The month for hating people in.
18th December 2010.
So, my birthday got a little overshadowed by events (yes, I'm skipping over the whole two weeks before that as they've been bumped from my brain and I don't remember anything much to mention). My regular social circle sort of imploded on itself and I only found out it was happening a couple of hours before I was expecting everyone at my birthday dinner. So my dinner ended up having a smaller turn out that even my inner-realist expected (having let my inner optimist book a table for 14). The staff at Little India were totally judging me as a delusional no-friends. For all it was a little awkward and much reduced, I still enjoyed my night and even made out pretty well on the presents front. Julie having cunningly kept back books I had ordered through her work which I'd thought were just slow in arriving and they became gifts from those of my friends that she'd organised. It was a win win. After the dinner, I invited a few people back to my house to eat cake that my grandmother have given me the day before. I got drunk in a room full of sober people, but they still put up with me until 2am so I can't have been too repugnant.
In the almost week since I've barely slept. It turns out I'm a wee bit too good and taking on other people's crap. I've so much shit going on in my head that I'm having to take pills to get what little sleep I am managing. And I can't really talk about it as it is all other peoples stuff and everyone who I actually talk about stuff with these days knows someone involved. And gods do I hate people.
Turns out I'm too ranty and angry to write. I may try for a more rational version of this tomorrow.
19th December 2010.
Well, another night of sleeping pills and then not so much with the sleeping. Simple things like typing are getting quite difficult.
I'm going quite nutty.
21st December 2010.
Sunday night I finally sort of slept, and then last night I managed almost a proper night of it. I feel so very, very much better about the world now.
I think the lesson here is that I have to learn not to emotionally invole myself in things that really have nothing to do with me. Also, I have to learn how to not let things get between me and sleep. Sleep is more important than things.
On sunday night, my family got the big family christmas dinner with my grandparents out of the way early. Even though my grandmother was hosting it was mother still brought a bunch of unwelcome extras with her. The company may not have been best (and the worst parts I have to see again on Christmas proper, bugger it) but it did get the over eating and the faking some appreciation for my gifts out of the way. Yes, I'm terrible people.
I did get a fair amount of stuff but most of it isn't useful. The only stuff I'm really appreciating were the items of clothing. My main present is quite awesome but I have no use for it at this time - I may end up lending it to Oli for a while.
30th December 2010.
Since the last time I wrote I've pretty much been drunken (except on Tuesday), unpleasant and tactless. I've been on a rampage of making friends and influencing people. I should not be allowed speech. Or writing, in any medium or combination of media.
OKay, I should run over things. But mostly it was just too much of me feeling awkward and being a tosser and then drinking to try and make up for it. I possibly don't have a liver anymore.
