October 2004
Sims2 is bad for my masters,
Very, very bad.
5th October 2004.
On Friday night I became an "award-winning local playwright". I won the young playwright contest being run through the Fortune theatre as part of the Dunedin Festival of the Arts, with An Absolution for the Not Eating of Cake. Go me. I found out at the end of the play that was just starting up - Home Land (which was written especially to celebrate the 30th birthday of the theatre company and as part of the Arts Festival). I got free tickets for me and a friend as I was a finalist, so I took along Oli. The play was pretty good. And I was a little surprised by the fact I won - I hadn't even written an acceptance speech (even though I was told I should just in case). I never win stuff, and I didn't really expect that to change. So I was awarded a gift voucher by Roger Hall and it was all generally good.
On Saturday I went in to town as my play was being read by some actors on the Fortune's main stage - which was very cool. I'm not sure the actors liked my play - but I guess that happens.
Other than that there isn't all that much on in my life. While I'm pretty certain that I'm not technically sick any more, I still can't last more than a few hours up and about before I feel like I might faint or throw up. So far it is all just false promises - and hopefully it will stay that way. So mostly I'm just napping and playing Sims2 between naps. Oh, and I've started getting hate email from some Christchurch drag queen. Apparently drag queens have supernatural powers of deduction and the fact that I am both fat and use the internet is proof that I'm preying on young girls. Colour me surprised - I'm pretty sure that such predatory behaviour has been entirely absent from my life. Unless I've missed something.
While I am all for crazies being loose on the net - I'd rather not have to deal with strangers sending me long and abusive emails with no grounding in reality at all. I much prefer the hate mail which is just people telling me to get over myself and stop using the internet to gripe about everything.
On the subject of griping on the net - I think my circle of friends in shrinking again. Maybe it is an orange and it's lost a segment or two. Wait, that made no since - ignore me (see what I mean about being all for crazies loose on the net - I count me in that). Simon seems to have finally caught on to the fact that I'm not worth the effort - as I've had nothing more than single word replies in a long time and even they are few and far between (ok, he may just be working himself into an early grave - though he shouldn't be as he knows he isn't allowed to die before me). And even Midget seems to be avoiding talking to me.
Anyway, I'm freakishly over-tired (even though I'm getting more than enough rest time - if not sleep). Night.
8th October 2004.
The very bad thing about being at home dozing all the freaking time is that when you doze the half-dreams you have are much worse than actual dreams. Worse because they grow out of legitimate worries and feed paranoia so much better. It occurred to me a long time ago that while Simon is probably the best friend I have and knows me as well, if not much better, than anyone else, I barely know him from a bar of soap. I mean, he knows practically everything there is to know about me, as he is who I discuss anything that is getting to me with. I accept that he doesn't do the same back and normally it only bothers me a little that when it comes down to it I don't really know much about him at all. But with the lying around sick and dozing for far too long now I have been getting more and more paranoid about it all. It occurs to me that it is entirely possible that I'm slightly insane. From this it also become quite possible that I'm not actually friends with Simon but just think I am - that he puts up with me solely out of pity, or maybe kindness. Fortunately now that I'm up (having a break from lying around - will be back to it shortly) I can see the obvious flaw in this logic. That being the fact that every now and then, when I need it, Si will go well out of his way for me. So clearly I'm just being paranoid. Stupid dozing too much.
Other than the dozing there isn't really much to say. I'm only up for a few hours at a time, as even though I'm not really sick any more, I'm still exhausted all the time. It's so frustrating. I'm utterly sick of being sick.
Yesterday I went in to varsity and ended up bumping into Midget, which was quite funny after having mentioned never seeing her in my entry in this thing the day before. So I talked to her for a while on my way home.
Today, I went in to the department for a while to catch up with my supervisor briefly. Ended up doing the department morning tea thing and then chatting to some of the other students (lil 4th years actually). Then I bumped into Midget who had now read the entry above and wanted to start a fight about it, so when she mentioned what I'd written in my log I went "oh, you mean how I kept calling you a fat bitch" and then she was so distracted being paranoid that people might think of her as a fat bitch that she forgot she was trying to start a fight with me. Some people are just too easy. Then in the afternoon, after a nap, I went back down to varsity for a lecture on Anglo-Saxon burial mounds - it was actually pretty cool and surprised me with my supervisor actually being interesting.
Anyway, I'm off to nap again.
20th October 2004.
Okay, big gap in entries, even for me.
For a bit over a week I've actually been well again. It's been very nice. During said time I have finally got my master thesis proposal up to a standard high enough that my supervisor is letting me submit it today. I've also spent some of my gift voucher on Terry Pratchett books, I now only need The Fifth Elephant and I will have all the City Watch books to go with my all the Lancre books. I even now have four of the City Watch books in hardback (though three are compiled into one book - making it both spine-age resistant and surprisingly cheap for the content).
In the weekend I did the Nichol's Falls and Nichol's Loop tracks with Glen, which was quite nice (if very muddy).
On Monday my optical mouse died, which is a bit of a pain. Especially as the fill-in mouse I'm using doesn't have a wheel - making playing Sims2 not worth the effort. Anyway, I should probably go hand in my proposal - the sooner I hand it in, the sooner the committee can rip it to shreds.
25th October 2004 SS. Crispin and Crispinian. Middle lessons of S. John of Beverley, Bp. and Conf.
I suck at writing in this. The Sims 2 distracts me too much, plus I've been reading some Terry Pratchett in preparation for when he is in town and Neil Gaiman's American Gods - the book I would have done my masters on if I wasn't a medievalist.
Just had a long weekend entirely without the Islamic extremist suicide bombing wood-pigeon of the weekend before. Finished American Gods and generally slothed about.
Net quizzes seem to pick on me, one just stole all my macho points:
You are: CATWOMAN!
Which Batman Villain Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Anyway, since I last wrote I haven't done all the much of note. Mainly just reading books and puter gaming. Thursday I had a doctors appointment and found out that though my weight is down my blood pressure is up, so my used by date is probably about what it was. Friday I spent hanging out with Alana, Rach and lil baby Samantha. On Friday night I went to my father's for dinner, a sort of 50th for him crossed with a farewell for one of my cousins who is off to Canada to live for a while. Saturday I had lunch with Dorothy. Sunday, I pretty much just read and puter gamed (as I am in desperate need of a life). Today I went to town for a little while with Midget in the late afternoon and then Alana's mother made me dinner. I still want to trade mums with her, Alana's mum kicks arse.
Anyway, not much to say for myself, just came online to chat to Si (who isn't online, thus easily defeating my nefarious scheme) and complain about how I went to school with the new doctor on shorters - and now can't even pretend to take the show serious. I guess it will have to wait.
coin operated boy sitting on the shelf he is just a toy but i turn him on and he comes to life automatic joy that is why i want a coin operated boy made of plastic and elastic he is rugged and long-lasting who could ever ever ask for more love without complications galore many shapes and weights to choose from i will never leave my bedroom i will never cry at night again wrap my arms around him and pretend.... coin operated boy all the other real ones that i destroy cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll never let him go and i'll never be alone not with my coin operated boy...... this bridge was written to make you feel smittener with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer can you extract me from my plastic fantasy i didnt think so but im still convinceable will you persist even after i bet you a billion dollars that i'll never love you will you persist even after i kiss you goodbye for the last time will you keep on trying to prove it? i'm dying to lose it... i want it i want you i want a coin operated boy. and if i had a star to wish on for my life i cant imagine any flesh and blood could be his match i can even take him in the bath coin operated boy he may not be real experienced with girls but i know he feels like a boy should feel isnt that the point that is why i want a coin operated boy with his pretty coin operated voice saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me straight and to the point that is why i want a coin operated boy.
31st October 2004 - Quintinus, Mart., with Norturn. Vigil.
It's 3 in the morning, and I'm drunk.
I should be sleeping but just now on the way home, if a fit of stupidity (or possibly cupidity) I got Willowbank chips and am now too chip-filled to sleep for a while.
Interesting day. Am reading my way through Going Postal - is quite good so far (slightly over half way). Went to Bridget's birthday party (not Bridget of the two sisters - but then I'm not a crazy celtic pagan) and was fed some bourbon by Oli's towel wearing (instead of pants) flatmate. Got drunk and very warm eared. My face and especially my ears do get bloody hot when I'm drunk.
Well, from here it made great logic sense to go and visit my ex. Genius drunken plan. The visited ended up being quite short by also very nice. I'm glad we are friends - and I think I may have moved on. My ex has a new boy and I'm not being all insanely hurt like I always used to be that once again someone has been picked over me. Previously every time this has happened I've been all depressed tosser and got all "what's wrong with me - why does your taste seem to boil down to not being me" (for, as we all know, inner turmoil and paranoia and other such impractical emotions can be alarmingly self-centred). Here is the good bit, this time I'm not. I'm just a little annoyed that it has been going on for ages and I've been left out. So instead of my usual crazy ex, I just have last-to-know friend things going on.
Wahoo for possibly having gotten over my ex.
After this I headed back to the party which had now merged into someone's Halloween party and I drank a fair amount of bad keg beer. I'll be an alky yet.
Actually, now I feel like I could sleep.
Night.
It's now Sunday night as opposed to early Sunday morning. My day has been pretty lazy. Slept, did some laundry, played some Sims 2, read the rest of Going Postal and went to Dot's birthday dinner. Dot's birthday thing was pretty good, though I spent more than I should have and feel very full now. Other than that my day has been pretty uneventful. Though this evening I'm having some paranoia about friendship in general, and several of my friendships in particular. Not helped by Glen pointing out how unhealthy some of my friendships are.
I have too much noise in my brain now.
Darn friend paranoia.
Today's quote is "Coin Operated Boy" by The Dresden Dolls.
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