Chugging along.
7th February 2009.
So far this month... well.
Sunday, I don't think I did anything until quiz in the evening. We were lacking Greer and were crushingly defeated. Well, came a close second and still won enough to pay for our dinner. but that isn't the point. Not that I'm entirely certain there is a point.
Monday, I went in to the dent school about my aching bleeding gum and possible wisdom tooth issue. It was quickly solved by pulling out the adjacent wisdom tooth (sounds crazy, but worked). I came very close to having it done by a very hot dentist, and while the change of dentist seemed a bit of a disappointment going in it was almost certainly for the best. The whole thing was painless and having someone overly hot in that sort of proximity for as long as it took may have been distracting to the point of public embarrassment. It did take a very long time. It seems my teeth like to stay where they were put. Possibly proving I was on too many drugs, I didn't feel a thing and haven't felt anything remotely like pain associated with the gapping, bleeding hole in my jaw. Go drugs....
On Tuesday, actually, I don't remember Tuesday at all except that I had pasta from Hell Pizza for dinner. That and mentioning to Simon that my meds were making me suicidal - thus making me honour bound to do something about it. You do you're own time, you don't make other people do it for you.
So Wednesday, I went and saw my GP to see about changing my meds. My doctor was of the opinion that drug induced suicidal-ness wasn't a concern unless I'd acted on it and become one of those people who've failed to kill themselves after giving it an actual go. Not the sort of thing that left me feeling he had even the barest professionally expected investment in not killing me. Over the next couple of months I'm weaning down to half my current dosage on the pain meds, back to where it was when they were semi-working but with little in the way of obvious side effects. If they aren't so good this time I'll then get to try some other drugs... joy.
I hate my life right now.
Oh, and he wasn't much more helpful when I asked what I could do to stop the drug induced weight gain. While I tried to get myself a referral to a state funded nutritionalist, he just listed off the various pricey pharmaceutical options. Really losing faith. On the lighter side, the 30kg I thought I had put on while on the painkillers turned out to only be 27kg. I guess that is a tiny win..., or something.
Wednesday night I went out to dinner with Alana and Mikey. We went to Bacchus, where I was very disappointed. The overpriced food just wasn't that good. Were I to be making a list of places in Dunedin to recommend people not go to, Bacchus would be on that list. Still, company was good.
Thursday, the alteration to my meds started to have noticible effects, so I pretty much spent the day split between bed and the couch, where I dozed semi-watching Angel. The small period of time I spent on the net proved that the dosage change crazy had kicked in already (so I was doing stellar work toward driving away Simon as a person willing to tolerate me at all (I ranted at him for hours and the only response was a reasonably polite variant on 'piss off')), while feeling like something was trying to split the top of my skull.
Friday, I spent the morning napping on the couch watching Smile Time and wishing that puppet cancer was a real thing. In the afternoon Oli picked me up and we headed to a BBQ at Fiona and Johannes's place. It made for a good afternoon/evening. Though the meds were fucking with me enough to bring out combined depression and oversharing, so I whined at Greer a bunch about pointless crap and took Bridget's being a drunken bitch personally.
Today, I watched some more Angel and pretty much spent the day on the couch. I'm feeling too crappy to do much else (my skull seems to be the wrong size, by more than usual), and am too paranoid about a repeat of last night but with interweb log records of depressed oversharing to actually trying being web social.
I'm sick of being a crazy.
10th February 2009 - Scholastica, V.
Turns out coming off my meds has been more unpleasant than expected. The migraine pain is up and constant, and I've getting stabbing pains at random in my joints. It's a great big party in my nervous system. And I'm sleeping upwards of 15 hours a day while being a giant ball of emotional over responce. I hate the entire pharmaceutical industry and wish horrible death of everyone involved. I have a lot of irrational anger at basically everything right now, and there has been a lot of swearing at inanimate objects and at the chat windows to friends I have sudden moments of intense rage toward. Basically, I've ceased to be human and all that is left is the crazy. The crazy and the lard.
I was pleasantly surprised when walking through the sweltering heat on Sunday that the weird orange tint on everything which I was pretty sure I was hallucinating was infact a phenomenon outside of my head rather than in it.
For the first time in ages, we spent more money on dinner at the quiz than we won. Not because we didn't win, because we did. But due to misguessing the tie-breaker on the homework.
Yesterday my new bed finally arrived, the Smith City delivery people dumped the bits in my hallway and were gone. I'd thought I'd sorted to have them take away the old bed, but it wasn't written on their sheet so it didn't happen. They also didn't leave assembly instructions. While working out how it went together only had a couple of hitches, it turned out that doing it alone was freaking difficult whereas with two people it'd have taken under a minute. I had the mattress delivered about an hour later (it turns out Back to Bed are very helpful) and then collapsed for an afternoon nap, disturbed slightly too soon by someone ringing up to look at my spare room. He came by a little later, and while se seems inoffensive he is older than my dad and judging from his interest in the exact costs on the power and the phone he seemed cheap in the bad way. If he rings back I may have to think of a polite rejection as I get the feeling he'd be difficult about bills and quibbling over how much was really his share.
Last night I went to bed embarrassingly early, and was asleep by about 8:30. I didn't sleep well though. For all the tiredness, the combination of random the stabbing pain and the creepiness of a strange new bed meant I had quite disturbed sleep and woke up, over 12 hours later, feeling like crap.
Today has considerably been consumed sleep, having had a couple of three hour naps today and only being up all this evening due to dinner not agreeing with me. I burnt the King's soup mix I was making up, yet was still eating it. I started to feel ravenously hungry so kept eating, turned out the ravenously hungry ws mostly the meds shift I was on fucking with me sense of hunger, as my body went from telling me it was horribly hungry to telling me I was painfully full and wanting to throw up pretty much instantly. Haven't managed to actually throw up though, just had an evening of feeling like I'd feel much better if I actually managed it.
11th February 2009 - Translation of S. Fredeswide, V.
While I still haven't sucessfully slept in the thing, I am liking my new bed a lot. It's so comfortable to lie on, I'm pretty sure the only problem is the not-the-bed-I'm-used-to factor. That and that I keep being too lazy to screw in the slats.
I've not left my unit today, or in fact done anything worth noting. The coming off the meds thing is still sucking, so mostly I've just been napping on and off all day. Really living the exciting life....
Okay, I have nothing to actually talk about that wouldn't just be repeating the whining of yesterday's entry, so I guess I ought just bugger off.
12th February 2009.
I just spent several minutes being very confused, the TV listings seemed to be wrong as I was sure it was Monday but none of the shows listed were monday type shows.... I, of course, am a retard. It was Thursday all alone and I'm a big stupid head. I'd spent most of the day knowing it was Thursday. My brain sucks.
I had a pretty good day. I met Greer and Dan at Paasha for lunch, which was very nice. I got to socialise and act like a people, for a whole lunch. And I got the amusement that comes of being served by someone hot and incompetant. Then I went shopping for a 30th wedding anniversary / 50th birthday present for my mother. After establishing that neither the body shop nor any of the pharmacies in town stock bath pearls (which was what she had asked for), I went around the toy and discount stores until realising there are costume jewellery store all over the place these days pretending at being suppliers of fashion accessories. A giant string of "ivory effect" fake pearls was purchased, the 30th being the pearl anniversary. My mother had damn well better appreciate them in all their ridiculous tackiness.
After passing through the supermarket and impulse buying stupidly expensive white tea, I went to school and had an afternoon cuppa with Emily. Basically a whole day of being a human, it was a very nice change. Turns out I'm not so impressed by Twinings white tea, and the caffeine as it turns out made the migraine, which I was attempting to ignore, a lot more unignorable.
Still, good day.
And if anyone is a fan of white tea, feel free to visit for a cup or seventeen.
Weird, the news just said the highest temperature Auckland has ever had in 32.4 degrees. That just seems wrong as I'm pretty sure Dunedin managing 33 is nothing so news worthy and we're the frozen wastes of the south. Something is very, very wrong. Though it may just be my memory.
13th February 2009.
Fuck. I slept in on rubbish day, while being the proud owner of a very smelly bag of rubbish. It's now in the rubbish room downstairs and probably earning me massive amounts of bad karma as far as the others in the building are concerned.
I went to lunch with Midget today. And though she'd suggested it and planned it, she'd entirely forgotten me. So it ended up a lunch with her an her boyfriend. It was good, he's a fresh audience for all my Midget jokes, and did a convincing job of faking finding me hilarious. Thus he earned my approval, for what little that counts.
I also picked up my copy of Mirrormask from Katie. Which I've been meaning to do for ages, and I worry about it as I had to order it from Oz and it'd be expensive to replace.
I just had a potential flattie through. Between the fact he added a "much" to saying he didn't do drugs, and the fact he was a bit fo a queen (though seemed very much of the opinion he was gay in the I'd never have worked it out way (he asked if the flat was gay friendly and then felt he needed to explain why he'd asked, it was so awkwardly done that I had to fight the urge to laugh (I'm bad people))) put me off a bit. I'll have to see if he rings back before I put much more thought in to it.
I should get back to reading Paul McAuley's Minds Eye as it is overdue and I ought try to stop the fine getting too much bigger.
14th February 2009 - Valentine, Bp. and Mart.
I so fucking wish I could drink right now. I'm missing alcohol more than ought be possible. Sure, more than a year as he-of-unwilling-teetotalism has mostly been good. But last night being the only sober at a big party Julie had for her 30th, some of it sucked. It was still a good night, but there were more than a fe times where being sober just made it a lot less fun than everyone else was having.
Also, if I'd been drinking I'd at least be able to feel better about the nasty case of morning after I'm suffering from today. I feel worse than hungover. Stupid body that craps out just because I had a late night and my sleeping in was vanquished by a neighbour working on his car (basically right outside my bedroom window).
Now I just have to avoid people all day, so the combination of feeling shit and hating Valentine's doesn't lead to my saying of things that I oughtn't have.
Well, until this evening when it's the maternal unit's 50th.
16th February 2009 - Juliana, V. and Mart.
My mother's 50th wasn't quite as painful as expected. A lot of her old friends who mostly no longer have anythign to do with her were there for old times sake, and gave me people to talk to.
Sunday, I helped Oli move some garden waste for his mother, and a couch for himself so that we could justify using his mother's car and trailer to take away and dump my old bed. It was an entiretaining day - though left me far, far achier than should be possible. In the evening I had a birthday dinner at my grandparent's for my mother and then went to quiz. For the second time this year, we didn't win. It was close, and purely because of the ponderous puzzle, but not winning is still not winning. Quite the disappointment.
Today I sorted tickets to fly to Wellington in three or four weeks time, had JWs come around and otherwise was just achey. I was expecting a couchsurfer to arrive today, but as I've not heard anything since Thursday, I'm assuming he changed his plans. Well, hopefully he changed his plans as it's getting late and my building is probably locked by now.
Time for sleep.
I'd just finished uploading the above when I received a txt mesage from my couchsurfer to say he'd been waylaid and will now get here on Wednesday. Which at least means I now know and don't have to have irrational worry on behalf of a complete stranger.
18th February 2009.
The guy who was supposed to turn up and look at my spare room last night never did. Which means I'm still looking.
Also, late last night the couchsurfer I was expecting for today messaged to say he was sick and wouldn't be coming. The body of the message contained some unexpected stuff which seemed to imply he'd been hoping to surf more than my couch. Possibly good he didn't come, as I'm not an expert when it comes to navigating the waters between being flattered and being creeped out.
I need to learn to just take flattery and flattery and be glad that some people in the world have standards low enough for me to make the slightest of blips on their radar.
Yesterday, I did have a nice afternoon tea date with Greer and she walked me to the Regent so I could buy my ticket to see Amanda Palmer. The processing fee was a bit steep, but that happens. I don't leave for three weeks, but I'm still get quite excited to go to Wellington and see people. It'll also be my first time at a gig by someone I entirely like the music of. It should be awesome.
I finally got Mind's Eye back to the library and paid off the fine for it. Must learn to only gt out one book at a time, I just don't read as fast these days.
Back to punishing myself with Living Dead in Dallas. Charlaine Harris is like a porny JKR. She is not a master of the English language but she does tell an entertaining (if stupid) story.
24th February 2009 - Mathias Ap.
It's Fat Tuesday.
I got the Charlaine Harris book finished and returned to the library, maybe Thursday last week. Thursday night featured a pleasant dinner at Midget's with her, her plus one, her parents, Rachel, my god daughter Sam, and Moo. It was a very pleasant night. While reminding mee it was good to have godchildren, it also reminded me having children is less good. Kids are only good if you can give them back. When I got home I started the next dosage change on my painkillers - bumped forward a bit so the timing wouldn't leave to me feeling sick when I'm in Wellingtron.
Friday I felt like crap so spent the day sleeping and only getting up for a couple fo potential flatties who came around and who I put off on purpose. Until eightish when Oli rang and left me to stumble through the shower and into clothes before heading off to be socialable and fake-human. Turned out to be a quiet social night at Greer and Dan's and was actually pretty awesome. I'm glad Oli makes me fake being human from time to time.
Saturday, I slept till lunch then spent the day in a duvet on my couch, alternating between watchign Dr Who and sleeping. Sometimes doing both at once. Did put pants on till dinner time and then only long enough to get Turkish takeaways.
Sunday, a repeat of Saturday but with a shower before heading out so I'd not be stinky for quiz. We won the quiz, which was important. Losing twice in a row would have sucked too much for words - we've got so used to winning that losing at all is unpleasant.
Monday, again with the no pants till basically tea time, and with the lying on the couch and watching too much Dr Who. In the evening I went to Alana's farewell dinner at Jitzo. It was pleasant enough, and then off to Toast for celebratory drinks (I got a non-alcoholic cocktail that was really just fancy chocolate milk).
Today. Slow start. Watched some Dr Who and was just getting ready to go visit Alana for one final time before she skipped the country and I had someone ring about the room. I pretty much just gave him the keys when he arrived. Seems I'm having a day of really not caring, and random stabbing joint pain. Then I pottered off a bit late and hang out with Alana for a few hours while she procrastinated about packing.
I got home to find that my flatmate had moved in and hadn't just got the key in order to rob me. Which is good. I also found out he was guilty of several of the things I'd rejected other for. But he seems okay, so I'm just going to go with it. Though has a clearly fake name he picked for himself to sound less foreign. Which is entertaining.
It's now Lent. Tomorrow my breakfast cereal will have soy milk. This shall not make me happy. I'm doing an old school Catholic nothing from beast or fowl lent. Fish and veges will get boring as.
27th February 2009.
Wednesday dad got to town. After a quiet day being slothful I went out for dinner with dad and my brother. I was basically just cranky and getting pissed off, so after dinner I pretty much told my family to leave. There may have been raised voice, as my brother is quite a fan of arguing things just to be difficult.
Thursday morning, I was feeling crap after a night much interfered with by random stabbing pain type fun. So very fed up with the whole sickness schtick. But it was clubs day so I wandered along to the clubs and socs building and spent a bit over four hours running the Students for a Free Tibet stand. I really shouldn't have stayed that long as I was feeling very not well by the end of it. Fortunately I got a ride home and then ended up having dinner with my father and brother again. Takeaway at the beach. Being sick is not helping with my tolerance and my brother was pretty much just grating on my nerves - and I'm pretty sure he was doing it entirely on purpose.
Ergh, head spinning. Sleep time, will catch up later.
28th February 2009.
Where was I.... Takeaways on the beach were followed by a walk along the dunes, which was all well and good until my legs decided not to comply and I faceplanted, having to be helped back to the car by my dad. I are feeble.
Friday, I woke to head pain and then had a morning of my brain being arseholish. Doing such things as making the faint pattern on my wallpaper painful to look at. Stupid vision. In the afternoon I pottered into town and picked up a form from the landlord to declare my flatmate on (the amount of bureaucracy involved in the process has gone up significantly since I did the same for Anson arriving). Not long after I got hom dad arrived and stuffed about here for a while, then Anson turned up for a surprise visit. Made for an okay evening.
This morning, I ranted at Simon a bit about how sick I am of being sick all the time and probably did a good bit more damage to the friendship (I'm going to end up with no friends at all...). Then dad turned up as transport to the laundromat so I could get my mink blanket clean (as my washing machine isn't so big) and to the farmers market (where I mostly bought nothing and dad seemed to know and chat with basically everyone there). The farmers' market smells too deliciously of bacon and makes my vegetarianism suck.
Now I'm pottering about at home until a Christian group dinner thing I'm probably going to tonight.
