Reading over this blog it worries me how much it sound like I am trying to prove things aren’t unhealthy or abusive every time I talk about the semi-imaginary-one.
He is mostly pretty decent.
Honest.
We have just had some massive failings of communication. And I still have no idea how much our intentions or expectations agree.
And I am too close to the situation to actually know if there was intentional stringing along. It is possible that I was just stringing myself along and he eventually went along with it.
And I will keep blaming myself, regardless, as I need for him to not be a dick.
Also, my depression has been kicking my arse all trip. It is making how bad things are back home hard to work out.
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