I had my last day of Caleb's Breath study today. Three needles in my arms and 14 or 15 lancets in my fingers - which kept withholding blood after they were stabbed.
I spent all the six hours I was there waiting trying to watch lectures from my course and finding that every attempt to concentrate on study just brings on tears.
I think I am going to have to miss my exam and apply for special considerations with the hope of getting granted an aegrotat. Currently it is looking too much like going to the exam will just lead to me sobbing in a room full of children.
I will keep trying to study, but is looking unfortunately like I just can't get my shit together enough to even be in the room for the exam.
Who knew that not killing myself would start to feel so much like a full time job with much unpaid overtime?
And I have to stop communication with Shitlord. He implied he was having a rough time and I got very concerned and full of the need to help him. I still value his happiness about my well being. This is not good for me. Stupid love for someone who probably doesn't deserve it.
Stupid not thinking I am worthy of people returning the love I give them.
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