Another night of bad sleep.
After all the junkfood I ended up eating last night, stuff that had been sitting untouched for weeks, I thought I should check my blood sugar. 6.2mmol/L.
I really should have checked it at some point when I wasn't eating junkfood, or in the bit where I was barely eating at all.
Might have been night to see how much my diabetes really is just self inflicted.
It did kick in pretty fast during some of the worst depression of my life - now coloured by the realisation of how much it had been induced by Shitlord's behaviour.
Fuck.
I have to learn to stop trying to forgive him for everything.
There is a moderate to high chance that he does not deserve any forgiveness.
But forgiving is what I was raised to do - and I have basically five years experience applying that to his behaviour already.
How am I even still alive, I human so poorly.
But at least today my first thought on waking wasn't to be disappointed that I was alive, a dream had left weird noise that it took me far too long to work out were very definitely not memories. I was too busy being horrified by the thought of a terrible mistake that I have very definitely not actually made. But for a number of seconds there was truly worried I had.
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