Stress and anxiety and insomnia

I am not doing well.

Mostly for stupid life reasons.

Like trying to sort a review through ACC and having the staff member I have been working with give me the brush off as it not being anything to do with her and ever piece of advice I could fine, including the information she sent while fobbing me off, saying I had to do it through her.  Making the whole situation more stressful and unpleasant than it needs to me.

So emailing has had to be done.  Or get locked out from ACC funding I might be eligible for forever.

Annoying emailing where I feel like the bad guy as I am emailing about a thing to a person after they have already given the brush off to my earlier email.  And, thus, making me feeling like I am being a pushy Karen. 

 

Also had to be a similar Karenesque emailer to Brotherwise Games support.  I love their games but have terrible luck with the Australasian local redistributors for their kickstarters.  With the last one I didn't get my add-ons.  With the one I should have got this year I am yet to get anything at all.  Even for this part of the world if should have arrived several months ago, but someone on the support team in on it and at least my backerkit addons have been sent from the US.  It is just the main kickstarter game itself that I still have no sign that a copy is heading my way.

I came pretty close to just quietly accepting the loss and being bitter about it but not drawing attention with the company.  Because I am Kiwi and complaining to the actual source of the complaint makes me deeply uncomfortable.  Bad mouthing them behind their back forever but never mentioning the problem to their face seems far more socially acceptable......

I just find the whole thing uncomfortable and awkward.

Not helped by being tired.

In part, because I haven't been sleeping the best.

And, in part, because I was a bit rundown for a few days after getting a COVID vaccine booster on... I think it was the 15th.  As I realised I was a bit past due for it.  While it didn't affect me much it was a good reminder that my current pain meds have me only just in the range of functional.  It only takes a very small increase in illness and I become too sick to get basics done.  It is rather embarrassing.

Not having the best of times.

Haven't been playing computer games in a while.  All month really.  Migraininess that derailed my NaNoWriMo attempt never entirely cleared.  So have been limiting my screen time.  And listening to some terrible audiobooks.  Too much Seanan McGuire for one thing.  My eyes are just too readily linked to pain for gaming or binging TV.

Bill Bailey was seen, by me even

I have not been the wellest.

Migraine continues to kick the arse of my NaNoWriMo attempt, and my attempts to do much of anything else really.

On Tuesday I did, however have a very enjoyable evening out with Role-playing Claire and Jesse.  Dinner at Craft Bar & Kitchen (after all the places we had thought to go had been full - Dunedin had a lot on on Tuesday), then went to the town hall for the Bill Bailey show.

Turned out we had front row seats.

I was only metres from Bill Bailey.

Who is a very entertaining old weirdo, with a satisfyingly large amount of negative things to say about NZ's upcoming new Prime Minister.  The show was very good, the seats were great until the very end where they proved far too close to the strobe lights which I really don't think helped with the levels of migraine I have had since.

Also, quite weirdly, the week has featured multiple people trying quite earnestly to get one night stands out of me.  One of them even someone extremely good looking.
Almost has me wishing I was a less broken person who was more up for giving that sort of thing a chance.  Maybe a tumble would make me a bit less bitter.  But bitter I remain.  The touching new people factor being too off-putting.

This month has mostly been a lot of waste.  Haven't even been playing computer games as my eyes have been fairly screen averse so neither gaming much nor having done anything on my NaNoWriMo since the first (fairly successful) day.  Mostly just podcasts and audiobooks, and even then not paying the best attention.  Not sure why my brain is generating more pain than usual, but that slight increase is enough to render me fairly useless.

Weird upside though, the extra misery on the physical side seems to have brought relief from the run of my mood disorder dragging me down.  So swings and roundabouts.  Or maybe the therapy that seemed unhelpful was even more unhelpful than I had realised.  It is hard to tell which thing causes what.

Have also realised that I keep missing limited time Pokémon on Pokémon Violet because I haven't been playing and thus have been missing forever things I won't be able to catch later.  The limitedness make me kind of hate the game and regret having bought the DLC, and even sort of regret having bought the game at all.  Games should be there when you want to play them, and not chores that penalise you for not playing them on their schedule.  I have to learn to not give Nintendo any more of my money.

Oh, and yesterday The Wild Beyond the Witchlight campaign I was in reached the end.  After what must be about two years or very irregular play.  So Kevin the emo fairy-dhampir aberrant mind sorcerer is now retired, having grown from strictly non-combatant to someone who kept hunger of hadar running an extra couple of rounds just to make sure the enemies would stay down...

 Insomnia

After the sort of flashbacks that I had told my clinical psychologist that I don’t get, because I mostly don’t.  If I had them regularly, well I wouldn’t for long.  There is unpleasant and then there is a level of unpleasant at which point you start to wonder if the existence if your brain is really justified if it is doing that to itself.

Cold continues
Wrote a bit for my NaNoWriMo yesterday, if not enough, but today my head is all squishy and I am failing to write at all.
NaNoWriMo failure here I come already....

Head has too much snot and not enough thoughts