Hooray for exams.
We are what we're supposed to be Illusions of your fantasy All dot and lines
1st June 2000
A weird day, and a weird portent for the month.
Today pretty much as normal. Waking, paper-running (I keep forgetting to ring up during business hours and give notice, I SO have to get around to quiting), watched a bad british triller my grandfather has videoed off sky, showered and run off to my tutorial. Pretty much a normal Thursday. The tutorial finished early so I went to the University Union and ate mega-cookies with Elizabeth, and meet one of her friends who is quite cute. Not that that is the first thing I notice about new people I meet or anything, or that I was drooling something chronic. I'm suprised Elizabeth didn't hit me over the head with something. Maybe she didn't notice, but if she did, I doubt she'll take me anywhere in public ever again. Then after romanticism I went to the Krshna lunch.
This is where the weirdness came in.
My father's partner tested HIV positive in the late eighties, and just found out in the last week that it was a false positive test. After over a decade of living under the shroud of HIV, to find out it was a mistake all along. WAY FREAKY. Sublimely incomprehensible.
After that I went to the Student General Meeting, and had Becky on my lap for an hour. It was great to finally semi-catch up with her. Though we were acting a tad too couply for an SGM.
And that was about my day. And I'm SO BAD. I still haven't done ANY STUDY. Ergh, I should go.
I find I write me best songs at high altitude I find I make my best love at high altitude
3rd June 2000
Just thought I'd have a cleaning break. Though the cleaning itself is an extended study break, but you know how that is.
Yesterday I had my last english lecture for the year. YAY. Then instead of going to my chem tutorial, which I had totally forgotten about until after the event anyway, I had lunch with Hans and got his Aqua - Aquarius album off him. Which was pretty fun and we chatted about nothing for almost two hours. Then I meet up with Aaron (-of-the-pecs) and went to his place and chatted for about four hours. It was great as he is a lot of fun to talk to, and doesn't let me wallow in myself. Then I hit the town, met up with Tashanaaron and stuffed round for ages and ended up at Kane's. And after a couple of fun but pointless hours I walked home with one of my friends who lives near me and got very grumpy with him about his not-very-latent death wish.
Today I'm studying in theory. Though really I have been cleaning room. Stirring up old dust and sneezing. It'll give me a study friendly environment to work in, or something like that. Anyway, I have vacuuming to do.
Only the lonely Know how I cry
5th June 2000
Saturday Night was a blast. Lots of dancing with friends (and a stranger or two) and spending sometime with my Becky. I was good though, and only fell in lust once all night and with someone i normally wouldn't have even noticed - a bit of a Magrat Garlic crossed with her husband. Not pretty, but not bad looking either, and exceptionally wet. Yeh well, I knew I was a taste free zone.
Sunday was studying and procrastinating and flirting with a second year art student while I was buying chocolate, and thats about all there is to say.
Today was much the same. Save for a break to see a movie with Nina. I went to 28 hours with her, after a brief shopping session at The Warehouse. The movie was much goodly (yes, I know perfectly well that's not acceptable English but what can I say other than "Bite Me"). The only bad thing is I've been over emotional the last couple of days, feeling like I'm about to cry at any moment, and the soppy bits in the film almost broke me down. Ergh, anyway, I need sleep. I'm only 5/34th of the way through my chem notes and the exam is the day after tomorrow.
The wheels on the bus go round and round Round and round Round and round
6th June 2000
I've spent all day stressing out over my notes and am now feeling so thick I'm wondering how I even manage to open doors without injuring myself. After days working on my first topic I still can't answer any of the tutorial questions. Now I can just pray for a really nasty accident to get me out of having to sit the exam. And maybe take me out at the same time, so I'll never have to worry about any of this ever again.
Everything is going wrong My life is a country song
8th June 2000
Yesterday I had my Chem301 exam. I'll do better when I repeat it next year.
Yesterday morning was all chem notes, and last minute revisions. I even felt I could do all except Kate's sections of the exam, judging from what I thought it would be like. Then after having pumpkin soup for lunch I headed into Hayward Hall to meet up with Rachael and pray that her intelligence would rub off on me. No such luck. I got into the exam, and Kate's section was the only part I had any idea about. And even then, it was only a passing notion.
So after three hours of feeling terminally stupid, I turned down an invite to hit the pub with some of my classmates - as i would have ended up getting VERY wasted - and came home to binge on chocolate and wallow in my own stupidity.
This morning I finally read Frankenstein, which I have to write an essay on tomorrow. Nothing like leaving things to the last minute. Though I have no idea what I'm going to do for my Poetry essays, and they are worth 75% of the exam. I'm am SO not going to do as well as I should be this year.
I'm brighter news, I'm building up the courage to ask a stranger out.And I mean a stranger, someone I have never spoken to, and whose name I can only imagine. I am SO tragic. Lusting after someone who isn't even what I normally consider attractive, who I have only ever seen in passing while walking along North Rd.
Well, it's probably just me avoiding thinking about study.
Suicide is painless It brings on many changes
10th June 2000
Yesterday morning I was the personification of stress and psychotic procrastination. I sat humming "Suicide is Painless" and worrying about the fact I had no time to prepare, while I should have been preparing. Afternoon rolled around and the exam was surprisingly good, all except the last question happened quite happily. And I'll just pretend that the last question didn't happen.
Atleast I had good internal, and Dr Nick Reid is nice. So I should probably manage to get a good mark for it.
Then last night I went to town, had tea with Stuart, cast him off :oP, met up with Tashanaaron, Rachel (Chiknlady), and one of her micellaneous net friends whose name I don't recall. We all stuffed around in town for a while, got drinks and frozen confectionaries from Countdown, where I was served by someone i used to be friends with but have been WAY slack at keeping up with, got bored with town. Hmmmmmm, I could keep going and make a massive run on sentence, but that would be betraying my ENGL124 heritage :oP. Anyway, we ended up at Rachel's flat, eating ice cream and being skanky on the internet posing as her. It was a damn fun night.
Now sleep deprived and bored, I have a day of study before me.
Close the door Light the lights We're staying home tonight Far away from the bustle of the bright city lights Let them all fade away And leave us alone And we'll leave in a world of our own.
13th June 2000
Sunday was study avoidance, followed by lots of last minute study.
Monday morning was even more last minute study, followed by a decidely fun exam. Yes, I know i'm weird, but the exam was kinda enjoyable especially after walking there in REALLY heavy rain. I'm something of a fan of rain you see. And the essay questions weren't too shabby. And I realised I book I quite like, Stardust, is based on one of the compulsory texts of the subject Sir Orfeo.
After leaving the exam early, I met up with Tina and spent some time with her, which is always fun. Then I came home, actually I know I had some distraction on the way but I can't quite... oh, wait... I met up with Aaron (of-the-pecs) for a while and then came home. To spend the evening avoiding study.
Today, was even more study avoidance, watching Species II - which is a crime against the first one, and that is REALLY saying something - and For Richer and Poorer - which was surprisingly good for a Tim Allen / Kirsty Alley flick. Then i broke out my notes, and developed an unhealthy fascination with Illuminated Manuscripts.
Anyway, off to study up three more topics.
Sometimes All I need is the air that I breath And to love you
15th June 2000
I got a surprisingly large amount of study done before the exam I had yesterday. And then the exam turned out to actually be kinda fun, as weird as that is. And I only did one English related question, I was SO working out of my discipline, which was prolly the fun of it.
Today after a quiet start I spent the day with my clique of dykes. It was great, lesbian's are SO much fun. Especially my Becky, even if we didn't make it to the movie we were going to be going to. I had fun faking being a nuclear family, by walking around with Arden and Oron (the women's rights rep's son). It was generally a damn fun day. :o)
I don't like spiders and snakes But if thats what it takes to love you I wanna be loved by you
17th June 2000
Yesterday I had a pretty quiet day. I went into uni and had a quick chat about repeating Chem301 with my lab demonstrator, and chatted to a couple of my friends. Then came home and stuffed around a bit longer, had soup for tea and thought about going out. Eventually I found myself in the Octagon, talking to a friend's partner who I don't really know that well and avoiding all the little drunk eight year olds who were throwing up everywhere. Tashanaaron eventually arrived on the scene, justifying the excursion. So then I hung round with them, and later Duncan aswell until they all caught their bus home, leaving me to fend for myself in town.
On my way home I met up with Stuart and Reece (miscellaneous net friends of mine) and end up walking around with them for a couple of hours. It was lots of fun, but decidely pointless. And by the time I got home, after having walked Reece to Ravensbourne for no particular reason, I was very tired and extraordinarily grumpy. I had got completely wrapped up in how much some of my friends suck at being friends. And managed to completely convince myself I was completely unlikable. Wonderfully warm fuzzy way to go to sleep. It's amazing how you can link lots of little unimportant things together and prove some point about how much a waste of carbon your life is. Though really I think I was just annoyed at how Stuart is really good friends with all these people who I have known longer but who have never let me become good friends with them, or were good friends who just phased me out of their lives.
When I finally got out of bed today, at about 11:50, it was bright and sunny and life seemed just a little more tolerable. Though only a little. And I have done MASSIVE amounts of NOTHING all day.
Chick dig guys that are queer Guys that don't dig chicks That don't dig guys like me Coz I'm not queer I'm too ugly
18th June 2000
Last night I had SO much fun. Firstly I met Amy for spicy wedges and hot chocolate at Fuel and talked to her for ages, and was later joined by some other of my friends and aquaintances, a couple of whom Amy is also friends with. Then I was in for a night of dancing with various drunken, and not so drunken chicks, at Fusion. Between Midget, Arden, Katherine, Debbie, ......... I was one busy guy :oP. Only bad part is I'm walking sore muscles today, after having been a little to ambitious in some of the dance moves selected. But hey, it was a fun night.
Today I've spent mostly in bed rereading Neverwhere, as i haven't read it in almost a year. And it's great.
In the bleak midwinter Frosty wind make........
21th June 2000
Sunday night, I saw Barbarella which SERIOUSLY kicks arse.
Monday I... ummm... I don't think I did anything much till the evening when I went to Arc to meet friends, who had all stood me up. So I ended up visiting Kane and then Nina. Which made the night quite tolerable after all. Then came home and talked to all my net friends about Jane Fonda's breasts.
Tuesday morning, finished rereading Neverwhere. Hit the town (which hit back and left a bruise). Farewelled one of my best friend's who moved away (Aaron of the pecs). Got my mop chopped. Picked up a copy of The Pretender's lastest, Viva El Amor, which is quite enjoyable and definately worth the $9.95 I paid ECHO for it. In the evening I went to Nina's for a party-esque thing she threw, which was also quite fun. Actually, it was a good day all round.
Today, kinda quiet. Did a little shopping. Stuffed around lots. Had an attack of maternal instinct over someone I like who was looking VERY flu-ey, which was weird and quite out of character. Then after more stuffing around went to Claire's party. And talked to her friends whom I had nothing to say to.
U. G. L. Y. You ain't got no alibi You ugly
25th June 2000
Why is it that whenever I have lots of spare time I write less frequently on this thing. Maybe it is simpy because all I'd have to write is revealing stuff about myself. And that SO isn't my idea of fun.
Well, Thursday. Ummmm, I know the day happened, I just can't recall what happened during it. Wait, I know. Thursday was wasted to videos and computer games, and MUCH too much baby sitting.
Friday, similar. In the evening I had a party to attend, I walked all the way there, a long way from my house and up a mighty hill, and then I got to the gate and decided I didn't want to be there. So I walked all the way down to North End again and spent the night bugging Karen and her weird flat.
Saturday I wake to find myself sick. So the last two days has been me sitting around being sick. Joy upon joy. Dry coughing, choaking on phlegm, splitting pain at my temples, what could be more fun?
Underground Overground Wombling free Wombles of Wimbledon Commons are we
30th June 2000
Monday through Wednesday were full of phlegm, migraines, jabs of pain in my chest, lots of sleep and generally just being fun.
Yesterday I was finally feeling well again, so hit the town. I bumped into SO many people I knew, it was kinda scary. Though it kinda made up for having seen no-one since Friday. Though I was still WAY tired and the walk took actual effort, which is a worry. I als finally gave notice to the ODT. So in about two weeks I'll never do another paper run. Admittedly they aren't that bad, and you get paid for taking a morning jog, but I need to move and it was one of the few chains holding me here. Then last night I went to a video night at Alexandrea's, I lasted one video, Logan's Run before heading home to bed.
Today, I'm not that long out of bed. And I have my uni results, and they are bad :o(.
CHEM310 Physical Chemistry - Fail D 43%
ENGL211 Literature of the Romantic Era - B 71%
ENGL214 Medieval Literature 1 - B+ 77%
ENGL215 Anglo-Saxons: An interdisciplinary approach - B 73%
So, I guess, they could be worse. But I'm not wonderfully happy about the fail. I'm choosing to take it as a sign that God did not put me on this earth to do Physical Chem.
Unfortunately the summer school isn't offering any 300 level chem, so I shall have to squeeze some around my third year English Hons papers :o(. Tis life though I guess.
