A repost of a web-diary that predated the term blog - as previous hosting is disappearing it can now go here.
24 October 1998 - 29 July 1999 originally published on geocties.
August 1999 - 2012 originally published on ihug.
Disclaimer
Though a "Diary" my online diary is a work of FICTION.It may at times strongly reflect actual events of my life, often how I honestly perceived them and display my genuine reactions. But not always and everything contained within should be treated as a fiction.
This is also a personal diary, so by reading it you are violating my privacy. And as it is a personal diary you are not allowed to hold anything you read in it against me, as you shouldn't have been reading it anyway.
Also, this diary is not to be read by anyone who has gone out with me, would like to go out with me in the future, or suspects I may like to go out with them.
Sunday, 15 September 2019
Keys
I sorted with him mid-afternoon and he agreed to return then ASAP, after I lost my shit when he said it would be a few days. I am feeling much less comfortable about his have access to my space than is fair or rational. I know he isn't actually going to use them for no good, he barely used them when he had reason to. I think the keys got more use from me checking they worked after I had them cut than they have had in the years he has had them. Events have left me feeling very vulnerable.
I waited on tenterhooks for over six hours, pacing and making myself physically unwell with the stress of it.
It is now very late and, when I threatened to walk to his and get them, I was told I would get them tomorrow.
Not ideal. It is going to be hard to sleep through the anxiety about the fact he has access.
And the fact I know I am being entirely irrational doesn't help.
Late night watching trash TV on demand is having me feeling attacked by Married At First Sight, with all the talking about how important honesty and telling people about your past.
I let the Semi-Imaginary One away with far too much telling me nothing, while I am pathologically honest. It is like my broken brain can't help but share a pretty honest, and crazily anxious, version of every thought that ran through my head.
And he was secretive. I thought he was just damaged and careful.
Seems I thought wrong.
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