Disclaimer

Though a "Diary" my online diary is a work of FICTION.

It may at times strongly reflect actual events of my life, often how I honestly perceived them and display my genuine reactions. But not always and everything contained within should be treated as a fiction.

This is also a personal diary, so by reading it you are violating my privacy. And as it is a personal diary you are not allowed to hold anything you read in it against me, as you shouldn't have been reading it anyway.

Also, this diary is not to be read by anyone who has gone out with me, would like to go out with me in the future, or suspects I may like to go out with them.






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Wednesday, 30 October 2019

Unhelpful brain

Sleeping under my weighted blanket went okay.
I got to sleep more easily though woken up tired and achy - the achyness might be the blankets fault the exhaustion could just be chronic health fun times.

Builder and plumber came and pulled apart my bathroom.  Determined my bath wasn't the source of the leak, so it was not water that I had washed in, which is nice to know.  But had already ripped out my bath by then so had to replace it with a new light fibreglass thing instead of the solid metal that I had.
I don't understand the wastefulness of the whole process.
That took from 9am until after 3, when they left but have to come back and finish tomorrow - which is super inconvenient for me and means I will have to go in to the lab being unwashed and gross.

So fucking unhelpful all around.

Almost as unhelpful as the Sleepyhead customer service people who are demanding I pay to even have them consider that my warranty complaint isn't just normal body contouring - when the mattress came that way and I have always avoided sleeping on that part of the mattress because of it.

Possibly even almost as unhelpful as my brain.  I am pretty much falling apart this afternoon, being angry at myself for still be alive and getting weepy about generally everything.
I mean, I have been doing pretty shit for a while.
But some days it just seems like trying to get through it is the wrong call.  Not that there is really anything else to do.  Can't go and die because I have that study tomorrow and then my exam, which I have still done basically nothing for, on Saturday.  Also, I have some very good friends I would really rather not upset by dying on them.
Otherwise death is looking much better than living.

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