Why do I let my family in my house

 My dad brought Chinese takeaways around for dinner since I am being a bit of a cripple.

Unfortunately, my sister tagged along which hadn't been mentioned but I should probably have expected.  She arrived and immediately started lecturing me on how I had to turn off the podcast I had playing quietly in the background as it was making her even angrier at me.  I turned it off and she still storms off in a rage into my hallway.

Fuming at me.

And at no point ever explains why.

Just acts like somehow I am in the wrong for her invading my home uninvited.

I should just stop letting my family into my space.

Knees are dumb

I have now completed Warhammer 40k: Rogue Trader.  I didn't particularly like it, and it was a long game.  And it has three sub-stories, suggesting it should be replayed to see them, but I am not sure I liked it enough.

Maybe once the expansions are out.

Otherwise, my knee keeps getting worse.  It is clearly not bursitis.  It makes noise and gives unpleasant wet sensations.  Both of which seem signs something is probably actually injured.  You should not be able to hear soft tissue noises from your own knees, they are not close to your ears and noises made in your body should not travel that well.

Also it has buckled and I have fallen off it a couple of times, which seems like a way to make the damage worse by physically adding more damage.

So…

Visiting my doctor went mostly fine.

The weirdness in how my knee is moving seems to be bursitis.  The ‘odd sensation’ I complained of, is pain.  Something a human should be able to identify.

I am so broken.

Anxiety spiralling over the nothing

I have not been managing sleep much.

Such nightmares and general insomnia.

Also, my chronic pain has been getting to me.  Have been considering asking my doctor about increasing my pain meds for months (I choose to stay on a lower dose than she originally suggested), but the last couple of weeks have reminded me why that isn't a feasible option.  The main negative side effective is temperature dependent and it has been firmly reminding me not to make it any worse.

And after my worst ever HbA1c result I have other health things to worry about.  And how much my fatigue has been kicking my arse when I try to do things.  And that I have started to have a knee that complains and stops doing its job at random.  And a bunch of other falling apart because I am getting old things.

I have not been achieving anything much.

The only times I have left my flat at all have been for roleplaying.

I need a life.

Especially as I am weirdly close to having an internet boyfriend like a socially awkward teenager - after a lot of chatting with someone in Queenstown since, only, October-ish last year.

“Subtle sex organs, the name of my autobiography” something I just overheard

I had been using the same Brita filter in my water jug for such a long time the water had stopped going through it at all.  Which probably means it hasn’t been filtering that great in a while.  It has been well over a year, possibly over two.

Fortunately I still had a fresh filter unopened in the cupboard.

Otherwise I am a bit achy from having fetched all my Palladium Books products from the basement (three storeys below).  It was a reminder of how unfit I am.  But I have been meaning to do it for ages, I just had to sort all the lego boxes from my spare room first (they are now all boxed inside each other in my bedroom wardrobe).

And I got back my worst ever HbA1c test, which is not ideal.   I guess I am headed toward awful new meds with awful new side effects.

Big screens hurt my stupid eyes

I went to Furiosa today.

It has issues, and like most prequels is unnecessary, but is a fun watch.

Otherwise not much happening in my life.  Just doing bad things to myself in the form of Stellaris.