Still studying... because

I have spent today continuing to study for my exam even though doing so if just making it more and more clear that I should not go.
I only need to get 2 of the 40% the exam has on offer to pass, meaning I basically can't fail to pass if I turn up.  But even looking at the practice questions is provoking uncontrollable sobbing.
I think my mental health requires that I gamble on the risk of failing the paper and applying for aegrotat.  Or just failing something I would pass pretty much just be turning up.

In all my years and my three-ish degrees worth of papers (it may even be more than that by now) I have never missed an exam before.  It seems very weird.
Also, getting the aegrotat doesn't matter.  I am chronically ill and have been over a decade, my academic transcript is never going to matter for anything as my life is too much of a dumpster fire for such things as more failed papers to make any difference at all.  And one failed paper won't affect my loan eligibility.  In the scheme of things it seems much more important that I worry about my well-being than that I care about this paper that was really only done for interest and distraction.

 And the reply to the email I sent to the exam office was very patronising and suggested I should have applied for a separate room months ago - which is an unhelpful response to someone working to find a way around an acute health event that would make him a distraction to others should he be in the exam.



[Edit]
Barely a minute into rewatching the lecture on Theseus and I started to feel physically sick thanks to whatever stupid mental connection with life events of recent months had triggered.
I am giving up on studying and even pretending that I will make the exam tomorrow.  Must accept that I have to prioritise my mental health over a paper that was mostly just supposed to be a distraction from my life/failing mental health.
Why is my brain attaching Shitlord to everything that happened in recent months so much?  It does not help.