I notice yesterday that I was uncomfortably warm but also shivering. A lot.
It started up again mid-morning and the timing made me realise it is very much Shitlord focused.
Yet another weird physiological response to the hurt I keep letting him cause me.
The frequent crying is bad enough.
And the chest pain of anxiety attacks.
Now disgusting thermoregulation malfunctions.
Explaining why his message was not okay on here, and the much shorter simpler version I sent him, seems to have just hurt me.
For some reason the lies he told after we broke up are somehow more disappointing than the ones has had spent years telling me.
Why keep lying to me afterwards? It just makes no sense to me, but hurts.
[Edit]
Talking about it must have given it more power, now wrapped in a blanket with my arms and legs feeling like I am freezing and my face being so hot it almost feels like it burns.
Feeling this physical awful from what I am pretty sure is mental stuff is just adding to my deep disappointment about still being alive.
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