Last year was a complete waste, let's hope this one goes a little better.
1st January 2009 - Circumcision of Our Lord.
Well, I've spent most of the last week being a bit of a mess. The new meds dose combined with the year wrapping up led to bad head spaces and less than ideal emotional responces. I'm so sick of being sick, and all the associated crazy that has come with. I'm pretty much just not being a fan of being me these days.
That said, on Sunday I went to a mostly pleasant BBQ at Oli's. On Monday I had a very pleasant day catching up with Catriona and Meg. And yesterday I had a big day of pleasant socialness. Afternoon celebrating with Breffni and co, and a night out at Greer and Dan's and then to the Octagon just in time for the fireworks. I've nothing to complain about. I even had a friend offer a New Years kiss before deciding it was maybe a little too creepy. And it would have been too creepy.
Still, the year that has been has been pretty shit. Basically all I have to show for it is more white hair, wrinkles, and almost 30 kilograms more Matthew to remain unloved. Otherwise, it's just been a year of constant pain. I just don't see how there is an upside to that bit.
I should go take my crazy away from the internet before I get my rant on.
12th January 2009.
Not dead, sorry. Just lazy.
What have I so far thins year? Not so much. I spent the first few days of the year feeling pretty crap about nothing in general, just sort of underlying gross and sickly.
Probably not the best time to try writing in this, a day watching TV (well, BSG season four part one DVDs) has left me with eyes of burningness. Someday I'll learn to look after myself, but it hasn't happened yet. Instead I had a good day. I should make new friends more often, when it leads to being lent DVDs it is all good.
Last week I went to Twilight with Alana, and for dinner afterward. I made the mistake on reading the book that day and it is shockling terrible, if Alana hadn't prebought me a ticket I'd probably have piked on the movie. The movie, amazingly (as I'd not think it was possible) turned out to be worse than the book.
Thursday, dad arrived in town sp I ended up going to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with him. I very much enjoyed it as a piece of cinema.
Friday, I caught up with Andrew Tavendale (a friend I've not seem in at least a year). Then had my father, brother, cousin and cousin's plus one invade my house. I only got rid of all my family when my couchsurfer arrived. So the rest of teh evenign was spent chatting to a stranger until about midnight. I didn't get much sleep, what with havinc a complete stranger in the house and the fact he was up and gone at 5am to get photos of penguins. I'd just got back to sleep when my aunt texted that one of my cousins had had a baby that morning. So at about 6:30 I was awake again and gave up on sleeping. About nine and rang my dad and we hit the farmers' market before a failed attempt at bed shopping (mine has spirngs sticking out of the mattress, which I'm taking as a sign). After a bit of an afternoon nap. I headed off in the evening to a party at Taieri Mouth. It made for a good night, but it seems lots of sleep deprivation added to the crazy from my meds makes me a bit too odd.
That being pretty much all I can remember at the moment must cover everything I need to write... or something.
16th January 2009 - Marcellus, Pope and Mart.
Tuesday was a bad day. I was having trouble with everything. I even found myself fallen over rather spectacularily. Once, only falling from my very midgetish computer chair, finding myself surprisingly skinned and alarmingly swollen. The swelling was gone by Wednesday morning though, so I guess I didn't do myself any real injury. And of the skinning, all that shows now is a long scab down my shin. It was also a day of being able to type little more than gibberish and feeling mostly like the destruction of the earth would have been a good thing.
Wednesday morning, partially motivated by the day before and the worry I'll fall, bang my head and starve to death and partially by the fact I'm in the process of spending all my money, I finally wondered down to uni and advertised my spare room.
Yesterday, I finalised my purchase of a decent mattress. I even managed to talk the price down a further $70 on the deal I was offered on Saturday, thanks to an inattentive honry frenchman of a salesperson (every time a girl walked by the door to the shop he competely forgot himself and just stared, it was entertainingly tragic).
This morning I had my first call about my room. The guy came across as an annoying whiny asian. If I wanted an annoying whiney asian, I'd have asked Alana - knowing she is atleast wortth the effort. This guy doesn't come across as being worth the effort at all, and that's just over the phone. I'm far more judgemental in person.
I should go take The Second Jungle Book back to the library. I find myself feeling the need t recommend Kipling - which seems redundant expect that so many people take him too much for granted to have actually read the original two Jungle Books (they aren't exactly what the Disney movie would make one expect, though are sort of what The Graveyard Book made me think they would be. The Sleer being a senial, toothless old cobra was a bit of a letdown though - even if it did have much more treasure. I also enjoyed the fact that so few people read The Second Jungle Book that it is only in the library stacks not on the shelf and comes in the 1901 edition with the swastika on the cover. It is a shame the swastika went and picked up nasty baggage, there is something kind of nicely indian about an elephant with a swastika.
17th January 2009 - Sulpicius, Bp. and Conf. S. Anthony Conf.
Yesterday afternoon shopping for a base to put my new mattress on was an exercise in fail. Like my use of English there. Smoth City had a 20% off everything in store sale on, which magically excluded (for reasons that seemed illogically and dubious from a legal perspective) the one bed I actually liked there. I think I may just end up going for cheap rather than likeable.
This morning the annoying prospective flatmate came to look at Anson's old room. He turned out to be a second year who had decided the postgrad only thing in my ad didn't exclude him. People are idiots and should all die horribly.
I'm in a grouch, which probably isn't helping things. And I'm now adding a funk to my grouchiness. For some reason today I'm takign very personally the fact that people have other things to do and aren't replying to me on msn. Well, mostly not Simon as I'm used to him being all busy and overworked, but today everyone (even my dad) seems to be too cool to acknowledge I exist - thus cranky Matthew.
I should probably take my crankiness off for an early night in bed before I say anything to anyone that may not be entirely forgivable. I've finally got my hands on a copy of Sherman Alexie's The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, and I'm enjoying it (though suspect I'd over built it up in my head and that it will turn out to be merely good and thus disappoint me).
The fact I'm pretty sure the anger is coming from my meds really doesn't help.
18th January 2009 - Prisca, V. and Mart.
The book was a good read. I finished it about 11 this morning and then lay in bed watching teh sky and wishing I had a digital camera. The half moon moving through slight clouds on a rather blue sky looked photo worthy. Some day I shall have to sort getting myself one of these fancy futuristical type cameras. But then the moon was getting too close to the hill and the clouds were thickening up and the moment was gone. So I got up.
I should go get dressed and pretned at being a person. I should probably go bed shop too, darn it. We hates shopping, it burns us.
I suddenly find myself wanting to buy one of those LoTR movie One Rings, so I have something I can talk to and pretend I'm just unfortunately nerdy and not turning into a complete fucking crazy who talks to himself.
Okay, I'm probably not going that much crazier. I'm just all hypersensitive to the fact my brain is going to mush. I've started forgetting things that I've known without having to think about for years. My parents' phone numbers, my password for my email (which I've been use multiple times a day for years and years, and then suddenly the other day it was gone from my head). I knew I was getting stupider, but the extra stupid has suddenly got teeth and is grr-arghing at me. Fortunately my OCD saved me (I have a list of all my passwords filed away in my large amount of filed away crap, and I still remember the method for decoding them (clearly lists of passwords have to be coded, regardless of how well they look like something that they aren't and wouldn't have tipped off anyone that they were password lists (yes, I've always been crazy))).
22nd January 2009 - Vincent, Mart.
I realised today that I was supposed to have upped my dose again at the start of this week, but I haven't. I'm thinking I'm going to have to go see my GP sometime soon as the side effects are getting worse but the high doses aren't making me feel any better.
I'm also a little suspicious they have something to do with the muscle spasms (before I was on these meds I have had tremors, now it sometimes gets to the point where I'm basically flailing like the big retard I am). Today, a spasm while carrying a cup of hot blackcurrent and vinegar drink led to me throwing it all over myself and my kitchen. Wasn't the high point of the day. It's not so much the hours of cleaning up that was the problem, it's the fact I can't trust my body to do basic normal things.
On possibly Monday (it may have been Tuesday, I remember not) I shaved. This was a plan in stupid. I've got so fucking fat since the last time I could see my face. I no longer have a jaw, just lard with a bit of a chin sticking out of it and a bunch of extra chins underneath. It's disgusting. I'm disgusting.
And I spent a couple of days startling myself, I kept seeing a face I didn't know in reflective surfaces. I wasn't pleasant. I think after the wedding I'm going to in the weekend (well, civil union) I'll grow it back. I'd like to grow it back sooner but being all stubbly and scraggly for a formal event seems a little rude.
Last week I bought myself a fancy mattress. On Monday I bought a stupidly expensive base to put it on (solid and rimu and maybe a little too rusticy - but so very solid). Both are ordered from the factory so I still have neither. The result of spending just under $1800 on a bed that will hopefully be awesome is that I was left with no money at all in my bank account, and even now that my pay has turned up it is still a depressingly small balance. I'm used to have a financial cushion in case something happens and now I've gone and blown it on grown up type furniture. Possibly should have waited until I had grown up type income, though I'm becoming anxious that that is something which will never happen. Stupid being sick and useless.
I feel like I'm forgetting something important.
Oh, Tuesday I spent with my dad and brother as Dad was in town. Mostly I was feeling crappy so just got angry at my brother a lot. I had lunch with them on Wednesday but then opted out of the rest of dad's stay as I was just getting more and more irritable. After lunch Wednesday I curled up for a quick nap and slept until Alana texted to find out why I hadn't met her for dinner. Thus I used public transport. I'm not a fan of buses. Walking and cycling both seem better, but I was too late to walk and far from confident that I'd not faint myself under a truck if I cycled over.
I'm rambling, I should probably go to bed and get some sleep on. I suspect tomorrow will be another day of retards ringing to ask about my spare room. People suck.
31st January 2009.
My bed still hasn't arrived, it was due early in the week so I rang on Thursday to find out why they hadn't called me and they added another week or two to the delivery time. Stupid freaking Smith City.
I keep failing to sort a doctors visit, which is bad as I really have to re-evaluate my meds. I'm going bug fuck, which is never good. Especially clear as I've just spent Simon's birthday venting my needy bitch at him. No wonder I've not seen him in a social sense, well apart from when he fixed my computer, in well over six months. I'm a shit friend.
Trying to think what else I've done in the week and a bit since I last wrote. Last weeks quiz went well, we took two extra people for dinner and still ended up coming away with a fifty dollar profit. Though with the end of the summer season weekly club vouchers, our profit margins are about to greatly diminish.
On Monday night I had a delicious Chinese New Years dinner with Alana and her lot. I'd mistakenly thought the fireworks were that night, but it turned out that I had missed them while at quiz the night before.
From Tuesday evening, until Friday evening I had a couchsurfer living in my lounge. Cathy, a welsh woman in her thirties. She was a very entertaining guest and reminded me how nice it is to be around actual people from time to time - thus leading me to randomly visit Oli on both Wednesday and Thursday (though I think my random visit piss of Bridget).
Haven't really been up to too much else I can think of.
I read Dead Until Dark, the first Sookie Stackhouse book. It was terrible in a very entertaining way, I may read the rest of the series and see if the author starts to master the English language (her vocabulary isn't that awesome, and she uses words wrong or in the wrong part of speech several times).
Oh, and my wisdom tooth that was bugging me before Christmas has started being even more of a pain. I bumped into a dentist who once offered to take it out at the chip shop this evening. I felt it was the universe rubbing in that I'm a retard.
