Bah and also humbuggery

I got older.

I got a bunch more information from my GP, including all the referral and discharge notes from the specialists and the fairly shitty follow-up I was getting was in fact slightly more than what I was 'supposed' to be getting according to the letters.  So the dropped ball seems to be a choice of the health system as a whole rather than any slackness on the part of my doctor's office.

So sucks to be me.

And my diabetes is worse than usual because I have been eating more sensibly and doing a bit more exercise, which of course means my body responds as if the opposite.  Because my body.  And this is just how it rolls.

Otherwise, I have not been doing a lot.  I am run down and feel busy, but don't seem to have been doing anything to justify any of that.

And now I have Christmas to deal with.  I hate Christmas.

Though at least now that I have much therapy under my belt I understand my hatred of Christmas is really more about my family's behaviour around Christmas and not really about some greater thing to do with the season.

On the topic of therapy, my therapist was a little worried I may have had a brief dissociative episode during session - so moved from framing silences as awkwardly as possible to bait me into talking about things to now handling me fairly kid-gloves-ish.  Which made the last session much easier going than usual, but has left me a bit more concerned about my general level of crazy.

Was a bother

After a bit of missed sleep from working myself into an anxiety spiral, I decided I had to harass my doctor's office.

Have now heard back with a vague, yes we should check your thyroglobulin again but it is still very low in the scheme of things.  Which doesn't exactly agree with what the various thyroidectomy information sites online run by the big name American for-profit-health-industrial-complex.

But it is an official response from my doctor so I should take it as a win and pretend I am not convincing myself that I have cancer.

Also, this stops me from having to deal with the fact that the concern is only annoyance at the bad diagnosis and that treatment will be annoying.  The fact there is a slight chance it could 'end poorly' hasn't been bothering me at all and it didn't even occur to me it was a thing I should be worrying about until people were worried that I would be stressing about it.

So maybe my doctor has been missing something that explains why I I have been feeling progressively more crap for the last year

Buggerit!

Was nosing through some old blood test results of mine and found something my doctor missed, that my thyroglobulin is over thirteen times the allowed maximum for someone who has had a thyroidectomy.  This from a test that was done in June and only because I asked why it hadn’t been done in a year and a half - I was told after the surgery it would be tracked regularly.  I am pretty sure it is only the third that has been done.  Even if the one before had been normal it should have been within a year, and the one before was slightly elevated enough that the information sites about thyroidectomies act like that is a sure sign of disease recurrence.

I am going to have to chase up with my GP about what looks likely to mean my carcinoma had spread a bit before the surgery after all.

I have a strong feeling my GP ignores all results not flagged by the system, and the system doesn’t flag things in the range for normal people - thus completely misses what I was getting the test for.  It is showing I have an organ that I really don’t.

It seems now that I am going through results on tests that were listed as clear, that the actual numbers suggest I had blood tests saying otherwise from about two years ago that were overlooked. Which is not ideal.