Winter is wintering around me - luckily hypothermia is sexy.
4th August 2006.
Okay, I suck at writing in this thing. Slackness is me.
The night of the Saturday I brought my new computer home - I think that is where I left off - I went out on the town with the GreenIslandite. After only two beers I was completely and utterly plastered. Were I prettier I would have suspected someone had slipped me something. I was gone. I think it was likely to do with the fact I'd eaten very, very little in the day and a half before hand. Being depressed about my weight can lead to bad eating habits and alcohol being evil. Unsurprisingly I woke up in Green Island. I'm still hoping things are going to work there - colour me delusional.
Sunday, I got dropped home about 12 and rushed through a shower before going and helping Alana move her late father's possessions for the day. Good work that needs doing and all.
Monday, felt a bit weird while I was getting ready to go to varsity and as I was about to leave really felt not up to it. Assumed I'd psyched myself ill to justify trying out my new computer - which I'd still spent little time with.
Tuesday, I went to varsity until it became clear I was a bit too sick to be there and was told to go home. What followed was a little Oblivion playing, and many adventures in napping. Did bump in to Scott on the way home though, which was awesome as I'd not seen him since January.
Wednesday, stayed home feeling gross. Late afternoon I was feeling better so went to Alana's for dinner, thinking I'd be back at varsity the next day.
Thursday, I didn't make it back to varsity, disease had me conquered. Friday followed the pattern.
9th August 2006 - Romanus, Mart. Mem. only. Vigil.
Oli picked me up - thus the vanishing midentry in the above.
The news this morning brings me happy news. My adolescent social isolation increases my risk of cardiovascular disease by a factor of 2.6. Looks like I will be dying young and leaving a pretty corpse. All to plan...
Also in the news, hungry people find fat people more attractive. So I clearly just have to starve people I am interested in until said interest is returned.
OKay, where did I get upto... Friday of the week before last.
That weekend I was still sick and gross on Saturday so stayed home instead of trying to make up on missed work in the office. On Sunday I let my brother come around and try out Oblivion for a few hours, while I dozed like a sick person.
On the Monday I went to the office and did some work, until my coughing lead my officemates to suggest I went home. By "suggest" I mean "order".
I took the Tuesday off as I was still coughing like a freak.
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were all pretty productive, if short, days and lead towards my handing in a draft chapter to my supervisor Friday evening.
Then Friday evening, after I had packed and had dinner, Oli arrived and we headed (as part of a convoy) to Oturehua. We got there sometime after 10:30, about sixteen people in a two bedroom house, and started into the drinking. Once alcohol was keeping us warm we walked the fifteen minutes to the Ida dam and went walking on the ice by moonlight.
Saturday, after too little sleep, we were up and doing stuff (some were also drinking, from not long after breakfast - something I never see the appeal of (unless there has been barbeque for breakfast)). We went back to the damn in daylight and discovered it wasn't infact very frozen and had we gone on the ice somewhere other than where we did, we may have been a touch screwed/hypothermic.
All up the weekend was pretty awesome. I didn't get home until about 8:30 on Sunday night (at which point I realised how much I had missed running water). Good times were had, I didn't get too drunk, I only got a little bruised (informal soccer with a lot of contact), I didn't hit on one of my friends I usually do (this probably more to do with my being busy pining over a certain resident of Green Island (I'm such a sad fuck - it is pathetic, someone should shoot me)). Good weekend all around.
Monday I went to varsity and did bugger all work while sorting stuff with my supervisor and for Medieval Reading Group. Then I skivved off to A Scanner Darkly. Keanu was less crap than I would have expected. Not a bad movie all around. Walking home I discovered the new shoes I got on Friday (gifts from my father (there is a story that goes with, but I'm too lazy and getting sick of this entry already)) are entirely not waterproof. I also appeared to have gone insane-er. My brain was working quite wrong, though I since concluded it was the result of processing a Philip K. Dick plot while on massive lack of sleep.
Yesterday, the cold air and crappy weather brought my cough back and has me sounding quite diseased. I had a meeting with my supervisor, which didn't go great. My style needs works, as does my argument and my structure. I also need a lit review included but my supervisor is unwilling to explain how I should approach whacking it in without it disrupting the argument flow. I hate my thesis.
I am too busy to have friends A lover would just complicate my plans So I will never look for love again I'm taking matters into my own hands I think I could last at least a week without someone to hold me I think I could last at least a week without someone to hold me Won't you hold me?
18th August 2006 - Agapitus, Mart. Mem. only.
Thought I should write, as Shelley flew all the way down from Wellington to tell me off for having not updated in a while. Just finished updating my CD list, as I bought music for the first time in years today. In fact, I blew my entire tax refund.
Oh, just got offered a free dinner. Off to ignore my attempts at a sensible diet.
Today's quote is from "First Orgasm" by The Dresden Dolls.
19th August 2006 - Magnus, Mart. Mem. only.
Okay, I have a lot of catching up to do.
Wednesday of the week before last, the day of my last proper entry, my dose of the plague was pointing out that it was still hanging around so I wagged the morning, then ended up spending teh afternoon hanging out with Tim before his skipping the country. Still didn't manage to get the I Robot hat off him...
Thursday and Friday were spent somewhat unproductively attempting to get my lit review into a format where it looks like a lit review is supposed to - since my inclination to hide it in my argument is wrong. Friday night I headed to Peter&Tina's "Drink-us-dry" farewell party. Me and cocktails are a less that ideal mix... Vodka, lemon. lime and bitters made with little attention to quantities leads to a very drunk me. I described my undying love for a formar English postgrad (and not someone that anyone is likely to guess) to Camilla, who was drunk enough to find me/it interesting; I kept stealing hats and putting them on other peoples heads, as too many people have tiny pin-heads and thus tiny pinhead hats that don't fit me; and generally being an arse. Had a great time though. Downside of teh night was a drunken youth who after being rejected by all the girls, and then all the guys, kept hitting on me and with no-one else to try it out on wasn't taking no for an answer the way he should have. Admittedly I was drunk enough and he was mostly slurring gibberish enough that I didn't realise he was talking to me for a long while and even then mostly had no idea what he was saying. I didn't really catch up on what was happening until he went in for the surprise snog - not a pleasant experience, particularly when you have no idea it is coming. He spent the rest of the night trying, it was disturbing and wrong. I just have to hope, for his sake, that he was drunk enough to have forgotten the whole thing. Anyway, after walking home I got to bed about 5am.
To wake on Saturday morning in time for Justice League. I was very much lacking in sleep, though it was helped by my still being drunk through the early afternoon. I don't think I've ever been still drunk so long afterward before, probably not the best plan if I want to continue having a liver. Saturday night I had a quiet night in playing Oblivion. Over the night I received many the drunken text from the GreenIslandite. It means I continue to keep my hopes up about things working out on that front. This is probably another of my stupid plans.
Sunday, I went to Rachel's daughter's second birthday. It wasn't too bad, she liked the present I gave her (passing on the My Little Pony clock Alana gave me for my birthday last year to someone who would genuinely appreciate it, all still in the original packaging) and I had a pretty good day of pretending to be a functional human adult.
Monday, I went to the office and achieved absolutely nothing thesis related the whole day. And I didn't even feed my neopet. I don't know where the day went at all.
Tuesday I had a nasty headache that kept threatening to be a migraine, and I can never decide at what point one becomes the other, but I felt like shite and discovered I was entirely unable to write in coherent English (working on the slightly unjustifiable position that my writing in normally coherent).
Wednesday was spent in the office, achieving only a little and getting very angry at myself about how little I was achieving - which, of course, leads to achieving even less. Go human nature.
Thursday, very similar to Wednesday.
Yesterday, I felt productive simply because the rest of my office were all achieving so little... Not exactly a victory, but I have to take what I can get. At morning tea Shelley was down, as I mentioned in the last, to tell me off for not blogging - and, in the process, out me as a blogger. I'm surprised she beat Michiel to it, for someone who keeps pointedly not telling his friends things he is very keen to pass on things about his friends to any and every one else. Hmmm, occurs to me I may have a little anger there I didn't know I had. Diary writing as act of self discovery... I'm turning into a girl... Anyway, I caught lunch in town with Katie and then went on the music purchasing spree. Goodbye tax refund. I think I'm repeating a bit of ground but am too lazy to check. I got myself the very nice canvas bound Natalie Merchant Retrospective 1990-2005, her 2003 folk album and the second Dresdon Dolls album. I'm happy with my purchases. Then last night I got shouted dinner by Shiny. It wasn't too bad an evening, though I was feeling a tad ridiculously tired.
This morning, after Justice League, I headed off to swimming with Meg. Having not gone in ages I sucked and am now very sore from having done very little. So not fit. Then I cam home and showered so I could go back to town and get photos of Si in the grad procession. I only took a couple, and he may not even prove visible (something I'll not discover until I finish the film, which is likely to be a long way in the future). Then I started to feel really grumpy and didn't want to be in the hoards of people, so I headed off. Mission to town mostly wasted thinking how I should have gone to the department function I had turned down as to organise my day around geting both swimming and photo taking in. At first I thought the grump must have been Simon related, he is the whip of my emotional self-flagulation, but then I realised it was the graduation procession itself. The latest due date I've had for my masters had me finishing in time to have graduated today and yet I am so very much not graduating. I hate my thesis, the fact I am still studying, the fact I'm such a retard. Basically, I'm full of hate and bile right now.
I'm off to be an anti-social cunt.
24th August 2006 - Bartholomew, Ap.
Saturday night I headed off to a party with Oliver and company. A repeat farewell for Peter&Tina on their second to last night in the country. It was mostly a good night, except for all the mocking I was getting over my having attracted drunken attention at the first farewell. Well, my friends were mocking, the drunk's friends all seemed to be a little more accusative - which while sort fo understandable from a loyalty point of view, was a bit insulting. I ended up walking home not too late.
Sunday, I went to the office and ended up staring at my thesis for seven hours without touching my keyboard - just staring at my thesis. Did not make for happiness. At about seven thirty in the evening, I gave up and headed home. Crossing the motorway I had a sudden urge to throw myself under a sheeptruck. Not a good sign, all said. I may have the occasionally attack of what I'm calling ennui, but I haven't actively wanted to do myself in for ages. Stupid thesis of doom. On the walk I distracted myself by writing a poem in my head. It was called "Titles are for the arse-monkeys that throw their handfulls of faeces when you squat". It was about my disdain for the concept of emo. Fortunately for the world, I didn't bother writing it down and it is now mostly forgotten. When I got home I ranted at Simon about how much I hated the universe, especially the thesis related parts. He was quite tolerant of it, and did a pretty good job of cheering me up.
Monday morning the phone went off at some ungodly hour, someone had found the flat cat after it'd been hit by a car. Thus the morning had a run of early excitement screwing up my night's sleep. As it turned out, after a night at the vet, the cat seems basically fine. Since I was up I clocked the main plot for Oblivion - gave up on how I was going to play it and just won the damn thing. End was a complete anti-climax. Then I headed to the office for a day when I achieved little more than reading the critic.
Tuesday, slightly more productive on the thesis front. Got a little done, but less than I'd have liked to have. In the evening I turned down the chance to go to a quiz as I still felt tired and cranky from Monday morning.
Yesterday, reasonably productive afternoon, until a wine ad cheese function in the department. Had a chat to my supervisor. After dinner I went out to play social soccer at the Edgar Centre. It was a lot of fun, but left me in a lot of pain. Pretty much anywhere I didn't get kicked I got hit by a ball instead. I'm like one big giant bruise. I may not of won the game, but I was lying on the ground with people wincing in sympathy more often than anyone else. It is a victory of a sort.
I should be getting ready for school. I've already been called no fun this morning.
25th August 2006.
Down with astronomy and all its works.
The first redefinition of "planet" last week I agreed with. It worked. The definition didn't use man-made limits but deferred to "nature" in deciding whether or not an object was a planet. It kept Pluto a planet. It seemed right.
The new one has troll logic. Fucking International Astronomical Union. And who let Prague exist. Poor effort on someone's part in some war of semi-recent history.
Differentiating "dwarf" planets is stupid.
Okay, I think that is all the rant I needed. (Too be fair, the rule selected has nice sensible properties except for the one "has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit", which is fucking me off as seems dumb.)
Pluto should damn well still count.
29th August 2006 - Decollation of S. John Baptist.
I have no idea what a decollation is in reference to a saint. I should try harder.
Anyway, thursday I worked on my thesis, I thought I was doing awesome work.
Friday morning I handed stuff in to my supervisor to read over the weekend and then found myself at a bit of a loose end for the rest of the day. I had a quiet friday evening at home playing on the 'puter.
SAturday morning I headed off early to the pool. Meeting Meg at some stupidly early time like eight thirty in the morning. I forgot my towel and had to hire one, making it embarrassing and expensive. Otherwise it went pretty well. Exercise can be pretty good. After the swim we went to the Farmer's Market and got Bacon Butties for breakfast. I also bought a swede and a giant bag of apples. I'd forgotten how tasty swede could be. In the evening I headed off to Ryan's farewell. Yet another person I know skipping the country for the UK - this time the guy with the desk beside mine in the office. It was a lot of fun but he kept refilling my glass and, though I hate wine, I ended up a bit drunk. Then I met up with the GreenIslandite. We headed out drinking, and somehow I ended up drinking bourbon. Not a smart plan. Bumped into Simon and Reece out, so had a pretty good time for a chunk of the night. But the GreenIslandite was making me cranky with mixed messages. The GreenIslandite then started chatting to some random guy before suggesting the three of us along to Bath St when the bar we were in closed for the night. Going along was a very stupid plan for me. After further mixed messages and attempts to keep me drunk, the GreenIslandite spung a stupid tangle of self-contradictory lies in the effort to get fob me off (apparantly, I'm so stupid that I should have believed said lies and gone off home wihtout realising I was being kept around as back-up shag in case the random new guy wasn't looking for random skank lovin'). I got angry. Angrier than I have been at anyone except myself in a very long time. I got home at almost 5am and then lay in bed too busy seething in rage to get much in the way of sleep.
By a bit after 8am I'd given up on pretending to sleep and got up again. Sunday was then a complete write-off as a day. I spent much of it ranting at Simon, who was being very patient and understanding. Superhumanly so. I'd have told me to fuck the hell off. I also had a short msn conversation with the GreenIslandite - who had opened on an apology, but whom I am not particularily certain I have anything to say to anymore. So atleast I got some nice healthy closure out of it all. Even if I am feeling very stupid for having not picked up on how much I was being played much earlier. I think I may never drink again. It just never ends well.
Yesterday, I woke up after almost eleven hours of undisturbed sleep and felt awesome. Arsed around a bit and headed in to the office. After seeing my brainpoker, and thinking the day was going pretty damn well, I had a meeting with my supervisor about the stuff I gave him on Friday. An hour later I was seriously considering throwing the computer holding my thesis, and all copies thereof, off the roof of Burns and maybe jumping after it. Maybe evening seeing if I could work it to land on my supervisor's car. My thesis is shit, and I'm too stupid to even be trying to write one. Hooray for me.
Today I feel like crap. I woke at 2am with a panic attack. Attempts to sleep afterward were less than good. So, basically, I'm grumpy and hating everything.
Day at varsity went less than stellar. I read a couple of Masters theses that were awesome and made me feel like I really was entirely kidding myself. Then I read some books on thesis writing which didn't aid in the feeling.
I just got home to a "I went to the bank today about remortgaging and doing up the house, I'm not throwing you out on the street this week, or even this fortnight" speech. Seems I'd been oblivious and missed hints I was soon to be evicted so builders can stick in to this place. I suspect, were it not that I was busily hating the universe at the moment, this probably wouldn't have phased me at all. As it is, I'm a tad annoyed on a purely childish not-wanting-to-have-to-move-my-crap level.
And I'm back for the third time today. Had to rush off from the above as had agreed to go to the Champions quiz. Really wasn't in the mood for quizzing. Too tired and cranky to be sociable. Came fifth though, which was pretty good for a two person team.
On the walk in it occurred to me I was annoyed about the having to move mostly because he was being too nice about to for me to actually be allowed to be angry. It is a less than ideal time of year to be moving, and a bit of an unpleasant surprise, but he is giving me a pretty big window to find somewhere and I have been getting a pretty good deal here for the past four and a bit years. I'm also feeling dumb as various chunks of other conversations make much more sense now - I think I had some selective deafness going on.
Might have to try and suck up to people I know with a spare room. Both my cheapness and stranger-phobia are issues.
30th August 2006 - SS. Felix and Adauctus, Martt.
The first thing said to me today was "you know you're actually a pretty good guy", well technically it was "you know you're actually a pretty good guiy" followed by typocorrection, and I'm hoping this bodes for a better day that the last few have been.
Currently I'm blobbing watching last night's Boston Legal off video before I go to varsity for the day. I need a comedy hit.
Clearly the day couldn't live up to its start when it started with the line it did. I had a pretty good day though. Still hiding from the HOD, even thought I really ought go and see her. Basically achieving fuck all, all the "How to write a thesis" books I'm reading as per supervisors instructions seem to agree that I'm the wrong sort of person to have started one in the first place. But that's okay. If it all falls apart then it all falls apart.
Went to soccer this evening but it was a lot less fun than last week. Not entirely sure why. It was just a bit flat. And one of the new people was a little too good, and a mean player - kicking the ball at people much harder than required.
Now I'm sitting here worrying where it is not really my place to worry as one of my friends is grouchy about something but made it pretty clear I wasn't to ask what. I need to learn to mind my own business.
31st August 2006 - Cuthberga, V., not Mart.
I have had a mild toothache since, I think, Friday. Today it is annoying me a lot. I may have to go to dent school. Buggerit.
Didn't achieve too much in the office today. The books on how to write theses are more depressing (if occasionally entertaining) than helpful. The afternoon I spent in the waiting room at dent school - doing reading group readings. After the long wait, and an x-ray, the dentist couldn't find the hole and said I'll have to wait until it has got large enough to show up on the x-rays they do. Until then I just have nasty cold sensitivity to deal with. Darn my stupid crap teeth being so full of metal that they are hard to check.
While making dinner and trying to hang out laundry (bad combination of things to try and multi-task). It ended up with my food being a little over cooked and my washing basket being blown down the garden and my socks and hankies being sprayed everywhere. Rewashing is in order. Then I headed in to Medieval Reading Group. It wasn't too bad, though I found the topic a little dry for my liking. After we ran out of topic related things to talk about it ended up a rant about how much our Masters Theses were sucking. Having Lizzie vindicate my rant about Supervisor frustration for some reason has made it seem quite silly. I feel a bit like I'm making a mounting out of a thesis failure mole hill.
I think I'm going to go talk to my supervisor tomorrow about getting someone with a fresh set of eyes to look over it and tell me if it is actually worth my trying to finish it.
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