I'm on holiday, so can temporarily not be hating pharmacy.
Meet Mittens the Cute Kitty
1st September 2003 - Giles, Ab. Middle lessons of S. Priscus.
I have sucked at keeping this thing informed recently. But I think my life is dull enough a full reprisal can be skipped without you missing anything.
Thursday and Friday I had morning classes, and mostly wasted afternoons. Though Thursday did feature lunch with Alana and a quick visit to my bit's office.
Saturday and Sunday were mainly me sitting around my room like a sad fart. Though both days I went to a free movie at the art gallery, and both days I failed to enjoy them. My grandparents also fed me last night. Being fed is all good.
I've also been rereading Terry Pratchett's Wyrd Sisters and think I might start rereading Witches Abroad on the morrow.
And that is about all I have to say for my life. Oh, and I'm in pain again as the dressings have finally started to disintergrate, and the freshly exposed gums are extremely tender.
Yay me...
Go Nun Bowling
Meet Mittens the Cute Kitty
2nd September 2003.
Today I had Yum Char lunch with Alana, then visited Catriona and borrowed Xena, before coming home to watch Yu Gi Oh before going to Alana's to try and fail to retune her mum's tv.
Go my exciting life...
Actually, yesterday I was too busy bitching about the stupid stitches that keep poking my cheek from the stupid gums they are sticking out of, to mention the fact that I bumped into my Aunt Sheena (currently Margaret, or possibly even Maggie). This was something as a surprise as she lives up north, though it turns out she is in dunedin farmsitting.
Anyway, I'm gonna go watch some season three Xena.
3rd September 2003.
Well, I ended up not watching Xena DVDs last night, as the copyright protection software on the DVDs clashed with my video card. For the first time in days I had a moment of hating all computers.
This morning I had a doctors appointment that lead to me having skin scrapings done. I'm having a reaction to something, and my doctor is having some trouble working out what. Afterwards I made a token attempt to find something for my brother birthday present, with no luck. On the walk home I bumped into my most recent ex, and somehow ended up having an actual conversation - which I think is the first one we've had in about two years. Okay, that's sad. My most recent ex is a feature of well over two years ago. I need some short actual relationship so I have a new ex. But instead I just have a bit that probably isn't going anywhere or ever going to count as anything.
Oh, and my latest "I have no friends", which was one of the last entires last month, has got me in trouble with Midget. Actually, those ones usually do.
I've also finished Witches Abroad and am currently getting into rereading Lords and Ladies.
Well, that's me out of things to say. Especially as people keep reading this thing. Which is bloody rude of them really. Being my personal diary and all. Some people have got no respect, and you haven't got anything if you don't have respect. Can't abide people that just feel they can go and read other people's personal diaries all over the place without a thought for whether or not it's polite or even morally acceptable.
4th September 2003 Trans. of S. Cuthbert, Bp. and Conf. Nine lessons, unless read in Lent.
I am a crappy person, I got all snarky at Simon this afternoon when he cancelled what were quite tentative plans to start with. It wasn't even entirely about him, Nina had cancelled on me earlier in the day, which was fine. It was just having all my plans for the one day in the whole week that I had any cancel on me made me just a little grumpy, and less nice than I should have been. And I really shouldn't take things out on people, especially not my friends.
Okay, my day. Well. I played puter games for a while after having received an email from Nina cancelling my lunch plans. Then I made lunch plans with my father, who decided he'd just visit me at home and bring food, which worked out pretty well. Though some days he really shouldn't be allowed to speak, I don't really need to be told about his sexual escapades. It's bad enough both my parents have busier sex lives than me, I don't need to be told about it. Anyway, then I spent quite a while trying to get my DVD player going, as it turned out to not be a Xena specific thing, but that my DVD drive just wasn't playing anything. Eventually I managed to fix it with the help of the latest drivers from the nvidia, though it seems to be more processor resource hungry, as my DVDs don't play as well as they used to. Then I spent a chunk of the afternoon watching some Xena before coming online and being mean at Simon about the fact that he was overworked and cancelled on watching DVDs with me (as I said early, I'm a crappy person). In the evening I went to my mothers as she wanted me to come pick up her old cellphone, which is now mine. So I am now txt msg capable, and sent my first one to my bit, as I realised my ex would probably get grumpy about being the first person I txted. On the way home I visited Higgins and borrowed a computer game off him, which I might spend tomorrow playing, and Alana who is recovering from being made horribly sick by a meal she ate at The Hungry Frenchman.
And now I should probably go to bed.
5th September 2003 Bertin, Ab. and Conf. With Nocturn.
I've been in a weird mood all day. I think I may still be grumpy about the fact no-one I had plans with yesterday actually wanted to see me.
I spent the morning playing Planescape: Torment. Then after lunch I went into town to pick up the repeat of my drugs, and ended up wandering the streets with Aaron for a few hours. It was pretty good. Though depressingly over my week off, I've only spent time with two people, Alana and Aaron, and have seen basically nothing of anyone else. I really do need more friends of the tragic variety, so there are a couple more people in the world who actually want to spend time with me.
And it's friday night and I've spent in sulking online - which got Simon pissed off at me, and playing Torment.
A while ago I worked out what part of my problem is - and I know I told Simon when it occurred to me, and he mostly ignored me, but I don't think I ever mentioned it on here. Basically, I decided that when it comes right down to it, I am a high maintainence person, yet for some insane reason I surround myself with people who have neither the spare time nor the inclination to pander to my needs in any way whatsoever, leaving me the bitter twisted little freak of an attempt to be a man that I am.
Go me.
Oh, and I haven't shaved since Saturday, so tomorrow I will have a weeks worth of whiskers. And it turns out I grow facial hair in quite well. I'm tempted to have a beard, being that I basically already have one.
7th September 2003.
Ok, yesterday I was having one of those days when I entirely felt like I should curl up and die just to prove that no-one would care, or possibly even notice.
I'm putting it down to the fact that I'm a childish git who takes personally things that most likely have nothing to do with me.
Fortunately I then received an email from Wormgirl - whom I hadn't heard from in ages. It was good, and muchly well timed. It also turned out that an e-greeting card I'd sent from neopets had got to her on her birthday, by pure luck, me not having the vaguest memory as to which day her birthday actual is - as I am the world's crappiest friend - so that was pretty good too.
Then last night I split between playing Planescape: Torment and annoying people over the net, all while watching videos of Lexx. Eva Habermann has the ultimate female form. Mmmmmmm, Eva Habermann.
Anyway, it's almost lunch time on Sunday, and I'm grumpy again. I might go back to playing Planscape and wallowing in my lack of a life.
It's now after 10 in the evening. I wasted the middle of the day watching more Lexx and redoing a chunk of Planescape Torment, as I realised I had missed something and couldn't go back easily, so just went back to an old save. Then I went to my grandparents' house for dinner, before visiting Simon on the way home. I hadn't seen him in ages. I really should be better at keeping in contact with my friends.
And now I think I should go and sleep, as I'm not in the mood to read the readings I'm supposed to be doing. I have classes again tomorrow, and I'm entirely unprepared. Oh well. It's not like I like pharmacy at all.
My bit is back tomorrow, so I can hopefully soon find out if I'm going back to being properly single, or if things are going somewhere and I'll get a chance to be properly unsingle. I'm hoping for the latter, my bit should make a good tool for getting over my ex.
I'm going to bad person hell.
Anyway, I should go sleep.
8th September 2003 - Nativity of Blessed Mary, V.
It's Monday morning and I'm not doing the last minute catchup work I should be doing. I'm just not caring about pharmacy enough. I'm too busy pondering about how my bit coming back into town is going to turn out. And being just a touch bitter as my ex is currently seeing someone. I know there is no way I can really justify that, but still...
Actually, on semi-related news, I looked at Midget's website for the frist time in months as she said she was badmouthing me on it. And she was, as I shall now quote.
I was even considering being offended about it. But I'm too busy trying not to be bitter about my ex having someone to have time to be offended at the Midget. That and trying to decide if I miss me bit or not, and what said uncertainty means. If it means anything.
And I'm not allowed to be bitter, I kind of have someone, and it's not like my ex is even remotely recent, even if I was all single I don't have any right to still have bitterness issues about someone I haven't been going out with in 4 years, 8 months and 20 days. Wow, I think I can do math in my head. Or I may have that number entirely wrong.
9th September 2003 - Gorgonius,Mart. Mem. only.
Well, I'm now officially single again. I got the "I think we should just be friends, I should say this in person, but I am a chicken" speech at about five to ten tonight. So I can't say I'm exactly the world's happiest camper right now.
Why do people always feel the need to dump me over the net?
Okay, I may not be all that great a guy, but why is it that people ask me out and follow this up by giving me the just friends speech over the net.
Life sucks.
Though I suppose I'm just not worth anyone putting the effort into saying it to my face.
And what makes it worse is that I had promised myself I didn't care if it worked or not, and that I wasn't going to emotionally invest at all, and then I did. I am such a fucking idiot. Especially after it was made quite clear at the start that we weren't a couple and that there was no commitment.
I should get a cat, as bitter old spinsterhood is where I'm headed, I may as well get some practise.
And had I known this was going to happen, I'd have kept my beard.
Ok, I was going to talk about other things, but then this happened, and now I don't feel up to it. I might go sleep, or sulk.
10th September 2003.
I am a git.
What was I thinking allowing myself to emotionally invest is someone who had been quite clear on wanting no commitment at all. I was just far too big a sucker for the blatant lines. Well, that's it, I'm never emotionally investing in anything more than friendships ever again.
Romance is an invention of disney and teleflora to make money off the stupid. And heres me, one of the stupid.
Anyway, I was a little grumpier last night than I am now, now I'm mostly just annoyed at my own stupidity.
This improvement in mood is almost entirely due to Tina ringing me up and a two hour conversation going into the itty bitty hours of the morning. I had a bit of ranting to do, and then so did she. Actually, I'm pretty sure she entirely out ranted me, but that was fine. I should keep in better contact with her, but I'm a somewhat crappy friend.
Ah well, I should go to school.
My stitches came out this afternoon, which is good, as my mouth now feels a lot more normal. I am also serious wallowing in self pity.
Tina saved me from getting too miserable last night, so now it's happening tonight instead, and Simon is too busy to care, so I'm wallowing and feeling all good and miserable.
I really have to either become more emotionally self-sufficient or become better at having close friendships. I mean, I have no real trouble getting along with people, but I have a whole lot of trouble becoming close friends with people, though I'm sure I didn't used to. In seventh form and first year I made a bunch of good friends, and since then I've mainly just had the same ones, though the group has been slowly getting smaller and smaller. So I really am going to end up with no friends.
And I feel like I've been dumped, which is stupid, as that would have required a relationship to have been dumped from, and that never quite managed to happen. I can't even managed to get dumped, because I can't even get a relationship far enough for that. I suck. Muchly. Atleast it isn't as bad as the last time I got dumped, though that was four years and almost nine months ago. It's a very similar feeling, but this time I'm not all wanting to kill myself over it. Which has to be a step up.
Damn, I was dating someone photo worthy and didn't get a single photo to prove it. Okay, trying to find the humour in it isn't helping. Buggerit, it was supposed to.
I hate how weak I am.
Why do I care about someone I barely know this much, especially after I had promised myself I wouldn't. I am such a fucking retard. Someone should just kill me already.
If I had just kept my stupid optimism in check, I wouldn't be in this stupid mess. Why do I do this shit to myself. I was fine until I let myself start to think it might work. I should have learned that lesson already. My thinking things might work is a sure sign things will blow up within the next few days.
Damn, my former bit is online, and being all self-blaming and trying to make me feel better about it. And now, I'm feeling like crying might be an option. Damn it. I was doing so well being too angry at myself to actually be sad.
GRRRRRR AAAAARGHH
12th September 2003.
I'm still entirely failing to to handle things particularily well at all.
Yesterday I had micro in the morning, followed by a couple a lectures. Then I had lunch with Alana and I moped and complained at her. Then I had a freakishly long chem lab, came home and stuffed around and then went to Arc for a Ramones tribute concert. I wouldn't have gone to it expect that Aaron was playing at it. It turned out the band playing immediately after his also had someone I know in it. The night was ok. Alcohol was a nice change from the sugar migraine I'd been continually feeling for the past two days. And I caught up with someone who I was friends with when I was a kid. Actually, for a while there I was even distracted enough to stop wallowing in my misery for a little while. Though only a little while.
Why the hell did I let myself care about someone that way. I'd carefully not let anyone under my skin in almost five years (and ok, I still have more than enough issues with the last one), so why the hell did I go and make that mistake again. I am such a fucking retard. Especially when I had fair warning that it wasn't going to work and that I was dating someone with the morals of a cat.
And my stupid pancreas didn't even let me put myself into a diabetic coma - which was pretty much all I wanted from life for most of yesterday, and some of today.
I had classes this morning, then at lunch time I visited Ian and gave him a couple of books I had which I knew he wanted more than I do. Then I stopped home to hang out washing and be online just long enough for Simon to get pissed off at me for asking how he was. I'm assuming some previously action of mine had got him annoyed, but it's possibly a fair call to say I should avoid speaking to him for a while, as he doesn't seem overly happy with the fact I exist right now. Anyway, I went back to town as met Nina at the museum. For the first time this semester we caught up, it was really good. I miss spending time with her, and that's not something that is going to happen much less year as she is all overworked, and then she is moving to Auckland. All my friends are slowly moving away. While sitting with Tash I got a txt from Tina, which I'm pretty sure means she should be here sometime soon. Which will hopefully be good, though I am very grumpy and sleep deprived, so it is entirely possible we'll just end up annoying each other. When I got home my former bit was online and stupidly I was honest when asked how I was, it led to a long and uncomfortable conversation, which got me even more down than I had been previously. And I kept apologising, which got me angrier at myself which made me less rational and it was all just a big cycle of badness. And to add insult to injury Midget got pissed off at me for no rational reason I could see.
So now I'm eating supermarket pizza and sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself. I think I'm going to go write one of those venting letters of the sort you write with no intention of actually sending. And then I'll decide if I'll send it or not.
14th September 2003 Exaltation of Holy Cross. Middle Lessons of SS. Cornelius and Cyprian. Autumnal Equinox. Dog Days end.
Well, after my recent grumbling, I have to admit, Simon has been being a very good friend in the last few days, even Tina reading messages over my shoulder every time I forgot to hide them from her was willing to concede as much. So if he ever reads this - it should be considered a nice big thank you.
Tina has been staying with me since Friday evening. It's been good, as I have been a bit of a headcase, and it's good to have someone around. Though, Tina may not be the most sensible choice of people to keep me level.
Anyway, Friday night I spent chatting to Tina. Saturday followed this, I went shopping with Tina and we spent the day in town while she shopped for clothes to wear to meet her gimp boyfriend's parents. Okay, I dislike her boyfriend, he comes across as a complete arse. In the evening she went off to hang with his family, and I headed to Cathie's birthday party, which was fun. Following this I went to re-feul becaused I'd promised Becky I would, and it was far from fun. Okay, a girl I did theatre with was more than a little while back was all hitting on me something chronic. It might have been ok, but I'm really not ready for that kind of attention from people yet. So I just got really weirded out and not good. It wasn't helped by the fact I went because Becky had made out that she really wanted me there, and then when I got there she couldn't care less. I have to remember she is only really interested in being friends when her other friends aren't around. After that I went to Karen's for a PJ party. I felt very very drunk, which was weird, being that I hadn't drunk anything. It may have been sleep deprivation, or emotional stress stuff or something, as I'm pretty sure no-one would bother to slip anything into my coca-cola.
Today I spent mostly with Tina. We stuffed around a bit, went to town and watched Finding Nemo, which is very enjoyable. Then I came home and had a surprisingly productive chat to my former bit. Which was good, I think.
(kow`) "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
(SpaceRain) That's only 2 types of people, kow.
(SpaceRain) STUPID
15th September 2003 - Oct. of Blessed Mary.
I am an idiot. I just stupidly asked my former bit why I got the heave. Not the smartest thing to do, but wondering has been keeping me awake at night. Okay, it was mostly fair. I got dropped for being a prude, and to a lesser extent the fact that I'm always running myself down. I'm assuming the reasons were honest, and to be fair, they aren't anywhere near as bad as what I was expecting. What with prudence being a virtue, and depression being my accepted natural state.
I'm not happy. But I'm not as sad as I was.
Anyway, I think I might be dealing. And hopefully I shall soon be able to get over wanting to get back together, and go back to my unnatural interest in my ex.
Damn it, this one was supposed to work long enough that I could deal with my crazy ex issues.
Ah well.
Anyway, I went to classes this morning, as was a little annoyed I'd abandoned Tina to go to them and then got there to find my first lecture cancelled. After my classes were over I had lunch with Tina at Tull, went window shopping and then I put her on the bus back to Christchurch. And then I came home and stuffed around. And eventually made the stupid mistake of wanting deep meaningful answers from someone who has just dropped me.
Someday I might learn how to function in human society.
Anyway, I'm all sleep deprived, so might see if I can cure that now that I have answers, or if something else will keep me awake. Today's quote from bash.org
(DavidGilmour) Some people are like Slinkies... generally useless, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
16th September 2003 - Edith, V., not Mart. Middle lessons of Euphemia, Lucia, Geminianus, Martt.
Okay, today I had classes, which were mostly wasted effort. I had lunch with Alana, which was nice, as I'm still in acute ranting mode and she is reasonably good at listening to ranting. Or atleast pretending to. After my last class I saw my former bit in the distance and decided I needed to go home and not socialise with people at all. Well, home via the supermarket, as for the first time since before Tina came down, I was craving sugar. And then I spent the afternoon lying in bed reading.
Well, I chatted with the former bit this afternoon and had the realisation that once again I'd fallen for someone who entirely doesn't get me - but then no-one I've ever had anything with ever has. Okay, not many people ever get me - but that's not the point.
Ah well.
Anyway, I'm going to try to sleep again, I'm yet to have managed even remotely decent sleep in the last week. So hopefully tonight will be it.
And Simon isn't talking to me. Damn it. Okay, he is probably just too busy. But I'm a selfish jerk and expect my friends to care about me when I'm feeling crap. Damn it.
Today's quote from bash.org
There's a chair in my head on which I used to sit Took a pencil and I wrote the following on it Now there's a key where my wonderful mouth used to be Dig it up, throw it at me Dig it up, throw it at me Where can I run to, where can I hide Who will I turn to now I'm in a virgin state of mind Got a knife to disengage the voids that I can't bear To cut out words I've got written on my chair Like do you think I'm sexy Do you think I really care Can I burn the mazes I grow Can I, I don't think so Can I burn the mazes I grow Can I, I don't think so Where can I run to, where can I hide Who will I turn to now I'm in a virgin state of mind Virgin state of mind Virgin state of mind Virgin state of mind
17th September 2003
- Lambert, Bp. and Mart.
My classes this morning were all pretty dull, though getting up was more interesting, for some reason my alarm just plain didn't go off. At lunch I met up with Dot and went for satay noodle soup followed by Wendy's milkshakes. We also had a very long chat, and I think it may have been the first time I've ever spent a significant portion of time with just Dot. It was kind of fun. then I came home and watched Galaxy Quest on DVD, as I'm giving it to my brother for his birthday - though he'll be getting it slightly late, being that his birthday was last Saturday.
I also had a chat over msn with my former bit, who was rather drunk. I said a few things I shouldn't have, but I think a few things I said needed saying, and I got away with them - possibly due to the drunkeness.
Somedays it is good to be the sober one.
Though the fact I've entirely fallen for someone who is now pointly being "a friend" and that I am now flirting harder than I was before hand is possibly not the best look. I guess I should learn to avoid wet dreams made flesh in the future, especially when at first they seem interested in me.
Ok, I really want to get back together, and I'm pretty sure it's not an option.
Oh, and Si was talking, a little, tonight. I was right, he's not been talking because he's all busy and overworked. So I guess I should nag at him for attention less. Today's quote is "Virgin State Of Mind" by K's Choice.
18th September 2003.
Having finished Maskerade yesterday morning, I went to bed and read The Sea and Little Fishes. Though I have finally started sleeping again, so today should be reasonable good. Yay for sleep. It seems the fact I've now got to the stage I can shamelessly flirt, I've also got to the stage I'm ready to sleep.
My mind is a weird place.
And I should go make myself breakfast and get ready for class.
My lab was pretty pointless, and neither of my lectures were all that interesting either. While walking between two of my classes I saw and waved to my former bit, and I was mostly ok, if momentarily lust-struck. I think I'm beginning to deal, though I'm still a little (read "very very very lots-of muchly") bitter that it's over. Then after classes I met up with Alana to help her hand out free samples for her job, but she didn't feel like it so we went to lunch with her bf instead. Then I came home and spent the arvo reading Carpe Jugulum, though very slowly for some reason, I've hardly got into it at all.
Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.
What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!
I went to my mother's for dinner, to give my brother his birthday present, and then came home and stuffed around a bit more.
I then accidentally offended my former bit with a throw away comment that was taken way out of context, and lead to my former bit throwing a snit and going offline.
I'm feeling really bad about it, as it wasn't what I meant at all. Though it is possibly much healthier than the getting back together I'm craving. I am such a git - I really have to learn to accept rejection, and not trying to talk things back to where I want them to be. Especially as I suck at it.
I think I may have to spend tomorrow wearing a newspaper pirates hat and saying Arrrrrrr.
21st September 2003 - Matthew, Ap. and Evan. Mem. of S. Laudus.
Okay. I'm a dirty piker. I didn't wear a paper pirate's hat, didn't dress up at all, and barely even said "Arrrr" all day. I just went to classes and kept apologising for a comment I made that my former bit took out of context and blew way out of proportion and was all offended and annoyed at me about. Then after my classes I came home and did laundry and generally just stuffed about. In the evening my flatmate decided I was whining too much, so feed me a bunch of some gin cocktail he'd whipped up. After drinking far too much of it, I ended up meeting Midget at the Reclaim the Night march in town, and then I sat at the concert aftre Midget buggered off to the movies and left me there. So I sat with Di until she played, and then talked to Aaron for a while before pottering off home to read a bit and then sleep.
Yesterday, I watched cartoons and played computer games for most of the day. In the evening I chatted to Si for a while, and then curled up in bed and spent the evening finishing off Carpe Jugulum - which ends my Granny Weatherwax fest, having reread the whole set.
Today I got up and played some puter games. then my aunt rang and said she was coming around for morning tea / lunch and then arrived with two of my cousins as a pleasant surprise. I haven't seen Anita or Duncan in years, so it was nice. And they've both grown up to be quite tolerable human beings. If only I'd managed the same. Ah well. After they left I watched Ghostbusters II on telly, stuffed around on the net and generally achieved nothing. Then after going to the supermarket for fruit juice, milk, bread and marg, I came home and stuffed around some more.
Wahoo, I just had one of my best runs ever on neopets. I won on all the free games. Go winning stuff for no expenditure of NP (meaning neopets money). I am so sad.
And my former bit was complimenting me on my looks, so I'm randomly happy.
It's now Sunday evening, and I'm yet to do my chem assignment, or write the letter to the dean of pharmacy I really should have had in by now.
22nd September 2003 - Maurice and Compp. Martt.
I hate pharmacy, so I'm finally writing the letter to apply for withdrawal from study.
In lighter news I heard the midget sing today - she's not crap. And I saw Nina, who reminded me to hurry up and quit pharmacy, and Catriona. It was an okay day except for the pharmacy bits. Oh, and my workshop of public health was taught by my little brother's standard four teacher.
23rd September 2003 - Thecla, V., not Mart. With Nocturn.
I have now quit pharmacy. I handed in my withdrawal from study letter this morning. It felt SO good.
This morning I was running late and almost got myself run over by my former bit at the Willowbank corner, and ended up getting a ride to varsity. It was a bit awkward, I kept not knowing what to say, coz I'm a git. And even with the ride it took longer to get to my pharmacy class than usual, I'm blaming my stupid dress shoes I had to wear for dispensing. They always give me blisters, even with the thickest of socks. Though I suspect the ride didn't act speed up my getting there at all, what with campus parking being the way it is, but it was nice. I think we will actual manage to be friends - so long as I don't screw it up. And I possibly will. Then I had classes, between which I printed out my letter and took it to the associate dean while I was supposed to be in a chem workshop. She was actually very nice about it, and told me that since I had a passion, it only makes sense that I go with it.
At lunch time I bought all Season One of Xena on DVD.
Then after lunching I had a pharmacy dispensing practice prac exam. I had to make suppositories and a suspension. No fun at all, but atleast I finished early and my preparations seemed pretty good.
Anyway, I'm stuffing around. I have solid classes from 9 till 5 tomorrow.
Oh, other fun thing that happened. My cell phone was possessed by the devil. I took it out of my bag and found it was already in a call to my former bit. I'm guessing I bumped it about in my bag, and it dialed the last directory entry I used (in my constant txting). I felt like such a goober - and must have come across as a complete gimp.
Anyway, I should go do something.
25th September 2003 - Firminus, Bp. and Mart.
Wednesday I had classes all day, though the focus group was fun and had a goodly supply of free food. And I walked out of my lab about half way through, as I was feeling the decided need to smack one of my classmates, and thought leaving would be a better solution - she was feeling the need to lecture me about how unhealthy my lifestyle must be, appearantly the fact I'm fat in her concern. Then last night I had a weird conversation with my former bit, who is appearantly worried about me and how down on myself I am. It's not like I took a major blow to the ego recently or anything. Ok, I'm being weird about stuff.
Today I had another full day of classes, including two labs. Go Thursday. But the first lab finished half an hour early, so I got to enjoy a little of the sun, and also to have a bit of a chin wag with That-First-Year (whose now a third year), whom I keep intending to ask out but know that I never will. I've never asked anyone out, ever. I'm going to be 24 in a few months, and I've never asked out a single person ever. I really should, and when I do I want it to be someone worthy of rejecting me - thus my thinking it should be That-First-Year. Someone I quite like, and whom I have a high enough opinion of that the rejection wouldn't be too embarrasing for me. Anyway, I had another focus group meeting and then a chem lab that went to five. So if it wasn't for micro finishing a little early, I'd have been inside in class all day and missed the sun shine.
I should go sleep, I just spent the evening trying to help Alana with an assignment. I'm not sure if I did, but I had to help. Especially with how well she fed me a couple of weeks ago when I was miserable and depressed.
Oh, and my neopet is sad, join neopets through this button so she can win some referral prizes.
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What was funny / vaguely disturbing is that my former bit is an "A (Chest)".
Not that these things reveal anything even approaching relevant information, or anything that even resembles accuracy. I am SO not that picky about my friends - I have too few to be picky. And judging from my crappy love life, I'm guessing the good sexual partner thing is entirely wrong as well. I'd put money on my being lousy in the sack.
Fertility Pacman
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Hair: Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby, but you can achieve what most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking, but you will work tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not important. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic types. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore and please ther other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best partner in life will be those who chose A (Chest) and E (Privates). |
26th September 2003 - Cyprian, Bp., and Justina, V.
My classes today were all pretty unnoteworthy. The 257 is crap and the lecturer should be killed painfully.
Today was made weird by my former bit - we had a chat covering stuff we probably should have talked about while we were going out, and it just left me feeling really weird.
I think I may also be a problem gambler in the making, I've got hooked on neopets slot machines and dice games. All my neopets money is being lost to my gambling habit.
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And I had fish and chips, followed by Mr W's for dinner.
I should go sleep. Night.
27th September 2003 - SS. Cosmas and Damian, Martt.
I should write, but I just spent the evening with Midget, so I'm tired and grumpy and will write tomorrow, or Monday.
28th September 2003.
I broke my evil tooth again.
If I had just had it pulled it'd have save all this trouble.
Anyway, yesterday I mostly just buggered around, I went to Harvey Norman's to buy some CDs, and am in the slow processes of backing up my stuff, and sorting all my old backups to be more use. Then last night I went to coffee with Midget and Co. It wasn't too bad, but she was being somewhat snarky at me. Then she turned up just when I was going to bed to look at stuff on my computer. I choose to take it as an apology.
Today I stuffed around, broke my tooth while having a marmite sandwhich for lunch, stuffed around some more, went to my grandparents and came home to stuff around some more.
I was supposed to have spent the weekend writing my portfolio to apply to Vic with. I am bad.
29th September 2003 - Michael, Archangel.
My former bit just gave me the "I see no need to read stuff about myself that is completely partisan, and misconstrued I am sure", after I made a reference to possibly not reading my poetry. Though I had actually meant because my poetry is bad, and I didn't want to be judged by it. Somedays it's nice to realise people think they know you, but have you entirely wrong.
I'm beginning to think that our being friends isn't going to last. It's one thing to patronize me about things I actually do but I tend to get quite snarky at people who feel the need to assume things about me and then patronize me for them when they aren't even things I do. And the one slightly bitchy comment I made has now led to a rant about how much I play up the "poor matthew" card. Ah well, that friendship may be over before it even started.
I am so socially retarded. It's like a super power.
Damn, I had a bit of chocolate as chemical cheer-up, and the brazil nut in it tasted a little funny. I now have turpentine breath. It's not the best look. With my luck the nut will probably have decomposed just enough to brain damage me with cyanide, but nowhere near enough to actually kill me, so I'll just get stupider.
I should go get ready for class.
Oh, and Happy Michaelmas to all and to all a good day.
Well, pharmacy classes sucked as usual. I am so glad it's almost over. Though I did come very close to having a mental health day, fortunately Simon talked some sense into me when I was being all screwy this morning. He's a good friend, someday I really should around to telling him how much I appreciate it, I just need to come up with a way that doesn't just seem corny.
Alana fed me dinner, and I came very close to moving in to her lounge. She is currently looking after her boyfriend's PS2, and it has Kingdom Hearts. What makes it worse it that she doesn't even use it. I want a PS2, I may have to find a summer job and buy myself one.
And my former bit is still pissed off at me and not talking. Which is possibly fair, though I feel I'm the one who has more right to be offended and upset. But then I'm a selfish git with no regard for other people. And I'm constantly playing the "poor matthew" card and trying to get my own way based on the immense power of my projected uselessness.
30th September 2003 - Jerome, Presb. and Doct.
I'm not entirely happy about the fact my grumpiness has killed the friendship with my former bit before it even started. I feel guilty, but since we are no longer talking (not my choice), there isn't that much I can do about it. Bugger.
I had a couple of classes today, and another focus group meeting. but for the most part I just wasted the day away doing nothing. I'm not feeling crash hot - it's not that I'm ill, I just have too much stuff going on in my head. I can't get motivated to actually do anything much.
I think I might go sleep.
