Trying

Had a counselling appointment.  I am not sure any good came of it, but I cried a bunch and used a bunch of her tissues.  Am now signed up for a course of Brief Intervention sessions, the first will be annoyingly early in the morning.

After class, and a bit of crying in class, I had a very nice lunch out with Greer where I mostly managed not to cry too much.  After she'd been giving me the DTMFA speech the last time I saw her she did an impressively good job of not popping out an "I told you so".

On the way home I bought junkfood, that I don't want and can't bring myself to eat, and some lego minifigs, which are not for eating anyway.


My Facebook feed has so many pictures of the Semi-Imaginary One and the other guy popping up today.  I was always given the feeling that I wasn't allowed to post or tag photos.  But then I had to fight to even get him to spend a few hours in my company, and it very rarely happened.  The new guy is getting an holiday of constant company.

It is making it very clear that I have had five years (well, four years, eleven months) of my life taken by someone who was never actually that keen.

Which fucking sucks.

Fighting the urge to blame myself for every part of it is very hard.  Almost as hard as typing - between the shaking and the fact my fingers keep typing the wrong words (or just shakiness induced gibberish from missing keys).