Expensive failure to pay attention

I was looking at some nerd stuff online.  The shop was UK based but had a pop up tell me it recognised that I was in NZ and put prices into dollars.

I didn't not read the pop-up properly.

It was in US dollars.  So they things I bought that were an excessive overspend for what they were turned out to be almost twice the level of mistake I had expected.   Almost $200 more than I had accepted I was stupidly spending.

It might not have made a difference.  I have been having a bad run with my very minor reduction in pain meds (slightly worried how further steps will play out) and it seems to be draining my mental resources enough that my impulse control is going awfully.  I have been buying a lot of dumb stuff I don't need and can't really afford online.

It will end badly.

"What is a woman" things are flooding my twitter

 What is a woman

A woman contains multitudes

She is power in the face of patriarchy

She is whatever the fuck she wants to be

She is not limited by simple definitions

She is not limited

Don't try to contain her with your words

And there ends bad post-midnight impulse poetry without any thinking or planning.

Okay, that just happened because twitter has decided my interests are NZ Politic, Canadian COVID debates (for reasons I do not understand) and both sides of the trans rights culture war.  I understand the NZ politics part, as I followed some slighty lefty local news sources.  But the trans rights seems to be based only on a couple of celebrities I followed.

In other news my dad came to town and brought me a full box of minifigures from a Christchurch toyworld, and it proved to have three of each mini (which is the best outcome, two of some and four of others is irksome).  And he hung out a bit with helped with my feeling stupidly lonely.  And mostly it was without my sister also being there, she only had a couple of hours of deeply infuriating me by being self-righteous and awful.

I am still failing at mental health.  I have still failed to message my GP about how fast/slow I should be progressing the lowering of my pain meds (or if I should keep it up at all).
I am still a fail human.  Which will surprise no-one.

I should stop sexually objectifying Kevin McCloud, MBE, as he wanders construction sites and go to bed.  It is more than an hour past my bed time.  If not for twitter distractions I was on track to head to bed about three hours ago... how does that happen.

My life is desperately lonely

but I am too broken to ask for company

to impose myself on my friends lives

I am not to have needs

I am to ease the needs of others

Playing a support class

not a hero

just forgettable in the background

Only hoping to be a sidekick

and not simply the help

so I, at least, might have a name

to be forgotten

Broken bender

Happy bits of gay movies - or, worse, happy gay movies - always make me cry.

I need to stick to the sad gay movies.  The homos should all suffer like me.

I watched Bros (2022).  Nothing about that homo romcom deserved an emotional response.  I am a fail human.

More than six months after last describing it with a doctor, and over three years after bringing up wanting to do it I have started to slightly decreasing my pain meds.

Hopefully it ends well.

Worst case scenario, I die.  Which currently doesn't feel that big a loss.