All my exams are this month - then holidays and hopefully work
NASA Criticised Over Space Station
04/11/2001 09:13 AM
Reuters
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - An independent panel has criticised NASA for its management of the International Space Station as the agency marked the first anniversary since sending astronauts to man the orbiting platform.
The 20-member Independent Management and Cost Evaluation Task Force, which includes two Nobel laureates and space experts, said NASA had consistently underestimated funding and managed the space station as an institution rather than an evolving program.
"The International Space Station program's achievements to date are extraordinary... but the current program plan is not credible," the panel said in its report.
The United States and Russia - former Cold War enemies - are now senior partners in the $95 billion (65 billion pounds) space station program, which also involves agencies from Europe, Japan and Canada.
Projected costs for the US contribution to the space station, due for completion in 2006, jumped to $30 billion dollars from $17.4 billion, the report said on Friday.
And in addition to a widely flagged $4.8 billion budget-overspend for fiscal year 2002, the taskforce identified $3.7 billion of new costs. It also hinted at contractor expenses, which did not feature in NASA's accounts. It could not provide further details.
Thomas Young, chairman of the panel, said NASA should cut some of their 30 contracts and warned that both civil servants and contractors could lose jobs if the panel's recommendations were implemented.
"The money is mostly in people today and... that's where the savings have to come from," he told a news conference, but declined to speculate on the number of job losses.
1st November 2001
Yesterday, I pretty much spent the whole day studying - though a bit too much of that was listening to Troilus and Crisyde on my headphones while playing Cultures. I also took a sugar break, and ended up in the supermarket cue behind the best looking person I have seen in ages, so far out of my league I had a moment of disbelief that people like that and people like me could even exist in the same universe. I took a little pleasure in the PE school t-shirt though, it's good to know that someone that hot is probably thick as a post. Then last night I took a study break to watch the very good Buffy episode. Today, i spent the morning studying, then finished about 4 hours before the exam to psychologically prepare (ie. play Cultures out of laziness). Then headed off to the exam, via the library, where I grabbed lunch in the foyer-thingee. The exam... well... I either did kinda okay, or really crappily. I got all rhetorical and I'm not sure if that will count for or against me. Anyway, Bring Me the Head of Mavis Davis just finished, so I'm off to bed.
Today's quote: from Xtra news - okay, it's freaky, but this crud interests me.
Knew you'd be a vision in white How'd you get those pants so tight? Don't know what you're doin' But you must be livin' right We got some places to see I brought all the maps with me So jump right in...Ain't no sin Take a ride in my machine City traffic movin' way too slow Drop the pedal and go...go...go Goin' ridin' on the freeway of love Wind's against our back Goin' ridin' on the freeway of love In my pink cadillac Goin' ridin' on the freeway of love Wind's against our back Ain't we ridin' on the freeway of love In my pink Cadillac? Never you mind the exit signs We got lots of time We can't quit 'til we get To the other side With the radio playin' our song We keep rollin' on Who knows how far a car can get Before you think about slowin' on down City traffic movin' way too slow Drop the pedal and go...go...go
3rd November 2001
Yesterday I wasted mostly playing Cultures and watching TV. I kept almost studying, but didn't. Ooops, and this was one paper I could have done really well in if I'd only studied.
This morning I rolled out of bed and through the shower, then watched about an hour and a half of cartoons before heading in nicely early to my exam. I got there and chatted to some of my classmates, most of whom were stressing, which was scary, it's such a joke paper. Biol112 would have probably got me an A if I'd actually done any work. AFter the exam - which I left rather early, I chatted to my classmates outside the exam room for a bit longer than I'd actually spent in the exam. I also bumped into THAT first year, who was dressed very flattering and turns out to have an even better body than I'd expected. It's always good to know the person you are drooling over but know you aren't good enough for is amazingly out of your league - as apposed to just a little bit too good. I was drooling something chronic, and I think almost everyone noticed, including THAT first year's older brother, whom I'm pretty sure dislikes me. But I guess that's what big brothers are for.
Then I headed into town with Gnatacia, and got satay for lunch. After a bit of stuffing around in town with her, I headed home and stuffed around some more. Tomorrow I start the serious study for Monday morning's exam. And well, I pretty much wasted the rest of the day away.
Today's quote: Freeway Of Love by Franklin Aretha.
Harmony: "Well, you'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always --- no threesomes unless it's boy-boy-girl. Or Charlize Theron."
5th November 2001
Yesterday I spent playing computer games and watching TV while I half heartedly studied stuff I didn't find even slightly interesting. I think the high point of the day was updating my ICQ.
This morning I headed off to my ENGL319 exam and left it really early, not fully answering a single questions, but writing something for everything. I only need 3/40 to pass, and I've grown to really hate the paper. So then I went and visited Becky and Kez, who are really good when I'm depressed, because they work on a wave length that makes self-pity impossible around them.
Then I came home and had a nice relaxed afternoon. Until my family got home. But then they went out and all was good again, until they got home. Just now the idiot southlander stood and watched while the cat threw up everywhere, and did nothing to stop it or clean up after it. In fact he walked in it and spread it through the lounge carpet, and then made a screaming fit about it, and I ended up having to clean it up. I could so happily watch him die right now. It's just a shame I'm too useless and ineffective a human being to actually purge him from the world myself.
Anyway, I'm all grumpy and thinking how great an end to the day it would be if I just topped myself. So I should go and sleep before I psyche myself up to doing something irreversible.
Today's quote: From the episode "Crush" of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Spike (shouting): "Aaaarrrggghh! Gaaagggghhhhhh! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?"
Buffy: "Which question do you want me to answer first?"
9th November 2001
Okay. The sixth I had lots of good intentions to study. Instead I started to organise a job application and played a whole pile of the classic DOS RPG Daggerfall. I also watched Disney's The Emporer's New Groove, and it was far better than I expected. The villian woman reminded me a bit too much of me wicked step-mother though. It's also only the second time I can recall having seen a pregnant woman in a cartoon, the other being Fox in Disney's Gargoyles. But that evil woman...... her saggy dugs..... *shudders*.....
Wednesday the 7th, I finished the job application and delivered it about half an hour before applications closed. Unfortunately I visited Giffy, who made the POL conversion of First Sundering look like a really good thing, so I rushed home and wasted most of the day playing Ultima Online, and getting frustrated about how the changes did bad stuff to both of my characters. In the evening (after Buffy) I finally started doing some Shakespeare study. And then I slept.
Thursday morning was when most of my study happened, and it was tragically little. I mostly just stuffed around. Then just before my exam I picked up an English department course guide for next year and found out I have to get my Honours topic and supervisor sorted some time REALLY soon. So I thought about that instead of Shakespeare through most of the exam. Not the smartest of things to do, really. Then I walked home with a girl from my class, another of Southland's Amys, and it was a whole pile of fun. Then after tea I was supposed to head out with Midget, but the weather had turned for the worst and we were both tired, so I rang to pike on her, but she piked before I could - damn her. SO I blobbed out and played some Ultima. Then at some point late in the night, while tired and suffering mental gooeyness I wrote an email to THAT first year.
And I quote:
Hello Okay, I'd like to point out this is not me sending you multiple emails before you've replied (okay, technically it is, but listen) and thus being all stalkerish, this is me assuming you listened when I told you to delete the last one without reading it. That or the fact this email address still seems pretty dodgy. (Anyway, when I started I had a point, but it seems to have evaded me during my stunning introduction. Yes, that might have been it...) How's the job hunting going? (okay, kinda lame I know, but I have post exam sticky brain - don't ever do 300 level Shakespeare, it's evil, possibly even in league with one of those dark forces you religious types like to blame stuff on - ouch, that was pretty cheap of me). Anyway, now I've made a proper git of myself I'll leave you to think I'm a complete and utter escaped circus freak. I'm almost funny looking enough to be one too. Okay, yip, I'll shut up now.... Have fun, Matthew PS. it's the whole post exam thing, it has made me weirder than usual, really.....And thus the reason I am single. I'm a DUMBARSE. Some stupid part of me didn't realise I shouldn't send that until after I had pressed the send button and it was too late.
I am SUCH a loser.
Anyway, today I got up and watched Beloved as I'd only seen part of it. It's a nasty movie. Then I headed into Varsity to get my Gattaca DVD back of Raj, and got pressured into having lunch with him. After that I headed into the English department and talked to a few people about my Hons project. I think I'll be working with Ian, Greg or John Hale. Though I have no idea what on at this point. Maybe Chaucer, or maybe a bigger take on Renaissance (I never said I could spell) literature's treatment of popular religion. The I hit town again and got a present for Fiona's 21st tomorrow, though I ended up getting a chronically crappy present. I spent most of this evening updating my webpage, introducing it to frames and generally just fluffing about. I also realised that I'd take my ex back in a heartbeat (and not my most recent one either, but the one that dumped me 35 months ago and whom I really should have gotten over by now). It's not good when your ex comes to visit - as you are now good friends - and you find yourself thinking "I could SO jump you" and dangerously little else. I am SUCH a gimp. I should have just gone out with Wormgirl back when she was interested, it would have been screwy and unhealthy but it would probably have had a fair bit of staying power.
Anyway, I'm in almost as screwy a place as I was when I wrote THAT email yesterday, so I should go offline before I do something else dumb.
Today's quote: From the episode "Crush" of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go There's so many times I've let you down Now the time has come to leave you I'm standing here outside your door So many times I've played around One more time, let me kiss you I hate to wake you up to say goodbye I tell you now, they don't mean a thing Then close your eyes, I'll be on my way But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn Every place I go, I'll think of you Dream about the days to come The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn Every song I sing, I'll sing for you When I won't have to leave alone Already I'm so lonesome I could die When I come back I'll bring your wedding ring About the times I won't have to say: So kiss me and smile for me; tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh, babe, I hate to go
11th November 2001
Yesterday I sat around updating this site some more, I'm slowly getting it reasonably pretty. And after going to fetch my little brother from a sleepover, and staying for ages to chat with the parent, whom I know through my time at Opoho Presbyterian Church, about what I'm studying, and future possible occupations. Then I came home and fluffed around a bit, on the web, and playing Daggerfall and Wizards and Warriors. Ialso wallowed a bit in self pity about what a complete freak I am, or as Midget put it to me yesterday in responce to Friday's entry -
P.S You are not a loser.
You're just romantically challenged sometimes:-)
Which is bollocks, I am a loser.In the evening I dolled up and headed off to Fi's formal dress 21st. It was a fair bit of fun. I even think she liked the present I got her. And heaps of my friends, mostly ones i haven't seen in ages, were there too. I stole Aaron's sunnies, abnd kept them for the night after he said they looked good on me. It was all good.
Then me, Aaron and Hugh start into town to go to Nina and Paddy's Gangsta party. When almost there Aaron decided he didn't want to risk walking past the flat of his ex's current, so headed off home with Hugh in tow. Then I got to Nina's and spent a great few hours talking to her, and Tina, and Giffy - who skipped town after the party, never to return (except for the May graduation ceremony). I'm gonna miss her next year. And Tina too, who is also going to be leaving Dunedin, which means aswell as not seeing Tina, I now have absolutely no-one who is willing to flat with me next year. No-one likes me.
Anyway... Nina and Paddy host a good party, even if half the people there were talking Ultima Online. Go First Sundering. Actually, Si was supposed to be there, but didn't show, which is possibly one of those good things in disguise. And I had promised to go clubbing with Becky, but stayed when she left to spend some extra time with Giffy and Tina. During which time my most recent ex turned up, and Nina hid me behind the door, for reasons that made perfect sense at the time. And I had fun being slightly nasty with Tash - but that's why you have exes, to be mean about them behind their backs. Later they sent me off, claiming I need to meet someone. Atleast they were only pushing me into finding someone for myself, something I dont really think I need, and not actually setting me up with people as that would irk me a little. I don't like the idea of being set up. SO anyway, I headed out and found Becky and Kezia and co, and danced away for a while. I was SO hyper. I even actually flirted with someone, who was surprisingly receptive, though was WAY out of my league, and spoken for already anyway.
Actually, what really bummed me out was (no reading this if you know Raj, because he told me not to tell anyone, so I'm not telling anyone I'm just bitching about it in my diary, which no-one should be reading anyway, being that it's my personal diary and all) that Raj has kind of landed himself someone who is pretty good looking. And I'm jealous, not of who it is but that he isn't single anymore. I've been single longer than him, and I'm nice (nicer than he, anyway), and I'm interesting (well, atleast quirky - which almost equates to interesting), and I let people walk all over me. I should SO be able to find someone to go out with me. The must be someone out there who is desperate enough.
To add insult to injury, I also broke Aaron's sunnies, but it's repairable, and he's forgiven me.
Anyway, so far today I've done bugger all but wallow in self pity. Mostly about the fact THAT first year had the good sense to not reply to the email I sent.
The one good thing is that my ex is with someone now, which is all good. The Raj being with someone part is slightly depressing though. It could be worse, there are still enough single people among my friends to stop me feeling like the Grand High Loser Boy. But still.....
Today's quote: Leaving on a Jet Plane by john denver.
Well life's on a farm is kinda laid back, When the work's all done and the sun's settin' low I wouldn't trade my life for diamonds or jewels, Well, my fiddle was my daddy's till the day he died, ain't much an old country boy like me can hack. I pull out my fiddle and I rosin' up the bow. I never was one of them money hungry fools. and he took me by the hand and held me close to his side. It's early to rise, early in the sack: But the kids are asleep so I keep it kinda low: I'd rather have my fiddle and my farmin' tools: He said: "Live a good life and play my fiddle with pride, Thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God I'm a country boy. and thank God you're a country boy. A simple kind of life never did me no harm, I'd play "Sally Goodin'" all day if I could, Yeah, city folk drivin in a black limousine, My daddy taught me young how to hunt and how to whittle, raisin' me a family and workin' on a farm. but the lord and my wife wouldn't take it very good. a lotta sad people thinkin' that's mighty keen. he taught me how to work and play a tune on the fiddle. My days are all filled with an easy country charm: So I fiddle when I can and I work when I should: Well, folks let me tell you now exactly what I mean: He taught me how to love and how to give just a little: Thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God I'm a country boy. I thank God I'm a country boy. Thank God you're a country boy. Well I got me a fine wife, I got me old fiddle. When the sun's comin' up I got cakes on the griddle; and life ain't nothin' but a funny, funny riddle: Thank God I'm a country boy.
12th November 2001
After I finished writing yesterday, I went off to visit Tina before she skipped town. I got there and she was playing Ultima Online, and her character Gem has a llama to ride on. I've never even had a horse, I'm a tad jealous. Then I walked her from her place to the bus depot in town, via a flat where a few of her friends were being role-playing geeks so she could say good bye. It was actually really nice, as recently i have almost neer seen Tnia out of Giffy's company. Giffy's great, but it was nice to have Tina to myself for a while.
After dropping her off to the bus I headed home and stuffed around a bit getting frustrated at the world. Especially at Simon, who makes far more money thanme, but has landed to sweetest rent deal. Should I ever actually find somewhere where the people are willing to put up with me, it will never be that cheap.
Fortunately Wormgirl rescued me from this nasty mental loop, and dragged me off to get groceries with her. It was actually fun, as insane as that sounds, even if I did check out a Countdown worker. The Worm bought such utter crap. Well, mainly it was good stuff, but she spent WAY too much on it. She was really just in town to catch up with her boy, who I'll really have to try and meet one day, just to see if the Worm has finally grown some taste. I mean, she used to like me, and that shows she's got problems. Anyway, afterwards she dropped me home and I stuffed around for hours and eventually went to bed.
This morning I lay in and watched Big Momma's House, which is utter shite, but entertaining as shite goes. And then Disney's Atlantis, which my mother got from Malaysia on VCD. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped, but still pretty good, I just had really high hopes for it. Then I got up and did some laundry, chatted to a couple of people online, showered, and headed off to talk to people at varsity.
And now I'm in the middle of two way split and I can't really decide between doing Middle English (either looking at the character of Troilus or the religious imagery on the Green Knight) or looking at treatment of the faerie in English drama from 1570ish-early 1600s. I still have to talk to Greg about Old English too, so this could get worse before it gets better.
Then I headed home, talking to a few people I know along the way. Then played Ultima Online while I watched Cardcaptors. Did some more laundry. And wasted the rest of the day.
Today's quote:Thank God I'm A Country BoyWritten By John Denver and John Martin Summers.
22 October 2001 - USA set to break a global consensus -- execution of child offender due tonight
Texas executioners are preparing to carry out an internationally illegal execution tonight, Amnesty International warned hours before Gerald Mitchell is due to be killed by lethal injection for a crime committed when he was a child.
"On the one hand the USA is seeking to build an international coalition in response to the crimes of 11 September, while on the other it is set to break an overwhelming global consensus that the crimes of children must never result in the death penalty," the organization said, pointing out that it has long campaigned against the USA's pick and choose approach to international human rights standards.
Gerald Mitchell, an African American, has been on death row for 15 years after being convicted by an all-white jury for the murder of a white man, committed when he was 17 years old. International law, respected by almost every government in the world, unequivocally prohibits the execution of defendants who were under 18 at the time of the crime.
Amnesty International knows of only 12 executions of juvenile offenders worldwide in the past four years: three in Iran, one in the Democratic Republic of Congo and eight in the United States.
"Four of these killings were carried out in Texas during the governorship of George W. Bush," Amnesty International said. "Now that he is President, he has no less an obligation to oppose executions that violate international law," the organization continued.
Amnesty International wrote last week to President Bush's legal counsel, calling for the US administration to intervene in Gerald Mitchell's case. For the past six weeks, Amnesty International activists worldwide have been appealing to Texas and federal authorities to stop the execution of Gerald Mitchell.
14th November 2001
Yesterday, I only left the house once, and got no further than the dairy. Yay for wating a day away playing computer games. Actually, I lie, something did happen. Aaron visited to grumble about love and life and his ex. Which was actually quite nice as I like visitors.
Today, I didn't do much better. But it was a better day as I had multiple visitors. Just before lunch a couple of Mormons arrived at the door, it was running, and one of them was cute, so i took pity on them and let them in. And so for about an hour, I was educated on the basics of their belief structure, and now they are coming back on Friday. What have I got myself into.
Then in the afternoon I went to the stupermarket and bought junk food I don't need and which will only make me even fatter. I also emailled Gnatacia, to whine about the fact THAT first year isn't going to reply to me, and probably won't acknowledge my existence ever again either. Then I stuffed around, played me some Ultima and watched Cardcaptors before heading off to my room and writing some poetry, which will hopefully be up soon. Then while sitting watching the start of Buffy, Bruno and my Tina arrived, Bruno having misread an invitation to Fiona's party last saturday and having thought it was today. As people do. Which was cool, as it meant I got visitors twice in one day, and felt all good. And it ment I got to see Tina when she was supposed to be out of town. Something she still hasn't explained to me.
Anyway, they visited for ages, and it was great. But now they have gone, and it's late at night. And I should sleep before I die.
Today's quote: From Amnesty International Online.
I'm just a schoolgirl living in a fantasy world Now I'm outspoken Walked around for a couple of years Trying to convince myself It was a plan I was to understand it They said things to me like you're so beautiful You spoke of other things like how much do you charge You're youthful you can't hide behind that face You're so youthful sit tight and stare Ad lib Silence stalks me pushes me through I feel so broken Turn the lights on a couple of times to see if you would exchange I would not know if you turned them off They said things to me like you're so wonderful You spoke of other things like I love you 'cos You're youthful you can't hide behind that face You're so youthful sit tight and stare Ad lib Maybe I'm allowed maybe it's in the book Maybe I could shout down the walls 9 till 5 I hope it doesn't show 9 till 5 it's not a perfect thing They said things to me like you're amazing You speak of other things like is this going on my bill You're youthful you can't hide behind that face You're so youthful sit tight and stare Ad lib You're Youthful You know this time will not do You're so youthful I own you now Ad lib Youthful yeaaaah
17th November 2001
Thursday, I don't really remember much of. I think I just sat around playing computer games all day and hiding from the rain. And I tried writing something, but was feeling uncreative. In fact I did go into varsity to talk to Greg about Old English as a topic, but he was away as he had become a grandfather the day before. On the way back I visited Becky, who has just acquired a new machine, and I'm a tad jealous, but I don't have rich parents who buy me stuff.
Yesterday I spent the morning fluffing around, reading some Neil Gaiman short stories, the book o'mormon. At lunch time the mormons arrived and talked for about an hour, and I kinda paid attention, but I'm pretty sre if there had been a pop-test on it, I would have failed.
In the afternoon, having got my university timetable book for next year, and seen it wouldn't clash, I went to the Theatre department to apply for a paper, and lo-and-behold, it was shut. That office is like never open. Typically bloody thespians. So I headed into town where I bumped into Aaron and went shopping with him for a while before I made a point of heading home in time for Cardcaptors. I am such a loser. It was kinda cool seeing him in town though, I have friends. He also commented on one of the poems I recently added to my website, the Giant Monster one.
After Cardcaptors I gotplaying Ultima (surprise, surprise) and generally killing time before I was supposed to go and visit Simon and see his flat, which will be weird as Ihaven't visited him since 4th September 1998, which possibly makes me a horrible friend, as he always visits me.
Well anyway, while this was happening Tina rang to drag me along to the movies and Si asked for an extra day before he had to entertain at his flat, so all was going along nicely, and I asked Simon along to the movie and all was organised. SO I headed off and met Tina. Then we went to one of her friend's, Brian's, place. There she conscripted two extra couples togo to the flick with. After stopping at the Meridian for tea, we got to hoyts to buy the tickets at Si was nowhere to be seen, and I waited as long as I could make them wait and he was still a no show, so we bought tickets without him, and went and sat outside and ate the takeaway food we'd gotten ourselves earlier. And so we sat and chatted till it was movie time then headed in. American Pie II is great. It's a bit wholesomer and happier than the original, but just as, if not a bit more, funny. Then afterward he headed back to the previously mentioned flat where they all talked about people everyone except me knew, and about roleplaying. SO as soon as I felt it was polite I made me excuses to go home. And ended up walking with Tina as she had realised she had to get home and sleep. And when I got home I played some Ultima and then went to bed.
This morning I lay in bed getting annoyed at the crap cartoons on TV this days. Saturday morning cartoons used to be much better. Then I rolled out of bed about 10 and played some Cultures.
After lunch I finally got online to hear Simon's excuse. Appearantly he was expecting one from me, and is adamant that he was there at the time he was supposed to be, and waited for twenty minutes. Which is a real worry, because I was there the whole time, getting slightly bitter about being stood up. So the universe must have been playing weird games with me.
Anyway, I don't have much else to say. SO I guess I'll finish up now. Otherwise I'll just start wallowing in self-pity on here aswell, being that thats mostly what I've been upto today. I need to be a LOT thinner. A LOT thinner. And I want better skin, my skin is crap. And a better nose would be good too.
Today's quote: Anika Moa's "Youthful".
cir·cum·ci·sion (sûr k m-s zh n)n.
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18th November 2001
I have a job interview of Wednesday, I found out last tuesday while Aaron was visiting but forgot to mention it, but hey, I almost forgot to mention he visited. So hopefully I'll have a job one of these days. And a job will be all good, admittedly I'll probably still be poor as a church mouse, but atleast I won't get qute as bored this summer. Last summer was terrible.
Anyway, last night, after not having tea as I was feeling fat, which is probably bad for my metabolism and will eventually cause me to get fatter in spite of everything, I headed off to see Si's flat. After he had hyped up how bad it was, I wasn't surprised at all by the fact it was actually really nice. Damn him, he earnes good money, but still got a really nice flat for far cheaper than anything I've ever even seen. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. But after getting a look around his unfairly nice flat, we sat in his room and had a really nice long talk about lots of random things, but mostly former relationships. I gotkinda down about that fact I'm not sure i've ever beenin love, and if Ihave, then I still am, and after as long as it has been, it's just plain screwy.
I really have to learn to get over stuff.
As usual with long conversations with Simon, I ended up in a really weird mental place afterward, so had to centre myself by watching a video of last night's Voyager episode before I went to sleep.
This morning I had to do my brother's stupid paper run, darn his being at scout camp.
Actually, I got thinking on my paper run about the twelve days of christmas song, and how I'm sure it's seven lords a leaping, which is a worry because the seventh day of christmas is the Circumcision. No, wait, now I think about it, it's ten lord leaping, and seven swans a swimming. So it's okay, and I'm rambling. So this whole paragraph was a waste of your reading effort.
Anyway, I might go play Ultima, which for some insane reason only runs properly when I'm connected through ihug, and may yet mean I have to change back to ihug's unlimited plan.
I might email THAT first year though, developing it into a complete obsession woud be really unhealthy, but might get me over the last of those residual ex issues. Though, admittedly, after that last email I am probably on THAT first year's blocked sender list. I am SUCH a nut. Between my looks and personality, it would really worry me if I wasn't single. For anyone to actually like this package would be the sign of some real problems.
Actually, I'm still annoyed at Raj for being the voice of reason on Thursday night, he is SO not supposed to be the logical one in a conversation. Much less is he supposed to make good points.
OKay, I'm back. Diary writing twice in one day, it's all bad. It's not even like anything has happened, I've just been playing Ultima Online, and a bit of Might and Magic.
Though I did remember that I was supposed to point out that although me and Tina are engaged still, we don't have the kind of relationship that would prevent her from reading this, ie. I'm excusing her from the disclaimer. Not that I really see why I need to, not after all the boys she has had since we got engaged in 1998. Actually, that was probably all I had to say. Which makes this all very pointless.
Today's quote: From www.dictionary.com.
When everything is going wrong And you can't see the point in going on Well nothing in life is set in stone There's nothing that can't be turned around Nobody wants to feel alone And everybody wants to love someone Out of the tree go pick a plum Why can't we all just get along Boys Boys in the girls room Girls Girls in the men's room You free your mind in your androgyny Boys Boys in the parlor Girls They're getting harder I'll free your mind and your androgyny
21st November 2001
Okay, Monday, the weather was crappy, and when I woke up I had a nasty migraine. When I finally got up I finished reading Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors collection. One of the first stories "Chivalry" and the two last ones "murder mysteries" and something about apples and snow which I can't quite recall are REALLY good. And mostly all of them are lots of fun to read. The evening was wasted on the net and playing Ultima.
Tuesday, I did some writing in the morning. Then had very not punctual mormons visit, before I headed off to varsity and applied for the theatre paper I'm after. Then stopped by English and got a step closer to actually getting my honours application done. Last night was spent playing Ultima.
Today, I got up and played some Ultima, Cerdic made a bunch of pottery which I'll probably give to Giffy's character, or Tina's.
Then about lunchtime I started freaking out about the job interview. After changing about a dozen times I ended up going to it dressed the same as I had to Fi's party, except tucked in. The Job interview wasn't too bad, though a few of the questions seemed pretty unrealated. And the interviewer was someone I've known for years, which was just a little creepy. But hopefully I'll get it. Just out of the interview I bumped into Tash and her sister Filza (okay, I have no idea how that's spelt) and walked arond shopping with them for a while. Then came home ia Uni, and a random conversation with Raj, to watch Cardcaptors.
Anyway, I have Ultima to play, I don't really feel like writing much today, as I'm all depressed, Buffy's mother have died and all.
Today's quote: Androgyny by Garbage.
Hey, what did you hear me say You know the difference it makes What did you hear me say Yes, I said it's fine before But I don't think so no more I said it's fine before I've changed my mind I take it back Erase and rewind 'Cause I've been changing my mind I've changed my mind So where did you see me go It's not the right way, you know Where did you see me go No, it's not that I don't know I just don't want it to grow It's not that I don't know I've changed my mind I take it back Erase and rewind 'Cause I've been changing my mind
25th November 2001
Okay, Thursday, it was wet and icky so I played Ultima most of the day. Go constructie use of time.
Friday was busier. I was up, dressed and at the English department not long after 10am to talk to John Hale about my hons project. Something I should have hard sorted ages ago,but he keeps putting me off, I think he wants to make me get it in late so Ian Jamieson is already taken and so I have to go with him. Then I hit the shops to get my lil cousin Lucas a birthday present, and ended up stooping to buy Jack Stone Lego out of desperation. Then the Mormons were here after lunch to give me another of their presentations. Yay for me......
Then after blowing the afternoon on Ultima - Jane making over 5000gold and finding some magic armour, all in a single hunt, it was a good day - I walked over to Si's flat..
He has Jetstart, and it's running at Jetstream rates at the moment. Talk about jealousy, I WANT HIS SETUP. The mp3s download faster than he can listen to them.
Yesterday/Saturday. I spent the day helping Alana and her mother shift. I was the only person helping who was neither family or one of Alana's exes. They'd been living their about 14 years and had SO much furniture, though we only moved the heavy stuff mainly. Yay for carrying a massie deep freeze down a thin staircase and my having to carry an end by myself. It was far from easy. After finishing the shifting, and Alana's mother buying us tea from KFC, I came home very tired and achey, showered and collapsed in front of Star Trek.
Then I sat watching TV and half heartedly chatting over ICQ, until 11, when I decided to go to bed. Just as I was packing up, Si came on and convinced me to go clubbing. So rather unenthusiastically I headed off to town. Si picking me up off the street on the way there. It actually turned out to be a GREAT night. Even if I did have an attack of the green eyed monster at one stage, I got over it and the night went on the be a blast. Though I was dancing a bit too dodgily with multiple people, I of whom I was getting just a little more touchy-feely with than I really should have been.
This morning after about four hours sleep I rolled out of bed and got ready for my cousin's birthday party. Darn having to dress up nice for family things. It turned out to be more tolerable than I had expected though.
Anyway, the Ultima server I use isn't up, so I'm grumpy. And I should probably go now anyway.
Today's quote: Erase / Rewind by The Cardigans.
I said I wanna touch the earth I wanna break it in my hands I wanna grow something wild and unruly I wanna sleep on the hard ground In the comfort of your arms On a pillow of bluebonnets In a blanket made of stars Oh it sounds so good to me
27th November 2001
After I wrote on Sunday I headed off to my grandmother's for tea. It was pretty nice, my grandparents are a good step up from my parents (which isn't a good sign for me). Though afterward I was dragged (kicking and screaming, on the inside) to mother's idiot partner's parent's housebus (damn that was a lot of possessives) for an hour and a half. I was FAR from happy, especially as my back was still pretty unhappy about things. And it ment I missed a bit whack of the movie I wanted to see on the telly. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Combined with the fact I was grumpy at someone for his insight - and my being a dumbarse.
Yesterday I felt a whole lot less sore. I lay in bed and read Reading the Bones by Sheila Finch. It pretty good. Then I hoped out of bed and headed off to met Tina, and spent the day stuffing around having fun with her. It was great. And I borrowed House Party off her, and set it up and played all night.
Today I played games till lunch time and then headed off to varsity and sorted some stuff out with my honours. It's mostly done now. Anyway, my mother bought Hot Date, so I'm off to play with it. I'll have to do my Ultima jobs tomorrow.
Today's quote: Cowboy Take Me Away by The Dixie Chicks.
Hey, little girl, Comb your hair, fix your make-up. Soon he will open the door. Don't think because There's a ring on your finger, You needn't try any more For wives should always be lovers, too. Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you. I'm warning you. Day after day, There are girls at the office, And men will always be men. Don't send him off With your hair still in curlers. You may not see him again.
28th November 2001
Okay, I feel amazingly crappy, in the I could happily kill myself way, but without any real justification. Anyway, I'll get to that later.
I was up playing Sims Hot Date till after 2am, and then got up at about eight to play it some more. And kept playing till 11, when I showered and prepared for a visitation by the Mormon missionaries. It was actually quite interesting, especially as they had no real come back when I pointed out no-one could realistically be expected to believe that all the native american races decended from a tribe of wandering Jews at some point after 450AD. It just wouldn't happen.
Anyway, they left and I went and got junk food from the supermarket. I suddenly had the need for comfort food, for no appearant reason. Then The Sims: Hot Date ate a bit more of my day until about 4:30 when I helped cut a tree down.
After tea I discovered I had a letter from the DCC, the rejection letter I was expecting, so I got a bit depressed and curled up in my room and watched Spin City and Buffy. then came down to the house to complain to people and found my ICQ refusing to connect. Ultima still worked fine though, and with bugger all lag, so I've decided ICQ is just plain evil. What kind of error message is "Rate Limit Exceeded" anyway. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So I rang Midget to find out her exam marks, straight A-s, spot the geek (says me who got two A-s and two B+s). After a nice chat to her that almost had me perked up again, i stupidly though I'd ring Simon. Who blew me off with pretty much "oh hi, thats nice, I'm hanging up now". Okay that's a exageration, but still. Okay it shouldn't have bothered me, but he is the one person who usually atleast pretends to care that I'm not dead yet. I think he possibly just had someone with him, which I guess is excuse enough. Though when I visit and someone rings he's prettyhappy to ignore me for half an hour of so to chat on the phone. Actually, I think that's it. I'm being a self-centred fuck and thinking everyone should care about me the way even I don't care about me.
Okay, I'm going to stop talking now, as this is just going to turn into one of those rants that goes on for pages and pages and pages (not that the html format really goes for pages) and will just end up scaring people and making me look like the obsessed freak that I am.
Okay, and my ex is now not only pointly not talking to me as much as possible, but it lying around the Raj moving in thing. Yay for honestly from someone who keeps telling me "you're one of my three best friends".
Okay, I'm being a freak. I really should get over it.
At this rate I may yet have to go and see one of the head shrinkers at Student Health. Damn it.
Today's quote: Wives and Lovers by Burt.
Raindrops keep falling on my head And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed Nothin' seems to fit Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling So I just did me some talkin' to the sun And I said I didn't like the way he' got things done Sleepin' on the job Those raindrops are falling on my, head they keep falling
30th November 2001
Damn, I just found out that Homestead ate my webpage on it, so my photo album is gone. I'll have to redo it for this site.
Well Wednesday night after writin gthe slightly bitter entry I wrote, I sat awake all night writing better poetry and some prose which is actually really good, and someday if i can get it into something where it isn't obvious where it came from, it would be really good. And I realised I'm going to have to give a "you're a great friend, possibly exactly the kind of friend I need, but I can't have yu in my life" speech. Which will suck. Why do I have to be the kind of freak who falls for an ex only after we broke up, and three years later, when we've been doing a pretty good job of being great friends, sudden start getting all swept up in jealous paranoia. It's SO nutty.
Yesterday I sat around home playing Wizards and Warriors, which I had forgotten I had. In the evening I headed out to Arc with some friends, and got a little weird feeling, so I suspect some of the people there were smoking something of questionable legality, which also lead to me going home earlier, as I knew if I got too wasted I'd end up walking to my ex's, which is pretty close to Arc, and making a spectacle of myself. So I sensile walked out on my friends and headed home.
This morning I felt terrible. Damn second hand green smoke.
I lay in bed late reading "Lost Girls" by Jane Yolen (author of The Devil's Arithmetic), which is Peter Pan told from Wendy's point of view if Wendy was called Darla and a child of the nineties whose mother is a Labour Union lawyer, and "Thriteen Ways to Water" by Bruce Holland Rogers, which is a weird little Vietnam war aftermath story. Eventually I rolled out of bed, came online, made some plans for the day with Tina and Raj. Then I showered and headed off to varsity to tell my Aunt Judith my exam results. Bumped into Tina and ended up almost half an hour late to meet Raj, fortunately he was late too.
Lunch with Raj was weird. Appearantly he is moving in with my ex, nice that I heard it through Raj, really. I am so never liking anyone ever again. People suck.
Okay, I have spent the day since being very grumpy, very bitter and very depressed. I just need to score someone quick, so I can get obsessed over someone new. Though I've already tried that once, and it didn't work, and I just ended up with an annoyingly pleasant seven month relationship, and a whole lot more tummy.
Actually, Raj went off at me about my tummy today, and how I'm going to have loads of health problems because of my size. Like I was depressed and going to the whole depressive eating cycle thing anyway - he didn't need to make it worse.
I think my ex is ignoring me, we've exchanged only a couple of words since that phone call I sulked about, which is weird, as we usually talk heaps. So I'm more than I tad not happy about stuff. Damn it. I actually suspect Raj has said something. I would have understood if the snub had started on Sunday, after I got a bit too friendly on Saturday night, but for it to start days and days later. It's just irking me. And I'm being a weird obsessive freak. I should go shoot myself sometime soon.
Today's quote: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head by Burt.
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