On Tuesday I had my first session of group therapy for managing depression. It was purely admin and mostly a waste of time to have gone in for. m I had also had plans, postponed from the day before, to go swimming with midget but they got postponed again as we both suck at time management.
Wednesday I had been told I had to be home from 9am-4pm for a visit from the landlord. The representative of HNZ (who I was finding surprisingly attractive) and the overlord of the construction happening on the site arrived just a bit after 10, with a surprisingly generous gift voucher for the inconvenience of having no power the next day.
I honestly don't recall what I did with the day between then and dinner time.
In the evening I went for my second ever session of actually playing D&D 5th ed.
Thursday I ha no power in my flat all morning. At lunch time I headed off and finally did the swimming with Midget. Which was not really swimming, just floating in the leisure pool watching my god-daughter play with a diving toy.
Thursday evening, I went to a picnic for the 10th wedding anniversary of a couple of friends. Also meant it was the 10th anniversary of the day I first actually met Firmin, but he was too cool for the picnic.
After the picnic one of the group gave me a ride to "after party" (which was itself finished by 10pm) and gave me a good thorough talking to about Shitlord being someone that everyone should avoid always. It was slightly awkward as it is someone I have never really thought of as a friend - or even really as a person in their own right. It because more awkward later in the night when I sent a thank you message and he replied by calling me a good friend.
I am pretty certain I have never earned him calling me a friend, much less a good anything. I have been told by others that I am a bit of a dismissive dick to him. So now in the awkward position of owing him for being decent to me, and for extending friendship that I really don't deserve.
Friday, I left the house only because Susan (a friend from high school I rarely ever see) called me out of the house to get a coffee. I haven't caught up with her properly in a very long time, i think the last time I saw her was on one of the occasions when Shitlord had suggested he was about to move in with me and then didn't (both times this happened he didn't tell me that he hasn't taking up my offer after all until after he had already moved in somewhere else - and yes, I really should have accepted he was a anthropomorphic bag of dick years ago). So there was some catching up and a lot of me being a rant monster.
Late that afternoon I finally got my results back for my chest x-ray (four days after ringing and asking for them, and only after going in to the office and asking in person). Evidence suggests I bet the pneumonia and remaining symptoms are just the healing process going more slowly than is ideal. X-ray was clear of anything worrying.
Then last night I spent the evening on the couch as an attack of neurological symptoms (something that has been getting a bit too regular recently) had me too taken out to do much of anything.
Today, was feeling a bit better so playing Pokemon (now at over 350 hours in game) and watching the whole second season of Sex Education. Gillian Anderson is great.
Otherwise the last week can be summed up as not doing OK. Maybe even not being OK.
The health is terrible and my brain is very caught up in Shitlord in unhelpful ways. The not intentional way I cut things off with him sits badly, but I know that getting back in contact enough to fix that would probably do nothing but open myself up to more harm.
I am failing to human.
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