Apparently I'm fine

This morning when even making it to the bathroom had been proving a struggle, I managed to get some laundry washed.  Tina arrived while I was very slowly hanging it and helped the process along.  Then she took me with her while she took her car to VTNZ.  We went for a walk in town and bumped into Shitlord's flatmate (who I really want to steal as a friend).  Had a nice chat about Pokemon, I managed to not mention Shitlord for minutes.  Progress.
And the weirdness.  The flatmate and I had just got to the point where a quick manly hug was fine before things went kersplat, but now there was just awkward standing and him patting my shoulder.
That said, I had left the house when I wasn't planning to, so wasn't so washed as I would like.  I would have been bad to hug.

Then I got dropped home, zoned out some, had a hot shower to try and relieve the muscle pain which made me feel sick from the warmth, so ending up having a cold shower.
Being clean proved useful as I had utterly forgotten I had dinner plans, last chance to see Simon before he goes overseas on a trip I had also forgotten about.  Nando's as they have yet to poison Firmin.
Hugging people farewell I discovered my muscle plain from yesterday is still such that hugging people proves horrible painful for me.  Simon, who I have been known to hug a little more firmly than he would like, took some pleasure in this.

I discovered while in Firmin's car on the way to dinner that Shitlord has tested to say he was glad that I am fine.
Fine is not how I would describe how I am.  I am assuming his flatmate had filled him in that I was managing to not burst into tears at any mention of Shitlord now.
But I still took the text as an attack, because I am a moron.

And my constant efforts to prove myself at fault of things as I continue to want to see the best in Shitlord.  This is almost certainly not good for me.
Oh, the many ways that I hurt myself.......

At least I have my counsellor tomorrow, though part of that will go to sorting my Special Considerations application.
I feel like such an idiot for missing my exam, but at the time it didn't seem like a thing I could even pretend to do.