I had planned to put some cheap line about the Cracks of Doom in here, but I can't be bothered.
I died So many years ago But you can make me feel Like it isn’t so And why you come to be with me I think I finally know You’re scared Ashamed of what you feel And you can’t tell the ones you love You know they couldn’t deal Whisper in a dead man’s ear That doesn’t make it real That’s great, But I don’t want to play ‘Cause being with you touches me More than I can say And since I’m only dead to you I’m saying stay away And let me rest in peace Let me rest in peace Let me get some sleep Let me take my love and bury it In a hole that’s 6-foot deep I can lay my body down But I can’t find my sweet release So let me rest in peace You know You got a willing slave And you just love to play the thought That you might misbehave But until you do I’m telling you Stop visitin’ my grave And let me rest in peace I know I should go But I follow you Like a man possessed There’s a traitor here Beneath my breast And it hurts me more than you’ve ever guessed If my heart could beat It’d break my chest But I can see You’re unimpressed So leave me be And let rest in peace Let me get some sleep Let me take my love and bury it In a hole 6-foot deep I can lay my body down But I can’t find my sweet release Let me rest in peace Why won’t you Let me rest in peace
1st March 2002
Okay, haven't written in a while.
Monday. My first class started at lunch time, and I was still almost late. ENGL480, my research paper. As much as the topic should be fun, the paper is probably going to suck. Then after some running around finding stuff, like locations of classes and answers for the chem lab, and chatting up.. I mean to Gnatacia, I had my Theatre class. There are onlky two other guys in it, one an American, and the other I have a great urge to set fire to. But it should be good, so long as I actually do some work on it.
Tuesday, I had no classes. Yay. So I set up my TV and Video at last, so I could play some FFIX on the playstation. I also finally set up my printer that I got for christmas, after having darted back to my mother's to swipe my printer cable back.
Wednesday, I went to the gym in the morning, then darted home, showered, and headed off to Golden Harvest to meet Alana. I hadn't even known the place was there. The food was weird, but tasty. Sweet cake-ish things with meat in the middle, and such. Then it was off to Romanticism, which I was looking forward to, but it's beginning to look like it isn't going to be what I expected/hoped at all. Then tea at Apsara with the Midget - the put a nail in my bank accounts coffin - and home for a quiet night with my best friend, the TV. Actually I had to go yell at WINZ after the lunch thing, when I discovered they had screwed up my allowance. Grrrrrrrrrrrr at WINZ.
Thursday. I had my first laboratory as a demon starter. And it actually went really well. And the student's liked me more than the supervisor. And I didn't stuff up at all. Yay. Then after dashing home in the teeming rain, and getting Wedges at Pizza-to-go-go, as it was somewhere to hide from the rain for a while, I got changed and dried off, and found a jacket. Then headed back in to the Jazz and Race in American Literature class I was expecting to hate. I got there and it is GREAT. We listened to Billie Holliday and various other blues artist, it was great. Then the English 400 level drinkees, which i left really quick as they were all scary people.
I just got home, and I ain't happy.
This morning I had my Chaucer class, it was pretty cool, sorted my ENGL480 meetings out, went to the gym at lunch time. Pretty good day. Then stuffed around at home for a while, doing the entry above, before heading out to do some clothes shopping with Simon. He got a decent pile of clothes he doesn't look to shabby in. Then had only my second meal with my flatmate - usually we eat seperate meals at seperate times.
Then Si picked me up at about 10:20something-ish, and we headed in to meet Tash and got clubbin'. It was great, out on the town, with two great people I wouldn't say no to. And we were having a great time until we weren't.
I really have to get over my stupid baggage crap. Some stuff went down that I really should be okay with, and don't actually have any real reason not to be, but after having the sudden urge to leave so I could kill myself, and then stupid water-works trying to get going, I realised I really wasn't handling it. So Tash drove me home, and I'm being a psycho freak.
I'm sure I used to be reasonably normal, but now I'm all on this stupid ex-obsession kick - which makes absolutely no sense, and it just completely fucking me up. And now it's like three in the morning, so i guess, technically this should be in the entry for the 2nd, but it isn't, as I haven't gone to bed yet, sitting typing this stupid fucking thing because I've too much bloody mental noise to have a snowballs chance in heck of sleeping.
Bugger it all.
I should just get a lobotomy, or stop planning killing myself and actually go through with it.
Go Matthew, the great waste of life.
I'm gonna go, as this isn't helping.
Today's quote is "Rest In Peace" from the Buffy Musical "Once More With Feeling".
Willow: "Buff. I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me."
2nd March 2002
Well, pretty much as soon as I uploaded the entry above at about 2:30ish this morning, the ex came online, and we talked for a while, just for some sick reason started me crying, which got me angry, as I very rarely cry (except over Buffy) and I really don't like doing it. So I went to bed after 3, exceptionally grumpy, and lay in bed going from fuming to crying. Neither being very conducive to sleep.
This morning I woke up far too early, having barely slept at all, and watched cartoons while sulking over the fact I'd spent money I couldn't actually afford to spend at all paying the door charge for my ex, whom then went and sifted on someone else.
Okay, so I wasted the whole morning being bitter. Like no-one saw that one coming.
Then I headed to my mother's and swiped a dozen eggs (well, they were offered as she had them all but coming out her ears). Then came home to sulk some more. I'm being such a dick, I have no actual reason to be all psycho, it isn't like I lost someone I had a chance with, or anything like that. I'm just a freak. And unlike last time I did this to myself, it's now lent, so I can't even bury my woe with chocolate happiness.
I headed to the role playing geeks thing to fetch Tina for tea, at about 7:30. And bumped into Gnatacia on the way, so had a quick chat to ger in the street, which was nice - she is on the way to becoming one dodgy drunkard. I met Tina and she was still roleplaying, so I had to watch for a while. Which wasn't too bad, as I was chatting to Tina whenever she was bored with the game.
Then we headed out to tea, but I wasn't really feeling up to eating, so I left after not very long and walked home, in the rain.
And that's my day. And about all I have to say, without breaking into another rant about my ex, which I think the world can probably do without.
Today's quote is from the episode "Doppelgängland" of Buffy.
Vamp Willow (meeting the real Willow): "Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy."
4th March 2002
My stupid modem won't even connect today, though there is also the possibility that ihug is just not liking me today.
Yesterday, I did far too much sulking, but had a few good bits along the way. After finally getting out of bed, I drop around to my mother's to return Maybe Baby and use her CD Burner. And also scored a copy of Nature's Best for myself.
Headed back home, watched Dopplegangerland which I'd managed to get down off www.buffy-episodes.com and was all happy and full of Buffy induced warm fuzzies. Then a quick chat to the ex, and I had to get off the net, I just suddenly filled up with this horribly gut wrenching sadness, for no real reason. Not exactly a good sign. So I headed off to Nina's, where I sat and chatted to her for a while about, well, how well I wasn't handling stuff, and the went off and went Tina, and the three of us had drinks (in my case organic aple and pear juice) at Re-Fuel. Before scattering our own ways again.
I got home and watched Voyager and Earth: Final Conflict videoed the nigth before with my flatmate, before Tash arrive to watch episodes 11 through 15 of Season Six Buffy. And we had a can of Wattie's Raviolli on toast for tea. All good......... But atleast the company and the Buffy were both all good.
I've been doing far too much thinking about my friendship with my ex this weekend been.
I came very close to messaging with a "please invisible list me, as I can't bring myself to delete you off my ICQ, but I really need to not be reminded you exist instantly every time I go online". But, I'd miss the contact, as much as it isn't always all that good for me.
Maybe I do need us to stop being friends, but that's pretty much the opposite of what I want. So it is all round screwy.
Well, I guess it can just go on the big list of things I occasionally ask, but never will. The rest all being questions I really don't want to hear the answer to, but kind of want to know. Things like "did you ever acually "like" like me?" Which I'll put money on the answer being a big old "No", and thus the not really wanting to hear it. But then if the answer turned out to be "yes", I'm not sure that would be any better, as it would just lead to the whole "then why did you treat me like shite?" and "why didn't you want anything to do with me? or to do anything much with me?". And that is really the fastest way to make yourself look like a complete psycho freak to your ex.
I really don't know how I'm supposed to deal with stuff. I'm actually beginning to think I am atleast going to have to take a whole lot of time out of the friendship until I get myself sorted out. Though I'm just a trifle worried that if I do, we'll never end up on good terms, and I'll just end up losing one of my closest friends. But then maybe that'll turn out to be the price for my mental well-being.
But then I'd turn into one of those people who aren't friends with any of there exes. Being that my recent ex is making a point of being hostile to me, even though I had until recently been working on the assumption that we were doing okay as friends. I guess that'll teach me for assuming anything.
Today's quote is from the episode "Doppelgängland" of Buffy.
You and me We used to be together Every day together always I really feel I'm losing my best friend I can't believe This could be the end It looks as though you're letting go And if it's real, Well I don't want to know Don't speak I know just what you're saying So please stop explaining Don't tell me 'cause it hurts Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
5th March 2002
I wasn't in a good way last night. I got in a long conversation with the ex, and I suspect I took a lot of things the wrong way, as re-reading my log file this morning, it didn't seem quite as bad as it had last night.
At the time I took it that I was a crap friend, and my ex was trying to get rid of my as a friend while making it look like it was really giving me space I needed to deal with my own crap. In the slightly more sensible light of morning, I have no idea where we are. I want us to be friends, but I get the feeling that isn't going be to how things work out. How much I care, and I'm not conceding that it might be love - as if it is I really will have to sue Disney for raising me with a completely unrealistic take on what love is, but whatever it is I feel, it's not going to go away, and no matter how much I move on, I will still always care. And I think possibly that simple fact is going to get in the way of us ever really being friends. And not because I can't be friends, but because the ex really doesn't seem comfortable with me caring. If that makes any sense.
But then, I know what I mean (well, maybe not what I mean, but atleast what I'm saying), and that's all that really matters.
Go the life of the screwy.
Today's quote is "Don't Speak" by No Doubt.
443 But forth they romed wonder faste 444 Doun the wode; so at the laste 445 I was war of a man in blak, 446 That sat and had y-turned his bak 447 To an oke, an huge tree. 448 `Lord,' thoghte I, `who may that be? 449 What ayleth him to sitten here?' 450 Anoon-right I wente nere; 451 Than fond I sitte even upright 452 A wonder wel-faringe knight -- 453 By the maner me thoughte so -- 454 Of good mochel, and yong therto, 455 Of the age of four and twenty yeer. 456 Upon his berde but litel heer, 457 And he was clothed al in blakke. 458 I stalked even unto his bakke, 459 And ther I stood as stille as ought, 460 That, sooth to saye, he saw me nought, 461 For-why he heng his heed adoune. 462 And with a deedly sorwful soune 463 He made of ryme ten vers or twelve 464 Of a compleynt to him-selve, 465 The moste pite, the moste rowthe, 466 That ever I herde; for, by my trowthe, 467 Hit was gret wonder that nature 468 Might suffren any creature 469 To have swich sorwe, and be not deed. 470 Ful pitous, pale, and nothing reed, 471 He sayde a lay, a maner song, 472 Withoute note, withoute song, 473 And hit was this; for wel I can 474 Reherse hit; right thus hit began. -- 475 `I have of sorwe so grete woon, 476 That Ioye gete I never noon, 477 Now that I see my lady bright, 478 Which I have loved with al my might, 479 Is fro me dedd, and is a-goon. 480 And thus in sorwe lefte me alone. 481 `Allas, o deeth! what ayleth thee, 482 That thou noldest have taken me, 483 `Whan that thou toke my lady swete? 484 That was so fayr, so fresh, so free, 485 So good, that men may wel y-see 486 `Of al goodnesse she had no mete!' -- 487 Whan he had mad thus his complaynte, 488 His sorowful herte gan faste faynte, 489 And his spirites wexen dede; 490 The blood was fled, for pure drede, 491 Doun to his herte, to make him warm -- 492 For wel hit feled the herte had harm -- 493 To wite eek why hit was a-drad, 494 By kinde, and for to make hit glad; 495 For hit is membre principal 496 Of the body; and that made al 497 His hewe chaunge and wexe grene 498 And pale, for no blood was sene 499 In no maner lime of his. 500 Anoon therwith whan I saw this, 501 He ferde thus evel ther he sete, 502 I wente and stood right at his fete, 503 And grette him, but he spak noght, 504 But argued with his owne thoght, 505 And in his witte disputed faste 506 Why and how his lyf might laste; 507 Him thoughte his sorwes were so smerte 508 And lay so colde upon his herte; 509 So, through his sorwe and hevy thoght, 510 Made him that he ne herde me noght; 511 For he had wel nigh lost his minde, 512 Thogh Pan, that men clepe god of kinde, 513 Were for his sorwes never so wrooth.
6th March 2002
Okay, yesterday I went and spent some time with Oliver, which was all good. Especially as Oliver is one person I can't just bitch about my ex to. I've never talked to Oliver about anyone I've gone out with, so I couldn't really start with this weeks shite. I almost visited my ex as me and oliver walked past, but appearantly the new boy was there, so it is possibly good that I didn't. Though I don't think I have a problem with the new boy, just how I found out (and just a little bit about the fact there is a new boy - but there have been a few of them since me,so I'm mostly over that bit).
Last night I finished off the vegetarian satay I made on Monday, and watched Stargate SG1 with my flatmate, they killed off my favourite character. Before watching Roswell in my room, then trying to ring Tash, failing, and ringing Midget instead for an absolutely great chat. She's really good at levelling me out. I think me and the ex sorted a bit out afterwards, after I asked for a couple of books back so I could lend them to Midget, and had already asked before I realised how much of a prick it made me look. But we chatted and things seemed better.
This morning I stuffed around pointedly not doing varsity work, went and visited my lil brother who is home sick, then did my readings and two loads of laundry, and headed off to my Romanticism class. On the way there I saw an old woman collapse in the street, after tripping on the curb. I ran over and she was having trouble breathing and I just plain had absolutely no idea what to do, but fortunately a couple of other people quickly arrived, and while they argued over what to do, I sprinted to Leith House and got some help there, as she had tried to say something which I assumed ment she belonged there. So a team of them ran back with me, and got her into a wheelchair. it turned out she was a resident there, Hazel, and they took her to see the RN. A while later I saw an ambulance go past, and for some reason I just assumed she was in it.
Romanticism was actually really interesting, and has someone I used to like in it now, which is slightly annoying as I had just decided to try and drop the paper and make them count THEA304 toward my degree. But now I guess I won't.
After that I went to Alana's for tea, and the food and company were both good. Then Aaron walked me home, and I came online. My ex seemed to not be talking to me, but then, it could have just been busyness that I'm being paranoid about. I'm just really wishing we could forget the last week, and the fact that I'm a scary freak, and go back to how things were this time last week. I don't even really mind that there is some other guy in the picture, I knew I was never going to be back in it again, and wouldn't really want to be anyway. I just really don't want to lose what is probably the closest friendship I've ever had.
Shite, I just saw the time, and I have a lab to teach in the morning. Night.
Today's quote is from The Book of the Duchess.
Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you, And everything you do, Yeah, they were all yellow. I came along, I wrote a song for you, And all the things you do, And it was called "Yellow." So then I took my turn, Oh what a thing to have done, And it was all "Yellow."
8th March 2002
My lab on Thursday morning went okay. I'm almost into the swing of things. Then Krshna lunch, and a chat with my father about pretty much nothing. Then headed over to varsity where I sat on the lawn and chatted up Fizz (Tash's lil sis). And generally enjoyed a little sunshine. Went to Jazz and Race, and this week was plain lost. I had no idea what was going on, and everyone else was all nodding and smiling. So it looks like I'm droppping the paper. As it looks like they will let me, and count THEA304 toward my hons. Which will be good, as I don't get 20th century literature. Then my meeting with Ian Jamieson about my 480, which went quite well, though he has given me a pile of homework I have to do over the next week. So I came home bearing Tolkien's edition of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, via the stupermarket, where I had stopped to get bolognese sauce and mice for tea. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm S'getti bolognese. And last night chatted to the ex for a while, and pretended really hard things were back to normal - and they almost were, atleast, they faked it for an evening anyway.
Today's quote is "Yellow" by Coldplay.
La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la I just can't get you out of my mind Boy your love is all I think about I just can't get you out of my mind Boy it's more than I dare to think about La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la I just can't get you out of my mind Boy your love is all I think about I just can't get you out of my mind Boy it's more than I dare to think about
10th March 2002
Okay, I had to go to class, so didn't really get the last entry finished.
Friday, I had my Chaucer class in the morning, which was actually fun, even if I'm tempted to slay a couple of the guys in the class. Then came home, did some laundry as it was a rather nice day, did some homework, and wrote the entry above. Then headed back in to varsity for my THEA304 meeting, and now have no idea what I'm doing for it, but have to write quite a bit by next week. Then after stuffing around for a while, and visiting Becky and Kez to watch then watch paint dry, I came home and spent the evening avoiding Reece's attempts to make me go out, and talking to the ex. Things were lots better.
Yesterday, when I should have been doing either my ENGL480 or THEA304 work, I ended up spending the day at my ex's having my 'puter turned XP. So now it's prettier, and more importantly my modem works, but I am going to have to spend today reinstalling stuff, thus wasting my entire weekend. But I guess it'll be worth it, and even if it turns out I have to go back to '98, it was still worth it, as it gave me and the ex a good chance to work some stuff out. Perhaps not as much as it needs to be, but things now are mostly good, which is pretty much the most important thing. Which again makes me into the scary obsessed ex........... anyway.....
Then last night I went out with Midget, which was nice, as I very rarely see her out of class these days. We wandered the streets for a while, went to Eureka for drinks, and stopped by Re:Fuel as Midget had a friend to meet there, and in the process I won a Coke bag, a $20 pancake voucher and a Les Mills pass. Though in theory the Les Mills pass is Midget's.
Anyway, I have to go visit me mother, as my 'puter now has bugger all on it. Fun for me. Possibly this was my ex's plan, to have me so busy fixing this thing up, that I don't do any work and end up failing honours. Though, I have to admit yesterday I was really paranoid it was a "doing what I promised I'd do for you, so I never have to see you again" thing, and my ex was trying to get a guilt free never-have-to-speak-to-me-again card.Well, the 'puter seems mostly to be working better. It's not perfect, but it'll do.
I managed to resetup my Sims game with all my old neighbourhoods intact, which is all good. And most of the other games I've played with so far seem XP friendly too.
My only real problem is ICQ. My ICQ is having some real issues. It's ability to detect connections is buggered, it always thinks it is connected, so pops up on start up every time, and tries to make me connect to the net, and it stays thinking it is in Online mode ages after I've not only disconnected, but given back the extension phone cord.
Today's quote is "Can't get you out of my head" by Kylie Minogue.
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree : Where Alph, the sacred river, ran Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea. So twice five miles of fertile ground With walls and towers were girdled round : And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills, Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree ; And here were forests ancient as the hills, Enfolding sunny spots of greenery. But oh ! that deep romantic chasm which slanted Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover ! A savage place ! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover ! And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething, As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing, A mighty fountain momently was forced : Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail, Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail : And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever It flung up momently the sacred river. Five miles meandering with a mazy motion Through wood and dale the sacred river ran, Then reached the caverns measureless to man, And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean : And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far Ancestral voices prophesying war ! The shadow of the dome of pleasure Floated midway on the waves ; Where was heard the mingled measure From the fountain and the caves. It was a miracle of rare device, A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice ! A damsel with a dulcimer In a vision once I saw : It was an Abyssinian maid, And on her dulcimer she played, Singing of Mount Abora. Could I revive within me Her symphony and song, To such a deep delight 'twould win me, That with music loud and long, I would build that dome in air, That sunny dome ! those caves of ice ! And all who heard should see them there, And all should cry, Beware ! Beware ! His flashing eyes, his floating hair ! Weave a circle round him thrice, And close your eyes with holy dread, For he on honey-dew hath fed, And drunk the milk of Paradise.
14th March 2002
Monday, I had classes. A meeting with Chris Akerley (?spelling?), where he was all mean and not wanting me to have my course the way I want it. Mean old man.
Tuesday I procrastinated like the best of them. After heading to town, getting a mop chop and having lunch with a few of my friends (ones I accidentally stole off Bob), I pretty much sat on my arse and did sweet buggery all day.
Wednesday, I was in total panic mode, trying to do all the homework I should have done on Tuesday before lunch, and all Wednesday's own work around my class in the afternoon. I kinda like someone in the class... but that's not really important. In the evening, Simon came and put a CDR into my computer, which at some point I'll have to pay for, and complimented my haircut. I got a compliment out of Simon, Yay. Then I was a homework machine until almost midnight.
Today, I got up just after six, had a shower, and squeezed in more homework, and headed off to my lab. I got to my lab, and realised I had a big whole in one of my fingers, and no idea how I'd done it. Then the lab went passably, till just near the end when some first year spilt a whole lot of 0.7molL-1 HCl on to the floor, leading to the linoleum bubbling, and me having to clean it all up. Yay for demonstrating. Not. Then I went to UBS and discovered that they can order in a copy of the definative edition of what I'm doing my ENGL480 on, which is all good, for only about $60 in paperback. Then I went to Hare Krishna lunch, and realised I was coming down with a cold, as my voice went all whacky, and my nose started to run. And all through my Jazz and Race class that I wanted to have dropped anyway, I was feeling sick and gross. Then I went to my meeting and found out that i'd been stressing out trying to do stuff that I really could have spent a whole 'nother week on. *Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumbles* Then I walked home with John, who came to borrow the Angel tapes which feature Eliza Dushku. He is such a fan boy.
Anyway, I am too sick to write anymore, and I have done none of the reading of the General prologue to the Canterbury tales that I should have done. So I'm off to sleep.
Today's quote is "Kubla Khan" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
Quote pending
19th March 2002
Well, I got it read in time, and rang into 4XO first thing in the morning to win skippy cornflakes, and had Kylie Minogue's lastest CD thrown in aswell. I was also sick and gross. After a Chaucer class where I sat wishing death on a really annoying guy in the class who loves his own opinions WAY too much, even though he's not done Middle English before, and has no idea what he is on about. Then I went to the head od department, who caved, under pressure from the faculty who supported me, and partially gave me what I wanted. I just have to submit all my homework for my theatre paper to the English department aswell, so it can go to the external marker at the end of the year.
Saturday I went shopping to get a present for Becky for her 21st, and ended up also impulse buying Creatures 3. the rest of the day was either taken up with my 'puter game, or with a visit from Wormgirl, doing the rounds before she skips the country next month.
Sunday was very much the same, Creatures 3 and Wormgirl. And also dropping off the present to Becky.
Yesterday, I had classes, but otherwise buggered around and did very little. I'm so bad.
Today, well, I didn't have classes, so I did practically nothing all day. Just went to town, looked at changing banks, picked up some stuff from varsity, and generally buggered around. Then this evening, I did a little work, had a short visit from Simon, and watched too much television.
Today's quote is "Kubla Khan" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
Evolutionary Link Found Between Humans, Creationists Thanks to a recent discovery by scientists at MIT's biology laboratory, scientists now know that humans and creationists share a common evolutionary ancestor, and may even be the same species. Biologist and human Mary Jenner announced the findings at a press conference held in MIT's biology research laboratory. The key to the discovery was the fact that, despite behavioral and cognitive differences, both humans and creationists have 46 chromosomes, and are able to interbreed to produce viable offspring. There are also a number of pieces of fossil evidence to back up the findings. Before the discovery, most scientists had thought the two groups were unrelated, and probably different species. Scientists had based this belief on certain behaviors found in creationists but not in humans: creationists tend to congregate in stone building where they perform strange rituals involving pleasing a mythical super-creationist who lives in the sky, and also tend to not use modern scientific methodology to validate knowledge. But the new results show these differences may be merely learned behavior, and not indicative of a deeper genetic difference. Creationists and some humans have spoken out against the report. Even the report's author is disappointed by the results, "I don't like to think I'm related to creationists," says Jenner, "but if that's what the facts show, that's what the facts show."
21st March 2002
Yesterday I spent failing to do homework. And fixating on a little bit of random guilt over a white lie I told Simon late on Sunday night, it wasn't a big deal, just saying no to something when I meant yes, but knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. For some reason it woke me up on Tuesday night, and lead to really bad sleep. Stupid guilt. Especially when I didn't do anything actually bad. In the evening after my Romanticism class, I went to Alana's for tea. It was nice, her mother cooks a good feed. Then I came home to do homework, and ended up talking to Tash for ages, which was really nice, as I've been living in a bit of a bad head space lately, over lots of things, including Fresher flu, homework and Simon, and for some insane reason, Bob. So Tash made a good distraction and a chance to talk about random trivia and Buffy. Then an attempt at sleep, and not one of my better attempts at it either.
Today I was tired and grumpy, and almost snapped at one of my first years, who was really getting on my nerves. And I have a nasty feeling I was ever so slightly flirting with another of them - who is a mature student about my age - so it isn't that icky.
Then I went to Krishna lunch with Aaron and Annabel. And after eating, went through varsity, where I bumped into Gnatacia, and met her new boy, then headed home and did a pile of work for Ian, before my meeting with him at four. Not having Jazz and Race makes Thursday afternoons so much more usable. After my meeting, I inflicted myself on some poor librarian in the central library, for help finding stuff for my 480. She was actually really helpful, I only have a few more stupid question to ask. Then I walked home via Scribes, where I picked up J.R.R. Tolkien's translation of "Sir Gawayn and þe Grene Kny3t" for $5. When I got home I rang Rachel (Chickenlady) to invite her to the flatwarming I'm throwing myself, and lay on the hallway floor and talked to her about nothing in particular for the better part of an hour, it was great, as I almost never talk to her anymore. Then I made Wattie Spaghetti and Bacon on top of some french toast. Go healthy eating. Then I setup Netscape, for library database purposes, and got frustrated at Simon, who is being glum but refusing to talk to me about it. Grrr. Argh.
Anyway, I really should be doing homework. My play is overdue, and I've written barely half what I'm supposed to have, and I don't see myself doing anything more tonight. Ah well, I guess I might go, being that the bank doesn't seem likely to ring me this late. So I might go use the net.
Today's quote is from The Online Newspaper Gazette.
I Am A: Chaotic Good Half-Elf Bard Ranger Alignment: Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups. Race: Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves. Primary Class: Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit. Secondary Class: Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy. Deity: Hanali Cenanil is the Chaotic Good elven goddess of love, beauty, and art. She is also known as the Heart of Gold and Lady Goldheart. Her followers delight in creation and youth, and work to spread happiness, love, and beauty. Their preferred weapon is the dagger. Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)
26th March 2002
Well, as is typical of my life, I had just put up the last entry bitching about Simon not talking to me, and he talked to me. Admittedly, not as much as I would have liked - but atleast it was a start. Also on Thursday night, my flatmate convinced me to open the lava lamp I got for my 21st, which I had never even broken the tape on the box of. Vaughn spent far too long just watching it.
Friday, I had medieval in the morning, then rushed home and wrote some utter crap which I then took back and had a reasonably constructive telling off from the playwriting lecturer. In the evening I went to a flatwarming party, which was kinda fun.
Saturday I woke early and spent the day cleaning my amazingly messy room, so I could have people 'round in the evening, as a sort of flatwarming. As is typical of me, I did a crap job of invites, so though I got the place looking great, bugger all people saw it. It was nice though, Catriona, Oli and Tash stayed well into the itty bitty hours.
Sunday, I blobbed most of the day. Then in the evening went to my grandparent's for tea. It was So nice, but they gave me my Easter present, so I have to sit and watch the chocolate till saturday - when I'll be allowed crappy food again.
Yesterday...
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started Get this party started on a Saturday night Everybody's waitin for me to arrive Sendin' out the message to all of my friends We'll be lookin flashy in my Mercedes Benz I got lotsa style, got my gold diamond rings I can go for miles if you know what I mean I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started Pumpin up the volume, breakin down to the beat Cruisin' through the west side We'll be checkin' the scene Boulevard is freakin' as I'm comin' up fast I'll be burnin' rubber, you'll be kissin' my ass Pull up to the bumper, get out of the car License plate says Stunner #1 Superstar
27th March 2002
I got distracted.
Monday. I had my 480 class, and it was kinda dull. Then after Hare Krshna lunch i had a class guest lectured by the writer of Scarfies. But otherwise it was a big lot of uneventful.
Yesterday. I stuffed around all morning before heading in to an 11am meeting wioth Michael - my 401 classmate, we started translating, so we've done something before the lecturer gets back...
Today's quote is "Get The Party Started" by Pink.
Never win first place, I don't support the team I can't take direction, and my socks are never clean Teachers dated me, my parents hated me I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin' right Everyday I fight a war against the mirror I can't take the person starin' back at me I'm a hazard to myself Don't let me get me I'm my own worst enemy Its bad when you annoy yourself So irritating Don't wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else I wanna be somebody else, yeah LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, All you have to change is everything you are." Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears She's so pretty, that just ain't me Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe somethin A day in the life of someone else? Cuz I'm a hazard to myself Don't let me get me I'm my own worst enemy Its bad when you annoy yourself So irritating Don't wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else Don't let me get me I'm my own worst enemy Its bad when you annoy yourself So irritating Don't wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe somethin A day in the life of someone else? Don't let me get me Don't let me get me I'm my own worst enemy Its bad when you annoy yourself So irritating Don't wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else
31st March 2002
I got distracted, again.
Tuesday continued with a lecture from the Ministry of Foreign Affair and Trade about why I would want to work for them, and then eventualy came home and did homework. Reading a bit of Hampton's Les Liasisons Dangereuses, and writing some for my THEA304 assignment.
Wednesday, I did homework in the morning, then in the afternoon went to a lecture on cover letters and CVs. Though as I've missed most of graduate recruitment, it isn't a huge issue. Then after Romanticism - where Midget went off at me and was all mean and stuff, which I assumed I deserved, but that isn't the point - I came home and blobbed out. I just didn't feel like homework. Then at about 8:30-9ish in the evening Aaron turned up to drag me off to $2 Pint Night at Re-Feul. Being that I was on Lent, and not a beer fan anyway, it wasn't all up for a big fun night. Then on the walk home I got snogged in the street walking past the synagogue by some random woman coming out of passover - but then I was obviously asking for it, walking along the street like that, I should be ashamed of myself, decent virtuous people obviously don't walk along George street...
Thursday, I got up early, did my lab prep, thought I was running really late, so ran to varsity in just over ten minutes, and ended up half an hour early. So I actually had time to do my yellow pages for once. Then I had the lab, which wasn't too bad, except one guy who keeps on mocking me - about the fact I haven't been wearing Hawaiian shirts in the labs, and another who somehow took the fact that I'm friendly to pretty much everyone to mean that I had some sort of attraction toward him. First years... who needs them? Then after a quick Hare Krshna lunch, a game of cards (Kings and Arseholes) with some of Bob's friends, and a quick chat to my Aunty Jude and her clan, I headed to the library to do some last minute work on my hons project. then I went to see Ian, who told me what I should do over the next two weeks, and the most important part was to relax over Easter so that I won't burn out in the 8 weeks before the next break. And also that I should do a bit of bibliography work. Go Bibliographies.... Then I dragged Aaron easter shopping with me, so he could go on and on about Tash and how he didn't know what was going on, as she was being nice to him... Somedays I'm glad I'm just old, bitter, twisted and obsessed with someone I know will never want me back.
Friday I buggered around all day watching crap movies (Road Trip and Battlefield Earth) and moving my fortunecity site onto this server, as fortunecity has really started to suck. Then in the evening, after feeding all the animals I was watching out for, I wandered over to deliver Easter eggs to Renate, Simon and Simon's flatmate Kumari. And ended up staying bugging Si for about three hours, until he drove me home to get rid of me. As I was making a bit of a dick of myself. Go my inherent social stupidity.
Saturday, Si and Renate turned up and took me off for a walk with them. We went to a walking track at Taieri Mouth, it was a nice walk, supposedly 2 1/2 hours there and 2 3/4s back, but in the end went quite a bit faster, as walking tracks always do. It was the DoC track that connects to the Taieri Millenium Track. It was such a nice day. And I really like bush walks, they are always SO good. I kind of wish I'd done more tramping, or atleast day treks in the last few years, especially when I had Wormgirl in Te Anau to do them with. But now she is buggering off overseas, I guess I've blown the chance. Then in the evening, Renate made me tea, and it was good, pasta stuff, mmmmmmmmmmm. And then Si dropped me home just in time to leap into non-muddy clothes and dash down to Filadephio's, where Alana was sponsoring the end of lent, shouting me dessert. She told me I was allowed three, I ordered two, ate half of one, and feed most of the other to everyone else. And then Alana gave me my Valentines/Flatwarming/Lent Congrats/Easter present. A shoebox completely full of confectionary. I'm either going to have to grow some will power, or be REALLY really sick.
Anyway, after eating 3/4 of the Easter egg I got from my former next door neighbours, I felt very sick, so I'm thinking my body hasn't readjusted to the idea of my eating sugar.
Anyway, I might go stuff around.
Look the CIA is spying on us....
Today's quote is "Don't Let Me Get Me" by Pink.
