of their belief structure, and now they are coming back on Friday. What have I got myself into.
Then in the afternoon I went to the stupermarket and bought junk food I don't need and which will only make me even fatter. I also emailled Gnatacia, to whine about the fact THAT first year isn't going to reply to me, and probably won't acknowledge my existence ever again either. Then I stuffed around, played me some Ultima and watched Cardcaptors before heading off to my room and writing some poetry, which will hopefully be up soon. Then while sitting watching the start of Buffy, Bruno and my Tina arrived, Bruno having misread an invitation to Fiona's party last saturday and having thought it was today. As people do. Which was cool, as it meant I got visitors twice in one day, and felt all good. And it ment I got to see Tina when she was supposed to be out of town. Something she still hasn't explained to me.
Anyway, they visited for ages, and it was great. But now they have gone, and it's late at night. And I should sleep before I die.
Today's quote: From Amnesty International Online.


I'm just a schoolgirl living in a fantasy world
Now I'm outspoken
Walked around for a couple of years
Trying to convince myself
It was a plan I was to understand it

They said things to me like you're so beautiful
You spoke of other things like how much do you charge
You're youthful you can't hide behind that face
You're so youthful sit tight and stare

Ad lib

Silence stalks me pushes me through
I feel so broken
Turn the lights on a couple of times to see if you would exchange
I would not know if you turned them off

They said things to me like you're so wonderful
You spoke of other things like I love you 'cos
You're youthful you can't hide behind that face
You're so youthful sit tight and stare

Ad lib

Maybe I'm allowed maybe it's in the book
Maybe I could shout down the walls
9 till 5 I hope it doesn't show 
9 till 5 it's not a perfect thing

They said things to me like you're amazing
You speak of other things like is this going on my bill
You're youthful you can't hide behind that face
You're so youthful sit tight and stare

Ad lib

You're Youthful
You know this time will not do
You're so youthful I own you now

Ad lib

Youthful yeaaaah


17th November 2001
Thursday, I don't really remember much of. I think I just sat around playing computer games all day and hiding from the rain. And I tried writing something, but was feeling uncreative. In fact I did go into varsity to talk to Greg about Old English as a topic, but he was away as he had become a grandfather the day before. On the way back I visited Becky, who has just acquired a new machine, and I'm a tad jealous, but I don't have rich parents who buy me stuff.
Yesterday I spent the morning fluffing around, reading some Neil Gaiman short stories, the book o'mormon. At lunch time the mormons arrived and talked for about an hour, and I kinda paid attention, but I'm pretty sre if there had been a pop-test on it, I would have failed.
In the afternoon, having got my university timetable book for next year, and seen it wouldn't clash, I went to the Theatre department to apply for a paper, and lo-and-behold, it was shut. That office is like never open. Typically bloody thespians. So I headed into town where I bumped into Aaron and went shopping with him for a while before I made a point of heading home in time for Cardcaptors. I am such a loser. It was kinda cool seeing him in town though, I have friends. He also commented on one of the poems I recently added to my website, the Giant Monster one.
After Cardcaptors I gotplaying Ultima (surprise, surprise) and generally killing time before I was supposed to go and visit Simon and see his flat, which will be weird as Ihaven't visited him since 4th September 1998, which possibly makes me a horrible friend, as he always visits me.
Well anyway, while this was happening Tina rang to drag me along to the movies and Si asked for an extra day before he had to entertain at his flat, so all was going along nicely, and I asked Simon along to the movie and all was organised. SO I headed off and met Tina. Then we went to one of her friend's, Brian's, place. There she conscripted two extra couples togo to the flick with. After stopping at the Meridian for tea, we got to hoyts to buy the tickets at Si was nowhere to be seen, and I waited as long as I could make them wait and he was still a no show, so we bought tickets without him, and went and sat outside and ate the takeaway food we'd gotten ourselves earlier. And so we sat and chatted till it was movie time then headed in. American Pie II is great. It's a bit wholesomer and happier than the original, but just as, if not a bit more, funny. Then afterward he headed back to the previously mentioned flat where they all talked about people everyone except me knew, and about roleplaying. SO as soon as I felt it was polite I made me excuses to go home. And ended up walking with Tina as she had realised she had to get home and sleep. And when I got home I played some Ultima and then went to bed.
This morning I lay in bed getting annoyed at the crap cartoons on TV this days. Saturday morning cartoons used to be much better. Then I rolled out of bed about 10 and played some Cultures.
After lunch I finally got online to hear Simon's excuse. Appearantly he was expecting one from me, and is adamant that he was there at the time he was supposed to be, and waited for twenty minutes. Which is a real worry, because I was there the whole time, getting slightly bitter about being stood up. So the universe must have been playing weird games with me.
Anyway, I don't have much else to say. SO I guess I'll finish up now. Otherwise I'll just start wallowing in self-pity on here aswell, being that thats mostly what I've been upto today. I need to be a LOT thinner. A LOT thinner. And I want better skin, my skin is crap. And a better nose would be good too.
Today's quote: Anika Moa's "Youthful".

cir·cum·ci·sion (sûrkm-szhn)
n.
  1. The act of circumcising.
  2. A religious ceremony in which someone is circumcised.
  3. Circumcision
    1. A Christian feast celebrating the circumcision of Jesus. Used with the.
    2. January 1, the day on which this feast is celebrated. Used with the.


18th November 2001
I have a job interview of Wednesday, I found out last tuesday while Aaron was visiting but forgot to mention it, but hey, I almost forgot to mention he visited. So hopefully I'll have a job one of these days. And a job will be all good, admittedly I'll probably still be poor as a church mouse, but atleast I won't get qute as bored this summer. Last summer was terrible.
Anyway, last night, after not having tea as I was feeling fat, which is probably bad for my metabolism and will eventually cause me to get fatter in spite of everything, I headed off to see Si's flat. After he had hyped up how bad it was, I wasn't surprised at all by the fact it was actually really nice. Damn him, he earnes good money, but still got a really nice flat for far cheaper than anything I've ever even seen. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. But after getting a look around his unfairly nice flat, we sat in his room and had a really nice long talk about lots of random things, but mostly former relationships. I gotkinda down about that fact I'm not sure i've ever beenin love, and if Ihave, then I still am, and after as long as it has been, it's just plain screwy.
I really have to learn to get over stuff.
As usual with long conversations with Simon, I ended up in a really weird mental place afterward, so had to centre myself by watching a video of last night's Voyager episode before I went to sleep.
This morning I had to do my brother's stupid paper run, darn his being at scout camp.
Actually, I got thinking on my paper run about the twelve days of christmas song, and how I'm sure it's seven lords a leaping, which is a worry because the seventh day of christmas is the Circumcision. No, wait, now I think about it, it's ten lord leaping, and seven swans a swimming. So it's okay, and I'm rambling. So this whole paragraph was a waste of your reading effort.
Anyway, I might go play Ultima, which for some insane reason only runs properly when I'm connected through ihug, and may yet mean I have to change back to ihug's unlimited plan.
I might email THAT first year though, developing it into a complete obsession woud be really unhealthy, but might get me over the last of those residual ex issues. Though, admittedly, after that last email I am probably on THAT first year's blocked sender list. I am SUCH a nut. Between my looks and personality, it would really worry me if I wasn't single. For anyone to actually like this package would be the sign of some real problems.
Actually, I'm still annoyed at Raj for being the voice of reason on Thursday night, he is SO not supposed to be the logical one in a conversation. Much less is he supposed to make good points.
OKay, I'm back. Diary writing twice in one day, it's all bad. It's not even like anything has happened, I've just been playing Ultima Online, and a bit of Might and Magic.
Though I did remember that I was supposed to point out that although me and Tina are engaged still, we don't have the kind of relationship that would prevent her from reading this, ie. I'm excusing her from the disclaimer. Not that I really see why I need to, not after all the boys she has had since we got engaged in 1998. Actually, that was probably all I had to say. Which makes this all very pointless.
Today's quote: From www.dictionary.com.

When everything is going wrong
And you can't see the point in going on
Well nothing in life is set in stone
There's nothing that can't be turned around

Nobody wants to feel alone 
And everybody wants to love someone 
Out of the tree go pick a plum 
Why can't we all just get along 

Boys 
Boys in the girls room 
Girls
Girls in the men's room 
You free your mind in your androgyny 
Boys 
Boys in the parlor 
Girls 
They're getting harder 
I'll free your mind and your androgyny

21st November 2001

Okay, Monday, the weather was crappy, and when I woke up I had a nasty migraine. When I finally got up I finished reading Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors collection. One of the first stories "Chivalry" and the two last ones "murder mysteries" and something about apples and snow which I can't quite recall are REALLY good. And mostly all of them are lots of fun to read. The evening was wasted on the net and playing Ultima.
Tuesday, I did some writing in the morning. Then had very not punctual mormons visit, before I headed off to varsity and applied for the theatre paper I'm after. Then stopped by English and got a step closer to actually getting my honours application done. Last night was spent playing Ultima.
Today, I got up and played some Ultima, Cerdic made a bunch of pottery which I'll probably give to Giffy's character, or Tina's.
Then about lunchtime I started freaking out about the job interview. After changing about a dozen times I ended up going to it dressed the same as I had to Fi's party, except tucked in. The Job interview wasn't too bad, though a few of the questions seemed pretty unrealated. And the interviewer was someone I've known for years, which was just a little creepy. But hopefully I'll get it. Just out of the interview I bumped into Tash and her sister Filza (okay, I have no idea how that's spelt) and walked arond shopping with them for a while. Then came home ia Uni, and a random conversation with Raj, to watch Cardcaptors.
Anyway, I have Ultima to play, I don't really feel like writing much today, as I'm all depressed, Buffy's mother have died and all.
Today's quote: Androgyny by Garbage.


Hey, what did you hear me say
You know the difference it makes
What did you hear me say
Yes, I said it's fine before
But I don't think so no more
I said it's fine before

I've changed my mind I take it back
Erase and rewind
'Cause I've been changing my mind
I've changed my mind

So where did you see me go
It's not the right way, you know
Where did you see me go
No, it's not that I don't know
I just don't want it to grow
It's not that I don't know

I've changed my mind I take it back
Erase and rewind
'Cause I've been changing my mind


25th November 2001
Okay, Thursday, it was wet and icky so I played Ultima most of the day. Go constructie use of time.
Friday was busier. I was up, dressed and at the English department not long after 10am to talk to John Hale about my hons project. Something I should have hard sorted ages ago,but he keeps putting me off, I think he wants to make me get it in late so Ian Jamieson is already taken and so I have to go with him. Then I hit the shops to get my lil cousin Lucas a birthday present, and ended up stooping to buy Jack Stone Lego out of desperation. Then the Mormons were here after lunch to give me another of their presentations. Yay for me......
Then after blowing the afternoon on Ultima - Jane making over 5000gold and finding some magic armour, all in a single hunt, it was a good day - I walked over to Si's flat..
He has Jetstart, and it's running at Jetstream rates at the moment. Talk about jealousy, I WANT HIS SETUP. The mp3s download faster than he can listen to them.
Yesterday/Saturday. I spent the day helping Alana and her mother shift. I was the only person helping who was neither family or one of Alana's exes. They'd been living their about 14 years and had SO much furniture, though we only moved the heavy stuff mainly. Yay for carrying a massie deep freeze down a thin staircase and my having to carry an end by myself. It was far from easy. After finishing the shifting, and Alana's mother buying us tea from KFC, I came home very tired and achey, showered and collapsed in front of Star Trek.
Then I sat watching TV and half heartedly chatting over ICQ, until 11, when I decided to go to bed. Just as I was packing up, Si came on and convinced me to go clubbing. So rather unenthusiastically I headed off to town. Si picking me up off the street on the way there. It actually turned out to be a GREAT night. Even if I did have an attack of the green eyed monster at one stage, I got over it and the night went on the be a blast. Though I was dancing a bit too dodgily with multiple people, I of whom I was getting just a little more touchy-feely with than I really should have been.
This morning after about four hours sleep I rolled out of bed and got ready for my cousin's birthday party. Darn having to dress up nice for family things. It turned out to be more tolerable than I had expected though.
Anyway, the Ultima server I use isn't up, so I'm grumpy. And I should probably go now anyway.
Today's quote: Erase / Rewind by The Cardigans.


I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars

Oh it sounds so good to me


27th November 2001
After I wrote on Sunday I headed off to my grandmother's for tea. It was pretty nice, my grandparents are a good step up from my parents (which isn't a good sign for me). Though afterward I was dragged (kicking and screaming, on the inside) to mother's idiot partner's parent's housebus (damn that was a lot of possessives) for an hour and a half. I was FAR from happy, especially as my back was still pretty unhappy about things. And it ment I missed a bit whack of the movie I wanted to see on the telly. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Combined with the fact I was grumpy at someone for his insight - and my being a dumbarse.
Yesterday I felt a whole lot less sore. I lay in bed and read Reading the Bones by Sheila Finch. It pretty good. Then I hoped out of bed and headed off to met Tina, and spent the day stuffing around having fun with her. It was great. And I borrowed House Party off her, and set it up and played all night.
Today I played games till lunch time and then headed off to varsity and sorted some stuff out with my honours. It's mostly done now. Anyway, my mother bought Hot Date, so I'm off to play with it. I'll have to do my Ultima jobs tomorrow.
Today's quote: Cowboy Take Me Away by The Dixie Chicks.


Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.

Day after day,
There are girls at the office,
And men will always be men.
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers.
You may not see him again.


28th November 2001
Okay, I feel amazingly crappy, in the I could happily kill myself way, but without any real justification. Anyway, I'll get to that later.
I was up playing Sims Hot Date till after 2am, and then got up at about eight to play it some more. And kept playing till 11, when I showered and prepared for a visitation by the Mormon missionaries. It was actually quite interesting, especially as they had no real come back when I pointed out no-one could realistically be expected to believe that all the native american races decended from a tribe of wandering Jews at some point after 450AD. It just wouldn't happen.
Anyway, they left and I went and got junk food from the supermarket. I suddenly had the need for comfort food, for no appearant reason. Then The Sims: Hot Date ate a bit more of my day until about 4:30 when I helped cut a tree down.
After tea I discovered I had a letter from the DCC, the rejection letter I was expecting, so I got a bit depressed and curled up in my room and watched Spin City and Buffy. then came down to the house to complain to people and found my ICQ refusing to connect. Ultima still worked fine though, and with bugger all lag, so I've decided ICQ is just plain evil. What kind of error message is "Rate Limit Exceeded" anyway. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So I rang Midget to find out her exam marks, straight A-s, spot the geek (says me who got two A-s and two B+s). After a nice chat to her that almost had me perked up again, i stupidly though I'd ring Simon. Who blew me off with pretty much "oh hi, thats nice, I'm hanging up now". Okay that's a exageration, but still. Okay it shouldn't have bothered me, but he is the one person who usually atleast pretends to care that I'm not dead yet. I think he possibly just had someone with him, which I guess is excuse enough. Though when I visit and someone rings he's prettyhappy to ignore me for half an hour of so to chat on the phone. Actually, I think that's it. I'm being a self-centred fuck and thinking everyone should care about me the way even I don't care about me.
Okay, I'm going to stop talking now, as this is just going to turn into one of those rants that goes on for pages and pages and pages (not that the html format really goes for pages) and will just end up scaring people and making me look like the obsessed freak that I am.
Okay, and my ex is now not only pointly not talking to me as much as possible, but it lying around the Raj moving in thing. Yay for honestly from someone who keeps telling me "you're one of my three best friends".
Okay, I'm being a freak. I really should get over it.
At this rate I may yet have to go and see one of the head shrinkers at Student Health. Damn it.
Today's quote: Wives and Lovers by Burt.

Raindrops keep falling on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he' got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are falling on my, head they keep falling

30th November 2001

Damn, I just found out that Homestead ate my webpage on it, so my photo album is gone. I'll have to redo it for this site.
Well Wednesday night after writin gthe slightly bitter entry I wrote, I sat awake all night writing better poetry and some prose which is actually really good, and someday if i can get it into something where it isn't obvious where it came from, it would be really good. And I realised I'm going to have to give a "you're a great friend, possibly exactly the kind of friend I need, but I can't have yu in my life" speech. Which will suck. Why do I have to be the kind of freak who falls for an ex only after we broke up, and three years later, when we've been doing a pretty good job of being great friends, sudden start getting all swept up in jealous paranoia. It's SO nutty.
Yesterday I sat around home playing Wizards and Warriors, which I had forgotten I had. In the evening I headed out to Arc with some friends, and got a little weird feeling, so I suspect some of the people there were smoking something of questionable legality, which also lead to me going home earlier, as I knew if I got too wasted I'd end up walking to my ex's, which is pretty close to Arc, and making a spectacle of myself. So I sensile walked out on my friends and headed home.
This morning I felt terrible. Damn second hand green smoke.
I lay in bed late reading "Lost Girls" by Jane Yolen (author of The Devil's Arithmetic), which is Peter Pan told from Wendy's point of view if Wendy was called Darla and a child of the nineties whose mother is a Labour Union lawyer, and "Thriteen Ways to Water" by Bruce Holland Rogers, which is a weird little Vietnam war aftermath story. Eventually I rolled out of bed, came online, made some plans for the day with Tina and Raj. Then I showered and headed off to varsity to tell my Aunt Judith my exam results. Bumped into Tina and ended up almost half an hour late to meet Raj, fortunately he was late too.
Lunch with Raj was weird. Appearantly he is moving in with my ex, nice that I heard it through Raj, really. I am so never liking anyone ever again. People suck.
Okay, I have spent the day since being very grumpy, very bitter and very depressed. I just need to score someone quick, so I can get obsessed over someone new. Though I've already tried that once, and it didn't work, and I just ended up with an annoyingly pleasant seven month relationship, and a whole lot more tummy.
Actually, Raj went off at me about my tummy today, and how I'm going to have loads of health problems because of my size. Like I was depressed and going to the whole depressive eating cycle thing anyway - he didn't need to make it worse.
I think my ex is ignoring me, we've exchanged only a couple of words since that phone call I sulked about, which is weird, as we usually talk heaps. So I'm more than I tad not happy about stuff. Damn it. I actually suspect Raj has said something. I would have understood if the snub had started on Sunday, after I got a bit too friendly on Saturday night, but for it to start days and days later. It's just irking me. And I'm being a weird obsessive freak. I should go shoot myself sometime soon.
Today's quote: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head by Burt.

Tuesday, 30 October 2001

October 2001

Yippee, exams this one come.


Buffy: "Mom, what are you doing?" Joyce (angrily): "I'm making breakfast. You shouldn't eat anymore, you're disgustingly fat!"

1st October 2001
Thursday I had classes and was tired and grumpy, but I got home to find my First Sundering membership had cleared and I could start to play Ultima Online.
Played Ultima before school, then headed to my classes, shopping for Elizabeth's present between times. Then after classes I headed home, bumping into ine if my friends, Vaughn, in the stupermarket. After tea, and some Ultima playing, I headed off to Elizabeth's. it was a great party, and between all the flu medication and the alcohol, I was in a partying mood. There were a lot more people I knew there than I had thought there will be. Someone I used tohave a crush on was there was someone seriously substandard, and I suspect I was more than a little harsh. I'm actually a little worried, I wrote a poem in Elizabeth's birthday book, and its details are the one thing from the night I don't remember.
Saturday I spent all day trying to write my Shakespeare essay and only got 300 words done. In the evening Si dropped round to take me out on the town but we ended up just sitting and taking for a few hours. It was really nice, especially as I very rarely see him. And I really needed to sleep that night anyway. Except as things happen, I didn't. Something unimportant he had said in conversation, that I had barely even noted at the time haunted my sleep. it was entirely random, but lead to much grumpiness.
Sunday, the essay started to happen.
This morning, the essay finished, printed, stapled and handed in. Then Biol was great, we had a lecture from a not bad looking german or scandinavian lecturer on cetaceans. It was very cool. Then Hare Krshna lunch, followed by wandering through town with Aaron and Anabelle and Tim (who hit me :o( and I barely did anything to deserve it). And then we visited the new Harvey Norman store where we bumped into Rachel and her bf she has been hiding from everyone. Then Medieval which I was late to. And home to play some Ultima.
Today's quote from the Buffy episode "Listening to Fear".


Xander: "I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster."
Giles: "Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space. (pause) I did not say that." 


6th October 2001
Okay, on the second, hmmmm. Classes, translating for Medieval, watching Xena, and that was about it really. The new lecturer for Biol is kinda weird, second foriegner in a row, and this one has serious trouble with English pronunciation. Up there with my spelling.
The third. I had by biol poster presentation in the morning, and my bit went okay, but our groups poster was terrible, it looked like an ad for a school fair, not too appropriate when the topic was infanticide. I also discovered that THAT first year has an embarrassing nickname. After my presentation, I walked Tina to a class, bought pie, chatted to my poster group - who are mostly scary - and came home and played a little Ultima. Then did some translating before heading back to the library to check out random hot bodies while I translated. Warm weather is WAY distracting. On Wednesday night I made a second Ultima character, but she died really soon and stayed dead too long so all her stats suck, but I can't delete her as she is too young. Though I've trained her a whole lot, and now she is only completely useless. And Buffy was cool
Thursday, classwork and translating all day. In the evening, homework and Ultima.
Yesterday, got up and did homework. Headed off to varsity for Biol112, where I sat with THAT first year as usual. Afterward I walked chating to THAT first year up to Wormgirl's place, which THAT first year lives beyond. It was after I had been there a while that I remembered I hadn't handed my ENGL319 assessment in, and it was late, so I rushed to the Burn's bulding and got it in the box before it was cleared. Then had lunchwith Sarelle and Anita, well watched them eat as I wasn't hungry. Then after Shakespeare, and a spat running around like a freak after I'd dropped my wallet, which turned out to be on the bridge at varsity, I headed into town, to pick up my brother and find Tina and her borther so we could all go to Cats & Dogs, which was a lot better than I had epected it to be, though still something of a crap film. Though my very favourite Hoyts worker only charged us children's prices, so it was all good. Then I went shopping and failed to buy anything with Tina, where I bumped into the cute Irish Catholic from chem whom I used to have a HUGE crush on, and whom I still wouldn't say no to, and who asked what I was upto - whacking me into a big warm fuzzy. Then after depositing Tina with Bruno at his roleplaying game, I hit town and found a 21st present for Fluffy. Then it was home to play....I think you can guess.
Well, it's morning, and I ain't done nothing yet.
Today's quote from the Buffy episode "Listening to Fear".


Anya: "Maybe we could do a... holiday promotion. One free with every purchase!"
Giles: "Oh, yeah. Dear holiday memories. Merry tykes by the fire, enjoying their new Christmas... 
 chicken feet. "
Willow: "Aw, holding them tight as they fall asleep. Painting their little toenails."
Anya: "That's very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private. 
 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal.'"


10th October 2001
Saturday arvo I visited Tina and installed muchness on her 'puter. Saturday night I headed off to Fluffy's 21st. He'd hired a huge venue, and practically no-one turned up. I felt So sorry for him, and as a result I stayed a lot longer than I was supposed to. Then off to Cole's, for which I was Tina's date, and got seriously scolded for my lack of punctuality. Cole's party was great, so all was good.
Sunday I played Baldur's Gate pretty much all day.
Monday, had classes and organised my ENGL319 speech between classes. Wandered around with Aaron and Alan a bit. Hit on THAT first year a bit. Hit on that fourth year I met at Oliver's 21st for ages while we were in the copy centre. Did no translation before my Medieval class and came home in the evening to play Ultima Online.
Tuesday, my Shakespeare lecture was an hour about the three questions in the exam. Then I hit the library to do my overhead for my ENGL319 presentation on Bill Manhire. And once that was done, chronically hit on a marine science student whom I think is the best looking chem lab partner I ever had. Then after a lecture on malaria and elephantiasis worms, I headed to ENGL319. I stood up to give my presentation and what came out of my mouth was completely not what I had planned to say. And I somehow ended up just being nasty boy.
Okay - not upto where I should be before I finish, but I muchly crave sleepage.
Today's quote from the Buffy episode "Into the Woods".

The old woman took it from him. She nodded.
"You've a good heart. Sometimes that's enough to see you safe wherever you go." Then she shook her head. "But mostly, it's not."


11th October 2001
Anyway, as I was saying, on the ninth. I hadn't really prepared my Bill Manhire speech that well, and ended up doing the poetry equivalent of listening to two songs on a greatest hits CD and deciding you hate the band even though you suspect you could have only heard their two crappiest songs. Anyway, I was mean.
Tuesday evening I had the Chem drinks, where they talked to me about the possibility of my someday doing a masters in chem, they are SO desperate fir post graduate students. Then I went home, blobbed out and talked to Injured Wormgirl on the phone a while before getting a splitting headache and heading off to bed early.
Wednesday morning, possibly my last lab ever - unless at some point in the future I cave and do that masters. Also the last lab with THAT first year, and the REALLy hot bod (with the bad dye job) the next person down from said first year.
After the lab I visited Wormgirl, she has a pretty nifty hole in her foot. Talk about dumbarse things to do, standing on a lever-arch ring binder indeed.
Then I came home with the intention of being all good and homework related, but ened up reading the gamespot guide to Ultima Online. After Medieval, where I got my Chaucer essay back with a depressing B+ that I'd had to work my arse off for, I returned home and blobbed out for the evening, talking to Tash on the phone and watching Buffy, which was a depressingly Amber Benson defficient episode. Though I laughed myself senseless reading Bob's net boyfriend's web page.
Today, I woke up depressed about lil' Reece having met some really hot PE student with whom he seems to have some chance - I want a really hot PE student, so I wore my orange shirt, brown tie with the disco balls and my beige waistcoat with the ridiculous number of purple buttons. I got my Shakespeare essay, the opne which was the beginning and end, the alpha and omega, the.... okay, I'll stop... of bad essays, and Dr John Hale, in his infinately random wisdom gave me an A- for the piece of random knowledgeless ramblings. Then I went and did some homework in the library, and checked out some of the passing eye candy. Then my last biol lecture, and I didn't even sit with THAT first year, but with Sarelle and Gnatacia, both of which I was a touch touchy feely with. Then ENGL319 to listen to the rest of the classes presentations, no-one else was mean at all, I'm the only mean person in my class :o(. Not only am I too ugly to get someone I like, I'm not nice either......
Then at lunch I had pie in the new library courtyard, and watched the eye candy - so I'm in heat - shoot me. Then I went to the library and almost finished reading "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight" between talking to some friends - and I didn't hit on anyone, though did check the occasional stranger out.
And now my lectures for the year are over, and I'm going to apply for a job at the library tomorrow so I don't get as loopy as I did last summer - though I doubt I'll have someone driving me loopy this time, but still.
And one day soon, I'll have to do exam study.
Today's quote from the prologue to Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere - a book everyone should read. A possible movie?. A not too shabby fansite. And last, but definately not least NeilGaiman.com.


Don't you think you've had your fun
Lay across the morning sun
been saving my money
been working for you
been steeped in temptation
been waiting for you

(Chorus)
There's a boy in every town
no wonder I get around
I'm seeing me for the first time
I've played and fooled for the year
but feels like I'm not there
now I know that I'm falling for you again

yeah I'm falling in love again

Everyone has missed the bus
their gunning down the two of us
been crossing the boarder
corrupting my mind
keep my emotions
forgiving my pride

(Chorus)

It's still quiet in here
I can't see through my tears
I burned a candle of flares
so I can see you again

see you again (x3)

(Chorus)

I'm falling
I am falling in love again
yeah I'm falling
I'm am falling in love again


13th October 2001
Yesterday I sat on my arse drinking chocolate milk and playing computer games, mostly Ultima. Do you know what is better than two minute noodles? Three minute rice.
Anyway, I have tragically little to say. I'm tempted to give a detailed description of my Ultima character, Cerdic Wodrede, and his travels to Minoc and Vesper yesterday, but apart from Giffy and Tina, everyone would think me mad, or even wod in my rede :oþ. Okay, that was random, and mostly wasted, I think I'll go now.
Today's quote Anika Moa -Falling In Love Again. Article and photo of her.


Walking 'round the room singing
Stormy Weather
at 57 Mt. Pleasant St.
Now it's the same room but everything's different
You can fight the sleep but not the dream
Things ain't cooking in my kitchen
Strange affliction wash over me
Julius Caesar and the Roman Empire
Couldn't conquer the blue sky
There's a small boat made of china
Going nowhere on the mantlepiece
Do I lie like a loungeroom lizard
Or do I sing like a bird released

CHORUS
Everywhere you go you always take the weather with you


14th October 2001
Yesterday I sat around playing computer games. And that sucked up my day. That and laundry. Then in the evening Tash, whom I had plans with, called and cancelled on me, leading to me convincing Simon that he wanted to go out for the night, much against his better judgement.
It was a crap night out, but I still managed to have fun. It was a little twisted that the only person I found attractive all night was my ex. Which has to be a pretty unhealthy sign, really. There was someone else there I used to like, but who had done something nasty with hair products and make-up and just looked like that scary clown woman off The Drew Carey Show. But against all the odds I had a fun night. And I got home not too late and got me some good sleep, after making Si drive me home.
I'm getting frustrated as to how impossibly it is proving to find the song "Youthful" on the net, I may have to buy young miss Anika Moa's album. I can't find Good Shirt mp3s either :o(.
Today I've stuffed around playing Baldur's Gate and Might and Magic VIII. I had a random visitation from an equally random Indian - and Raj was actually vaguely pleasant company - which is me being mean, but usually I dump into him when I'm grumpy and he makes me grumpier - I think the message is that he mostly annoys me only when I'm already annoyed.
Today's quote Weather with You by Crowded House.

She turned then and looked at him with eyes that seemed both to see and not to see him. "I think there are several aspects of our marriage we're going to have to work on."
"Babes," he told her. "You're dead."
"That's one of those aspects, obviously."


17th October 2001
Monday,I got up, showerded and did stuffish stuff all day. I went to varsity and got a run down on how to write CVs and was told mine wasn't done too badly, but it would neer work due to it's lack of ACTION VERBS. I picked up the last of my ENGL319 internal which was all rather bad, I'm actually going to have to get good exam mrks for that one. Doh, I forgot to pick up my ENGL315 exercise. Anyway, I then headed into town and chatted to someone I know at the library to find out what they thought was good in a job application there. Then after a long visit with a sick Wormgirl, I headed home and played me some Ultima.
Yesterday, I read Neverwhere before getting out of bed, so I could start Neil Gaiman's new book American Gods, as I get annoyed if I start another book well the last is still only partially read. And then I spent the afternoon getting frustrated at my crappy Ultima character and his inability to learn anything. I've been playing almost two weeks and am still only an apprentice, and only good at one thing, and have bugger all money - admittedly it is because I'm prone to buying expensive armour, but still.
Everyone should go to this site: Elvira.com, it's GREAT. Cassandra Peterson kicks goth arse.
Today, I read a chunk of American Gods. And it's still morning. I should go to the library and start watching Shakespeare vids, as I'm too lazy to read the plays. I have SO much study type stuff I should do but don't want to do. :o(.
I forgot my lunch plans today. I am such a loser freak. Tasha forgave me though, but still.
I did go to the library though, and between watching as much as I could tolerate of the BBC Antony and Cleopatra, I checked out a LOTS of talent, it was a good eye-candy day.
I also visited Giffy and Tina in Giffy's room. She was playing Ultima and being scoody with guys from Ultima over mIRC, while Tina studied.
Now I just have to remember not to stand up any of the plans I have tomorrow.
Today's quote from Neil Gaiman's American Gods.

Willow: You're the fish!
Anya: What?
Willow: Th-the fish in the bowl, in The Cat in the Hat. He was always saying that the cat shouldn't be there while the mother was out.
Anya: What are you talking about?
Tara: It's a book. This cat does all this mischief.
Willow: It's so cute! He balances a bunch of stuff, including that fish in the bowl! A-and— but don't try it for real when you're six, because then you're not allowed to have fish for five years.
Anya: You're referencing literature I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out, and you're stealing!
Willow: I'm not stealing. I-I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
Tara: Willow, maybe we should just pay.
Willow: Anya, Giles would be totally fine with this. Come on, it'll be fun. We could show you how to do some stuff! You could be floatin' pencils by the end of the day.
Anya: Sometimes I miss having powers... Oh. Oh! I know what this is! This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and-and have drugs!

21st October 2001
Okay, I suck at keeping this updated.
Thursday, I met up with Aaron in the morning to do present shopping, and he was being most amused that I'd accidentally stood up his ex the day before. I eventually found all the presents what I done needed to buy. :oP. Then I went to Nina's, where she was most pleased by gifts of cheap lil' kids jewellery (out of a lucky dip, so I had no idea what was in the bag), a candle Buddha, and a ridiculously expensive dodgy asain inflatable bird dressed like a Hawaiian dancing girl. I shouldn't be allowed to buy presents, I buy dumb stuff. But she did like it which has to count for something. Her birthday luncheon was great, even if me and Tina talked Ultima through half the meal.
Then after a bit of time playing Ultima, I headed off to Alana's 21st. It was great, Tull as usual provided great food, and the company wasn't too shabby either. i got a touch annoyed at Tim though, as he eats like a pig, yet is thin as a twig, damn him. Afterward me and Aaron headed off to a gig at Arc, but I nodded off, repeatedly, so I didn't stay very long.
Friday, i sat around playing Ultima..... yeh I know, I need a life. About lunchtime Aaron visited and we ended up killing the rest of the day being nasty about people with both know but don't really like, and also chating about people that one or both of us are on better terms with. I also inflicted my random musical tasts on him, Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
Yesterday, I played puter games, watched TV, visited my father for lunch and to give him his birthday gift of a Purple Basil plant, on the way falling in a ditch and nastily injuring myself - made worse by the group of middle aged joggers who witnessed it and offered to rescue me. Damn wet grass on step slopes with muddy tracks and ditches at the bottom.
Then last night I kept using the excuse that I was tired for not going out with people, when really I was just sore from having fallen in the hole.
Today I lay in bed till after two reading American Gods, which is really good, but a depressingly slow read, it's taking me ages. I need to get it finished tomorrow so I can start study, but I don't think I will.
The rest of the day I've pretty much just wasted. Anyway, I'm off to bed to read some more.
Today's quote from "Triangle" an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
SIÞEN þe sege and þe assaut watz sesed at Troye,
Þe bor brittened and brent to bronde and askez,
Þe tulk þat þe trammes of tresoun þer wrot
Watz tried for his tricherie, þe trewest on erthe:
Hit watz Ennias þe athel, and his highe kynde,
Þat siþen depreced prouinces, and patrounes bicome
Welnee of al þe wele in þe west iles.
Fro riche Romulus to Rome ricchis hym swyþe,
With gret bobbaunce þat bure he biges vpon fyrst,
And neuenes hit his aune nome, as hit now hat;
Tirius to Tuskan and teldes bigynnes,
Langaberde in Lumbardie lyftes vp homes,
And fer ouer þe French flod Felix Brutus
On mony bonkkes ful brode Bretayn he settez 
wyth wynne,
Where werre and wrake and wonder
Bi syþez hatz wont þerinne,
And oft boþe blysse and blunder
Ful skete hatz skyfted synne.

Ande quen þis Bretayn watz bigged bi þis burn rych,
Bolde bredden þerinne, baret þat lofden,
In mony turned tyme tene þat wroten.
Mo ferlyes on þis folde han fallen here oft
Þen in any oþer þat I wot, syn þat ilk tyme.
Bot of alle þat here bult, of Bretaygne kynges,
Ay watz Arthur þe hendest, as I haf herde telle.
Forþi an aunter in erde I attle to schawe,
Þat a selly in sit summe men hit holden,
And an outtrage awenture of Arthurez wonderez.
If e wyl lysten þis laye bot on littel quile,
I schal telle hit as-tit, as I in toun herde,
with tonge,
As hit is stad and stoken
In stori stif and stronge,
With lel letteres loken,
In londe so hatz ben longe.

24th October 2001
Well, the 22nd. I finished reading American Gods, it took me almost all day, but it's SO good, a fair whack dodgier than Gaiman's other novels, but still damn good. Everyone should read it. I finished at about tea time, and then blew the evening playing Ultima.
Yesterday, I wasted FAR too much of the day playing Ultima, and helping Aaron get orientated, by giving him a tour and some essentials - more help than I got - but only a little more, Tina was pretty good to me when I started out. I also rewrote my CV, and filled out an application for a job at the public library, so I should get the rejection letter sometime next week. On the way to delivering it I found Tina, who then escorted me to the Town Hall to deliver it. After we headed slowly back to Giffy's room, and the convinced me to go off to the flicks with them that evening. So then after tea, I headed back into town and got soaked when the weather suddenly decided to turn very nasty. And so I dripped all over Hayward hall as I walked to Giffy's room. Then in a big group we headed off to America's Sweethearts, which is a really fun film. Yay for Catherine Zeta Jones in a big self-mockage-fest. And Yay for Seth Green and John Cusack and Stanley Tucci in the same film. It's a good watch. Cheesy and predictable all the way. Though I got attacked by hail on the way home, and ended up with REALLY sore ears. Darn those weather deities to heck.
Today I stuffed about, watched stuff I videoed of TV last night, played Ultima, and generally did none of the study I was supposed to be doing. I'm SUCH a slacker.
Today's quote: the opening of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (note: you have to go to this site to see it properly, as some of the characters refuse to cut and past).
     Ane doolie sessoun to ane cairful dyte
     Suld correspond, and be equivalent.
     Richt sa it wes when I began to wryte
     This tragedie, the wedder richt fervent,
     When Aries in middis of the Lent,
     Schouris of haill can fra the North discend,
     That scantlie fra the cauld I micht defend.

28th October 2001
Okay, Thursday.... Ummm, I got up late (in a foul mood after my family being less than pleasant company on Wednesday night) and stuffed around a bit then headed off to the University Library AV section and properly watched the BBC production of Antony and Cleopatra, and surprisingly it didn't kill me. Then I visited Becky and Kez, both of whom I've barely seem in ages. Then in the evening I had to miss a BBQ I was invited to as I was stuck babysitting, but it gave me a chance to play some Ultima, and get very frustrated when a combination of lag, and a nasty corpse-looting danish prick almost led to the loss of all of Jane's stuff.
Friday, I headed in to varsity and watched the BBC's Julius Caesar, which almost did kill me, and then came home planning to do some study, but instead reading some Neil Gaiman short stories, played some Castle of the Winds and generally wasted the evening away.
Yesterday I fluffed around achieving sweet bugger all. I installed some new computer games and generally did lots of non-studyish type things. In the evening Si came round and let me rip mp3s off his Anika Moa album, and installed some stuff on my computer. While the computer was ripping, we went for a walk to the Gardens and chatted about nothing in particular. From the Garden's we could see the hospital, but he wouldn't believe it was the hospital so we ended up walking there so I could prove I was right. After wandering around town we headed back, he finished setting up puter games and decided we wouldn't go clubbing. And then I curled up in bed and watched Star Trek, which I had videoed earlier that night, and proceeded to mind-f**k myself quite amazingly. So I ended up not sleeping well, and being tired and grumpy all day today.
As much as I had planned to study today, I didn't. Which is bad, as my exams are suddenly very close. But I was grumpy and tired and didn't want to do anything. Damn it, my half-arse attempt at doing half-arsedly decent study was been vanquished.
Anyway, I probably should go and yell at my study notes till time goes backward a day and I get some work done.
Today's quote: the opening of The Testament of Cresseid by Robert Henryson.
Willow: "Well, you know what they say. The bigger they are---"
Anya: "The faster they stomp you into nothing." 

30th October 2001
Yesterday I got up early expecting a phone call, but some idiot had left one of the bedroom phones off the hook, and in my freshly awake state I didn't realise until too late. Then I jumped through the shower, modified my CV a bit and headed into town. First, after stopping by the English department to borrow the troilus and Criseyde tapes off Ian, I headed to the library, where I booked a group viewing room for that afternoon. At the library I bumped into THAT first year, and chatted (well, I guess I was probably in flirtation mode) for a while. then I headed off and applied for a job at Toyworld - though one of my friends has also applied for it. Then I headed back to the library with big plans for study, and ended up just talking to THAT first year again, and swapping email addresses. then I was too happy to study, so visited Giffy and dropping off American Gods so she could read it.
Then I went home, had lunch, told Claire when to be at the AV centre, and settled down to listen to the tapes.
I SUCK at Middle English, I understand barely every other word when it's spoken, and the exam is this Thursday, admittedly it's a literature exam, so I don't actually need to speak the language the texts are in, but still.
At three I met up with Claire at the library and watched Richard II - the BBC production. It was plain painful, and me and Claire mostly just chatted and ignored it.
In the evening I listened to the tapes some more, and got more and more frustrated about how little I know - so I took a break and played me some Cultures, which may yet be how I waste this summer away.
Today, I spent this morning studying, after a trip to the supermarket, listening to (and dubbing) the tapes. Then after setting up some downloads on Gnotella, including the Muppets version of Copa Cabana, I headed in to varsity to return the tapes and bumped into Wormgirl, and ended up chatting to her for about an hour about nothing in particular. She has SO many PhD offers. Damn her.
Then I headed home, and spent the afternoon reading Medieval notes while listening to the tapes. And then wasted this evening on the internet.
Today's quote from the Buffy episode "Blood Ties".