I suck at this thing

I thought it had only been a few days, it has been 10.  10 days where this thing is getting hundreds of hits from Russia again.  My disappointing English is being used for something.

Anyway. Last week.  Happened, I'm pretty sure.

On Monday, I delivered my 24 hour collection and got some blood tests done.  Then in the evening I went to the Harry Potter quiz that was on at the Kensington with Midget's family.   I didn't contribute much, I think I only gave two answers that no-one else in the team knew.  And my brain was weirdly taken by the odd-looking middle-aged quiz-master.  First time I have found someone that appealing in a long time, and total weirdo.  Also, probably straight and married with kids.

Also, we won the quiz.  By three points.  So I am pretty sure the team would have won even if I wasn't there.

On Tuesday morning I had a fire drill - first one in the new building.  Since I was up I actually made it to Artsenta for the first time in months and wrote a poem about taking an electric shock to the junk.  Because I am class embodied.

Then brain-poking where pretty much all we talked about was my anxiety about how I was doing psychotherapy wrong, and that led into a more talk about my chronic health problem than I have done in a long time.  I assume most people don;t care to hear it - even those who ask generally go off listening pretty quick (that may be mostly Shitlord baggage - he who thought it was all just a failure to think positively).

That evening I went to Speights fr dinner with my dad, without my sister for once.  It was actually really nice - I don't spend that much time with my dad when I am not having to be on guard against some impossible to predict 'misstep' amongst the landmines of my sister's crazy.

On Thursday I left the house to get lunch with Oli.  And it stopped me going too many days at home.

When I next left my unit was again Oli related, when he invited me out on Sunday.  An afternoon tea thing with some friends I haven't seen in the years since their wedding, hosted at Oli's cousin's place.  I failed to human well, but was nice to see Oli and Greer - and I do a decent job of getting along with their preschoolers.

Monday I was feeling vaguely destroyed from stupidly playing some Sims 4 when I should have been sleeping.  D&D in the evening was nice, though my character was pretty background follower-ish as I was too tired to suggest much.

Yesterday, I made it to Artsenta again (mostly as the guy who runs the writing group had emailed some non-subtle guilt tripping).  Then brain-poking which was almost entirely on my feelings around my physical health.

Today was my fortnightly GMing.  I didn't roll a dice the whole night.  For the second week running the players just tried to seduce townies while I snuck in heavy-handed exposition.

I just clocked Underrail (with the expansion)

Tuesday's brain-poking was just dealing with the trauma of the previous session.  Yes, I am that broken.

Wednesday, after a morning of getting game stuff sorted I had a friend-date afternoon out with REO Speedwagon (I say inflicting a new terrible nickname on a friend who doesn't like to identified on the internet).  We went to Long Dog at the beach - it is a nice enough cafe that gets massive bonus points for the view.  Watching waves is nice.  And he dropped me at uni in time to grab some dinner before game.

The game session was weird.  It was a purely social session with the characters not even getting through a single conversation in the whole game as they were enjoying awkwardly flirting at the openly asexual people in the town they had stumbled across.  Players are so much trouble.

Thursday evening I had my worst experience at Nando's ever (and I have fallen over from muscle cramps there before).  It was stinky like old rubbish and the service was extremely slow.  At least I got to go out to Simon and Joe's afterwards to watch Deadpool 2 with David.  To complain about Nando's and complain about how Deadpool 2 is no Deadpool.

Friday, I was planning to do nothing but got a text just after 9am to tell me the University Book Shop had a book in for me.  I mentioned it in the messenger chat I was having with my dad so a few hours later he turned up to take me to get it.  Which means I got the book and also means I got the ride in a car along side the ridiculous farmer's protest through town.  So many tractors and utes, and rather too many protest signs that were either anti-Maori racism or misogynistic attacks on the prime minister.

Late afternoon I started reading Rainbow Rowell's Any Way The Wind Blows, and by lunch time on Saturday I had finished its 575 pages.  I may not have slept as much as an old man like me needs to.

Last night a friend came around, which was nice.  Except he recently moved from smoking to vaping, and while he was very respectful about not smoking in other people's space he started vaping in my lounge without so much as warning.  And proved far too resistant to my attempts at passive aggressively suggesting it wasn't ideal.

My psychotherapist has been encouraging me to be better at healthy conflict.  The whole thing proved that assertiveness is still not a thing I am ready to do.

Today I finally finished Underrail.  I had sort of intended to replay with a different build and try out different choices - but I don't have the patience.  I shall continue replaying something else I am partway through instead - or maybe even play one of the games I have bought and failed to complete (or play at all).

Am also finally doing the 24 hour collection I have been putting off for weeks and have so far managed not to spill anything and mess it up.

More PJs

 I have not washed or dressed today.  I am still dozing most of the time and a bit useless.

The day feature my dad dropping by to deliver some cake he had made.  More random bleeding.  Crying over my dinner because I had eaten my fries before my kebab and then was hungry enough to read half of it - and my brain is a traitor.  Not sure where it came from.  But considering I had a minor panic attack (something that has only happened a couple of times in my life and always for actual reasons - unlike tonight's) while trimming my toe nails, I think it is probably fair to say that my subconscious is taking advantage of my weakened state to troll on me.

Knocked down, but maybe less than last time

Friday I got flashes of light whenever I made any remotely fast movement, and was otherwise tired and feeling ick.  At lunchtime I had an unexpectedly punctual delivery from TOLL, meaning some Lego arrived much sooner than usual.  Unfortunately an error in packing meant three of the sets it was supposed to have with it were not there.

So I spent about an hour on the support chat on Lego.com.  It got sorted, I got refunded.  Am just annoyed as the sets are no longer available and I had wanted them for upcoming gifts.

Otherwise I was mostly in bed, either dozing or reading Rainbow Rowell's Wayward Son.

Yesterday, I had a Saturday of continuing on in my PJs achieving basically nothing.  Except too much youtube and failing in my attempts to work on my game for Wednesday - too sick for thinking.  In spite of having had eleven hours sleep the night before I kept drifting off all day.

Today was pretty much the same except my family turned up, so I had to wash and dressed and breifly leave the house to get lunch at Mela Eatery (the food was tasty but really not FODMAP).

[edit] late night mopping the floor as I was leaving a trail of blood from an injury I have no idea how I gave myself.

Second (and final) COVID jab done. Now 5g compliant.

 I spent the whole weekend in.  And PJ'd up.

On Sunday night I had a nasty attack of muscle cramps, the one in my left calf did some actual damage and still hurts to move or touch today.  Stupid muscle cramps.

So on Monday I was planning to do nothing again except my dad decided we needed a family lunch out to celebrate my sister having passed all her papers.  I mean I would have D&D'd in the evening anyway, but having to wash and dress in the morning instead of at tea time.......

D&D was nice, after getting Pita Pit for dinner (something I think I had only had once before), even if the host's 7 year old goblin felt the need to paint herself in glitter and then sneak up and rub her face on my shirt.

Tuesday I had my weekly brain-poking.  He lead things more than usual, and in the process made me cry.  I have been doing pretty good at not crying in his presence and he went and spoiled it - and then acted like it was a good thing for me.  He clearly fails to understand that, I may be an ugly nerd homo but, toxic masculinity still partially applies.

And while I was at the appointment the bad courier company failed to deliver my Lego.com order.  Fortunately since March they have improved their customer service enough to have a redeliver option.  So my Lego came on Wednesday while I was home feeling pretty destroyed, because my sickly body is useless, and finishing my reread of Rainbow Rowell's Carry On.  So I have not opened any of the Lego yet (I might make the Pride Month special Everyone is Awesome set tomorrow).

Today, I had my COVID jab.  It went fine, I didn't feel it go in at all.  After my time in the post jab waiting room I met role-playing Claire for lunch and to have her encourage more random junk food shopping choices at the supermarket afterwards (in case the vaccines knocks me out tomorrow).

Things were all fine until around 2200 tonight when my arm started to hurt.  A nurse who follows me on Insta told me I need to drink a heap of water tonight if I want to avoid getting as knocked about by the vaccine, won't help the arm being swollen and hot, but will hopefully reduce how sick it leaves me feeling tomorrow.

I may have overdone the water, will definitely have to get up and pee during the night.

I mentioned Jim Broadbent, and I regret it.

At brainpoking I mentioned to my psychotherapist that sometime I think about if he looks like he will age to look like Jim Broadbent or not.  Now I feel super weird about it.  As it may also be a little unfair, but better than admitting to my shrink that I am such a cliche as to sometimes find him very attractive.  Otherwise it was another week of weirdly too much emotional attachment to a void of nothingness.

Afterward I had a nice long chat to Oli in the supermarket (and then had to turn down multiple attempts he made to hang out later in the week, I am a bad friend).  Then I bumped into Midget and her spawn (off school because of the snow) and spent the next few hours shopping for party supplies with them.  So much time in Spotlight.  Children's parties seem horrifying.

Wednesday I sulked in my PJs, replayed some more Kingmaker and watched some bad TV.  Not only was a in a mood but my body was not behaving the best.

Thursday I had lunch with Midget and helped with a little more party shopping, this time without the spawn's supervision.  Which also meant I had to turn down a lunch invite from Oli.  After school pickup of the spawn and then being dropped home I was settling in to relax when my body fell out from under me.  I ended up lying on the floor for a couple of hours.

Friday, I slept badly and woke late having missed several messages from Tina about swimming.  And it was very white with frost even at that later start.  She came around but we didn't go pool.  We hung out and chatted and went to BK for lunch.  But apart from the brief outing, it was just me using up her whole day chatting at her until she had to go so as to fetch her spawn from school on time.  Then my body decided to repeat the afternoon collapse routine, which was deeply frustrating.

Today broke the trend by my body starting the day useless....  Though I had the best evening I have had in a while.  I successfully managed to cook proper dinner - for the first time in slightly too long.  Otherwise the day was watching crap TV (netflix's button for randomly playing something put on awful reality TV with stupid, pretty, sex-positive, people being human-garbage).

Oh, and my family visited after farmers market.  Dad dropping off some food to me while I am useless, and my sister tagged along to lecture me about how the RNZ series I have been listening to is racist and that I am racist for listening to it.  So I have been chatting to Chinese friends I have about it (and discovering that the post-uni atrophying of friends has left me with a much whiter social circle than I had when I was younger) and finding they do not agree with my sisters claims.  Maybe my sister speaking for what is racist about Chinese people is really just parroting the United Front positions pushed on TikTok.