It is probably unhealthy to hate my family so much.

I am not handling being around my family, and trying to broach things that are making it much worse with my father made it pretty clear he is unconcerned by things that don’t directly affect him. If anything he seems to be entertained by the discomfort of the rest of us.

I think that the takeaway from this trip is that I should never have agreed to travel anywhere with my father.

Also, I should have less contact with my immediate family in general.

And possibly that the extinction of the human species is long overdue.


In happier news, overnight last night the semi-imaginary-one finally accepted my Facebook friend request.  After four and a half years of whatever the fuck it is that we are doing, he is finally willing to acknowledge possibly being sort of friends with me.
I realise I am not sounding very positive, but my brain has not been in a helpful place and I am spending far too much of my time fixating on how adroitly he avoided confirming or denying that he’d been shagging over people the who time before being all surprised that I wanted a monogamous relationship with him when I finally forced the DTR conversation a few weeks back. It is frustrating/infuriating/ridiculous as I had made it clear in many previous occasions including when he agreed that I shouldn’t see other people back in the first year.  And I had also made it clear on regular occasions that I was monogamous.
There needs to be a bit more awkward conversation before I can be entirely positive about stuff.
And I am also highly suspicious that it will go in ways that somehow put fault for it all on me. Because I fall for people who are dicks to me. Because I am too dumb to human.

I think I may have been over sensitised after my one Campbell River homo internet friend proved to be all the bad kind of homo internet friend when he pulled an ultimatum on me and then blocked me over the fact I am spoken for and unwilling to treat that as a greyzone.
It is making me hate the gays more than usual.  And also a little bit question the years I spent committed to someone who doesn’t appear to have felt the same for most of it.  And the worst part is that I mostly knew it was just me init the whole time.

And this place is not doing favours to my sanity.

I am falling apart and sharing all my insanity here as the people I want to talk to are all out of timezone.