Not an exciting week, just a week

 Last weekend was officially a long weekend.  I left the house on Sunday to play board games with David and Claire and a couple of their people.  It was an okay day.  Wingspan and some game where you play shop keepers scamming fantasy adventurers.  Otherwise I spent the whole long weekend "resting" (feeling shit and avoiding humans) - even cancelling my Monday role-playing plans due to wobbliness (by that evening I was lying on the floor because even sitting up was too hard, so antisocial was the correct call - sometimes I hate my useless body).

Tuesday I wagged my writing group and didn't leave my flat until it was time for brain poking, which ended up listing through all my romantic partners, noting which ones would need more time (the first and the last), and then explaining the rest so they will likely never need mentioned again.

After brainpoking I had a surprise lunch with Claire as she was heading for lunch just as I was leaving the building.  A bao bun from Kenko.  It was nice to chat.  Though at that point I hadn't had much of a test wear of the oodie she had given to me in the weekend (a birthday present I had failed to go to her house to pick up until then).

In the evening Simon dropped by and put some extra hardware into my computer for me.  The RAM and SSD that I had waiting in the box they had been delivered in, and (far more complicated as it turned out) the 8TB media drive from my old computer.  He got it all going, though took long enough that his partner was getting annoyed at how late home he was.

Then I cooked tea before settling down for an evening of installing all the games in my GOG library that I sometimes feel like playing.  I have since failed to play much of anything.

Wednesday, I spent stressing trying to get my pathfinder session ready because I had stupidly put all my writing off until the last minute.  Then getting to the venue, grabbing satay dinner on the way, and running the game.

It went poorly.

The one extra player who had joined was a problem.  Things he couldn't help were making things awkward, he was hard of hearing and had bad English meaning I was having to talk extra slow and loud and leaving my feeling like a racist British tourist.  But the bigger issue was the micro-aggressions he was showing the female players, which were not so micro.  After the session he had a rant on the society discord, rating me as a 2/10 GM, and complaining I had focused too much on narrative and allowed too much off topic table talk amongst the players.  The fact we'd only had one shortish combat seemed to bother him deeply, and even that only happened because of risky decisions made by the players - I was perfectly happy for the session to be combat free.  It was the first one out, they are still working out motivations and developing character dynamics.

And then the society exec took the post he made about me down as it was worded a bit too strong and breached their standards, and I was instructed to fill out the form that have for disputes handling.  Which felt weirdly awkward.  I'm a middle aged man, being asked to complain officially to some kids about another kid's behaviour just seems wrong.  I should just suck it up.

I am trying to think if I have left the house since then.....

On, maybe Thursday, I went to look at smart TVs as I want to buy one and have it installed on a wall arm.  They told me they were having a sale in the weekend.  Oh, and I picked up the new meds I really am not keen on taking from the pharmacy.  They are for symptoms I don't actually have yet, and the possibly side effects are nasty.  Very nasty.  But they will hopefully prevent me from ever getting Grave's Disease symptoms - another thing I am not sure about because weight loss......

Friday morning I went to the pool with Tina and destroyed myself.  I spent the rest of the day being too crippled to move. 

Yesterday I was faint and wobbly and lost some time.  My brain was not loving me.  I want to blame the new meds I started the day before, but realistically this is all in the realm of stuff my body does to me anyway.

And as I finish this up I remember the stupidest thing I did this week.  I texted "Happy name day, dickhead" to a certain Hungarian who I should not have acknowledged but my brain felt the need to remind me that the day was important to him and it made me angry at him for it.

Yesterday also happened

Yesterday morning after a slow start watching the satisfactory conclusion to The Adventures of Lawrence Chaney, I went to the swimming pool with Tina for some aquajogging and being judgmental about mutual friends.  After that I came home to be too worn out to do much of anything for the rest of the day.

I assume this week happened

Monday I was still feeling a bit off.  And I seem to remember nothing else about the day.....  know I was doing something.

In the evening Ian and his daughter picked me up for a evening socialising.  Ian was silent as the 7 year old had tricked him into being jinxed and he was just happily going along with it.  We got satay and spent the evening playing Call to Adventure with the The Name of the Wind expansion pack.  It was pretty good.  Every time I play it I am reminded buying it was a good idea.

On Tuesday I went to my writing group, the coordinator wasn't there and it was mostly a waste of time.  So when it ended early I went and got the blood tests I was supposed to get last month - doing it monthly like I am supposed to it not quite working.  Then I had my psychodynamic psychotherapy.  Where we mostly just talked about my poor skills at sleeping, and how I generally only realise my depression is bad when it starts improving.  Also I was getting very anxious about the possibility that I might come to find him attractive - because my brain is unhelpful. 

I got home in the afternoon just in time for my new fridge to arrive - I let them take my old fridge to the scrapyard as I was too exhausted with this whole moving thing to bother finding a new home for it even though it was perfectly good.  My new fridge fits the spot, but doesn't really fit the kitchen.  It is huge and dominates.  I may have let my mother pick a larger fridge than I really intended to get.

On Tuesday night I made stir fry with the last of the Silver Fern farms stir fry that Firmin got me for cheap late last year.  Partially as I had accidentally left the meat on the bench when I was loading up the new freezer.  My methodology would horrify an actual cook, but the end result was delicious (even the leftovers the next day were pretty amazeballs).

Wednesday morning Midget came and offered me her car having services.  We took my old vacuum and Josh's big standing fan to ReStore.  We picked up my Lego Blacksmith from the Toll depot (as they had failed to deliver it).  We dropped a but box of sheets and bits of fabric to Stitch Kitchen.  And we had a nice chat over morning tea at Vogel St Kitchen.  Productiveness in action.

Wednesday night I ate leftovers after declaring I was too lazy for the board gaming that I was invited to.

Thursday/Yesterday, I had lunch with Oli.  Satay House noodle soup.  I did a little shopping to get a few things to make my giant new fridge seem less empty.  I bought another Lego centaur minifig - I have bought 4 so far, not counting the ones in the box.

In the evening I had Nando's dinner with Firmin, Simon and Joe.  And made a scene in the restaurant when I got a nasty muscle cramp (one of the sort that leaves you flailing about, and the fatigue pain in the muscle is still there a day later).  Then we went back to Simon and Joe's and played Wingspan.  I had bought a copy of the boardgame for Firmin at a sale - had got it for under half-price in an obvious loss-leader discount.

[got distracted checking loss-leader meant what I thought it did and failed to come back and finish up - going to bed for the night with this tab still open]

Breathing probably shouldn't hurt this much

 Wednesday I got very wet going to the library to print out stuff for the Pathfinder game I was about to start running.  It was not fun.

In the early evening I caught the bus to near uni, got Friendly Satay House soup for dinner, and then went to the role-playing society meeting.  I ended up with five players, only two of who know the system and neither seem easy players.  I am going to have to rewrite a lot of the game to simplify things as I had very much written it for more experienced players.

Thursday.... I was home waiting for a delivery.  My new screen which I had impulse bought at more cost than I should have.  While I was waiting Midget came to look at my place and judge.  Otherwise just pottering about my house getting things slowly more sorted.  And I think this was when I first used my new flat's stove.

And I had the foreman of the build turn up to hammer down some nails that were lifting up under the carpet.  And discovered my unit still has the old building's floor - which was not what the developers had told us.  But it does explain why the floors are so very uneven.

Friday I was feeling a bit sickly, but I think it was just exhaustion and a bit of hayfever.  But I felt pretty bad.  Did little with my day except return the keys to my old unit - I now can't go back ever.  And that night really noticed how bad my chest feels when I lie on my back.  The growth definitely feels like something unnatural using up space where my lungs are supposed to be.  I don't know how long it was been sort of a thing, but Friday night was the first time I put it in words.

Saturday, I was still feeling pretty awful but confident it wasn't germs by this stage.  My sister visited for a couple of hours.  I used the oven in my new kitchen for the first time.  I did multiple loads of laundry.  And I think that was pretty much the day.

Today, more laundry - as I work through the boxes from my old chest of drawers that I am trying to get in a non-smelling-of-the-old-chest-of-drawers state before I put things in my new drawers.  I had a friend visit to return my copy of Piranesi, chat, and borrow my Neverwhere DVDs.

Then this evening the cyst bits of my tumours decided to get all swollen and uncomfortable.  While I am used to this happening on my neck and it is only a minor annoyance, it is the sensation of a large object in my chest that is a new and unpleasant addition to the experience.  Breathing is difficult and painful.

And once I tell my doctor it is going to put an end to any chance of a purely pharmaceutical/chemo solution.  I was really hoping to avoid surgery, but it is looking inescapable. 

I am not happy.

Why do I never catch up on these things?

 So Monday I once again expected movers who never turned up.

That was a wasted afternoon, I could have gone to the Briscoes sale before it ended - who knows how long it will be until the next one.

Then in the evening, dinner and D&D at Carla and Ian's.

This morning I woke too early.  I have not managed a full night's sleep here yet (or at all, in weeks).  So I watched the Harry and Meghan interview, since it is all the news feed.  Then a bit more moving of stuff, which had everything except my old computer, two chairs and my dining table moved.

I had to go to town for my psychodynamic psychotherapy, which is still just gathering of background - today was listing my family and doing a vague overview of which aunt, uncles and cousins meant anything much to me.

Then I got home and the movers were double booked again so one mover by himself was having to do it all.  So I am moved.  My dining table's moving parts came apart in the move, but that is nothing major they just wiggle in and out and it is getting pretty loose fitting.  I just have to remember it is old and used and be gentle when folding it out.

But yes.  Moved.  Finally.

Slowly getting approximately sorted.

Sunday was more moving stuff.  So much stuff.  I have too much stuff.  I should have burned down my old building with the stuff still in it.  Until back spasms forced me to sit back and relax for a bit.  I did Delivereasy both lunch and dinner which was very financially irresponsible.  I must start being carefully before I bankrupt myself.

In the evening the guy I had one awkward accidental date with in September, the day I was sunburnt, had invited himself around to see my new flat.  So I took the flattery of him acting like maybe he was still interested/interested again as a boost my ego needed.  And because I was moving like an injured old person he even gave me a back massage.  Maybe he thought it was going somewhere, but mostly the conversation reminded me why I had made little effort to stay in touch.  Different world-views and different opinions of how flexible one should be with the truth - something that Shitlord has left very sensitive to.

Then Monday.  More moving.  I have most of the smaller stuff moved myself, doing much the the work for the movers because they have been too understaffed and overbooked to get things done.

Still not fully moved, because reasons........ frustrating reasons.....

So I was in my PJs on the cold concrete steps of my building for most of an hour.  Waiting for a neighbour to stir.  The first neighbour to stir was one of those who lives up to all national party stereotypes about beneficiaries.  He claimed he had no phone so couldn't call the 0800 for me.

So at almost 8am (I had no way of knowing the time) I knocked on my next door neighbours door and he rang the landlord - he fortunately has her direct number, something I do not believe I was ever given.  This led to her contacting the builders and being told she had a master key that will open all the units.  And so she turned up and let me in.  Last person the move from the old building to the new one, first to lock themselves out.

Once back in the morning was split between unpacking and going back to the old building to grab stuff the movers hadn't got to.  Until my body said no.  Delivereasy kebab for dinner.  The movers were supposed to finish my stuff on Friday but postponed to Monday as they had a more important job to get to.

Saturday was much like Friday: move, unpack, collapse in pain, repeat.  Though it did feature Carla and Ian dropping by and taking me to Bunnings for 3M hooks and a laundry basket.  Friends are good to have.  And a Delivereasy dinner of buri box and bao bun so that I had an actual meal.

The unfinished previous post content....

 I didn't sleep much on Wednesday night, up too late packing and then too stressed to sleep well so gave up early and got back in to preparing before the sun was up.

Then the move.  I was not ready.  They had fewer staff than expected and everything was slow and exhausting.  I was very busy trying to keep ahead of them - but that didn't well.  And they were not very amenable to "could you hold wait while I clean that freshly exposed bit".  It is almost like that were being paid to move the dust from the old unit into the new one.

And they had a woman who just bit packing who claimed the kitchen I had barely started on and then displayed almost zero common sense - something I wouldn't find out until I looked in the kitchen she had unpacked things in.  Yes, the new kitchen is a direct downgrade functionality wise, so getting things in it wasn't going to be easy, but that fact she had packed my recycling and then put it in the new cupboards....

And randomised my food, which had been strictly sort.  Though the much reduced cupboard space was probably a major factor in that too.  but the layout of everything is a jumbled mess.  She really did make some choices.....  Including taking the pots I had been in the process of washing when they arrived and she shunted me out of the kitchen, draining the water off them half unwashed and then putting them in the new cupboards that way.

Agreeing to her request to unpack at the other end for me, so she could reclaim her boxes, was a terrible misstep on my part.

Otherwise it was a day of harder work than my body was happy with, much frustration, and not everything getting moved because they were a man down.  My desk was too hard for them, even when I took the base off, which Dad had done to get it into my new flat, they needed it full dismantled, which doesn't exactly work and their enthusiasm to get it apart and then help it back together means it is a bit more broken and now stuck together slightly wrong - the lid is askew and won't actually screw on because the mover was too keen to nail the bit that was nailed (which doesn't need to be at all) before things were lined up with the screws.  He was so confident he had it right, when he didn't.  And fixing it is a level of effort and needing help that I can't deal with.

At least the scotch chest and bookcase from My Mate John's arrived before the furniture that would have got in the way of installing it moved over.

After they left I worked out how to delivereasy from my phone (as I had no internet, Orcon had cut off my old place in the morning but didn't connect my new one until the following day), and had ton katsu curry delivered.  It was amazing, but that may have been as I hadn't eaten anything in almost ten hours (the not having used the bathroom in the same period was probably not a factor (I had drunk plenty of water but was sweating it all out)).  Before an evening split between unpacking and lying on the floor in pain.

First sleep in the new building did not go well.  I was in bed less than six hours before I got up and started unpacking more.  I took some of the recycling they had packed out to be delivered just before 7am, letting the DX delivery guy into the building, out to the street in time for collection.  I moved some boxes out, all the time with my key in my pocket and the door never locking behind me.  I hung up the key and then spotted another big box I had emptied so put it on the landing outside my door, and the door clicked fully shut for the first time all morning.

So I was in my PJs with no keys of phone, locked out of my unit.  Before anyone else was awake.

 

[and again I got distracted by effort of moving]

The idiot who led the landlord to learn she has a master key

 Tuesday was mostly packing.  Unsurprisingly.  Though also had my first psychodynamic psychotherapy session.  It was just me giving the registrar a vague backstory for slightly over an hour.  Didn't even get any to any more of the trauma than a very quick overview of my most recent relationship, the childhood trauma is still ages from being acknowledged....

Then home to more packing, partially while my dad supervised.  Then in the evening I had dinner with David and Simon (Joe was too cool for us this week) at Nando's before Simon came and had a look my my new flat (and accidentally perved as it turns out my lounge can see into a neighbouring house's shower).

Wednesday.  Panic packing.  And a family escorted trip to My Mate John's to get some furniture to fill the gaps in the new place.  A quick lunch at Speight's Ale House and then back home where my family's presence was actively counterproductive to the packing effort.  But dad stole the nice built in shelves, because the builders would have just turned then to firewood and they were nice wood.  Possibly rimu.

[got distrasted, didn't get to the part the title is about]

So that is a thing

I just got dumped by the friend who got weird this morning.  He thought it meant I thought it was a thing thing now.  Which might be sweetly naive.

But rescues me from the "I like your friendship but no" speech I was trying to script out on my head.

 

Otherwise, got a couple of heavy thing moved this afternoon.  Packed some more stuff, but nowhere near enough.  And the electrician still hasn't been.

Dammit all, that is not a habit I meant to get in to.

 So I have continued with the not really sleeping.  I have been a bit dazed for too long now and it is leading to me outsourcing my decisions to whoever happens to be nearby.

On Thursday I had lunch with Oli - it has been pretty much a weekly thing on Thursday long enough to feel like a plan even though they are all conveniences of the day.  I had also been vacuuming my new unit and discovered that some of the plugs trigger the circuit breakers when they are used.  Not a great sign in a new build.

I need to write in this more regular as I remember nothing else of Thursday and Friday is also a blur.  I know I got up early and opened my new flat as the site manager, Steve, had said the electrician would be there "tomorrow" the day before.  Oh, and Tina rang and got my to go aquajogging - so that was much of the morning.  But after lunch I am pulling a blank.  Bank app statement says I had had Chinese takeaways which I have only the vaguest recollection of.  All I remember of the night is WandaVision.

Saturday, I was sore.  I didn't do a lot but did spent some time wondering if this was what putting your back out feels like.  I think I had just tweaked a muscle in my back somehow as by evening it was mostly okay.  I remember I ate airfried dumplings with broccoli salad for lunch.  But again lack of sleep and not writing daily means I remember nothing else of what I did.  That may have been when I finished packing the books from my room, and the books that I don't like.

[edit]Wait, I am a moron.  I went for a walk around Sullivan's Dam with a friend.  It was pretty relaxed and nice.  So I did do something once I got moving in the afternoon - after someone from Facebook Marketplace came and took away my spare bed. [/edit]

Sunday I went fridge shopping.  I went back and forward between Harvey Norman and Noel Leemings making no decisions at all.  Then my mother turned out to be out appliance shopping too.  She took over and bulldozed through all the indecision.  So I bought the one she liked, and somehow also got bulldozed into the extended warranty scam that I never would have got myself.  Hopefully it is delivered soon.  The timing was a bit vague.

Otherwise was playing BG3 and pretending packing wasn't a thing.

Today......

Early morning text from the friend I have mentioned getting coffee with multiple times in recent weeks.  We had a wander around the warehouse while he collected some things he needed.  Then he asked if we could go somewhere and have a talk.  I stupidly said my house would be fine, thinking conversation would make a pleasant background to packing.  The conversation he intended had less talking than the one I thought we were headed to do.

So for the second time running when I end up being snogged by someone I hadn't really considered kissing, he's married.  And this time I don't even have the excuse of having not known.

But he is kind of a friend and when he persisted after the initial rebuff it was too awkward not to go with it.

Then things got awkward.  And he went off acting like everything was fine but I kind of expect that the friendship may have been nipped in the bud by it.

And I have no idea what his intention was, he had been pretty clear that I wasn't what he liked - the change of mind was unexpected.